Justa me mario

Me when financial aid calls about repaying my student loans

me

people are capable of beautiful things

i thought this was going in a bad direction

and persephone is back to getting dicked down by hades in the underworld

bold of you to assume she’s not doing the dicking 

“Hades is a bottom” is not the hot take I was expecting to see on my dash today, but I think it’s the one I needed

“mood” is basically the equivalent of “amen”

and now I am picturing an entire congregation solemnly intoning “big mood”

best sleeping conditions: freezing fucking cold room but layers and layers of blankets 

everyday i think about how frank sinatra tried using his mafia ties to kill woody allen and i wanna know who the fuck stopped him.

I’m the founder of the “I suck at keeping the conversation going, but I really like talking to you” club

the past tense of blink should be blunk discuss

holy fucking shit you’re on a galaxy brain level of thinking and i respect you

so I was lamenting my Transgenderedness today and I go “ugh why am I so bad at gender” and without missing a beat my boyfriend replied “I mean yeah you got an F the first time” and honesty I may never recover

Oh My God

americans think ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN of driving 7 hours. they’ll drive 7 hours just for dinner. they’ll drive 7 hours just for chips and dip

My friend in the UK told me that they only see their father like 2-3 times a year because they live so far away. When I asked how far do they live, they said that it’s a 45 minute drive……. my commute to work, five days a week is an hour.

If you hand those out on Halloween, you deserve whatever vile shit the kids do to your house

I can give these to my turtle

THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE REASPN TO GET THESE: feeding a turtle