Tyr's 10 Step Plan to Eat Fictional Men

Lion El'Jonson

On him? Absolutely! He let it grow wild, it's a jungle down there.

It's mostly because he doesn't care, it's easiest to just let it grow and "if it wasn't supposed to be there it would not grow there" type of mentality tbh;

On you? He pretends that he doesn't care, but he doesn't like if you shave/wax it off. But he's not gonna say anything, he knows this is your body and you can have your preference;

Will get all red if he sees your happy trail tho

Fulgrim

Ha! No. He likes to be smooth, wax it off so he doesn't have to do it so often;

But he also doesn't grow a lot of body hair, and yes all his hair is white so it's barely visible anyway. He just doesn't like how it feels on him;

On you? If you two are together he alredy sees you as perfection, so it's up to you really. But if you do wanna wax it he does have tips!

Perturabo

He trims it. Just so it's not in the way of putting his armor on, but if didn't have to do that, wouldn't shave.

He's naturally very hairy and his body hair grows very quickly, so he gets frustrated and thinks about burning it all off like his Astartes, but having body hair makes him feel masculine, so he doesn't do it.

On you? Will judge you if you don't shave, yes he's an asshole like that. Will say some bullshit about hygene or something;

Jaghatai Khan

Also trims it. But just sometimes, for aesthetics propose. He doesn't really care but he likes to look nice for special occasions;

Doesn't grow a lot of body hair in general but when he doesn't take care of it things get wild fast;

On you? Please PLEASE don't shave! He goes absolutely FERAL for body hair, but he will not say anything about it, sees it as your choice so he doesn't push it.

I also can see him being the type to write you a letter saying "I'm coming home in a month. Don't shave"

Leman Russ

Ha ha! lol absolutely not. A complete jungle down there, all natural baby!

Very hairy man that says he can never shave/wax it because "What will protect me from the cold of Fenris then?", but don't be fooled! He takes great care of all his hair!

On you? All natural or you trim it into shapes, otherwise he gets creeped out, "Adults should have hair down there, love."

Rogal Dorn

If he not in his armor it's all natural, but the moment he has to put armor on he is burning all the hair on his body off;

Don't worry though, his body hair grows quickly! Give him like a week and it's back to normal.

On you? Another one that thinks it's weird if you completely shave/wax it, will not comment on it unless asked tho;

He says he doesn't like the feeling of not having it on his mouth

Konrad Curze

He doesn't care about such frivolities, so yeah all natural

To be honest he is more occupied with more important things then to care about how he looks, lucky for him he almost doesn't grow body hair;

On you? Also doesn't care, will comment if you had a full bush and suddenly shave it, but that's it

Sanguinius

Shaves almost religiously, doesn't like how body hair looks or feels on him at all

He used to use those creams to remove body hair, but now he's too big to use them and it feels strange when they come into contact with his feathers;

On you? Would prefer if you also shave it all off, or just trim it is fine too, but he would never say it! Your body your rules.

Ferrus Manus

Burns all his hair off, he is smooth all the way, he says it's for his armor but he just likes the way it looks;

His body hair grows really slow so he only needs to do that every so often, if you ask on why he likes it that way he will say it's to match his arms;

On you? All natural or completely shaved off, no inbetween. You will have to remind him that baselines can't burn body hair off like Astartes tho

Angron

Burns it all of if it gets in the way of his armor, until then he doesn't care about it;

He dislikes the sensation of a sharp blade or hot wax on his skin and finds it unnecessary torture, you will have to ask him not to burn his eyebrows off too

On you? He will say the doesn't care and that you can do as you please, but he does like if you go all natural.

On Nuceria slaves were obligated to shave all off in case some one wanted to "use" them

Roboute Guilliman

Trims it, but it's for hygene reasons he says, you can see that he is letting himself go if he starts to go all natural;

Yes, his body hair is all blond too, so it's a little hard to see that he has any, but he likes the texture that having at least some provides.

On you? He will be on his knees begging you to not shave it all off, he will say that you look perfect just the way you are and that you don't need to do that;

Mortarion

All natural, but he doesn't grow a lot of body hair and will trim it if you asked but not that keen on it

He likes the way he looks with it and will start telling you about the positives on having body hair, did you know that it helps dissipate pheromones?

On you? Would like that you also go full bush but won't say anything about it, it's your body after all;

Magnus the red

He uses those creams to remove body hair everytime he takes a bath, he is smooth;

He does grow a lot of body hair if he doesn't deal with it thinks get wild fast, and yes the carpet match the drapes.

On you? Will ask that you do the same (more like tell you that you have to do the same), it's for hygene he says;

Horus Lupercal

All natural that he trims for special occasions. He says it shows how manly he is;

Grows a lot of body hair really fast and will joke that all the hair that was on his head is now on his body;

On you? Completely wax off or if you insist about having some thing he also likes when you trim it into a heart shape

Lorgar Aurelian

Trims it for practical reasons, but will let it grow if you asked;

Doesn't really grow a lot of body hair but also thinks it's weird when he doesn't have any. Had to burn it all off once so he could test his new armor and only looked himself in the mirror after he let it grow for a bit.

On you? Doesn't care but has a soft spot if you let it grow all natural, says something about fertility

Vulkan

Burns it all off to make it easy to put on his armor, but likes to have a little bit;

Also don't really grows a lot of body hair and can't use normal razors because they melt on his body heat and wax never hardens on him so burning all of it's the only solution;

On you? Thinks that not having any body hair is weird so please grow a bit of it!

Thinks it's erotic to have a full bush

Corvus Corax

Trims it, likes the way he looks with body hair but every so often he shaves it all off

If he doesn't trim it, the body hair gets out of control, grows everywhere, and grows very quickly, doesn't like the feel burning his body hair off;

On you? Would like if you trim it too but doesn't say anything unless asked, it's your body do as you please;

Alpharius and Omegon

They both burn it all off so they match, but on the rare occasion that doesn't happen you can easily distinguish the twins;

Alpharius has straight hair and Omegon is curly, it's way they both do bald lol

On you? Do as you please, but they like a bit on you, makes you look mature they say

--

Magnus

It took him weeks to track your ship down. The small craft floating aimlessly in space, a half destroyed thing without any lights.

Magnus should’ve expected that he would not find you alive at this point. The ship looked lifeless and you were not answering his attempts of communication. The psychic link you both shared had been torn when his brother broke his spine. Still up until now he had clung to the small sliver of hope that you had survived and some external factor had prevented him from reaching your mind. If you had been taken as a hostage or trophy he still would have a chance to take you back but that small mercy had been shattered when he entered the storage room.

He got down onto his knees, pulling the combat knife out with a sickening sound and cradled your broken body tightly. You were so cold and your head was nearly falling off from the gash in your neck but Magnus held you all the same, wishing that he would feel your fingers running through his hair again. His pride has not only damned Propsero but his loved one as well. You had been branded as a conspirator and held in the same contempt by the wolves like his sons, like his people.

Your soul was gone, lost somewhere in the vast sea of the warp. He lifted your body into a bag, making sure to preserve it for later. It would take time to restore your body, regrow the flesh and mend the bones and cost even more to get your soul back but he had time on his hands now and if Horus wins he still could bargain with him to grant him this one wish.

Lorgar Aurelian

Not running sooner had been your mistake.

“Do not worry my love. Tonight you will be reborn and we will purge the blinded from our ranks.”

Lorgar didn’t understand your tears but perhaps you were just confused and still clinging to the false light of the Emperor. His trusted son held your hands above your head on the altar while his legion stood around the platform. Observing, waiting as their Primarch approached you. You had been hardly passive through the whole ordeal. After realizing the danger you were in and the rumors his plans you tried to run but a mortal could never hope to outrun an Astartes, much less a Primarch. They had caught you, dragging you back kicking and screaming, tying you up in a cage and forcing you to drink that tainted wine. Preparing you to be slaughter like a lamb in the name of chaos.

“I told you it would happen.” you heard Erebus whisper to you while Lorgar took the sacred dagger from the stand. He stood above you like a god in his own right and brought the dagger down without regret. With his strength he broke through your ribcage, piercing your heart and signing your death. You felt a presence beside you or rather several of them, pulling at your soul as it was leaving your body. Fear gripped you and the entities fed upon your distress in delight. You were a worthy sacrifice.

The last thing you saw was the ecstatic tears of your once lover and the gleeful smile of Erebus.

