nth remake

CRAB CRAB CRAB

Vecchio amico = old friend (the two of you have been friends for a long time)

Amico vecchio = friend who is old. Like, as in age. (kinda offensive ouch)

So, you see:

Compagnia gradevole = the company is enjoyable

Gradevole compagnia = the company is enjoyable because we're having sex ;)

Basically the italian dubbing team has made the insane choice of translating this sentence literally while in italian those words sound EXTREMELY forward:

"Come lei saprà, ho un negozio di confezioni qui vicino, perciò se per caso le dovesse servire un abito, o semplicemente desiderasse, come me, diciamo un po' di gradevole compagnia, di tanto in tanto, sono a sua disposizione, dottore"

First of all NOBODY says "confezioni" in order to refer to clothing. Gay ass thing to say.

Second of all the phrase "se lei desiderasse, diciamo, un po' di gradevole compagnia, sono a sua disposizione" is batshit crazy. "Diciamo" means "let's say", it is extremely common to use that word as a telltale sign to mean "I'm about to use an euphemism".

"Desiderasse" has the same root of "desire", and don't even get me started on "sono a sua disposizione"(i am at your disposal) in a context like this.

It is a literal translation of the original, but it sounds more like:

"If you ever find yourself desiring some, erm, let's say *enjoyable* ;) company, hit me up (i'm always ready for you)"

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-deprivation that so many of us learned to rely on.

sigh

Expectations

“Masculinity” refers to the traits that are associated with men, are expected of men, and “belong” to men. It ranges from styles of dress, to social practices, to positions in society, to personality traits.

Some of these expectations, including misogyny, homophobia, transmisogyny, and a focus on violence, are labeled “toxic masculinity”. It is expected that men will treat others poorly.

People try to encourage a different view of masculinity, try to change these expectations, try to remove the negative ones.

Why doesn’t it work?

Essentialism

Gender essentialism: it’s not just that men should be violent, it’s the belief that men are inherently violent, that these expectations are based on some biological truth, and thus beyond reproach.

This is nonsense, of course. These expectations are just that: expectations. Men and women are not terribly different.

But this belief, nonsense that it is, is very very prevalent. What better and more vile way to excuse the rapist than claim “they couldn’t control themselves”? What better way to frame an attack against one part of masculinity as an attack on men as a whole? What better way to resist even the most mild criticism?

Be better [than you]

People sometimes talk about the “positive” traits of masculinity: strength, directness, courage, practicality.

But what exactly does that say about everyone else?

Every trait you put in the box of masculinity is one denied to anyone else. If you say men are good at something, you are implying that they are better at it. So don’t.

What’s left

So what is masculinity, really? What’s left after you take away the toxicity, the essentialism, the exclusion?

Not much, really. A style of dress, I suppose.

People trying to frame some image of “wholesome masculinity” are doomed because that doesn’t exist. All you’re doing is advertising a look.

And they are a fine pile of clothes I should add. I don’t disparage anyone who likes wearing them, just as I don’t disparage anyone for feeling the weight of the expectations tied to them.