Yuki

Often you see people depict him as inherently selfish, and for good reason, he was a bad person as Scaramouche--but Inversion of Genesis showcased that even as Scaramouche, Wanderer had a desire to do right by others deep down, past all of the hatred and darkness that had been cultivated in his heart by malicious entities, even at the cost of himself. Maybe even especially at the cost of himself.

Because his wish to never exist at all wasn't just fueled by self hatred, nor was it at all fueled by a selfish desire to escape the consequences of his actions. It wasn't to undo his personal sins either.

He genuinely believed that, had he never existed at all, that the people he loved would have lived better lives.

It's a self sacrificial form of self hatred, sure--but it is a self sacrifice never the less. And we see it again in Durin's SQ where he thinks that just by existing around Durin, that world is rejecting him. He blames himself needlessly, sure, but his desire to put others above himself is still there.

This also, of course, ties into his self sacrifice with his core--how he knew it could kill him, but he did it anyway, reiterating that if he died it was fine, because he was someone who deserved a quiet death a long time ago. It's not just that he wishes he was dead still, but he's putting himself on the line, sacrificing his own desire for revenge for the sake of the others saving Columbina and defeating Dottore themselves.

He is, by his very nature, self sacrificial. And he always has been, even when it was masked by people with selfish desires who wanted to turn him into a weapon or a test subject. It was something that wasn't ever snuffed out--a part of his old self that remained intact.

In part two of his Battle Music, Polumnia Omnia. Right at the end Scaramouche declares that he wishes he hadn't been born at all.

Even as a god, Scaramouche felt so terrible that he, among his empty throne of brief divinity, still wished he had never been born. It didn't fulfill his truest desire, it didn't satisfy him, it wasn't ever what he really wanted. He still wants to be dead. To have never lived. Even as a God.

the revelation that suo helped care for and train younger kids that were in harsh environments puts this scene, and the entirety of 56, into a fresh perspective for me. suo was familiar with circumstances like these. it even explains why he took the lead, when hes usually more content hanging back. suo couldve been working off of his own personal experience in ch56, but i dont really believe that anymore. he was very efficient when he entered sakuras house. it was well practiced. he intruded as much as necessary to ascertain sakurasa well-being, and left once he had.

these panels, however, i completely believe are things that suo went through. especially the second one. that has to be how he felt after losing/damaging his eye. the only thing we dont know is what happened that 'wasnt normal for him' but considering this whole conversation is about receiving help that you dont know how to engage with, it couldve been from his master, or from rakta or from bacchus. or someone unrelated! we dont know yet. OR it could even serve as foreshadowing for this current arc. nii sensei put in a blaring neon sign saying "SUO CANNOT HANDLE RECEIVING HELP IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES" and nirei being like "i want to anyway ❤"

though it is very funny, in that I have commented in the past about how suo is support oriented. there used to be theories about him coming to furin to take the grade captain spot (mostly the destroy it from the inside for a rival team theories), but that just never seemed like the type of person he was to me.

and maybe I'm projecting a little here, because I did realize in hindsight I was describing him the same way I describe myself. I don't want to be in charge of things or the leader. I'm most comfortable as a secondary, letting someone else call the shots, but doing what I can to make their vision a reality.

but I will step up when there's an absence of authority to do that for me.

much like kiryu stepping in to act the way suo had been before he vanished. much like suo does where he steps up when sakura can't (or seems unable to - looking at noroshi) do it, himself.

1. He needs to experience failure. He needs to learn that the whole world won't fall apart the moment if/when he fails

2. He needs a good cry. Preferably in front of the dojo kids, his brothers, and Sakura & co. Bc obviously this kid has been bottling up all his true emotions for who knows how long and he needs to release them somehow. It would also be for everyone else's benefit to see that this fifteen-year-old is in fact a fifteen-year-old who has been pushed way beyond reasonable limits and expectations and needs their support