Horus Lupercal

You heard his loud footsteps in the hallway, coming closer to your hiding spot. Horus was not himself and when you saw the black armor, the mace and the tainted look on his face, you ran and yet no one chased after you. Only his slow footsteps echoed in the hallway and you hoped that he would walk past the entrance to the maintenance room. It was too small for him anayways, the loud pipes were hiding your heartbeat and the footsteps have stopped. Surely he took another way…

His lightening claw grabbed the doorway of your hiding spot and it took all of your self control not to scream as you shuffled back from it while the metal groaned under his talons.

“I know that you are in there. Come out.” he stated and usually it would’ve comforted you if not the barely concealed disappointment and underlying anger in his voice. You remained silent, making yourself as small and pressing yourself against the wall as far away from him as possible. “Don’t you see all the lies that you have been fed? When I chose you as my consort I have hoped that you would stand you by my side no matter what l you have seen through the lies and honors that were put upon me by Him..but now you have lost your perceptive nature.”

You tried not to listen to him. Maybe you could make it to a nearby planet or a legion. Warn them about what your lover is doing consequences be damned or at least survive before one of these creatures that inhabited his ship got you.

“Either way you won’t leave this ship. I won’t allow it even if I will have to kill you myself.” he said interrupting your thoughts as he started to tear open his way to you.

Perturabo

It was the fifth time he had killed you and yet no matter how often he rebuild you he was met with the same outcome every time.

At this point Perturabo didn’t know if he felt more angry about you or more disappointed about himself. Your mechanical corpse was sprawled on the floor, artificial blood spilling from your mouth and your soul floated back into its makeshift cage, allowing him to keep you indefinitely. Magnus said your memory would be wiped and he would be able to mold you to his whims without the risk of your soul slipping into the warp and away from his grasp.

Why then was he met with the same results? He build your body from his memory, shaping every mold with his hands and when your soul was inserted you retained only the memories of your joyful months together. For a while at least. No matter what he did sooner or later your relationship deteriorated with him and when he told you about the heresy you never side with him.

Again he had been met with the same cursed words when he grabbed you by your neck as a threat during your argument and lifted you up.

“Did you not have had enough of killing your sister? Do it then if you can’t have enough blood on your hands.”

His design was flawed. But he never gave up on a project no matter how stubborn it was. Perturabo picked up what remained of you. It was time to get back to work.

Mortarion

Mortarion always admired plants. No matter how dire the conditions were, life always found a way to preserve itself and to flourish. If he could he would’ve given you a whole planet just filled with them. Until the end he had shared this passion with you and wished to someday retire far far away from the Emperor with you, build a small sanctum where you would always be content.

In a way he had gotten his wish granted. He was far away from the Imperium, surrounded by his own passion.

In his garden now stood a massive weeping willow. It bled blood when it’s bark was cut, it’s branches swayed gently when he flew closer, the face it’s core wept tears when he touched it. Even in this form you looked beautiful. Grandfather had kept his promise of giving you a new life and a new body when yours rotted away on his ship. He buried another fresh body under your roots, this time a young man that was still alive from an unfortunate ship, allowing you to draw out the sustenance that you needed to stay alive.

He flew over to touch your face. It wept again at his touch. Mortarion felt your soul in that tree but you never spoke to him. It was not the time yet then for you to awaken andyet even after centuries it was still beautiful. His weeping willow, swaying in his little garden for all eternity. Tomorrow he would make sure to bring you something more nourishing so you would grow strong and open your eyes in this new world.

Leman Russ

“Le…man..” you said as you struggled for control of your own voice and he recognized you instantly by the fang that was dangling like a trinket from your neck.

For a moment the executioner hesitated, looking at your deformed body advancing with a blade, muscles constricting as you were lead by a force much stronger than you. Your fingers were fused with the blade, your skin tainted by the warp as feathers appeared on half of your face in a cancerous growth while bones protruded from your limbs marking a transformation not yet complete.

You had disappeared after he destroyed Prospero. Your ship disappeared like a simple blip on the map, all connections cut off and for a while he believed you had deserted, he believed you had left him and became a traitor but now he had the truth in front of him. Those cursed wytches had stolen you away and made you a puppet of their arts as an answer to a planet he had rightfully burned.

Your eyes were pleading as for a split moment you managed to break free from their control and looked at him with such sadness and pain of seeing him one last time in such a circumstance before you were taken away from him again. The look in your eyes disappeared as the entity took control again and when you charged he didn’t hesitate to swing his axe with a scream, beheading you and ending your suffering for good. He had freed you from the prison of your body as one last present.

Leman would make sure to exterminate all the sons of Magnus for their sins. This was not about justice anymore, this was about revenge for his now dead lover.

Jaghatai Khan

Months had passed without an answer where he went while you were safely tucked away on Chogoris. He had told you that there was a rebellion but ever since he left to fight in a war he did not start it he went radio silent and it did not ease his worries. What if he didn’t make it on time? What if he got in troubles? What if he was dead? Would you even have a body to bury when the war was over? If it was over that is. The war seemed endless, spanning across the universe and even if his brother fell, it would not end there.

There were only so many times you could walk around the plains and feel the wind upon your skin before your soul was consumed by longing. You could’ve went out into the wilds for a few days, race through the grass and be in love. But all you got was silence and pure uncertainty of the future and you tried not to think what would happen if he never returned and Horus won.

Suddenly you heard the faint hum in the distance slowly coming closer. Looking up into the sun you did not see a thing but you were certain it was a ship! Maybe it was even his thunderhawk! You started to run towards the noise, getting more and more excited with every step. He was back and you were so certain of it that you did not think what else might’ve looked upon the planet.

“Jaghatai…” you called out but stopped in your tracks almost instantly as a shadow fell upon you. The sun was obscured by a dark craft with spikes and manic laughter that you would never hear from an Astartes.

Corvus Corax

A creature of dark feathers hid under the table, growling and hissing at him every time he came close. He had chased you through the lab, trying to catch and contain you with minimal damage. Still you bled all over the floor after you cut yourself on a piece of glass and like a wounded animal you stopped running and started to bare your teeth, defending yourself and trying to fend him off.

Corvus slowly came closer to you, grabbing you with a towel and pulling you out from under the table, wrapping you in it and holding you in his arms. He felt your claws dig into his chest and barely flinched when you bit him again. Those damned Alpha Legionaries had not only affected his sons through sheer sabotage but also the only person he had loved. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to raise his hand to kill you. With you there was still a possibility to find a cure. He just needed more time to find it.

He had been foolish enough to keep you in his lab, hoping that you would be safe and untouched by the heresy. But now he regretted not leaving you with his remaining sons. You would be much more safer away from him. Corvus dimmed the glaring lights that were causing him a headache and even you slowly stopped growling. How much of your consciousness remained was unknown to him but seeing you behave like an animal didn’t give him much hope. He scratched the black feathers around your neck, making you slowly calm down.

You did not share his enthusiasm and his efforts to bring you back. All you cared about was when you would get your piece of meat and him entering your sanctuary on a daily basis. Waiting for the moment when he would turn his back to you.

Lion El‘Jonson

“Luther..don’t do this. It’s not worth it.” you pleaded again when Luther came around and you sat up even when it was difficult with tied hands. “Let me talk to him..I will change his mind and you will make up again.”

In truth you had no interest of mediating between them anymore. Over the years you had tried to bridge the gap that grew between him and Lion and in your own opinion the treatment Lion gave out was not fair but since when was betrayal a better option? Keeping you in a tower was not sustainable either. Lion would notice your disappearance and the lack of an answer from your ship. He would come for you and kill Luther no matter what had tied them together in the past.

“You don’t need to do it anymore. I don’t need his false companionship.” Luther said coldly as he entered the room fully. “I’ve had enough of him and his leadership. Of being left behind on this planet while he crusades across the universe.” his gaze made a shiver run down your spine. “Save yourself your words. If he cannot listen, then he will feel.”

“Luther…?” you said as he locked the door behind him and took out a dagger from his belt, his intention oh so clear to you now.

“He’s on his way and will arrive very soon in orbit.” he said looking down at you and gripping the blade a bit harder. “Don’t worry. In comparison to him I still like you but you are still his consort. I will make it quick for you.”

Roboute Guilliman

Calth was suffering under the casualties and still Guilliman charged forward to his residence on that planet. Trying to get to you before it was too late. It had been a prosperous and relatively safe world under his rule and would’ve had a great future if not for the civil war across the universe. Naturally you wanted to visit it and while he had no time to accompany you, he had allowed you to go anyways, sending only a few Astartes with you. By all means it should’ve been enough to keep you safe.

