So Awkward It's Funny

Fitness Friday- No weights? No Problem!

Source: currently a janitor at a church and you would not believe how many boomers get upset with me for insisting the trash cans need to be practical and easy to use instead of out of sight and too cute for functionality

things people have told me are "tacky" and that I need to get rid of (they have lost many of these arguments because I'm a bitch, others are ongoing)

an umbrella stand by the door with spare umbrellas for parishioners to use

a table by the front door "because people keep putting things on it" (that was. Why that table was there)

the signs that directed people towards the bathrooms

the actual trash can in the bathroom "because surely we don't need one so big" (for the bathroom that services the fellowship hall, which hosts things like the local scout events, so yes we need one that's at least 20 gallon)

apparently it's also tacky if I write down when I changed things like batteries and air fresheners, on a calendar they'll never see unless they go into my office??

another table in another waystation type area because "people keep putting things on it" (even when it's completely clear)

I instantly remembered when he said that.

While we were all at the local park doing legal things that teenagers would do back in the late 2000s, my friend here found a rock at our old smoke spot that was unusually smooth and flat. He liked it so much that he took it to the woodwork classrooms at school, drilled a hole in it, and hung it on a necklace.

When we asked why he weanwearing this dinky-ass pebble on his neck, he claimed it prevented him from ever getting food-related illnesses: wouldn't get food poisoning, couldn't over-eat, was able to ingest anything (prior to him finding The Amulet, a few of us used to play a game called "Devil's Piss" where we would take turns shoving random food bits into a bottle of coke, and the first person to take a sip would get two dollars from the other players).

When we all asked him for the proof that this rock is magical—because nobody believed him, obviously—he said to meet him behind the History block at lunch, where he said he would drink two litres (or half a gallon) of milk in one go and not puke.

We met him there, and about ten of us all watched him down a whole bottle of strawberry milk in two or three breaths.

He didn't puke.

He jumped up and down and punched his stomach to prove it.

He still didn't puke.

• the board is in front of a classroom, and the Math is waaay too advanced for whatever level of pupil these kids are supposed to be; like having the calculus integral in front of kindergartners, or relativistic physics in front of high schoolers.

• the board is in front of Criminals, who are Planning Something, and by all rights there ought to be no Math there to begin with. Like. You’re planning a Heist why do you have the Full Lagrangian on there. Are we taking a rocket to the bank.