yona online (can call me Chun-li or Smallville). thirty one. dreamer. artist. writer. love levi ackerman. attack on titan. infj. dog person (cat's ain't that bad i guess). outdoors. black/brown girl. indoors lately. adventure. poetry love. feels deeply yetālikes logical reasoning. (infj 4w5 paradox). herbs. sketches. digital art. never-ending journey of self-discovery. twin. aesthetics. bohemian style. rock style. plants. girl with two sides. oc x canon vibes. 17+ audience.
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Just so you know...
I used to write fanfics back in the day in my teenage years. Now Iām in my early 30ās caught back up in Attack on Titan again. Because I finally watched all the seasons I felt inspired to write another fan fiction based on the show (and my crush/love for LeviĀ ā¤ļø ) and my love for the other characters. I also feel inspired to draw again because of AOT, so I feel this blog will actually help me to get out of my creative rut.
Check my Masterlist for chapters, art, drabbles, moodboards and more!
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āThis was the daytime marvel of cities for me: coincidences, the mingling of many kinds of people, poetry given away to strangers under the open sky.āāfrom Wanderlust: A History of Walking by Rebecca Solnit
A net of safety, comfort, predictability. The underground was his birthplace, but it wasnāt a place he would ever return ānot to decaying air. The barracks, his missions, and chatter of his comrades were now his dwelling.
But when his ears heard her laugh, observed her cheek smudged with dirt, listened to her quirky metaphors, he felt home bloomed with a warmth his mind never registered to settle.Ā
So when she said she needed to find where she belonged, he really looked, wondering if she knew home wasnāt always a physical place.
I enjoyed writing this drabbleānot only does it call to mind Leviās thoughts on belonging, where he came from and how he got to where he is, but itās also a sliver peek into Dājaiās mind for later chapters ofc. Though itās minuscule in length, itās interesting to view this topic from Leviās pov considering Dājaiās peculiar situation as he compares it to his own š š
His heartbeat was brisk, his nose nuzzled in the muscle of her neck as her fingers rubbed his ribs, kissing his temple softly. She pressed her lips against his cheek, then his ear, turning his skin a shade of crimson.
He kissed her neck, then her jaw, mumbling something incoherent as he breathed her skin.Ā
āHuh?ā she purred like falling silk as she adjusted her shirt. He exhaled, bangs brushing her cheek as his head lifted.Ā
āHad a feeling your snuggling would turn intoā¦this.ā
āIs that bad?ā
He kissed her mouth, nipping lightlyāvoice low, syrupy and hot.Ā
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A ficlet collection where Levi & Reader settle in the city of Alta Mar, marry and have a daughter named Matilda. A story about resilience, healing and parenthood.
PART ā : Scars
WC: 1.6k
TAGS: depression, wounds, Levi is emotionally constipated
A/N: This is an idea i've had in mind for several months now, the same universe as in this drabble i wrote last november.
Dividers by dividers-are-us
The war ended in global desolation, but now itās time to heal for the better.
Levi focuses on the touch of your fingers on his face; the delicate glide over his skin, the subtle warmth on his cheeks it elicits.
Somewhere in Fort Salta, lying on a bed smelling like sour antisepsis, waiting for a doctor to come and see him. The touch of your lovely fingers on his scarred face, around the dirty bandages, is all he ever needs.
He looks at your eyes and gazes at how mesmerizing they are and the way they scan every inch of his head. He looks at your lips and thinks of how he would kiss them if only he could ā slow and sensually, capturing your bottom lip then your tongue, should you allow it. He then notices your hair and imagines how he would tangle his hands in them if moving his body wasnāt so damn sore at this moment.
āYouāre so beautiful,ā he says with a low voice. āWhy are you here, wasting your time with me?ā
He canāt believe youāre there with him. After all these years, enduring his angry outbursts, manic episodes and depressive states. He was trapped in a past haunted by ghosts while the younger generation raced ahead, becoming the storytellers of a new era.