His biggest strength became your demise. But how could he have know that his brother became a treacherous snake? Guilliman didn’t even need to get into the country yard when the burning smell had met him. The residence was on fire, the remains of the servants impaled on spikes and in the middle of it a pyre with a charred corpse. Runes were carved into the naked body that still pulsed with power, ensuring a prolonged suffering. The few men he had send with you hadn’t been nearly enough to fight the hordes of heretics that assaulted the residence relentlessly.

Guilliman didn’t doubt that every Ultramarine had laid down their life honorably in order to protect you but it simply was not enough. He reached out a hand to touch your burned body and it crumbled under his fingers as soon as the runes served its purpose.

Theoretical: He had no way to know that his brothers would betray them and your fate was unavoidable. Practical: Theoretical is irrelevant. He is responsible of your death through his lacking planning of your defence.

Angron

You knew that Angron had been close to death. The nails were digging into his brain, causing him agony in every waking moment and despite everything the Emperor had let him suffer, had allowed the high riders to kill the rebellion and denied him a dignified end along with his gladiators and slaves. You hated his father with all your souls and more often than not wished for someone to put the Emperor in his place. What right did he have to treat his sons like disposable tools?

How long your lover had was unknown and a part of you had already buried him as the moments of sanity were getting rare. The relationship was coming to a tragic end and it would not be long till either you or him would die. Still the hope never left you that you would find a way to be with him. How fortunate it was that his brother Lorgar came along at the right time and gave you both your salvation!

Angron came back changed. The whole legion was starting to change and yet you hardly minded it. You didn’t fear the change. In fact you looked at your love with reverence. And when he ordered his legion to bring him three hundred skulls to build him a throne, you went along with pride to the thrall decks.

“Blood for the blood god! Skulls for the skull throne!” you yelled alongside the others while a righteous fury filled your heart. Horus was right to betray his father who was just a tyrant in disguise and you would follow your lover and get the revenge that he was due. Finally you could be by his side forever.

Konrad Curze

“I won’t serve you, Talos.” you said as you glared at him while your hands felt numb.

Weeks ago you would’ve cried in such a situation, sitting on the floor on the deck of their ship, hands chained to a pipe above your head and. But now you did not have any tears left. All had dried out when you first saw the severed head of Konrad, when he had slowly lost his mind in his dark chambers, when Sevatar had disappeared. Your life was in shambles and the Night Lord in front of you clearly wanted to see you suffer more. Still years spend on the Nightfall made you almost desensitized to the whims of his sadistic sons a dm you felt no fear when you looked at the dark eyes and pale skin.

“I don’t need your service.” he said after a moment of silence “but neither can we let you go.”

“The what do you want from me apothecary?”

“You were the consort of a traitor Primarch and now he’s dead. You know in which position that puts you.” and oh did you know that. In the eyes of the Imperium you were just as much of a traitor as your husband. To the traitors you were nothing more than a thrall or decoration. For their own legion you were a trophy, a symbol of status, the last thing that remained from Konrad. If they knew you’re alive everyone would want to have a piece of you. Quite literally.

“We have decided to keep you alive.” Talos continued, approaching you and slicing through the chains “As a way to honor our dead father. The odds are not in your favor consort and you’ve lost your influence. Take my coin and get used to your new life.” and something more humiliating couldn’t have happened. From a consort, you were reduced to a thrall.

Sanguinius

He knew that he would die. Sanguinius had seen it in his visions and made his peace with it a long time ago that this future was a possibility. At the same time it made him all the more vigilant about your own well being. He loved you and you should’ve had a long and fulfilling life under his wings.

That fateful day he had felt restless, barely able to sit through the briefing. His body screamed to go and find you but the lack of a vision kept him in place and he brushed it off on missing you. Till now his visions were reliable and he trusted that he would see if something would happen to you. Only when the feeling of wrongness became too much did he finally relent. His essence screamed that something was wrong, a sacred bond was severed and the coppery scent of your blood led him to the gardens you so favored.

Eyes so akin to his met his gaze, pupils constricted and yet not seeing him or his honor guard. Blood dripped down from the mouth of one of his sons who was kneeling on the grass over a body. Your body, still warm while your head nearly fell off your shoulder from having your throat torn out by an Astartes. The whole day your guard behaved strange and a cut on your hand by a mere branch was enough to set him off like a viscous animal, tackling you to the floor and biting into your flesh.

Sanguinius only woke up when he was covered in blood standing over your body in the same spot where his son had stood. Feathers and limbs were littering the floor around your corpse while his honor guard didn’t dare to approach him. How could they when one of their own killed the consort.

It couldn’t be. He couldn’t prevent his own death but he could’ve prevented yours. If just a vision had come to him, if he’d just listened to his gut feeling, if he just came to you a few minutes sooner you would be alive. Why could he see his own death but not yours?

Vulkan

‘By the Emperor…what had been done to him..’ you thought horrified as you looked at your lover from a safe distance.

Perhaps it had been a gut feeling that Vulkan had to send you away despite your protests before he set out to meet with his brothers. In hindsight it had been the right call. You should not have to endure the horror of witnessing his capture or being targeted yourself.

Vulkan trashed in agony, his red eyes wide and manic while the phantoms of the past still tormented him. A supporting hand came down on your shoulder. One of his sons had sworn to protect you while his Primarch couldn’t and would guard you till the end. Tears streamed down your face and you couldn’t watch his pain anymore, couldn’t hear his screams and turned away allowing his son to embrace you and lead you away.

Now half mad he didn’t even recognize you anymore. You were just another stranger, another enemy that tortured him. Comforting him was out of the question unless you wanted to be counted as a casualty and even if he regained his sanity, your relationship was in shambles. All of your instincts screamed against leaving him alone but what could a baseline do to help a Primarch? Not all things that are broken can be restored and all you can do is pick up the pieces and carry on.

Rogal Dorn

While the understanding of the universe unfolded for him like a flower, Perturabo never understood what his brother had seen in you.

By all means you were just a baseline. Weak, easily assailable and killed. No match for a Primarch. Even now you looked pathetic, dangling in an iron cage that hung from his ceiling on the commander deck while he tilted it just enough to get a better look. It had no tactical benefits and he had more secure and crueler places on his ship where he could keep you hidden and yet it had been a fancy of him to keep you around so you could witness the destruction.

The Imperial Fists really didn’t know how to protect what was dear to their Primarch and it had been almost insulting how easy he had gotten you. He let the cage go, making it swing and you fall back to the bottom of it with a small thud. The broadcast would start soon and he wanted to be on time to see the Primarch of the seventh legion.

“For someone who is titled ‘the Vigilant’ you let your beloved slip away unnoticed.” he muttered to himself.

Would he try to get you back? Would Dorn sacrifice his men for one mortal human? Or would the pragmatist in him win, leaving you for dead in his hands? Perturabo wanted to see everything and most of all the face of his brother when he sees you in your little cage, dangling from his sanctum. It held no tactile benefits but it brought him satisfaction knowing that he had taken what had belonged to Dorn.

Fulgrim

“You know I did not mean it my love but you simply forced my hand.” you heard his annoyed voice in the background while he poured himself more wine “Is it so hard to listen to me? All you need to do is to submit to me. Perhaps I should send you to Fabius for a few weeks. That would teach you how to keep your mouth shut!”

In a normal world the strength of his hand would’ve killed you, crushed your skull with ease. But this was his realm and all it did was leave some bruising on your face from the slap you received. You did not know the reason what had set him off. Maybe it was you talking back to him one too many times, maybe it was your refusal to accept the corruption that seeped from him or it was the way you had tried to run away. Whatever it was it was the final testament that the man you loved was gone forever. The Fulgrim you knew and loved would never have raised his hand against you or forced himself upon you. In front of you was a monster in the body of your lover.

“Now now..” Fulgrim drew out as he picked you up with one set of hand, slowly tightening his coils around you again, leaving you gasping for air. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry my love. All I want for us is to be happy.” he said sweetly in his old voice and caressed your check. For a moment you were transported back to your first years of courting him but it shattered when he opened his mouth again and you heard the corruption in the back of his throat.

“But I have to admit you look so pretty when you cry.”

Alpharius/Omegon

“I want to go home…” you begged again while you slumped in your seat. They had given you something to be more pliant while they shipped you off to somewhere. “Please..let me go home.”

“This is your home.” one of the brothers said but you doubted it was a Primarch that you were facing. There were five astartes that surrounded you on the thunderhawk. None of them were your lovers. You were so sure of it that two of them were just pretending and you recoiled from his touch when he reached for you. All he did was strap you into the seat properly. Something had happened and led the legion into disarray. You had tried to run but hands had snatched you before you could make it far enough.

