'i am the walrus' according to the beatles

Taking inventory of all of Alastor’s connections after this shattering scene.

He does in one way or another rely on or have connections with Husk and Nifty, allowing Husk to backtalk to a very specific point (and Husk being willing to speak candid suggests comfort in that interaction) and Nifty clearly being dear to him (he kept the roach crown!). Still, he owns them both.

Turns out Rosie literally owns him. So all the closeness we saw there in season 1 was also a specific act of dynamics within the bounds of ownership. He only has the control she allows. All favors one way or another are within this contract.

Mimzy is his one friend we’ve seen from life, and they’re still relatively close. She does not seem to be literally owned by Alastor, nor of course does she own him. And yet, there is a transactional element to their relationship- she comes to Alastor to clean up her messes. She needs his help, and he takes care of her. In a way he may consider her under his umbrella. Their relationship is based on this, enough so Husk is annoyed and familiar when she comes around.

Alastor has a whole mental breakdown - he does not want to die here. And he is fixated on the idea that someone could perceive him of dying for ‘friendship’ or being an altruist. He needs the deal and the clear exchanges of favor and power dynamics.

So examining the Vox/Alastor friendship meltdown. We get Alastor’s belief in the moment and looking back that Vox was becoming something of an equal- something Alastor never believed he could have in Hell (a place of transaction). He respected Vox. When Vox extends partnership, Alastor reads it as Vox ‘needing’ him to join the team. The dynamic shifts. And Alastor asserts that in a world of power and ownership, there are no friends.

Mithrun and his story as an allegory for abusive relationships, the consequences of trauma, and the cycle of abuse.

Dungeon Meshi Manga Spoilers!! (chapters 61 & 62)

CW: discussions of physical and psychological abuse, abuse of power dynamics, depression, PTSD, suicidal ideation and sexual assault

Perfection has been demanded of women for ages, not just as an adjunct, but as a price we pay for existing. We’re supposed to fill our predetermined roles to the fullest, with no hesitation and no error. It can take many forms across history (e.g. the angle in the house) but they all echo the same idea: a woman’s value must be tied to unattainable ideals. A perpetual feeling of worthlessness. It’s a tool of oppression, a mechanism of power.

before we connect all that with Adora, let’s settle on a specific definition of what perfection is, according to aristotle:

1. which is complete — which contains all the requisite parts.

2. which is so good that nothing of the kind could be better.

3. which has attained its purpose.

Adora embodies every single one of these. (1) She’s been conditioned through childhood to always be complete, competent, flawless, errorless, perfect. (2) And not just that, not just to be good, not to be better, but to be the best, no one should come before her, the first place is the only place where she can reside, losing is simply unimaginable. (3) And finally, she had always been used to attain a purpose, or in the show’s language, a destiny. Whether as a horde soldier or as she-ra, whether by shadow weaver or by light hope.

Adora is perfection incarnate! Or rather, supposed to be, in every facet.

Beauty: to me, the original first-ones-made she-ra form can be used as a metaphor for the impossibly unrealistic beauty standards that had always shackled women. She’s warrior, yes, but she must also be beautiful. (1) She’s in gold, the most precious of metals, and too heavy for armour to ever be made purely out of it, she wears white, the color of pure and clean, even when she’s in battlefield, even when there’s dirt and blood to stain, her hair is free and unbound and desirable, she glows, inhumanly so, like a star, not a person. (2) And even with all that, the worst thing is that she’s so clearly not Adora, not a reflection of Adora’s authentic self, but an exaggerated contortists image of what she must look like, she’s not Adora.

Skill: women have to be great to be good, in every room, and Adora was always expected to be great. Since she’s a soldier, it translates into military settings: she’s supposed to be the strongest in the room, the smartest in the room, the simple undoubtable best. Every attack must be calculated to the point, devoid of error or mistakes, every plan must work, every hit must land, every simulation must be won, every enemy defeated, every power mastered, every lesson, every training, everything she does, must be perfect.

