The e in email stands for evil mail

*while sewing*: you are a fabric. you can stay a fabric. you do not yearn to return to being string.

(goverment voice) we need to protect the children from pornography so our plan is to remove their eyes so they would never see something so traumatic. if you are against removing children's eyes you are basically a pedophile

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

@ominous-signs

Official ominous sign sign sign sign sign ❤ sign sign sign

@vague-magnus-archives

One of the most annoying genres of people on the internet are people who act like they believe science is one single monolithic thing. Like, you'll see an article saying something like "scientists studying the movement of tectonic plates", and then in the comments there'll be several smug people saying "smh why are scientists doing this instead of finding a cure for cancer", like. Why would a geologist be doing that.

*emerges from headphones covered in blood* the album's really good you should listen

if you have to rely on specific scripts or turns of phrase to socialise that's totally fine, but you must NOT reveal them to your friends while slightly drunk. it's like showing how the magic trick works, you can't do it in front of them afterwards

i like dogs a lot but i can never remember the differences between breeds (apart from the few types i've actually owned/interacted with). but i know people looove their dogs and love talking about their dogs, so whenever im talking to a dog owner i'll ask what breed it is, and no matter what breed they say i'll say "oh! i've heard they have a really nice nature :D" and they always go YESSS THEY'RE GREAT and start gushing about their dog and we have a nice conversation and i build social credit with this person. anyway i told my friends about this script a few weeks ago when slightly drunk and now every time we're in public together and a dog goes past they turn to me and ask "does that one have a nice nature?" im in a hell of my own making

my body knows something that i don’t and i can’t get her to talk to me

"Average Minecraft player builds a nice house to live in" factoid actualy just statistical error. Average Minecraft player lives in a dirt hut. Megabuilds PearlescentMoon, who lives in a 6 story mansion on day 2 of a server and never sleeps, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.