Random

This is Arwen, she’s a Husky/Kelpie mix and a little Asshole:

“I wonder if she can jump?” my dad asks the first five minutes we have her.  She perks up at the word, and clears a six-foot fence form sitting on the ground. “Oh.”  Says dad. “Shit.” Later that night she got up on the counter and ate three pounds of corned beef in roughtly 68 seconds but this was considered part of the learning curve of having a new dog.

I wake up at 4 AM to the sound of the toilet being flushed repeatedly in the hall bathroom, and assume plumbing is now posessed by angry and wasteful ghosts.   I get up to disconnet it and find her in the Bathroom, standing to flush the bowl, then shoving her head in to drink the running water.   I’m not totally awake, so I stand there like an idiot trying to understand this, and my sister gets up to see what the noise is, sees the same thing and also stands there.  Fiance notices my absence and does the same.   Mom eventually wakes up and finds us standing around like very confused zombies and almost joins the parade of baffled zombies before shreiking “THE WATER BILL!” We got her a circulating water bowl after that.

My parent’s don’t have AC, but they haveone of those “fridge on top, pull-out-freezer below” fridges.  Last summer, we were remarking that we might need to shave her so she didn’t get heatstroke, to which she looked up and made a disgusted noise at us. …Then got up, used the dishrag to pull open the freezer and climbed on top of the frozen vegetables, stretching out and sighing contentedly.  “Arwen,” Mom began, but was interrupted by a loud ‘WHAAAaaaaarrr?” from Arwen.  “Ok you can stay there for now but we’re getting you a kiddie pool so you have to get out when we get back.  Don’t eat anything.” She ate a bag of frozen green beans and farted for three days straight.

Took her walking along the lake with the long lead so she could sniff things to her hearts content.  She went about shoving her head in the undergrowth, usually coming up with her head covered in leaves and pollen. Except for the bush where she came back out with a 7-foot Bull Snake wrapping itself around her ehad and neck, trying it’s best to strangle her before she can eat it.   She immediately ran back to me, the parts of her face not occupied with the snake arranged in a gleeful expression of “Look!  I found Snacks!” I screamed, not immediately regognizing that it wasn’t a rattler, and fell, splitting my knee on a rock.  The screaming made her let go of the snake, but I still had to grab her and wrestle the snake off her because it lacked the sense to just scuttle away.  I finaly got it lose from her (Despite her best effort to continue trying to eat it and turned around to fling it off the trail-  -And directly into the face of one of my 90-year-old neighbors who’d come out to see what the screaming and profanity was, making her collapse. I’m pretty sure being told “I accidentally threw a snake at my neighbor.” was the highlight of that EMT’s day.  Dottie was unharmed but she still doesn’t speak to me.

One day, we left her in a Harness and overhead tether in the (at the time) unfanced back yard so she could enjoy some relatively free-range outdoors time.  I walked by the window not a minute later to find her completely GONE, and race out to the yard to find her.  It took me a good heart-pounding five minutes to realize the overhead tether was goign UP into the ancient silver maple and realized that  1. Arwen can apparently do something really weird with her shoulders where they pop out sideways, allowing her to bear-hug the tree and  2. climb a good 40 feet into the three to fight 3. A porcupine, which i didn’t even know LIVED out here. Fortunately, Porcupines weigh considerably less than Awen and she couldn’t get a good enough foothold to get all the way up to it, but I still had to climb up there and lower her down, barking dog profanities at the porcupine the whole way.

