Masquerade NYC Changed my Life: A Mini-Essay about Art, Grief, and Solitude
TLDR: A detailed recap of 01/11/26 8pm Pulse 5 (Claire Leyden/Francisco Javier Gonzales/Clay Singer) that turns into a personal reflection of what Phantom of the Opera and art means to me about halfway though. Warnings: Extensive spoilers and brief mentions of social anxiety
On Interpretation and Nuance:
This show profoundly changed my life, and it took me 4 months to fully process my emotions, and even then my review only scratches the surface of my experience. And I want to preface by saying this is a very personal account, and that everyone will experience this story differently, and this is why Phantom of the Opera has timeless appeal. Gaston Leroux crafted a tale from mirrored surfaces and shadows, and we all see something different reflected back. Masquerade is a reinterpretation of the original ALW musical, and I found myself moved by different parts of the story and music compared to the staged version. But the reason Masquerade changed my understanding of art in a permanent way was because it was different. Condensed down to one sentence, I believe that Phantom of the Opera is a deconstruction of love, and Masquerade is a deconstruction of solitude.
On Experiencing Masquerade Alone
I was thinking about solitude as I stood in line to get into Lee’s Art Shop. Coming to Masquerade alone was something I never thought was possible, because I suffer from severe social anxiety. I'm doing better nowadays, but during the worst of it I lacked the courage to even step outside my house. The shadows of that time still follow me - I'm not very comfortable in a crowd and I don't handle aloneness very well. But the truth is, I was always alone anyways. Social anxiety stems from excessive self-consciousness, and at some point a wall had come up between my heart and the rest of the world. But as Ayesha A. Siddiqi so eloquently puts it in her essay on social anxiety: There is only one way to be lonely. There are many ways to be known. This truth is what I ultimately discovered through Masquerade.
I encourage anyone who might be hesitating about going to see the show alone. Personally, I think going by yourself adds to the immersion, and the special interactions I had with the cast came directly from the freedom of movement I had as a solo showgoer. Seriously, give it a try - the show might surprise you!
In Praise of Pulse Five
I think that Masquerade has its strengths and weaknesses, but where it shines the most and what sets it apart as a show is undoubtedly the cast. Everyone was so committed and seemed thrilled to be there. The feeling was that they were part of one big family working together to create a piece of art/entertainment. It truly felt like we were brought into the inner fabric of the Opera Populaire.
And of course I must mention the core trio that makes up the soul of this story. My Raoul/Christine/Erik were Francisco Javier Gonzales/Claire Leyden/Clay Singer. These three young people absolutely gave it their all and delivered an astounding show.
Claire Leyden’s Christine had my heart from the start. I didn’t know beforehand that Claire was on that night so when she stepped out in all her strawberry blonde glory I was literally struck dumb in shock like: Woah!! A beautiful fairy just appeared?? Clairestine has an ethereal and melancholic quality which combined with the flowing red hair made a striking image. But she also has this calm steadfastness as she endures her grief with quiet strength, giving her interpretation a heartwrenching, tragic depth. (She came across as the most emotionally mature out of the trio, and Clairestine actually read a little older than Clayrik.) I adored Clairestine.
Francisco Javier Gonzales’ Raoul is Clairestine’s grounded and practical-minded childhood friend. Frankie’s realistic straightforwardness, which sometimes clashed with his genuine concern for Christine, added a lovely complexity to Raoul’s character. He was very much in Detective Mode in the show’s second half, which gave the story a strong Leroux-flavour and made me, a Leroux Simp at heart, very happy. This realistic Raoul was a perfect foil against the dreamlike tension between Claire’s Christine and Clay’s Phantom.
