simmer down and pucker up

plot twist: the introverted character who doesn’t like big social gatherings or speaking in front of people is still an introvert by the end of the story because introversion is not a character flaw and it doesn’t need to be overcome 

Look, I’ll go on your stupid adventure, but you better leave me the fuck alone when we get back. 

Bilbo Baggins.

NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE HE WAS SO INTROVERTED HE USED A CURSED OBJECT TO GET AWAY FROM PEOPLE

are u kidding excellent example 100% relatable big mood

yes correct; retweet if you too would use a cursed object to just get the fuck away from everyone.

his big brag for this one was he “paid for all the food himself” because the white house cooks are furloughed (because of him you know) but are you telling me that this dude who is supposedly a billionaire couldnt afford to pay a few chefs for the night? my dude that is fucked 

Is The Onion still in business because the world is one major shitpost already. What are they gonna do? Write real news?

By the way the local New Zealand drama right now is that there’s this family of British tourists in the country right now that have, on their own, been such god awful visitors that the national news and like half the country is following their exploits and they got a deportation notice. Like we literally have nothing else better to do in this country.

This is a manipulation tactic that men use to make it such a pain in the ass to set a boundary with them that you don’t attempt it again

Cancel 👏 them 👏

I wanna be financially secure but I wanna read books in my bed everyday ya feel me

This has Massive Bollocking from Mam and possibly Granny written all over it

“In a very serious and real ceremony”

Is Chris Evans Steve Rogers or is Steve Rogers Chris Evans?

“Fellas, is it gay to be a good father?”