Sluggie Time

God forbid women do anything

Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.

"But don't their clients feel weird knowing that they're feeding off their suffering?" No they think it's hilarious and they're real shits about it.

Finally a medical professional who believes that they are in pain. Because the fucker is actively chowing down on your agony. Not only am I going to get treated by them I'm going to invite all of my chronically ill friends to come as well.

Turns out if you treat the pain then the humans will bring you more humans who are suffering. It's like a restaurant where the waiter is so impressed by your ability to eat food they're giving you more on the house

They say things like "well, it's a real feast day for Belogarth today!" and "if my meds are held up at customs again I'm gonna put Belogarth in a food coma" and Belogarth is the one feeling weird about it

My dark confession is that i want to put moisturizer on a vulture's head

@pitbolshevik

people act like this college shit is hard but i used AI to generate me a medical license and have bee ndoing surgery on newborns for 6 months

i just met an actual wizard on the train and im grieving because i know i’ll never meet anyone that cool for the rest of my life

yeah that’s a common mistake actually, a dusty periwinkle hanky means you like receiving butterfly kisses but that shade of morning mist means you wanna get killed with a pipe wrench

friend is trying to sell her car bc shes moving to a state with vehicle inspections and her prius lives in defiance of god. anyway so shes cleaning it out at my apartment complex bc we have dumpsters and her roommate forgot to pay the trash bill. i will be liveblogging my experience watching her do this and you will understand why i refuse to help her

"oh no i disturbed the nursery section of The Colony!!! D: D: " awesomesauce. i hope an asteroid comes and kills us both

i must stress: before today she DID NOT KNOW about the ant colony in there . she thought ants just really liked to climb inside anytime the car was parked.

I think we should figure out what age we’re living in now so we can say how it’s collapsing to each other

Our age of plastics is collapsing

A big part of being a quadruped is being able to just lie down anytime. Waiting? Loaf time. Talking to someone shorter than you? Loaf time. Falling asleep in the sun? Loaf time. Bored? Loaf it up till something interesting happens. Leg hurt? Loaf time.

u are NOT A SON OF ODIN u live in JACKSONVILLE FLORIDA