“I want Alpharius…” you said and were met again with the same answer that led you in circles “I am Alpharius.”

It was frustrating and you wanted to cry. Where were your lovers? Where was the thunderhawk going? Why can’t they just let you go?!

“It’s alright. We are nearly at our destination. No one will be able to find and hurt you.” the Astartes said as he started to press a cloth to your face and muffling your struggles. Injecting you with a sedative would’ve been easier and less messy but they were running out of supplies and needed it for later. Besides a drenched cloth worked just fine and he felt your hands stop hitting him. Ten minutes till landing was enough to silence you.

Perturabo The marine asks and Perturabo looks at him with the pure disgust of a man who has just been asked to install Windows Vista on a cogitator. “No.”

The marine nods and leaves. Three hours later Perturabo has built an automated siege-grade compression device calibrated to simulate paternal approval. It has killed six Iron Warriors but Perturabo insists this is user error.

Jaghatai Khan The marine asks, Jaghatai laughs delighted and pulls him into a crushing one-armed hug. “Good! A warrior who asks plainly for what he wants. Better than brooding in corners like a gargoyle.” (Somewhere the Lion sneezes.)

He claps the marine on the back hard enough to reset his heart and then makes him ride for six hours because 'the soul digests affection better at speed.'

Leman Russ The marine asks and Russ is already hugging him before the sentence is finished. The marine’s ribs make a noise, Russ is laughs, someone brings ale, someone else starts singing, the marine is now legally part of a saga.

“Any son of mine who asks for a hug gets one! And any son too proud to ask gets two!” Russ says. Space Wolves across the hall begin fleeing.

Rogal Dorn The Marine asks, Dorn pauses then says “yes.” The hug is firm, structurally sound, emotionally reinforced with no wasted movement. The marine feels safer than he has ever felt in his life, he also feels like he has been temporarily installed into a fortress wall.

“This was a good use of time.” Dorn says. Then he makes a note in a tactical log: "Hugs: morale-effective. Implement sparingly but sincerely". Dorn didn't know he needed it until later when he stood alone and thought ''That was… good.'

Konrad Curze The Marine asks, everyone in the room stops breathing, Curze slowly turns his head. “A hug?” Curze approaches like a cryptid, he wraps his arms around the marine with terrifying gentleness. It's cold, awkward and lasts too long. The marine realizes Curze has no idea when a hug is supposed to end.

“I saw nine possible futures where you asked this. In six, I killed you. In one, you cried. In one, I cried. In this one, we are both confused.” Curze whispers.

Sanguinius The Marine asks and Sanguinius looks heartbroken that the marine thought he even had to ask. “Oh, my son.” The hug is divine. It fixes posture, trauma, hairline and one unresolved childhood issue the marine didn’t know survived indoctrination.

Nearby Blood Angels start quietly forming a line. “My lord, may I also-” one asks. Sanguinius opens both arms, the entire legion begins crying but in a beautiful way.

Ferrus Manus The Marine asks and Ferrus looks mildly annoyed. He grabs the Marine by the shoulders and pulls him into something that is technically a hug but feels like being inspected by industrial equipment. It is brief, powerful and it may also have dented his ceramite.

“You are not weak for needing reinforcement.” Ferrus says and immediately pretends he said nothing profound.

Angron The marine asks. Bad room, bad timing, bad everything. “What?” Angron snarls. The Marine repeats it because apparently this son has chosen death but politely. For a second Angron looks like he might tear him apart then something in him cracks in the other direction. The hug is brutal, trembling and almost too tight, not affectionate in the usual way, more like Angron is trying to hold together a world that was never allowed to exist.

Guilliman The marine asks and Guilliman says “of course” then he hugs him warmly and normally, like an emotionally functional person. Afterward, Guilliman asks if this is an isolated morale issue or if the chapter requires a broader framework for paternal reassurance.

By evening there is a document titled: Codex Astartes Appendix CXLII: On Appropriate Fraternal and Paternal Physical Reassurance in Times of Strategic Distress

Mortarion The marine asks and Mortarion stares. “No.” The Marine nods sadly and mortarion watches him go. Five minutes later Mortarion appears beside him like a tuberculosis cryptid and says: “Do not misunderstand me, I refused because sentiment makes warriors dependent.”

Then he stands there silently and finally places one huge hand on the Marine’s shoulder. It isn't a hug but the emotional equivalent of finding a blanket in a plague bunker. “Endure.”

Magnus the Red The marine asks, Magnus smiles. “My son, what you seek is not merely contact but recognition of the soul’s ache-” “Father, I meant a hug.” Magnus gives him one then also accidentally shares a psychic vision of cosmic unity, ancient Prospero, the marine’s own buried loneliness and a metaphor involving a burning library.

The marine is healed, enlightened and has a migraine. “Was that sufficient?” Magnus asks. “Yes, lord.” The marine replies weeping.

Horus The marine asks and Horus beams. “Come here.” The hug is perfect: warm, strong, charming, fatherly, the kind of hug that makes a transhuman killing machine think, “I would follow this man anywhere.”

Horus remembers the marine’s name, his squad, his last campaign and exactly what to say. The marine leaves glowing with devotion and somewhere fate starts sweating.

Lorgar The marine asks and Lorgar’s eyes immediately go wet. “My son…” He hugs him like this is a sacrament and the Emperor himself might finally understand basic emotional literacy if enough people embraced sincerely.

The marine gets a hug then a sermon and a handwritten devotional pamphlet titled The Sacred Geometry of the Father’s Arms. The hug was excellent and the followup reading wasn't optional.

Vulkan The marine asks and Vulkan looks offended because he realizes this son has been walking around not already hugged. “My son, come here.” The marine disappears into the hug like a child inside a weighted blanket made of volcanoes and unconditional support.

Vulkan pats his back with the restraint of a god trying not to liquefy a beloved ant. Every Salamander nearby is nodding approvingly.

Corvus Corax The marine asks and Corax appears from a shadow. “You may.” The Marine nearly dies of cardiac surprise. The hug is quiet, careful and brief but not cold, Corax is very aware that some wounds don't like being grabbed. He lets the Marine choose how long it lasts.

“Do not mistake silence for absence.” Corax says afterward then vanishes dramatically because he physically can't end an emotional moment like a normal person.

Alpharius/Omegon The Marine asks his primarch for a hug and his primarch says: “Certainly.” The hug happens or does it? Later the Marine receives six conflicting reports: He hugged Alpharius. He hugged Omegon. He hugged a body double. He was hugged by three operatives in a trench coat. He himself is Alpharius and hugged himself. The hug was a psyop to improve morale metrics.

Lion El’Jonson - I (Shared sensation)

It was simultaneously the best and the worst - every single touch between you was infinitely electric and fed into each other in an endless loop of pleasure that ended with exhaustion - usually yours.

However, there were also occasions in which it came extremely handy. 

Namely when he was overly consumed by his work, fortifying himself in endless meetings and training and conquest - but most importantly neglecting your needs. 

That wasn’t to say that you were stupidly impatient - you knew he was a busy man, but you had limits… and a hand with which to touch yourself.

Thundering of boots are the final warning, not that you needed that to know he was coming to you, and cumming to you. You’d gotten him so close already, waiting until he was busy on the opposite end of the ship to start hard and fast in your machinations. 

When he arrives you wager he’d have ripped the door clean off if it hadn't been specifically made for him.

“Miss me, darling?” you tease, finger pinching hard enough to make him arch in shared pleasure from his stance in the door.

He pounces.

Clothes rip off too quickly for mortal eyes to register and all too soon is he returning the favour of overwhelming you with pleasure, quickly and tightly fisting his already solid cock in recompense.

It devolves further from there, what did you expect to happen offering up such a tease to a hungry beast?

Fulgrim - III (Flower marks)

Sometimes you were a shy little thing, nervous around his larger than life brothers or exuberant sons. You were adjusting, of course, over time, and he was not opposed to hearing you squeak and jump closer to his side, cute as it was.

The real fun came behind closed doors, however.

Exploration of each other’s bodies, of desire. Hearing you moan while he pinned down your wrists and pressed kisses down from your neck to your navel. Feeling you buck into him from touch alone.

Then came the bruises, both intentional and not. 

Your neck, where he had sucked and nipped and marked as his.

Your body where he’d lost sight of his strength to ecstacy. Not that you’d minded, if anything, the morning after had filled you with giggles as you spun to look at yourself in the mirror while he lounged indulgently on the bed.

But shy once more, you’d covered up. Long layers, high necklines, thick jewellery - he knew it would do nothing to deter anyone’s knowledge, but he supposed it made you feel better. 