My parents recently acquired a mechanized recliner which has been instumental inmom’s hip surgery recovery.  Execpt that Awen Also likes lounging on the furniture, and is more than capable of hitting a large, elder-friendly button with her paw.  So now when she gets back from a walk or the dog park she makes a beeline for the living room, get in the recliner and pushes the button until it’s flat and stretches out in it.  My parents didn’t have a problem with this because she gets out of the chair when they ask her (Mom even tells her “Go get my chair ready” in winter because she does a good job pre-warming it), until last winter when Arwen taught my dog Charlie, another devoted couch animal how to do this. One afternoon there was a tremendous outburst fo barkign and snarling from the living room and we rished in to find both dogs in the recliner, Charlie on the fully-reclined back and Arwen on the elevated seat and foot rest, bellowing at eachother for control of the recliner, thier movments having pitched it back to it’s two hind feet, the device swaying to and fro like a leather covered boat upon the high seas, a furry mutiny on board.  Neither dog was willing to yeild the plush throne, nor to listen to the humans yelling at them to knock it the hell off, until Arwen tackled the usurper, kocking him off and managing to cantaleiver the recliner clean over, flipping it into the hall, both dogs and all humand miraculously unharmed. She still doesn’t let him sit in it.

I love her so much.

Forty years or so ago, she settled on the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Who combine all the shitty things about several sects into one morass of awfulness.

This was a formative experience for my mother, who hates them with a burning passion and who is a member of several ex-Jehovah’s Witness websites where people go to vent.

And even after she broke away as soon as she was out of her mom’s house, they sent people to try to ‘bring her back into the fellowship’. Some of these people showed up at my parent’s wedding, to try to convince her that it would never last with a non Jehovah’s Witness husband. Dad, apparently, threatened to throw them headfirst out a second story window.

I’m fairly certain she’s actually cursed a few elders.

But, anyway, I distinctly remember her gathering me and my brother and sister around her when we were kids, and saying, very seriously,

“I don’t care if you three grow up to be gay, or transgender. I don’t care if you decide to flip burgers all your life, so long as you’re happy at it. I don’t care if you choose to worship trees, Ancient Egyptian gods, or nothing at all. But,” and she paused here for emphasis. “If you ever decide to become Jehovah’s Witnesses, I’m going to feel as if I’ve failed as a parent. So keep that in mind.”

Fast forward nineteen or so years. We grow up, I take to actively worshipping trees. Mom is Very Proud of this. Sister is a biologist living in sin with her boyfriend, brother is a physics student living in sin with his girlfriend, I’m married to the closest thing to an agnostic Christian I’ve ever met, and we’ve happily not spoken to Grandma for years.

And on Sunday morning at some unholy hour of the fucking day, there’s a knock on the door, and lo and behold there are three young men at the door with copies of the Watchtower.

My husband, seeing the twitch in my eyelid as we peek out the upstairs window, somewhat blearily, pats my shoulder.

“I’ve got this.” He says, grinning. I know that grin. That’s the Evil Grin.

And then he goes and pulls his old Slipknot shirt out of the drawer, and I know Dis Gunna Be Good.

Long story short, he invited them in for tea and corrected them on everything they tried to tell him for forty five minutes, citing verse back to them and telling them how they fucked it up. He got out the Bible at one point. He started lecturing like a damned theology professor.

By the time they left they looked actively terrified.

My sister needed a liver transplant because her liver was failing her for many (MANY) reasons not here nor there.  The main point of this is the need for a transplant. (Plus like fifty billion pints of blood before, during, and after.)  Realization sinking in?  Yeah.  

She would have rathered my 20-something year old sister died, her own biological grandchild, than my sister get that transplant.  And my sister did almost die.  I mean she got a donor liver at like the last possible second.  (Ok she had a few days left in her, but not much longer.)  But that isn’t what bothered my grandmother.  No it was the fact my sister was getting a transplant.  Plus the blood.  God forbid we forget the blood.  She sure as fuck hasn’t. 

Now her ex was a violent alcoholic. He used to get drunk all the time and beat the shit out of mom. Eventually he abandoned her and the three sons he had with her (my older brothers, obviously) to run off with an 18 year old. Never paid a dime of child support or tried to see his kids. 