Behaviour: double binds. A woman must be pretty but not too pretty, nice but not too nice (sound familiar?). Adora spent the entire show being squashed by dualities that contradict each other, she must be powerful to defeat her enemies but not powerful enough to usurp her superiors, smart to be successful but not smart enough to realise her abuse, kind to save the world but not kind enough to foster her own relationship, she must be strong but obedient, a leader but also a follower, a weapon and a shield.

Of course this is all horrifying. No one can live like this, Adora tried, but the mental and physical damage she suffered from would’ve destroyed her if it weren’t for her support system.

Of course she was nauseous, of course she was meek, of course she was constantly distressed. But Jimmy told me she was weak, not pulling her weight, being a bad nurse, and I believed him. And when I realized the truth I felt like a real piece of shit.

something something Jimmy desperate to remove the rest of the crew and his mistakes, so far as to try and crash the ship so he doesn't have to face what he did to Anya, killing 99% of germs and bacteria everyone and himself so he won't have to face the bad taste in his mouth consequences of it all

something something eating curly to survive, feeding curly to himself to survive, the fact that human cannabalism infects you in a way you can't heal (prion disease), something something mouthwash will rinse it out, something something have your terrible actions and the consequences they bring without feeling guilty if you just wash it down with delusions mouthwash

I’ve only played the game once this very morning but goddamn the THOUGHTS. Will replay for more insight now that I know what it’s all about. In the meantime:

Daisuke, the young last-minute intern. From beginning to end, his autonomy is non-existent. He didn’t sign up to be on the Tulpar, his mother did it so he’d stop “slacking”. Under Swansea’s supervision, he can’t make his own choices, and instead spends his time on pointless repetitive tasks that don’t give him opportunities for mistakes. (Mistakes being the only example of him having a shred of autonomy, when he ends up stuck in foam… he’s doing his best I promise 😭). Then, when Anya locks herself in medical, Jimmy orders him to deceive Swansea then to go into the vent. Even his (merciful) death is someone else’s choice, Swansea’s (who swings the axe) and Jimmy’s (who brought him to that point).

Curly, the captain. Originally in a position of relative power (still under Pony Express), Jimmy strips him of everything and frames him for the mess he created. Curly is left unable to do anything but lie there and let others decide what he needs, what he wants, what he feels… what he did. No longer truly seen as human, his two perceived states are (irritating, noisy) pain and (accomodating) silence - silence achieved through force, shoving painkillers down his throat. He can do nothing but witness the events, yet he survives to the end. Unable to get in Jimmy’s way in his state, he becomes his puppet, the conduit for Jimmy’s delusion about being the hero and fixing things. His life is Jimmy’s choice.

Anya, the nurse and only woman on the ship. Belittled, abused, and raped by Jimmy and pregnant from it, her bodily autonomy is taken from her. After the crash, she’s left to care for Curly (who was supposed to take care of her before the crash, but didn’t despite his promises), who’s also lost his bodily autonomy, but she can’t bring herself to, well, force painkillers down his throat. The parallel to her own suffering too vivid. She chooses her death as a last attempt at regaining agency over her life (and, of course, makes that choice next to Curly), but Jimmy ultimately forced that choice on her, as he did with the others.

Swansea, the grumpy old man with a heart. As Daisuke’s supervisor, he steals part of his autonomy - but unlike Jimmy, he does so with Daisuke’s best interests in mind. He’s a protector, not an abuser. He also protects the sole working cryogenic pod from Jimmy - not for himself, as Jimmy believes, but most likely for his protégé. That choice is taken from him by Jimmy, who uses his alcoholism against him. In the end, Swansea is the only one who is able to truly fight back. Unfortunately, Jimmy is in possession of the strongest authority tool there is - a gun. The gun that the powers that be, Pony Express, placed there from the beginning to deal with eventual mutinies. Swansea never had a chance or a choice in the face of such powers.

Jimmy, the abuser. At the risk of repeating myself, he abuses everyone on the ship, he craves control and authority, he uses people’s weaknesses to obtain what he wants. He ends up as the only person in a position where he can make choices at all. He chooses how he lives and how he dies, he thinks he’s the hero of the story. The second he thinks his freedom is about to be taken from him (when he is about to lose his job and have a child with the woman he raped), he snaps and takes everyone’s fate into his own hands, he would rather kill everyone including himself than lose control. Obsessed with taking responsibility, never actually doing it.

