can i get your enthusiastic consent to succumb to the power of my amulet

Ive hired 2,000 finches to eat your freshly sown lawn seed

A New "Evil Island" Has Been Discovered in the Galapagos - And Yep, The Finches There Evolved to Kick Babies

i think it’s a shame that in the process of “a million dollars but you have an immortal snail following you that will kill you if it touches you” becoming a mainstream concept we’ve lost part of the original prompt, which is that the snail receives a million dollars as well

after 97 failed attempts to tie the perfect tie, a man finally lets the little ant inside his mind take over his body and without so much as a thought grasps the tie in his hands, and just starts chewing it to pieces

The Magicians is so funny. This is Quentin he’s autistic XP and everyone hates him. All of the kids at his magic school for magic people who do magic make fun of him endlessly bc he believes Narnia is real bc of all the overwhelming evidence that Narnia is real. Every time something magic happens he’s like what if it’s Narnia and everyone is like stfu ab Narnia Quentin it’s not ab Narnia it’s never ab Narnia but it’s always ab Narnia they just all hate his ass

who up dinking they oiter