X

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

fuck i’m trying to catch all these flies but they think my vinegar is stupid. i have honey also but that’s for me i can’t give them any of that

management trying to hire and retain employees

just ate an orange… no scurvy for me thank you… #NoScurvy

Can you say something about fat people that doesn’t involve the phrase “tummy squish” or any variants thereof. Quickly

I know a couple fat guys and they're good electricians

the mystery bruises you're getting aren't from anemia or something stupid like that. they're from me. i go into your house while you're asleep and softly hit you with hammers until i am satisfied

#google translate does not capture the tone switch so i have to say. first two sentences are like. normal maybe kind of feminine posting tone #& the last is like. shounen manga protagonist. action movie hero. jojo's bizarre adventure character. #the tone you would use if you were holding a gun with the safety off (– @chadlesbianjasontodd)

practicing self care less out of self love and more for the sheer logical reasoning of it’d be kinda stupid of me to expect myself to be able to function without proper maintenance

“oh i don’t deserve rest and relaxation, i haven’t done enough, i haven’t earned it” and my car’s breaks don’t deserve break fluid because they aren’t breaking well enough to earn it. that’s what you sound like!!!!!

Ken was created from Barbie’s rib