ITS BEING A BYSTANDER.

He could have helped Anya and punished Jimmy but he didn't.

He knew what Jimmy was thinking about the ship but didn't step in till it was too late.

He stayed a bystander and his punishment is being forced to not only experience what he caused others to feel but to again, be a bystander. He didn't help anya, so now he is entirely at the will of Jimmy with nothing to defend himself with. No voice, no arms or legs. Nothing.

He was a bystander to what he did. So now he has to sit and watch Anya die because he literally CANNOT do anything.

Now he is a survivor with guilt because he had several chances to stop Jimmy and chose not to because he was a bystander.

consider: the horror of realizing that the thing that the crew has spent literal years of their life shipping on extremely dangerous missions that have now led to their horrific deaths was mouthwash came from themes of labour exploitation. the fact that they spent every day fighting for their lives (which is referenced many times both before and after the crash), fighting to become the 'comfortable worker' (which is an idea both the cartoons on the tv and swansea in his final monologue explore) and it all was only so that some big company that didnt care to even give them real food or real medical professionals could ship mouthwash. that is the real horror of the scene where they uncover the mouthwash.

jimmy and curlys whole dynamic rests upon the struggle between the concept that if you just work harder, climb higher, do something bigger and better, you will eventually achieve happiness and success. the lie that capitalism sells, that every worker (if they try hard enough) has the opportunity to be the one at the top. curly made it to top, and had to realize that all that being at the top meant was to become the exploiter instead of the exploited. the gun assigned to be used by the captain only (the boss) is clearly labelled in jimmys inventory as being a 'protection device' meant to be used when the other workers on the ship get out of line. jimmy got to the top too, and we can very literally see demonstrated how he had to step over the bodies of many other people in order to make it there. swansea again points out this same thing in his final monologue, and additionally at the birthday party, describing how fictional all of these promises of success and happiness really are. jimmy literally sends daisuke through a vent that he knew was dangerous where he ends up mangled and dying, simply because thats his job and thats daisukes job. jimmy is in the role of the captain, he has to tell the others to risk their lives to achieve an end and daisuke as the subordinate has no choice but to do it. jimmy specifically invokes his authority as the captain when he tells him to do this.

Stab wounds are a daily occurrence for a writer. They're a common factor we constantly encounter when writing fight scenes, thrilling action sequences, and moments of intense conflict. However, let's be honest, most authors don't have personal experience with such wounds which can make their descriptions fall short without adequate research.

I'm sure you could find a variety of blogs with advice on how to write stab wounds, but here is my take on everything you need to know about writing stab wounds. 

The thing about Astarion is he loathes weakness. He loathes sentiment and he loathes dependence. You can see this when he actually opens his mouth up about the people he disapproves of saving, but also incredibly loudly when he talks about the other companions, as well as his fellow spawn. If Lae'zel submits to Vlaakith he talks scornfully about how some people just come to love their chains. He's confused and put off if Wyll submits to Mizora to save his father. In every conversation with his fellow spawn (at least when hes not actively manipulating them) he's dismissive and harsh, and clearly he's perfectly willing to sacrifice them for the sake of himself.

There's an obvious origin point of those feelings, of course. Cazador's abuse is designed to actively kill off empathy in his spawn, both towards each other and towards victims. The last time Astarion prioritized someone over his own skin he got locked in a tomb for a year. We can see glimpses of it with the other spawn too, how his siblings are (apparently uncompelled at first) willing to drag Astarion back to their master for their freedom, how Petras' first dream of freedom is getting to drain another person dry. Astarion certainly doesn't seem to feel any real sense of solidarity with them, likely because Cazador understands that them building a community is a threat to his authority the way it was to his own master.

