3c3

Crosshair: we're lucky enough to have two, aren't we Echo?

Echo:

something something the thing about a tragedy is that it was always going to happen

cropped and lineart only under the cut

Because it makes it seem EASY. Emotional regulation is SO HARD, it takes constant effort to recognize your own emotions and choose how to react to them in the moment without letting those emotions dictate your behavior. And the emotions don't just... disappear into a void. They're not gone. You don't just stop feeling them. That's not what "letting go" means. The emotions are always STILL THERE, regardless of how you end up choosing to react to them.

That's what the Jedi are trying to teach everyone, it's a large part of what they encourage others to practice in order to make better decisions and live happier, healthier lives. But if the Jedi have a magical ability to just make their emotions disappear into a cosmic void, that makes them feel like hypocrites because it's SO MUCH EASIER for them than it would be for anyone else.

And the whole point is that it's NOT. It's not easier for them to regulate their emotions than it is for anyone else. In fact, since being Force sensitive seems to involve a certain level of empathic ability to sense other people's emotions, without them even needing to be NEARBY, it's arguably HARDER for the Jedi to regulate their own emotions and reactions than it is for anyone else. But their teachings and beliefs prioritize things like mindfulness and non-attachment, so they end up being experts at it most of the time which can make it LOOK easy to an outsider.

the jedi don't encourage bottling up your emotions. in order to let go, you have to first accept. accept and then be indifferent, so that you can objectively act on something.

The basics is that Balinor is the king of Essetir instead of Cenred. That he met Hunith while on the war front during the purge. And for basically each fic that I started only to drop (because fuck my life), those are the only things that they have in common.

Like, one of the abandoned wips was where Merlin had no idea he was a prince, because Hunith didn't want to become queen, and she and Balinor had really only spent the one summer together. Did she tell the king? Um, no... So when Kilgarrah is being a shit and burning Camelot, Arthur and Merlin head into Essetir only for Hunith to stop them in Ealdor and nervously laugh and tell Merlin yeah, so... You're on your way to see your father.

Another was one where Merlin DID know he was a prince, even though Hunith refused to become queen. Growing up, Merlin spends spring and summer in Ealdor with his mother, and the fall and winter in the castle with Balinor. And of course, before Merlin is supposed to debut as crown prince, he makes a deal with Balinor for basically a gap year with his mother. To "know the true struggles of the people". Only for Merlin to show up, Hunith give him a bag, and tell him to make the most out of his year. And Merlin ends up visiting his long missed uncle Gaius, and accidentally becomes Merlin's manservant. This leads to a wacky year where Merlin wonders "fucking hell, is this what it'll be like for me?"

There was also the Balinor being aware of where Merlin is and holding his tongue because if he storms in demanding his son back, it'll just make things worse.

And let me not forget the accidental switcheroo! Because usually, Gwaine is Merlin's personal knight, and in one wip, Merlin is sent to study in Camelot as part of a piece treaty, and Gwaine as his knight comes along and because everyone expects the prince to be the one with the sword and the personal servant to be the one without, Uther and Arthur assume the Gwaine is the prince and Merlin his manservant. Immediately, Merlin jumped on board and doesn't correct them until absolutely necessary.

One of my favorite snippets is where Arthur is king, and Balinor brings and army when he finds out Merlin is in Camelot and hasn't returned. So Arthur goes to the front lines, tries to ask for right by single combat. Balinor agrees. Arthur is about to go down himself when Merlin declares "this is fucking stupid" and just marches into the ring and says he's the champion of Camelot, who wants to fight? And the soldiers and knights all back off and forfeit, because they could never raise a hand to their beloved prince. And while Arthur is just like 'huh?' Balinor comes out and calls Merlin reckless.

Though, the most reused scene was for how Arthur finds out, during the mission to help Ealdor. (Because I love the idea of Hunith basically being queen but by being the governess of the border, so it shows up a lot. Just her spending the year living like a peasant, only spending a few weeks a year in the castle.) Anyway, Will, Merlin's friend and manservant, comes looking for Merlin in Camelot, because bandits are raiding Ealdor, and taking out messengers heading to get help from Balinor. One knight (usually Gwaine because of course Gwaine is Merlin's knight) isn't enough. So Will came to get the wayward prince and get Hunith some help. Only Arthur always ends up following him. Because of course he does. Which leads to an awkward moment when they find out one of the messengers did get through and Balinor shows up to Arthur fucking Pendragon in his lands, around his wife and son. This usually leads to some variation of Balinor asking "Merlin, what have you done?".