When Clay’s phantom first calls out to Claire’s Christine, she gets this faraway, almost wistful look. Their chemistry definitely reads as “girl meets boy,” but with a literary twist because the girl is a fairy and the boy is a ghost, and their connection is caused by some kind of parallel in their natures. As soon as I saw the three of them in the room together I thought the dynamic was like: Normal-Guy - Fairy-Girl - Ghost. Which also tickled my brain because it was a little Lerouxesque, not really in form but in its spirit and balance. I have more to say about Clay’s Phantom as part of this dynamic but that needs its own section.
In Praise of Clay Singer
So I realize I praise Clay a lot over the course of this review. Like, really it’s A Lot. But in my defense, Clay Singer is truly giving us his whole heart and soul out there night after night. And the raw honesty of his interpretation deeply moved me, and I feel like it’s almost disingenuous to this performance to offer anything less than the full force of my unbridled fangirl energy in return. So here it is:
Clay's Phantom is both relatable and surprising, universal and deeply unique. He fully embodies the Erik we know and love, but also gives us something new. I can only imagine how much thought and work Clay has put into his interpretation, and it’s not just his talent (though I would argue that he has that extra ineffable spark we call genius) but his real dedication and passion that draws people to his performance and gains him new fans every day.
What stood out to me immediately about Clay was his wonderful expressiveness. His voice, aside from being fundamentally lovely, is so good at conveying sorrow. I actually experienced a bit of whiplash because my mind immediately conjured up the image of an older gentleman based on the quality of the voice, and the lights came on and standing there was just this beautiful Tall Child with a very open and vulnerable face.
But I was absolutely not prepared for the actual astounding depth of Clay’s expressive talent, and my mind kept getting further blown as the show progressed. Like, his MOTN. Oh man. I can’t talk about MOTN without mentioning The Hands. Except Clay isn’t even like, Hand. He’s like, Fingertip. He combines these exquisitely timed micro-movements with his voice and these little cues in the music to weave a spellbinding performance. Clay moves with such musicality, and the feeling I got watching him was as if his body was literally made of music. Actually, it was like watching a piece of contemporary dance. (Does Clay Singer have some kind of dance background?)
Another one of Clay’s many talents is an ability to channel an incredible focus that makes the room narrow down to a single point. This is especially apparent whenever his Phantom is interacting with Christine, because she becomes the center of that intensity, which is both extremely captivating, but also concerning, because suddenly it’s like nothing exists in the world except for her. Clay’s Phantom feels like he’s both extremely present in his attention to Christine’s every movement, but also detached from the rest of his environment entirely. Whenever Clayrik and Clairestine are in the same room they have this charming habit of ascending to another plane of existence altogether.
Their MOTN was a mutual exchange of wonder. Clairestine was marveling at his beautiful underground world, and Clayrik was marveling at her presence in it. It was less like a one-sided seduction and more like a back-and-forth dialogue between two kindred spirits. Claire and Clay communicated this perfectly, and I already knew that their Final Lair was going to break my heart. And their visual impact was insane. There’s Claire Leyden in her white dress and flowing red hair, and then Clay who is this tall dark haired shadow. And it was like Clairestine was literally a spot of bright color in Clayrik’s monochromatic world. Ugh. And when he carried her off at the end of MOTN she gently leaned her head on his shoulder. T_T
Bedroom, STYDI
I know we have our... opinions... about the bedroom scene but I liked how it showed a tenderer, quieter aspect of Christine and Erik’s relationship. It lets us see the actors’ microexpressions up close, and Clay’s Phantom looks at Christine not even really like a lover but like she’s the sun rising, or a night sky full of stars. During this whole scene Clayrik had this delicate reverence, where he was almost nervous but also excited and hopeful and absolutely captivated. There was this little detail where he noticed that her ankle was bare so he gingerly lifted the hem of her skirt to cover it and it was so… Soft Boyfriend Energy? Lovely.
And the Bed Hands. Hmm… I guess this scene represented Christine’s fantasy and her attraction to the Phantom which has a sexual undertone. This is interesting because we had the automation scene which I interpreted as the Phantom’s fantasy, and his view of their relationship is literally a childlike version of a fairytale wedding.
