I know that STID is not many people's favourite movie (outside of #that scene which still kills me), but like it is such a masterpiece on who jim kirk is
like he is someone who trusts and loves deeply when he does, but he's never really had the opportunity his whole life before he joined sf
he loved his brother sam, but in the end even he left because he just couldn't stay (and other than his mom never staying, it caused jim to believe he's not reason enough for someone to stay) and frank was an asshole doing a lot of damange to his self worth (him shouting you're a nobody and talking so condescendingly when sam was leaving in the deleted scene) and like jim has a huge problem with people in positions of authority, which must ave been greatlyyyy exacerbated by tarsus (I think it happened in this universe too) and in general his low self esteem, believing he's unlovable (when he says that is soo weird to gaila, just screams that way to me) and other multitude of issues
and then he finds bones and spock and the rest of the crew who he trusts and loves and would do anything to protect and then imagine spock kind of betraying his trust but not exactly because spock wouldn't deliberately do that which must have hurt like a bitch and then he loses his ship because he was doing the right thing which must have been even more ironic and then he loses one of the only father figures in his life, the first person he trusted and who trusted him back (I can write a whole essay about him and pike I'm insane about them) and then he chooses to trust starfleet by trusting admiral marcus and following his orders even though he later realises the feeling in his gut which has always been there to be right once again and his "I'm sorry" just KILLS me even more than him in the warp core because this is jim mr i don't believe in no win scenarios thinking ohmygod I have just gotten my entire crew killed and his issues with himself rear their ugly head again to the point he can't trust himself because he just nearly got the only thing in his life he cares about and loves and trust almost killed and it was scotty saving the day miraculously and then later on, as his last act of love and protection, he dies for his crew, he doesn't even think twice about it, he dies the way he always thought he would go, alone and in pain and young
and thennn, his family, his crew, saves his life, bones brings him back from the dead literally because he's his best friend and there's nobody he would rather be in space with than jim and spock, (not enough words to describe them) who goes feral at the thought of being in a universe where jim isn't, who nearly killed khan despite being one of the main reasons he was being brought to trial in the first place instead of shooting him with photon torpedoes who must have felt guilt and pain for jim feeling all those feelings he felt pike pike feeling and being helpless and essentially, all of it is just telling jim that he was wrong and his crew stays and lives for him and that he is worth it all and he is just as loved as much as he loves them and he's the only captain they would all want to serve with