Once you’re satisfied with your efforts, he starts to dress himself, plucking silky robes and gauzy bedouin pants until he finds what he’s looking for.

Much to your blatant dismay and rising blush, he opts for an extremely deep v-cut robe, paired with long but entirely sheer sleeves, leaving nothing to the imagination except for the absolute bare minimum.

“How could I ever bear to hide such gorgeous roses?”

Perturabo - IV (Shared dreams)

You happily share dreams now, seeing each other through those fleeting moments, sharing memories and dancing through your dreamscapes. Still, it was a struggle to coordinate baseline needs and primarch sleep, especially when across the galaxy or travelling through the warp.

This meant that most of your dreams went without him, and the ones that you shared were extra special. 

He liked to wander through the ones you shared until you noticed him, seeing your happy surprise at his appearance.

This dream, however, was different. 

He recognises your home, warped though it is by the nature of dreams - but there’s a different charge to the air, and you’re not where he expects you to be.

Then he hears it.

The moan.

Upstairs.

His name.

You say it in such a lustful tone, practically dripping with need as you call out for him. Just as much as it pleased him, stroked his ego to know you desire him so deeply, it still shocked the larger part of him - surprised still that you could want him in such a manner even if you were fated to be.

His feet carry him up to where you are sprawled out and dreaming of him.

He watches for a moment, assessing exactly how it is you want him to take you - then he will happily oblige. It is far more desirable to spend his time conquering you than any fortress.

Jaghatai Khan - V (Compass)

Naughty, naughty little mix. 

Leaving a surprise for him in his rooms and then taking off into the night?

It’s like you want him to chase after you…. Which you  do, of course. A cute little perk of your bond for sure.

The ruined underwear, slick with your cum already, plainly left for him on the bed with the only other disturbance in the room the wide open window.

His duties have given you a long head start given by the smell of you left behind - but he doesn’t mind taking his bike, there was something he wanted to try.

You cry out, his warm hands on your shoulders push you down, keeping you pinned. 

It’s not his body you’re contending with this time however - it’s his bike.

It thrums beneath you as you ride the chassis between the handles and fuel tank, the engine producing deep and powerful vibrations that rattle through you. Then he revs, and you can only moan. 

Too much, too deep inside of you - and surrounded by his musky scent and warm arms, but you’d wanted a chase, and you’d earn your reward. 

“Faster, please, please, please- “ you cry, grinding down into the metal while he chuckled good naturedly, throttling the bike until it roared beneath you.

What a blessing it was to have a little minx who wanted him to ride faster and faster.

At least one way or another you were both enjoying the ride.

Leman Russ - VI (Shared taste)

If you hadn't spent so much time eating grubs, nutrient paste and corpse starch before being found, you would have long lamented the persistent taste of smokey game and harsh ales on your tongue. Not only were they far superior, but you had subjected him to far worse so there was hardly any room to be hypocritical.

Still, it was monotonous and right now you’d far prefer him to be eating something else - you, for example.

It’s not difficult to build up a little slick, desperate as you are for him to return from one of his rowdier feasts you had long since retired from. 

With two fingers you quickly swipe it up and summon your soulmate.

He barrels through the door like a man possessed, just like you knew he would.

There’s a feral look in his eyes, and a drip of saliva from his mouth where his anticipatory lust has boiled over. It only gets worse when he sets eyes on you, bare asides from being wrapped loosely in his furs - and dripping.

“You know, it’s quite rude, to interrupt someone’s dinner - even for dessert,” he starts, taking a single heavy step into the room, “so I suppose I will have to make up for it by eating my fill, won’t I?”

Rogal Dorn - VII (Count down)

After the initial meeting you’d both discovered something cute about your timers - you could ‘set’ them, so to speak. Reminders, timers, countdowns, anything that needed scheduling or precision could be organised with ease.

Oftentimes, this was simple, such as when he would next be free, or how long he had to take dinner with you before his meeting, it was a function precisely made for a man like Dorn, of that you could be certain.

Currently, however, it held a different purpose.

Your hands splay out across his stomach, gripping as best you can to his abs while he bounces you up and down. His incredible restraint quivers inside of you, twitching but not yet cumming, not while the timer was ticking.

Every thrust is a stretch that pushes you beyond, the only thing keeping you upright being his hands engulfing your torso as he sets a punishing pace.

20, 19, 18…

Your back arches, writhing in his grip, but it doesn’t deter him.

17, 16, 15…

You clench around him desperately, wildly - completely out of control.

14, 13, 12…

Your hands dig in as hard as they can, but all he does is let out a throaty  groan.

11, 10, 9…

It’s too long, you can’t stand it anymore.

8, 7, 6…

Your eyes screw shut and breath comes out in rapid pants that match his guttural groans.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

He pulls out, painting all up your stomach and chest with hot white spurts. 

There’s only a moment of rest, where he recovers himself and his whole body shudders. Before you know it though, you’re flipped over, face pressed into the mattress and stoic wall of muscle atop you.

“Now, the next 15 minutes in this position.”

Konrad Curze - VIII (Colour)

He was enamoured with it all. 

Everything was just so vibrant. But also completely overwhelming.

So many things that melded into one shade of black before were actually distinct from each other. Dark red, navy blue, deep forest green. 

And there were light colours too - fleshy pinks and warm oranges and creamy whites.

His favourite right now was the creamy white coating his fingers as he pumped them in and out of you. Such dulcet tones, thick and rich as every curl and thrust of his fingers worked more and more out of you.

He was firm, but not unyielding to your soft flesh, making sure to stretch you without tearing. There was almost as much fun in the exploration of your body as there was in exploring new colour, after all, those pretty little sounds you made were just as new to him.

Whimpers devoid of fear, moans devoid of agony, screams devoid of terror.

All sounds filled with longing instead of the terror he sought from the world, and your body echoed the sound with its movement. 

You demanded his presence, his touch - cracked lips against yours. Imperative and persistent of a beast who could snap you in half without a thought.

Yet. Yet.

He could do nothing but indulge you. He found no greater pleasure than indulging in you. 

And no sweeter taste than the cream on his fingers.

Sanguinius - IX (Red string of fate)

The two of you cuddling was a delicate art, the string seemed to have a mind of its own whether it was tangible or intangible - often you found that after a night in bed together you’d have to spend half the morning detangling from each other.

Not that either of you minded being stuck skin to skin on a sleepy morning.

The discovery of its capabilities, however, had led to some interesting developments that were otherwise impossible.

And right now, neither of you could break out from each other, his cock pushed up right into you as the rest of his body caged around you, and red string bit into your combined flesh.

Usually, it was Sanguinius’ job to puzzle out which way to tug and pull the rope to free you both - with primarch intellect he could just look and know which way would unravel the whole lot.

Today, however, presented challenges.

“I- I cannot see well enough,” he admits with a throaty groan born of you shifting against him slightly.

His cock is rock solid and hard pressed between your thighs, twitching and leaking more with each passing minute and every straining attempt to escape.

You push further into him, trying to create more slack, “just - wait a second I think I can -“, you slide a finger in the space where his wings meet his back. A sensitive place for sure, but if you can just grab that loop and -

His whole body vibrates, rattling deep inside as he bites into his mouth. Worse yet, the sheer force of it pulls your hand away from where you had been so close victory.

“L-little dove, you can’t, you can’t” words begin to fail him as he stutters and moans.

His cock is throbbing against you know, thick veins thumping with how tightly it’s forced into you. His breath comes out in whining pants now as he subconsciously shifts trying to get more friction against you.

You whine a little as his heat begins to overwhelm and excite you in equal measure as well, and take a long moment where you both try to recompose yourselves.

Then you speak, understanding on his behalf, but also utterly unrepentant as you reach back up between those fated feathers, “sorry, sorry, it’s the only way out.”

His full body shivers as you tug and even your baseline senses can smell the excess of lust.

Alas, you’ll reap what you sow when you're both free.

Ferrus Manus - X (Touch colour)

“You’ll be gone for a long time then? Weeks?” you ask, a mix of trepidation and melancholy.

Of course, you always knew the crusade would continue, that the mini ‘honeymoon’ afforded to you from meeting each other wouldn’t last forever - and that he could hardly take you with him to the front lines.

His nod is solemn, the taciturn agreement you’d come to expect. That wasn’t to say he didn’t care, just that his actions spoke louder than his words. Like now, his hands held yours tenderly, treasuring the warmth that seemed through. 

He loved to just hold your hands together, the stark contrast between you both and the drastic transformation was a sight to behold.

“W-will, will you make me something, before you go?” 