Clairestine and Clayrik have a parallel otherworldliness and up until this point share a relationship built on genuine care/parity. (I do argue that this mutual care endures until the very end of the show. Clairestine was not truly mad at him but frustrated by her inability to reach him in a way that mattered, and by the last scene, devastated by his choices..) Their bond made the STYDI scene so much more crushing. She put a hand on his cheek and he melted into her touch and that’s when she unmasked him. And to me it felt like less a violation and more like she misread this moment of intimacy. Clayrik’s reaction was an immediate lashing out, not at her but more just an explosive outpouring of pain. Like under all the passion and the genius is a severely traumatized young man drowning in the weight of his past. This is the start of this gradual heartwrenching breakdown (it made me feel like I was being slowly emotionally tortured… oh man…) that builds until the Final Lair.
Circus Arc
And this was where something changed for me and by a stroke of luck of being in the right place at the right time I slipped into Masquerade’s story for a little bit. And I think this experience is the true magic of immersive theatre, and therefore I encourage everyone not to be afraid to reach out and interact with the cast if the moment calls for it.
As I was still reeling from the emotional whiplash of the unmasking scene when I saw the Young Phantom (played by Kevin Zambino) appear in a doorway from the corner of my eye. And I would have never noticed him if I wasn’t by myself in the corner of the room. It's sort of ironic that my decision to come to Masquerade alone and my acceptance of my solitude was what ultimately enabled me to connect with others. Because then Kevin offered me his hand and it still feels like something out of a dream but I reached out and took it. He was moving through the transitional spaces pretty fast and I had to run to keep up with him, which meant the rest of our pulse was following behind us, and it was like I got a mini private tour of Masquerade’s dark winding corridors. And Kevin’s physical acting was sooo good. Young Phantom never spoke, but he would run a little ahead of me and tilt his head at me from around a corner in a very round-eyed, innocent way. And it felt exactly like playing a game of hide and seek with a child and for a moment I was transported back in time to childhood. This was about when I started to think that there was something truly magical about this show. Eventually, we ended up in the mirror maze hallway, and seeing dozens of our reflections stretching out into infinity in the green glowing light was surreal, and I felt like Alice in Wonderland following the white rabbit down into a realm of strange dreams. But even at that moment I could not foresee just how deep this rabbit hole led, down to the very bottom of my soul.
After this little adventure with the Young Phantom, I think anyone wouldn't be able to help but be emotionally invested. When Kevin was forced to get into the carnival cage I felt so pained and I was basically unable to leave the side of the cage for the entire duration of the circus scene; I had to be there for my lil homie... He showed me his music box and made me a friendship bracelet and I might’ve teared up.
And eventually the carnies came to wheel the cage away and this is when out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of Clay’s phantom slipping into the room. And I will take this opportunity to highlight another item from Clay Singer’s seemingly endless list of talents: the ability to warp reality. When I say Clay has a touch of genius, this is what I’m talking about. He expresses things that my brain refuses to accept as things that should be possible to express. The Phantom in the circus scene was completely different from the focused, captivating man we saw in MOTN. Here, he was a ghost in his own past, and I was shocked that someone that tall can move so lightly and soundlessly. His movement almost reminded me of when you’re trying to walk around in a dream but everything is in slow motion. Clay’s presence shifted the atmosphere of the scene from something very present to something out of a memory. And when he eventually floated over to stand beside me, I could feel this wave of pure loneliness and sorrow pouring off of him when all I could see from my peripheral vision was the edge of his cloak. And then he gently set a hand on my shoulder and my composure kinda broke and it felt wrong not to react in some way, so I looked up in a generally vertical direction and told him that I was sorry. And this will haunt me for the rest of my days... but the people closest to us… turned around. In hindsight it was just a natural reaction to someone speaking, but people with social anxiety can tell you that suddenly being Perceived without meaning to be is a fast track ride straight to Panic Town. I felt my brain go FUCK and start to spiral. But then I heard Clay take a shuddering breath and his hand kind of clamped down on my shoulder, and the intensity of emotion pulled me right back into the show, and I stood there with him, looking at the story unfolding in front of us. Except I wasn’t really seeing the scene in front of us. I was looking at the wreckage of my own life.
