look at my horse

This was a calculated move.

Tomorrow, my plan will come into fruition. You were all fools for reblogging this post.

Tomorrow, the seed I planted one year ago... the internet equivalent to a Pandora’s box will be opened tomorrow. You all will be counting the minutes you have left like pennies in a tedious transaction.

the other night my friends and i played around with phasmophobia’s local in game chat

this is what happens when you name your pokemon before you know what it evolves into.

SO when I was in cosmetology school i was in the breakroom and I was telling everyone back there about how my client had just told me about how her dead husband’s head was found at the airport along with 63 other human heads (that’s a story for another day) and everyone started swapping stories about weird things that their client had told them

and then this one girl pipes up and is like “Yeah my client told me about how she killed her husband once.” and we were like EXCUSE ME??? WHAT? and she was like “yeah apparently her husband was coming at her with a knife and she managed to get it away from him and stabbed him like three times” 

So I get this client, she’s an older lady so it was a color retouch and a trim and I was like okay I do this all the time this is gonna be just a super routine and mundane day. So I’m chatting with her just like usual small talk stuff like asking how her day is going and stuff and at some point she says: “I’m actually going to be in the newspaper tomorrow so I needed to get this done so I look good when they take my picture.”

So I’m like “Oh that’s nice! I hope you have fun!” and she goes “It’s not going to be fun, it’s because of a court case. I’m seeking legal action against a funeral home because they stole my husband’s body.” She’s saying this is the most casual tone ever and let me tell you, when someone you don’t know drops information like that on you, it’s the weirdest situation ever

I have NO idea how I’m supposed to react properly to that so I’m just saying “Oh no that’s so terrible!” and she keeps on going 

“Yeah his head was found at an airport with 63 other human heads. they removed some of his body parts before they cremated him and sold them illegally. They were using his head at a dental convention in some other country.” 

I had a woman tell me about how her son murdered his girlfriend in front of her daughter. She told me that he stabbed her multiple times while her daughter had jumped on his back and tried to stop him. How he said he knew what he was doing but didn’t care. How he still doesn’t care.

She told me about how no one in the family visits him in prison but she does because he’s her son. Her husband won’t go, but she goes.

I had a woman confess to me that she ran over her two dogs “mostly” on accident. And then she went out the next week and got new ones.

This past week one of my regulars came in and told me her husband passed away the day before. And then she proceeded to ask me how I was doing, and later, how she couldn’t sleep and how she’d hear a song playing in the shop and it made her think of him. His wake is tomorrow. He had 2 different types of cancer and they stopped treatment last month.

I had a regular client, an every 2-weeker, pass away suddenly. I only found out after I hadn’t seen him in months. He’s the only client I’ve ever Googled. “Passed away unexpectedly”. Early 40s. The last time I saw him was right before a family wedding that he was excited to be in. The obituary picture was from a wedding.

me aged 10: sounds fake but ok

me now:

cmon spill the tea it doesnt have to be related to me either just come on in and get all of that out of your system for the new year

tumblr’s mature filter bot when it sees a gif of a horse (which got flagged twice, in two different posts with different gifs of the same scene, FLIPPED HORIZONTALLY TOO);