Well, the elders at the “church” decided mom wasn’t fit to raise three sons on her own. So they told her on a specific day make sure she had her sons play in the front yard, to stay in the house, to not have anyone over, because they were going to take her sons and give them to a childless Jehovah’s Witness couple in Canada. 

This is my gift for all of you, I hope you’ll like it ♥

/ Mod W

Tipping the Velvet 

based on the book by sarah waters (she has written many lesbian books!)

it’s a bbc adapatation

technically a mini series but i like to see it as three hours of lesbian content heaven

it’s about this girl who falls in love with an actress and she goes to see her at the theatre five billion times until the actress notices her (that’s just the first part, other things happen to the main so watch the rest for more lesbian content~)

the main character (nan astley/king) is like… my fave. i love her.

the book is very good too!!!

honestly i have so much love for this movie/book i get all giddy just thinking of it

Bound

lesbian gangster/mob movie do i need to say more???

the main actresses are cute af (one of them is a butch lesbian!)

it’s awesome and very cool

(gonna trigger warn for use of lesbophobic slurs used by some characters/some lesbophobic violence)

Below Her Mouth

meh plot with amazing sex scenes basically?

a lot of sex scenes

i mean it like half the movie is graphic sex so if ur uncomfortable with that you probably shouldn’t watch it lol

all female cast

willa from wynonna earp!

The Handmaiden

also based on a book by sarah waters (called Fingersmith, there’s a bbc adaptation of it too which you should totally check out as well)

good quality movie right there

(putting a trigger warning here for sexual and psychological abuse and abuse in general)

Kyss Mig

one of few good swedish movies

basically about two step-sisters who fall in love (they’re not actually related i promise)

But I’m a Cheerleader

baby natasha lyonne is in this one! also i have a crush on clea duvall in this movie lol

a very cute love story tbh

good aesthetic

you’ve probably heard of it before but idc cause it’s great

(it’s like a satire of conversion therapy so if that’s something you can’t watch i don’t recommend this movie for you in particular)

If These Walls Could Talk 2 

a bunch of famous actresses (like chloë sevigny, michelle williams, natasha lyonne, ellen degeneres, etc. etc.)

divided in three segments from three different periods in time

one segment is set during the feminist movement in the 70s and features chloë sevigny as a butch lesbian with a motorcycle do i even need to say more??

Anatomy of a Love Seen

this is about two actresses who were a couple when they shot a movie together and now they have to go back and re-shoot some love scenes but they’re not a couple anymore and it’s sad af

i have basically never seen this movie in any rec lists but it’s actually one of my faves and i cry so much to this movie tbh

Saving Face

this is a good one

also pretty funny tbh!

it’s about a doctor who falls in love with a dancer and the doctor’s relationship with her conservative mom

it’s kind of rom-comish

Lost and Delirious

warning: very sad like super sad?

it’s about a girl who goes to a boarding school and so happens to become roommates with a lesbian couple

teen angst squared and multiplied with gay panic

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls In Love

you may have heard of this one but if you haven’t it’s time you watch it

that woman who plays tina on the l word is a butch-ish girl in this one

VERY CUTE and chill

every time i watch this it feels like this movie is the director’s BABY like it seems like she cares about this story so much and it makes the movie feel so genuine and lovely

i want every baby lesbian to watch this, please, it’s my gift to you.

D.E.B.S.

you may have heard of this one too but if you haven’t seen it yet it’s definitely worth a watch!

lesbian spies!

the heroine falls in love with the villain (that enemies to lovers trope tho!!)

Desert Hearts

old but good!

i feel like this movie is on most of these long rec lists but people probably don’t watch it cause it’s old but it is actually pretty good!

your classic “oops i thought i was straight but that woman is hot” story

Margarita With a Straw

indian girl figures out she’s bi when she goes to uni in new york and meets a lesbian girl

cute, funny, sad, it has everything tbh

The Hours (actually one of my all-time favorite movies/books!)

The Intervention

The Kids Are All Right

The Children’s Hour

Elena Undone