And the younger Erik’s innocence and the older Erik’s anguish made me realize this: that no one is born ashamed. Everyone is born innocent and thus vulnerable, and shame is something that the world burns into us. My anxiety and my lack of confidence were not signs that there was something irrevocably flawed with my being but were simply products of my environment. But there was no longer anyone concrete to blame, and there was no release for the years of grief I had been holding onto. I could physically feel Clay’s Phantom's anguish as he was clutching onto me for dear life, and I truly grieved with him, and perhaps for the first time, properly grieved for myself. And in doing so, I was finally able to make peace with something. For the first time in a long time, I somehow felt unalone in my grief, and in that parallel grief, I realized that this is what art was for. That the world gets inside all of us, that no one gets through this life without pain. But the act of being in pain, the act of living, is so lonely. We lack the language to speak about pain, and perhaps true pain is unspeakable.
So why do we gather around the opera house lake every Saturday night, and why are we so drawn to the Phantom? Why do we cry with him and cry together? And this is what human connection, what sharing art means to me. I can never make you fully understand the weight of my life, and neither can I understand the weight of yours. But art allows us, each alone, to reach out and touch each other in our loneliness.
These emotions were things that took me months to actually understand, and I didn’t come to these conclusions immediately in that moment, but when Clay’s hand finally lifted away from my shoulder, I felt that somehow the weight of my life was a little bit lighter.
The Flys, AIAOY
But the unintended side effect of this whole interaction was that I was absolutely on the Phantom’s side after this and looking back some of my emotional reactions were… kinda unhinged hahaha.
From this point on the story moves fast, and Joseph Buquet’s death triggers the start of the show’s tragic arc in a rapid downward spiral. This scene marked the return of Clay’s hyperfocus, but whereas in MOTN his focus on Christine and music produced an intense charm, and in the Circus scene the focus on the past produced a ghost, during the Flys we see that same focus become a weapon. Buquet stood no chance, and Clay had this crazed little smile on his face like a cat going after a mouse. At this point I knew my moral compass was beyond saving because throughout this whole scene my face was like >:D yayy go get him!! Clairestine witnesses the murder and screams, and I'm usually 100% Team Christine but by this point I was more like: “Hey girl why you gotta react like that.. that's my homeboy Erik, could you just give him a chance? He can cook, he can clean, the murder thing is a minor thing, god forbid a man have hobbies."
This leads into AIAOY on the rooftop. I went in the winter so I had the indoor version, which is actually one of my favorite rooms in the show. There was almost always a pane of glass separating Clayrik and Clairestine (and Raoulkie), and it somehow mirrored that there was a barrier separating their feelings despite their deep connection. Clay’s AIAOY reprise was wonderful and signaled his switch to a full commitment to violence and chaos, and the anguish I felt at his choices made me realize how much he got us to really care and feel for this character.
Wishing, Dressing Room, PONR
Our Wishing was also the indoor track, so I got to see the fun shadow puppets. I was one of the first people in the room and witnessed Christine interacting with the memory of her father (played by the violinist we heard earlier in the show!) and Raoul reminiscing about his childhood violin lessons (delicious book reference). Claire’s Wishing was so heartfelt and glorious, and the audience rewarded her performance with enthusiastic applause! When Clayrik appeared and sang to her, they went off into another plane of existence again (Clay’s Phantom has this effect of pulling Claire’s Christine “out of reality”). And this whole time Frankie’s Raoul is just so done with everything. When he confronts Clayrik it was with so much vitriol you know he would've thrown hands if Clay wasn't up on that platform. Their dynamic was amazing - two equally pissed, equally petty young guys yelling at each other, and Clairestine, the most mature out of all of them, trying to deescalate. And when Clairestine tells Raoulkie that she loves him but can't perform Don Juan Triumphant, she is sincere, but she is also sincere in her real concern for Clayrik.