I'd also argue its Astarion projecting his own self-loathing outwards. So much of his quest is about his desperate attempt to escape from who he was. He's been given a chance to slip free of the limitations of being a spawn. He clings to that because of course he would. He also instinctively begins to run over everything in his path, because if there's anything he has learned over the past 200 years its that good things can always be taken away unless you make sure to remove any and all possible threats to that scrap of well-being. He's disdainful of people in need of help because they represent who he fears to go back to being! He calls his siblings "poor fools" while refusing to confront the fact that had it not been for the tadpole he would be in exactly their position, forced to cling to the hope that Cazador is telling the truth for once because escape isn't an option either way. He becomes irritated when Tav slows down to help the unfortunate because they represent roadblocks on his own path to safety.

There's an idea in mental health stolen from airplane safety: that you shouldn't help anyone else until your own mask is secure. What they don't tell you, speaking from personal experience at least, is that PTSD, especially for long term trauma, has a way of making you feel like your own mask will never be secure. And while that's scary, and it sucks, and there should be the utmost patience for it: no one is going to realize that mask is secure for you. Eventually you are going to have to accept the fact that you are breathing just fine. Eventually you are also going to have to accept that people asking something of you isn't them endangering you, even if it can sometimes (often) feel like it. It doesn't make you obligated to help them. But it does mean you have to stop reacting to them like a threat, because not 5 minutes ago that was you.

I figured there was a reason I resonate with Beastars (the anime) a lot, even with some of its dumber moments

This person's analysis kinda nails it

Relationship trauma, self isolation, deprecation

The idea that relationships are to be destructive and consumed wholly and how we romanticize it as "the way things are"

reading tem's thoughts during this situation is devastating , especially knowing that riz viewed it in an entirely different way ... tem was running for his life , shaking in fear , getting furious at him and at carnivores in general because this did not happen because of a mistake he made , this is not an accident . this is happening to him because carnivores can not control themselves , they "are nothing but monsters" , and tem knows he is not the first nor the last victim of a carnivore , he knew "this would happen" . but what truly is heartbreaking is the fact that his last feeling was regret ... he did not think about his friends , nor about his crush , not even about his family , but about all the things he wanted to do .

and i feel like this part is usually overlooked because it is the very beginning of beastars . you do not know who tem is , you do not know what happened before this moment . to someone who is reading it for the first time this is just another victim , but after finding out his killer's thoughts , his twisted memories and feelings regarding this moment , i personally feel an insane amount of empathy for tem . is it his fault that he saw right through riz's facade ? is it his fault that riz decided to stop taking his medication ? is it his fault that riz got attached to an untrue , made up version of tem ? would the situation have been different if tem had been a carnivore ?

There's one line in Beastars that I consistently have trouble understanding, and it's when Ibuki tells Louis that coexisting with other species isn't for him.

He says this directly after he reveals that he doesn't want to be someone who's feared by others, after deciding to save Louis' life, even if it's initially only for the Shishigumi’s own gain, caring for Louis' wellbeing, attempting to shield his innocence, and defending Louis' power as the Shishigumi boss, rather than just their figurehead. Sure, Louis is a special case in Ibuki's mind, but what else would you call Ibuki's past actions if not an almost entirely selfless act of devotion to someone of another species purely because he felt like a stronger person because he could care for Louis? Is that not the interspecies co-existance that he speaks of?

So then, what does Ibuki mean when he rejects the idea?

i already rambled about tem's introduction so now it's time for haru's hwhehehehe

she is introduced to us when she is about to get eaten and the only thing she worries about is not being found because she does not want to !!!! and i think this part is really important in haru's characterisation !!!!

she has lived her entire life being judged and/or misunderstood (? . men only see her as an object that needs to be either overprotected and/or used (and thrown away)

or a dangerous woman , a slut

while women only see her as a homewrecker , a whore that no one should be seen with

so , knowing this , it is completely understandable that she wants to disappear completely , because it would be almost freeing . if the other girls dont see her being eaten , they cant say "this is what you deserve" or "you had it coming" . if men dont see her being eaten , they cant try to protect her . she would just disappear , not letting anyone judge her for her death , since they already judged her her entire life

now , haru knows and understand her position in the world , she understand that she is just a small herbivore , a prey , but she doesnt follow her instincts

and thats why she believes she is a loser since birth

so , for the first time , she wants to give in to her instincts , to get someone to make her appreciate her life because it's almost like she has been living an empty life