Why would you be here, looking at him and touching him like an enamored woman? Did he ever deserve your attention, or was he delusional again in his agony?
You laugh then smile at his stupid question. Levi has yet to see something as charming as this. And the laugh, the laugh! He hasnāt heard it in weeks, maybe months. It sounds so marvelous it almost makes him forget the infuriating ringing in his ears.
āCaptain Ackerman, if you ask such a question, then you may be more unbelievably naive than I initially thought.ā
āTch. What does that mean?ā he asks. And why does he sound like a little boy asking for answers? Heās too tired to be having a discussion of the sort. Too weak.
āIt means that Iām not leaving.ā
And you keep touching his face with loving attention, not knowing youāre also caressing a heart that hasnāt beaten for anyone in a very long time.
ā± ā± ā±
The doctor finally comes, and you have to move away against the wall to leave him space.
Levi was never at ease with people of their kind. He was never at ease with the way they always asked for his incredible body, the way they always touch in improper places ā he only wants your touch, if that ever means something, someday. So you stayed with him, as he thought. To keep him company and be there when the diagnosis would be made. Armin and the other brats were too busy negotiating their stay at the fort with the Marleyan soldiers until further notice. It had to be you, then.
The doctor starts with the leg. The first aid already provided has been beneficial and saved it from amputation, but the diagnosis was pretty clear: another operation was necessary to ensure proper healing.
āWhatever,ā he murmurs through gritted teeth. āAs long as I can walk normally again,ā he says, but as he looks at you to back up his claim, he doesnāt see the doctorās frowning brows.
Then, the doctor moves on to the hand and cleans it properly again. Levi remains silent. There is nothing to say, as both of you know he will never be able to fight again.
Finally, the doctor finishes with his stiff head. Levi reaches out for your familiar face to help him go through with it. Not that he ever cared about his own: he never thought he was that good looking to begin with. He simply couldnāt bear the disgust his newly disfigured face would prompt. He had already seen some of it, reminding him of what it was like to be an underground rat on the mighty surface.
The doctor removes the bandages, and his face shows no reactions. What a professional, Levi thinks. He wonāt show how ugly Iām now. So he looks at you again, beautiful as always. The sight helps with the pain and the sorrow.
But you look nauseous, face twisted in disgust with furrowed brows and crinkled nose like you just saw the most sickening thing ever. And it saddens him beyond imagination. If that look is what heāll get from you from now on, then he might as well jump off the cliff⦠or just accept heās a physically ugly bastard, like he always was a morally ugly one.
Yet youāre very much concerned about him. He just doesnāt understand that seeing his wounds makes you shudder in pain as if you could feel his ache in your own body, silently sharing the burden with him. You were always empathizing with people like that. Levi does the same, which is why he canāt fathom that you empathize with him.
The doctor eventually leaves and youāre now back at your place on his side.
You gaze at him in silence, touching him with gentle caresses that bring the warmth again on his pale cheeks. You look as radiant as always and your face is beaming with a smile that makes his stomach feel warm in a way he canāt get used to.
āWhy are you still here? Donāt you have better things to do?ā he asks bluntly. How could you be so disgusted by him and soon after, looking at him like that?
āStop asking silly questions, Levi,ā you simply answer.
Your eyes meet for a long moment lost in time.
āYouāre so beautiful,ā you murmur in the silence of the room. āThis is where I want to be.ā
ā± ā± ā±
Many weeks later, and thereās a roof over his head in a place he is allowed to call home.
Youāre keeping him company on the mattress that serves him as a bed, lying on your side and looking at him with that same gaze he fell for weeks ago. The summer dress youāre wearing is too big for you and reveals your left shoulder to his undeserving stare; itās an erotic sight for him, almost obscene. He canāt stop glancing at it, thinking of how soft your skin would feel under his calloused hands and how your body would react if he could touch it.
Leviās body reacts to the thought, yet as always the same thing comes creeping into his mind and destroy the few bits of confidence he has ā that heās an ugly bastard who isnāt worthy of your precious attention. Sometimes, when you look at him a bit longer, he turns away to keep his disgusting face away from you.