“Anything”

He was not expecting the request, but it was one he would honour nonetheless. 

He would take care of you in every manner he could, and if he was not here to take care of you, then he would arm you in a way that would allow you to do so.

So he worked, melting down different metals at a dozen different melting points, pouring and swirling at precise times to create a swirling design of gorgeous metallurgy. He moulds it, tempers it, polishes it, and buffs it to perfection. 

You blush when he presents it to you, a private moment before he has to leave.

The blush spreads down your neck when he confirms it's an exact replica, and it’s almost a struggle to carry the metal cock for its sheer size and weight.

His only condition for this gift? You have to call him every time you use it. He wants to hear every little sound you make while he takes you, even while hundreds of miles away.

Angron - XII (First words)

He was not a romantic man. There was no great fanfare to sweep you off your feet, nor hundreds of bouquets lined outside of your door. 

It was the quiet kind of love, the sheer effort of wanting something better for each other and taking simple steps to strive for them was all either of you wanted. Soft, simple time spent together, the knowledge that he fought against himself every second just to provide these moments together easing everything.

Tonight though, you had agreed on something special. The ‘next step’ so to speak. 

It was something he had put off despite your repeated attempts to bring it up or wear him down on the subject, but it was always brushed off, avoided or outright rejected. 

Until the one day those simple words break him down. The very words marked on your skin, his words he uttered echoed right back at him.

“It’s fine.”

But it wasn’t - he wanted to give you everything, and he would find a way.

Chains bind him, but he trusts you beyond measure. Spread wide across the bed, with sheets that are silky soft but he could not have cared less. 

You’re sat across his torso, peppering kisses down his chest and checking in on him at every step with those soft, devastating eyes. Moving down oh so slowly and ensuring he hasn’t changed his mind on you at the last possible second.

He grits his teeth and nods.

The nails scream as your hands slip down and grab the base of his already weeping cock.

He’d only ever cum from a painfully tight fist around himself, squeezing so hard it barely constituted as technique. But you? You are supple where he is rock, and your pressure could hardly count for anything against his physic. 

That doesn’t matter though.

The feather light touch burns against his skin and sends shooting pleasure coursing through him. Creaking and cracking fills the air as the bed threatens its demise under his thrashing body.

Yet it doesn’t. 

It holds, and so does he.

And when he cums its filled with blinding pleasure, victory and revolution - for just a moment, it’s louder than the pain that drowns him.

Roboute Guilliman - XIII (Item swap)

He’s in a meeting when it happens.

Each captain, laser focussed in on his presentation, the height of his lecture into the latest supply chains to expand operations. There’s scribes ready to record and notarise for distribution, there’s detailed diagrams spanning an entire wall, there’s complete silence aside from his voice and the quiet scratching of autoquills, there’s lingerie in the middle of the - there’s lingerie on the middle of the table.

Body chains, lace, ribbon - the cumstain in the crotch isn’t even dried yet. Still warm.

There is no chance that a single person in this room has missed this, certainly not with enhanced senses. Bright blue, shining gold, and reeking of your sex.

He could continue on. Each of his sons would dutifully ignore it. Never speak of it.

Or… you could get what you deserve.

It does occur to him in part that this is exactly what you wanted with this little stunt, and though he likes to think himself far above any baseline, perhaps there is some truth to the old Terran tales of men thinking with their cocks. 

Though then again, there was not much to truly complain of - pounding into you from behind while you’re bent over the very meeting table you defiled is far more satisfying than any meeting. 

At least he afforded you the decency of an empty room to hear your moans echo in tandem with the slap of his flesh against yours, though he’d had to lean over you and pin down your wrists with a single hand to stop you raking your devilish nails into the wood.

Perhaps, however, he was to blame. 

Was he not dedicating enough of his schedule into ensuring your needs were adequately met, or were you simply devious for your own sake? Either way, it was a matter he would soon be rectifying. 

There was only so much trouble you could make if your legs refused to cooperate with you.

Mortarion - XIV (Body switch)

It had taken years upon years from his to feel comfortable in the switch. In exchanging bodies. The complete vulnerability and trust he had developed was nothing short of legendary.

And then came the next step, surprisingly his own idea.

He had wanted to feel how you felt, to experience it through your body. He wanted to understand how it was that you could possibly beg for a man like him to touch you. If you didn’t mind of course….

And you hadn’t.

You knew yourself well. Of course. But Mortarion hadn’t quite processed how this would translate to the way you knew exactly how to manoeuvre him to bring him boiling to the edge in record time - 

And stop.

“No, please, please, please,” he begs you. He understands now, he just needs you to -

But you don’t let him. Your far larger hands pin him in place as you shush him, teasing over and over.

Those rough callouses he hated on his skin created a divine contrast that sent electric jolts down his body. He tried over and over to grind to hump, anything. You didn’t let him.

“Now, now - you wanted to understand exactly how much I want you, exactly how desperate I am to be by your side,” you start, pulling up his arms until he’s stretched out and writhing, “and it’s far, far more than this.”

He whimpers.

“But don’t worry, you know I’ll always take good care of you.”

There’s a glint in your eye that tells him everything he needs to know in that the pleasure he desired is far more than he’d bargained for.

Magnus the Red - XV (Shared eyes)

You’re looking at him.

This is not unusual by any means, he does expect you to look at him as your soulmate of course, and especially when he is lecturing you on an ancient clay tablet he discovered as he is currently.

Alas, you are staring at his crotch. 

Unabashedly. With his eye no less, ensuring by choice that he would take note, and that he could take note of his own growing erection as he struggled to maintain focus on the topic at hand.

Before he can begin chiding, however, you speak, “how about this - I will actually pay attention,” you pause, letting it hang, letting him steel himself and build up excitement in the potential, “if you can maintain concentration on your lecture while I suck you off.”

He doesn’t know whether to rejoice or cry - but in any case it is an interesting experiment and test of will where you both listen to him and he well… enjoys himself.

It is a struggle to convince his ego that the battle is lost, to give in to the inevitable.

You’re staring up at him through damp lashes, taking in as much as you can and swallowing thickly around him. It was nothing short of a most delightful torture.

You sweep the underside of his cock, tracing the thick veins with deliberate measure and his words start stumbling. It takes more effort than he would dare concede to stay upright, to keep the tremble from his thighs and his hands on the book rather than the back of your head.

His resolve lasts until you look up and he can see the way his face is contorted. You know it, he knows it, words fail him. Words aren’t needed for what you’re doing to him.

Horus Lupercal - XVI (Count down to death)

“Horus…” you start, breaking the silence, “fuck me like its the last time.”

There’s a long moment, an implicit understanding, and skipped heartbeats. He doesn’t respond to you in words because he doesn’t need to.

You know it, he knows it, and there’s nothing to be done except embrace each other.

No moment is wasted as large hands sweep you off your feet and shred your clothes. Gone is the time for long and languid lovemaking and gentle ministrations. You’re both fueled by burning desire, lashing fury against inevitable odds and the knowing agony of sand slipping through your fingers with no hope to hold it.

There is no future, there is only now in this moment. There is only his skin on yours and touches that the other desperately chases. Tears mix just as much as your bodies, feeling them mingle as tongues fight for dominance and faces mash.

Everything seems to pass too quickly, feels too strong and feels too much.

In spite of this, or maybe because of it, you can’t help but go further, wrapping legs around his cock and guiding him to fuck you as deep as he can manage. You just want his body imprinted into you, so deep that it echoes the soul bond you share, so deep that he will never truly feel apart from you.

It’s a foolish, longing thought, born from unthinkable hope that you can defy the fates themselves.

But every time he kisses you, every time he whispers your name like you’re going to make it, like he’s going to make it - there’s a single moment where the inevitable stops mattering.

Lorgar Aurelian - XVII (Body writing)

He knew God would test him, and though perhaps he might have preferred a different kind of test (maybe one of faith, martial prowess or otherwise), he could hardly complain when he got exactly what he asked for.

The letters are as small as you could make them, right on the inside of his wrist where only he was liable to see - well at least mid-sermon as he was.

Come fuck me into the floor before I get someone else to do it for you.

What a demanding little thing you were. 

He knew you would never, that you were devoted to each other in heart and soul, body and mind - yet still a possessive shiver ran through him, the need to stop his teachings and remind you precisely why you were his and he was yours beginning to burn in his veins.

Still, he persisted, his faith steadfast and the masses reliant on his teachings.

If you’re not here in the next minute the next markings you see from me will be bruises and ropes of cum. Your choice.

There’s an itching under his skin. He is secure, he is strong. You enjoy this, teasing him until he is pent up. If he gives in quickly again then it will only encourage you more.

