there is oobleck where my brain should be

"trump dying won't fix fascism" neither would a big steamy bowl of pad thai but I still want it

more ppl need to get hooked on this drug called album in order. not enough people on album in order these days

i'm really only personally compelled by literature in which something fucked up is happening but genuinely every time some mediocre-at-best gay airport novel gets published it does make me happy, because queer people ALSO deserve to get to write dumb silly pointless bullshit that's just fun

thinking about when i mentioned tom and jerry by title alone to my 65 year old father and his only response was to laugh REALLY hard and say "him and that fucking mouse.." while staring into the distance. and then the conversation was over

for a long time now, one of my go-to phrases is "shake it like a can of beans." im not really sure where this came from, but i've been saying it for three years or so. it never really occurred to me that this was unusual until yesterday when i was bouncing a baby in a rocker a little too violently (he was having a great time, it just wasnt exactly sending him to sleep) and i went "sorry, im shaking him like a can of beans over here" and both my coworkers reacted like i had said something insane

one of the babies was getting picked up and started screaming as soon as her dad pulled her from her crib (where she'd been sleeping) and i instinctively said "that's what we in the industry call: baby moding" and he started laughing so hard he almost dropped her

logging onto tumblr like heyyy i'm thinking about the same character i've spent the past few weeks thinking about. no change here. just wanted to let yall know

everyone who is not currently in the process of moving please pause and take a moment to be grateful that you're not currently in the process of moving

"retiring for the evening" is a very useful concept lol we should be free to say "i'm not gonna be chatting anymore tonight" without then having to pretend to be asleep. if we ever talk and you say goodnight don't stress it if i see you online later hahahahah

what's your "if I won the lottery I wouldn't tell anyone but there would be signs" thing? mine is getting a fully green kitchen

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

help I'm having ideas beyond my available energy levels

Ask not for whom the gurdy hurds. It hurds for thee.

the tragedy of tumblr is you will inevitably meet people who you should be having a sleepover with. you should be rolling around on their floor and rummaging through their fridge and watching shitty movies with. you should be shopping with should be going out to a cafe with should be wandering through the aquarium with. people who you should be experiencing quotidian joys with... and you cannot! because they live one million miles away

forget everything anyone has ever told you on the matter the truest marker of adulthood is starting to hear the siren call of high quality kitchenware

to be clear you SHOULD buy that cast iron pan and you SHOULD buy that knife set and you SHOULD buy that fancy rice cooker and you SHOULD buy that novelty mug. high quality kitchenware is always worth it you’re literally gonna be using that almost every day