Thatās what he does again, unable to face you any longer from fear of seeing his own repulsive reflection in your eyes.
He doesnāt deserve you. Alone he lives and alone heāll die.
āDonāt look at me like that.ā He sounds defeated.
āLike what?ā
āLike I matter, or something.ā
āYou matter to me, Levi.ā
āIām fucking ugly and useless, how can I matter to you?ā
You let out an audible sigh, as this relationship was punctuated by them. Levi remains silent, as he proved many times already to be a hopelessly reserved person.
You sit up, move closer to him and lean toward him, cupping his face with your free hand. Taken aback, he says nothing and lets you do whatever you have in mind. Youāre too close to him and in an indecent position for him to think straight and fair.
You kiss his forehead where the scar begins, making his heart palpitate in reaction. Itās so intimate, something heās not used to. Your mouth lowers softly, kiss his right thin eyebrow and he almost forgets how to breathe. You lower again and kiss his eye in a slow, careful way ā he closes it instinctively and a wave of unidentified turmoil invades his stomach. Then you leave a trail of kisses along his cheek, your lips tasting the scar disfiguring his face and the soft skin around. By the time you reach his mouth, Levi knows deep inside that he loves you to the end of his life and beyond. You kiss him, so caring and loving, and he responds to it with a clumsy fervor he wonāt hide.
Itās so strange to feel like an old man finally allowed to enjoy love and happiness after a life of loneliness and desolation. Whether or not heās worthy of it, he takes it all like the most precious gift he has ever received. Does that mean that you love him? The answer remains uncertain. Yet everything else has disappeared ā from the crippling pain in his leg to the sadness rotting his mind. Only remains the strong feeling he has developed for you, growing in his heart for years.
Your lips part way too soon and now he doesnāt know what to do anymore.
A bright smile blooms across your lovely face; the very expression of his heart that his fixed face cannot convey. As heās left with no words, mouth open in a forced silence, you start caressing his scarred cheek again in gentle strokes with your thumb.
āI love you, Levi. You have no idea how much I do.ā
His lips quiver as the words trying to break out from his mouth weigh a lot; when was the last time he actually said those?
āOh, I love you too, so fucking much.ā But itās just a mere murmur, shy words carrying meaningful feelings.
Maybe itās time to indulge in another sweet kiss, after all. Maybe itās time for him to start loving himself, so he can love you even more.
A/N: thank you for reading! English is not my native language and even though i edited this text a lot, i'm still quite insecure about it. Comments, likes and reblogs will be greatly appreciated <3
I think I am officially Fandom Old. I am so worn out from the arguments on who's the top or the bottom (who cares), what is allowed to be written (anything you want, bejeebus), what is Problematic (I know, just tag it), what other people Should Do (they Should live their lives free of judgment). There isn't a Right Way to do things. Tag your stuff appropriately, don't read stuff you don't want to read, and leave other people (me) alone.
There is nothing quite like the freedom of having gone through all of the Discourse and come out the other side into the promised land of Not Giving A Fuck.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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āsome people donāt deserve redemptionā redemption isnāt something thatās deserved, itās something someone does. itās making the choice to change the way you live your life, to be better, to do good things instead of bad things and try to make up for the bad things. and everyone can and should do that, at any time, no matter what theyāve done. we canāt change the past, but we can choose what kind of person to be now and in the future. we have the responsibility to do so. it is so completely not about ādeserving.ā
Some of my favorite people in the world are the people I knew who went through redemption arcs in real fucking life and said āYou know what, yeah, I donāt expect forgiveness and I accept the consequences of my past actions. I support them not forgiving me.ā
The people around you also deserve to see a better you. Besides, who the fuck is to say who deserves what? Life aināt fair. There isnāt any justice but that which we make, so put in the work and fucking be better.
Because whether itās deserved or not doesnāt matter. What matters is that the impact on yourself and those around you will improve. Thatās something worth doing, something worth fucking striving for.