Time has slowed to a crawl and sweat has started to bead across his brow and back, not to mention his cock is practically screaming while constrained as it is. The entire rest of his teachings had been filled with one lewd taunt after another.

But now? As he walks from the hall back towards your quarters, already slipping the ties from his robes - now it’s your turn to be taught something.

Vulkan - XVIII (Shared thoughts/feelings)

He loves to be able to spend a night with you, free time was his most valuable commodity, with the sheer intimacy of experiencing you being a magical one. Then there was having the luxury of basking in the afterglow, of feeling each other in body and soul. The way you snuggled into the safety of his arms was something he treasured every moment one.

But it made the next morning so much harder.

You always entangled yourself into him in a way that made it half impossible to get you off, and his heart broken with every whine and sleepy attempt to cuddle back into him. 

Once you’re successfully detached from your ‘limpet stage’ he has to slip out of bed and watch as you move to the spot of warmth he was just occupying, still fighting sleep unsuccessfully yourself.

Snippets of your dreams and echoes of your longing flash through the bond, calling him back to your side. He pushes through all of it, sending back waves of love and warmth to hold you in his place.

Until he’s halfway to his forge and you wake more, lucid enough to notice everything and nothing at the same time. Except then your lust spreads out across the bond, feeling out for him across the ship. It's the type of raw that can only come from animalistic need, when you’re too awake to feel nothing but too asleep to control yourself.

Suddenly, work can wait.

Resolve crumbles under your need for him in this moment. Your genuine desire calling out jumps straight to his groin and he’s back besides your side before you can even fully wake. 

“You’e ‘ack already?” you mumble to him, raising your head up to meet his hungry gaze.

In a moment he’s there beside you again, shifting you upright as your body sluggishly responds to his return.

“You are always so needy for me little flame, even when you’ve just had me,” his words come out as a deep rumble that shakes your chest as he lifts you.

You’re still wet and loosened from last night, but he takes his time to stretch you on his fingers again anyway, enjoying how you moan and wiggle on him as you finally start comprehending.

“M-more, please,” your pleasure and desperation flows through to him as you try squirm downwards, and he happily obliges, slipping another finger in and pumping until he’s satisfied with how slick and ready you are for him.

You still squeal when you stretch onto his gigantic cock - nothing could truly prepare you for his size, but it's a delicious burn that has you craving movement, the friction of him moving up and down your walls. 

You’re already moaning from just this, just being filled up by him, but you still attempt to grab onto his arms and pull yourself up. His chuckle vibrates your body as he watches you try and start fucking yourself on him, which only makes you more desperate. 

He graciously intervenes, warm hands gripping the soft of your waist and taking over the effort, raising you up to the tip before pushing you right back where you started.

“So eager for me to fill you up again,” his words higher, more grunted as his cock twitches inside of you more with every clench, “but then again, I am just as eager to stuff you full.”

Corvus Corax - XIX (Matching Tattoo)

The taste of liberation was almost, almost as sweet as you were - it was the only thing that could hold a candle to the infatuation you inspired in him.

Not only was the taste of you simply divine, but the sight of you was too. Splayed out beneath him, prone and disheveled with the aftermath of orgasm after orgasm he had wrung from you.

His body caged over you, one arm supporting his weight while the other lightly traced the same markings he couldn’t touch on himself. Every caress of your back had you softening, somewhere half in sleep white his cock was still inside of you, even if unmoving.

Slowly, he closes the gap between your skin until he’s flush with you, and carefully ensuring not to crush you with his weight. Just enough to cover you and conceal what was his beneath him.

He slips in just a touch further, a little deeper, just until you squirm and threaten to wake. You take him so well and he just can’t resist, especially when he can hush you back to sleep with a sleepy kiss to your neck.

Snuggling further into him with a sleepy sigh is all the motivation he needs to sink deeper into the mattress, this time beside you, and join you in sleep. The shadows will hide you both together as you rest.

Alpharius/Omegon - XX (Names on wrist)

It hadn’t taken them all too long to cotton on to your gimmick.

As it turned out, there was a nifty little trick that allowed you to tell exactly which was which from the two of them. When interacting, the relevant name would softly glow on your wrist, cluing you in as the only person who could see it. 

It had become a riddle to them, trying to trick you and swap out mid conversation, sending sons trying to deceive you - anything and everything to no avail.

Until Omegon had you pinned beneath him, wrists engulfed by huge hands and mind completely blanked by the relentless pace at which he was fucking into you. And then you moaned his name into the mattress and everything stopped.

You whine confusedly, shifting your hips backwards to find stimulation that never comes.

“Oh little minx - you’ve just given up the game.”

You can’t tell who’s voice it is that whispers in your ear as the bodies encircling you seemingly duplicate. And so do the cocks.

Two completely identical, completely erect cocks now vying for your attention.

Yet your body responded. Loosening and tightening all at once, wetness dripping down your thighs and betraying you. From their twin smirks you knew they could tell, and of course they could. 

And just like the snakes they were, every advantage would be pressed.

“We’ll stop when you guess correctly,” they tease, wringing another orgasm from your tired and shaking body.

Each of them had taken a wrist to keep you pinned wide apart and guessing while they lavished you with endless attention and stimulation. You had no idea how they were doing it, how you hadn’t gotten it right even once in the hours they’d been fucking you for.

You should have known better than to think they’d be truthful even if you had.

Emperor  (Shared injury)

Many would have thought such a powerful man would take nothing but absolute dominance, especially in the bedroom. Perhaps that was how the universe had truly blessed you as soulmates, forcibly making you equal in that regard. Anything he does unto you will be done unto himself.

Instead - every touch between you is tender and burns with golden fire through your veins in a way that leaves your head spinning with pleasure. Every look he regards you with is reverent.

You’ve humbled him by a force beyond your means, beyond his means. 

It’s a humble man who does not hesitate to bow his head to meet your needs, with your legs hooked around his shoulders and back rested on the finest of silks.

He lets you buck and grind into him, it’s of no consequence what force you put in, only that your pleasure is met with exuberance. Every orgasm must be mindshattering, he demands nothing less of himself.

Perturabo

When Perturabo tells you to come to him it’s almost like an order. Somehow he had managed to track you down from the open sea to the shores and you’re likable enough for him to consider you as a partner. He would not risk fucking you in the open since your weak body would probably swallow too much water. You doubt his ability to thrust into you at first but he pins you down in the sand, tearing at your clothes, his massive cock rests on your stomach, making your jaw drop. By the smirk on his face, he will make you swallow your words.

Rogal Dorn

Sex on ice is tricky and outright impossible in the cold water but life finds a way and when summer comes Dorn has already worked out the logistics of mating with you. The pebbles of the stony beach dig into his back, the cool winds whip around you but it only adds to the sensation of you riding him, meeting his small thrusts halfway and allowing him to nibble on you. You notice the way he enjoys the sting and bite him, making him come within seconds, leaving you both panting with exertion. Oh it’s gonna be a long summer.

Konrad Curze

It all starts when you dare to lean over your boat and put a kiss on Konrads lips. For a moment he’s stunned and you’re ready to apologize before he leaps out of the water, pulling you into the water by the nape of your neck. For a moment you panic being in dangerous waters but all the fish had scattered away, leaving only him swinging to you. Your lips meet again, he draws blood and you have to readjust his hands on your body before breaks something. And slowly the terror of the night adjusts, grows softer while you peel away all his layers.

Sanguinius

Sanguinius is like a sweet fruit that lays in the in the shadow of a tree, relaxing, ready to be plucked and you can’t help but join him. You lazily make out as the minutes pass between you before he takes it a step further, pulling you under him, his teeth grazing your neck. You know he would never hurt you on purpose but the underlying danger in his claws, teeth and coiled muscles add to the allure of him and as soon as he tastes blood he falls into a frenzy, thrusting into you like a madman while his eyes become hazy. His love tastes like copper.

Roboute Guilliman

It’s been a while since you saw Roboute so lively, almost restless. It’s mesmerizing to watch his blue tail shine in the water as he swims around your boat. He impresses you, brings you a present and seals the deal with a hesitant kiss. While he’s unfamiliar with your body, he learns quickly, sucking on your nipples, pulling in his claws while he fingers you and finds the sweetest spot that makes you tense in his arms. A part of him knows that you two might be too different but he’s willing to try and learn how to love you.