I absolutely loved the dressing room scene - the intimate claustrophobia was really cool and very emotionally appropriate. One of my favorite moments was watching Andre, Firmin and Raoul bicker with each other and being confused at why the chemistry was off the charts, (Quick, someone write a fanfic for this OT3!) and realizing that the actors were all having fun and the spark came from their friendship and camaraderie. Piangi and Carlotta came around and made snide comments about Don Juan Triumphant. Clairestine was undergoing internal conflict - she was so SAD and FRUSTRATED and I was fully Team Christine again. And at the end of the scene she grabbed the red Aminta dress and THREW it against the piano and ran out of the room. Clairestine I love you forever my angry fairy queen !!!
Masquerade’s PONR was very different from the original staging, and I know it’s controversial haha. Honestly I wasn’t super sold on the new choreography until Clay once again pulled out The Hands, and as I am a simple man, I was Completely Sold. The intense, musical focus we saw in MOTN was back, but whereas MOTN felt like a mutual exchange, PONR was much more of an ensnaring. Clayrik was less focused on his wonder for Clairestine and instead on getting her to stay with him through any means necessary, even if it’s through manipulation. When Clay is locked in, it’s hard to take your eyes off of him, but there’s the sense that his decision-making skills are very much unravelling. At this point, it’s hard to tell how much of Clayrik’s actions are just pure trauma responses. And this scene culminates in the second unmasking and his subsequent complete breakdown - Clairestine had to half tackle, half drag a barely responsive Clayrik from the falling chandelier.
The Final Lair
The Final Lair is really the thing that makes or breaks a Phantom show, imo. It’s the moment when the Phantom’s carefully curated persona finally comes entirely undone, and I love seeing actors go ham with the unhingedness. And it was here that Clay hit us with the full force of his acting chops. Like at this point I was already so impressed and devastated and still I was shocked once again by how much raw talent he was holding back for this moment. It’s something that just can’t really be described - I urge everyone to go see Clay Singer if you have the chance! This is the kind of talent that only appears once a generation and he is going to be very famous one day and we will be able to brag that we saw Clay perform live back in his Masquerade days. Clay’s Phantom in the Final Lair was a lost, drowning man. It was like he didn’t know what to do other than lean in further to the spiral of violence and pain that he both created and was born into. At one point he was literally curled up on the floor and I saw water fall from his face and I thought he was crying before I realized actually he was sweating super hard. That was how intense this scene was and Clay was giving us 110%. He is literally so cool. Clayrik wasn’t just anguished he was DEVASTATED. Clairestine was also devastated. Everyone in the audience was devastated. But when she kissed him at the emotional climax of the story, it snapped him out of his spiral and made him come back to himself. After the first kiss he turned away from her like “I’ve already taken enough from you, you don’t have to do this,” but she was like “No, I’m actually For Real,” and kissed him for the second time. This version of them truly cared for each other even at the very end and of course he tells her to leave, and Raoul had to literally drag her away as she reached a hand back toward the Phantom.
When Clairestine came back for the last time, Clayrik looked at her with so much tenderness as he draped the cloak around her. Throughout the whole show we saw so many aspects of the multifaceted and nuanced character Clay so stunningly brought to life. With a complex character like Erik, one inevitably begins to wonder which side of him is his true self. In my opinion, the version of him stripped of all his defenses, helplessly declaring his hopeless love to Christine as she disappears for the last time, is the core of who this character is. At the end, the Phantom’s younger self reappears, unmasked, and we are all cued to take off our masks too, and the show ends with this lingering sense of hope after all the pain, and somehow I felt that while it was not a real happy ending, things were going to be okay eventually.
