Maya

Shane and Ilya just quickly looking at each other because. Well. Depending on the person the tuna breath really isn't what you're focusing on.

"Who even orders a dish with tuna on a date?", Jade asks shaking her head.

"But tuna is nice", Arthur says. "The tuna melts Uncle Ilya makes are always really good."

Jade rolls her eyes at her brother. Boys.

"Yeah, we like them too, Art. But obviously he wouldn't cook those for a first date", she says. "If someone made me a tuna melt on a date I'd run out of that room so fast. Right, Uncle Shane?"

Ilya chokes on his wine. Shane looks as if someone just punched him in the gut. Jade is happy that her Uncles are appropriately horrified at the thought of a tuna melt as a date meal.

Shane (staring intensely at where puck is about to drop, with the most casual voice): So where're you from, originally?

Player (star struk and also confused enough to answer): uh- wh- um, Texas?

Shane: huh, not much hockey there, how'd you get into it?

Player(excited about talking hockey with Shane Hollander!): yeah, my uncle played for the Maple leafs.

Shane: oh, cool, does he still play?

Player: no, he only played two seasons.

Shane (kindly, like a kindergarten teacher): You might want to follow his lead on that.

Both Shane and Ilya spend the following day sprawled out on the floor of the master bedroom, pale and sweaty and feeling miserable. "If the team asks, was not spicy", Ilya croaks from his position next to the shower and lifts his pinky. Shane weakly interliks his pinky with Ilya's and nodds. None of them have the energy for a handshake. It takes a while before Shane speaks again.

"Ilya?"

"Mhm"

"We're not eating chicken for the next month, deal?"

It's not until Jackie's cousin, in a well meaning gesture to support Athur, gifts him a tarantula. Which, well. He buys him the appropriate terrarium and hands Hayden a stack of pamphlets on how to take care of a tarrantula. Which is all well and good except for the fact that there is now a fucking enormous tarrantula in their home.

Arthur squeals with joy. Jackie and Hayden less so. Next to them on the couch, Ilya pulls his feet back from where they almost touched the newly unwrapped terrarium.

But it's fine. Hayden loves his son and wants him to be happy (although he did high-five Jackie after she pulled her Cousin to the side to tell him in a kind but very firm way to never ever gift them an animal again without consulting them). So, it's good. It's fine. Toby the Tarrantula happily lives withe the Pike family while Hayden manages to not completely freak out whenever goes into his son's bedroom. It's fine. It's good.

It very quickly turns very bad though on a sunny Saturday evening. The evening had started out well enough, with Shane and Ilya coming over for dinner while Jackie was out for dinner with her old college friends. There was a slight hitch when Hayden realised that he had promised the girls pancakes for dinner without checking the fridge. But even that problem was quickly resolved with Shane simply grabbing his car keys and announcing that "I'll get them, i'll be back in 10 minutes".

No, the very bad part started just after Shane had left the driveway, when Hayden bumped into the tarrarium which was currently staying in the living room while they got Arthur's bedroom painted. The thankfully still intact but unfortunately very empty terrarium.

"Rozanov, I'm gonna ask this once and you better be honest", Hayden said, focing himself to stay calm while his eyes were still locked on what should be Toby's home. "Did you take the fucking Spider out to fuck with me?"

Ilya just gave him an unimpressed stare. "It's a tarantula, Pike", he said drily. "And no, I did not take it out of the terrarium. Why?"

Hayden swallowed. Fuck.

"Pike? What-"

"It's empty."

Hayden finally turned to look at Ilya. Ilya took over with staring at the terrarium in horror.

Shit.

Shane finds both of them huddled together on kitchen stairs when he gets back 15 Minutes later with a carton of eggs and some blueberries in hand.

"Are you guys okay?"

Hayden and Ilya both do a horrible impression of acting casual.

"Of course we are, Solnyshko", Ilya assures him, casually leaning against one of the kitchen cabinets. If it weren't for his shaking hands and the way he kept glancing at the terrarium every two seconds, he'd almost pull it of.

"Yeah man, all good", Hayden adds in a voice that sounds only slightly panicked.

"If you say so", Shane says, unconvinced. "Why are you both standing on chairs?"

Hayden and Ilya look at each other. Look at Shane. Turn to look at each other again.

Ilya raises an eyebrow.

Hayden crosses his arms.

Both of them turn back to Shane.

"Easier to keep an eye on the kids that way, you know", Hayden says. Ilya nods. "Direct view to garden", he adds. Hayden nodds.

"For sure", Shane agrees easily before turning to put the eggs into the fridge to hide his smile. Even if he didn't know them as well as he did, it wouldn't be difficult to figure out that they're lying. It's also not particulary difficult to figure out why they chose to stand on top of two chairs that allow them to look at the terrarium while also being as far away as possible (and, to be fair, still keep an eye on the kids playing outside in the garden).

Of course, it's also not that difficult to remember that Jackie dropped off Toby at the Vet before heading out to meet her friends. And it's just as easy to know that Jackie will definitely want picture proof of her husband and Ilya Rozanov furiously whispering at each other while standing on top of two chairs -

"Why don't you get down and look for him"

"You crawl around the ice all the time, probably advantage for you to find him"

"Oh fuck you-"

Because look who trained them

But I have a feeling that the kid will come to the peewee team thinking "well I'll have fun here but I will never go pro, I suck ass as a goalie". Because duh Shane never got easy on them, going easy is like cheating or lying.

Cue Ilya making a rare appearance at Bood's Barbeque because it's the team's chance to meet little Milo for the first time. Everyone congratulates the parents and oohs and aaws at Milo. Cue Bood asking "anyone want to hold him?"

And Ilya is the first to volunteer, already reaching out his hands. And Bood, like any new parent, starts the "Alright here we go, now be careful to support the head-" only to trail off because Ilya does not need any help. For some strange reason, Ilya fucking Rozanov is a pro at holding a baby, murmuring to him in Russian swaying him softly in his arms.

The Groupchat ("CenBros NO CAP") goes wild because how the fuck is Rozy so good with babies. And then one of the rookies is like "maybe he has a baby??" and at first everyone scoffs because, hello. This is Ilya Rozanov we're talking about.

On second thought, though.

Ilya did move to Ottawa seemingly out of nowhere.

He did buy a house in the suburbs.

He is strangely secretive about who he's texting all the time.

He is skipping almost every team event.

Suddenly it all makes sense. Ilya has a girlfriend (wife??) and he moved to Ottawa for her so that they could raise their child together. And of course he's almost never attending a team outing or leaving early, he has a child at home! Of course he's secretive about it, Ottawa or not he's still Ilya fucking Rozanov, papped every second day. It only makes sense that he'd want to protect the identiy of his girlfriend (wife??) and child.

The final piece of evidence is overheard by Holmberg and Young on a random Thurday after practice. Ilya clearly hasn't noticed them as he walks to his car, a fond smile on his face and obviously focused on his phone call. "Goodnight, I miss you very much. I will be home soon", he says. It's followed by laughter and Ilya adding that "Yes, of course is necessary! I have been away all day, my daughter must hear me say goodnight to her."

Holmberg and Young (standing next to Young's car and therefore hidden from Ilya's view) stare at each other with open mouths and wide eyes. Because holy fucking shit Rozy just confirmed he has a daughter?? And based on the conversation also a girlfriend/wife??

Meanwhile Shane, who patiently sat next to where Anya was curled up on the couch with his phone on speaker so that Ilya could tell her goodnight, is happily talking with Ilya about what to cook for dinner.

i am so excited for hr s2 to give troyharris (ship name pending) the light it deserves yall have no idea