Corvus Corax

It was normal that he gave you small trinkets when you were out on sea at night. Some of them were like amulets that were there to protect you, sometimes it was jewelry. This time it was a clam that he placed in your hands, waiting for either acceptance or rejection. Corvus will gladly be your oyster knife, pulling you at dusk into the water and keeping you till dawn. He fucks you softly by his standards, not biting you too hard and licks all the wounds before bringing you back to your boat, staying even when the sun blinds him.

Vulkan

The evenings suddenly grow longer the more he spends time with you and even if it’s wrong he can’t help but fall hard for you. Gives you a lot of kisses and the warmth of his body is a great contrast to the cool water. Vulkan is large and lets you take the lead, sitting on his tail and touching him however you want . The last thing he wants is to accidentally hurt you in such an intimate moment. He caresses you with his large hands, feeds you small pieces of fruit and encourages you with words to take him deeper till you both are in bliss.

Ferrus Manus

It’s only right for him to choose a strong partner for mating and when he comes up from the depths of the sea and who is better suited for him than the person who keeps surviving through hardships? It’s a straight forward proposition to mate with him and Ferrus has demonstrated already that he’s perfect partner for you. He supports you with his hands, helping you ride his massive cock and letting him fill you out completely while you throw your head back in ecstasy. It’s utterly perfect and Ferrus knows he had chosen right.

Leman Russ

Teases you the whole winter with only kisses and fleeting touches. If Leman could he would’ve already pulled you into the water for hours but sadly that would cut the fun short. Again when summer comes he already knows all the warm spots he can take you to and give you a good pounding. It’s in his instinct to mate and clearly he found the perfect partner in you. Days are spend simple, hunting together and you taking his cock till the season gets colder again and he returns you back to your home, satisfied and content.

Jaghatai Khan

It’s the kind of love that doesn’t have any roots. Jaghatai migrates with his sons a lot but every time he comes back he makes sure to visit you, not only to bring you gifts from around the world but also to spend time buried between your legs. Those moths are fleeting but passionate, meeting nearly every day at the beach, having him fuck you on all fours in the water or straddling him while his hands help you take his cock faster and faster till your hole clenches around him, till the sea calls for him again and he can’t resist it anymore.

Magnus

The forbidden fruit of knowledge is way too sweet to resist and Magnus is all yours. He observed the animals on land for decades and now he wants to feel it for himself what it’s like to be loved by someone other than a sea creature. He courts you for a long time and when you say yes to mate with him, he’s beaming with excitement. Suck him, ride him, tie him down against a shipwreck, he will endure whatever you give him even if he risks drying out on land. Slowly he starts to understand why people enjoy sex so much.

Mortarion

For many species the island that Mortarion inhabits is the perfect spot to find a mate and create new life. It bustles with life and even he isn’t indifferent to it since he had met you. It’s unexpected that you fall for him too, going into the water with him and letting him indulge in your delicious body, laying you down in the shallow end and pounding you into the sand. After being in toxic and radioactive waters for too long it’s a stretch to say that he will be able sire anything a fish can dream, right? After all there is still a chance it’s possible.

Angron

It takes a different kind of courage, bordering on foolishness to get into the water with such a beast. But the attraction is strong enough for you to risk it all, getting into the water and inviting him to take a bite. It’s a thrill seeing Angron’s red fin flash in the water before he grabs you, his claws sinking into your thighs and nearly drawing blood while he fucks into you from behind. It’s brutal, it’s bloody and you hold onto that fateful buoy for dear life but when he licks along your wounds you know you don’t want it any other way.

Horus Lupercal

The moment he saw you, Horus knew you would be his. But the way his rivals had been looking at you rubbed him the wrong way, making his claws itch. No wonder he fucks you like he’s possessed, leaving bite marks and bruises that would be visible for days and for everyone. He makes you moan, swearing that you would only be his till the end. It’s almost like a marriage vow. Resting his head on your chest while his cock is still half hard in you he feels at peace, knowing that no other merman would dare to touch what is his.

Lorgar Aurelian

How can you say no when he had already decorated a spot on the rocks of his shrine with shells, crystals and pretty stones, rolling out a rug that you had given him just to make it comfortable? Your joining isn’t just sex to him, it’s a collision of two worlds, when he has you on your back and worships you with his tongue between your legs and that’s just the beginning. Mating with him goes on for hours through different stages and rituals. That being said as soon as you joined there will be no one else for Lorgar but you for life.

Alpharius/Omegon

They take you at the same time, luring you into the water for a good time and oh boy it is when you feel two cocks stretching out your hole, taking turns thrusting into you like there is no tomorrow. Teeth graze your shoulders and neck, restless hands explore your body and hold you in place, making sure that nothing slips out of you as they come with a grunt. Of course the little threesome doesn’t need to end with the mating season, you can come to them any time. Maybe you will be up for a second round too.

Bonus!!!

Emperor of (Fish-) Mankind

Rejoice! You have been chosen by someone who is worshipped as a god on land. You should be proud as you are taken into the waters by gentle hands, that take off your ceremonial clothes. He comes alone to you without his golden warriors, taking you to safer shallows where you wouldn’t be interrupted, laying his body on the sand and making you ride his cock till you see stars. He already has twenty sons but with the way he pushes his release into you he might get one more or several quite soon.

Malcador

If you cannot handle Lion El'Jonson hiding on the information, even if it can put you in danger, then you do not deserve him building a system that will keep you safe, even if he is gone.

If you cannot handle Fulgrim asking for reassurance at every step of whatever project he is working on, then you do not deserve him creating a masterpiece that is yours and yours alone.

If you cannot handle Perturabo petty jabs, then you do not deserve him architecting a marvel for you. Present your projects to him.

If you cannot handle Jaghatai Khan being absent for months at a time, then you do not deserve him being glued to your side for the brief moments he is willing to stay in one place.

If you cannot handle Leman Russ drinking heavily, laughing too loudly, and never asking for permission before charging into danger, then you do not deserve the fierce, uncomplicated loyalty of a man who will stand between you and death without a second thought.

If you cannot handle Rogal Dorn criticism of the design you brought to him, then you are not worthy of him creating anything in your singular honor.

If you cannot handle Konrad Curze seeing through your self-deception and still staying long enough to understand you, then you do not deserve the strange, quiet comfort of being known by someone who understands fear, loneliness, and pain too well.

If you cannot handle Sanguinius loving you with full knowledge that everything he protects may still be lost, then you do not deserve the tenderness of someone who chooses to give warmth, even while carrying the certainty of tragedy.

If you cannot handle Ferrus Manus refusing to praise what is merely adequate, then you do not deserve him forging something for you that is built to endure what should have broken it.

If you cannot handle Angron constant rage and the fact that he may never fully learn how to be gentle, then you do not deserve the fierce, brutal loyalty that remains when every softer thing has died.

If you cannot handle Roboute Guilliman correcting every flaw in a plan you made, then you do not deserve him building order out of chaos so that what you love can actually survive.

If you cannot handle Mortarion casual bitterness, then you do not deserve the grim protection of someone who endures poison, plague, and despair just to see you smile at him.

If you cannot handle Magnus the Red knowing too much and reaching too far, then you do not deserve the wonder of someone who would tear open the veil just to give you truth, power, and understanding.

If you cannot handle Horus Lupercal wanting to be adored, then you do not deserve the warmth of being chosen by someone whose loyalty once made the galaxy feel smaller and safer.

If you cannot handle Lorgar Aurelian needing to find meaning in everything, then you do not deserve the devotion of someone who would turn faith itself into a sanctuary for your name.

If you cannot handle Vulkan sorrow and the weight of his compassion, then you do not deserve a gift made by hands that would rather break themselves than let you be harmed.

If you cannot handle Corvus Corax disappearing into silence without notice, then you do not deserve the protection of someone who will do the ugly work no one else can bear.

If you cannot handle Alpharius&Omegon making you question what is real, then you do not deserve the advantage of a plan so deep it protects you long before you even understand the threat.

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Hey! I now have more here! (and here)

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Lion El'Jonson

- "Father... to whom exactly should I get married?"

- the Emperor: "That's your problem"

- Lion: windows shutting down noises

- has literally never talked to anyone casually in his life

- asks Luther for advice

- Luther: "Maybe try... talking to people?"

- "I do talk to people. I give them orders and they follow them."

- "That's not the same"

- tries to approach this like a military operation

- makes a list of "acceptable candidates" based on strategic alliances

- realizes that's insane

- deletes the list

- starts over

- awkwardly attends social events in full armor

- stands in corners

- someone tries to talk to him and he accidentally challenges them to a duel

- "WAIT NO I DIDN'T MEAN"

- Luther has to rescue him

- eventually meets someone at a diplomatic function

- attempts to flirt

- it comes out as a tactical briefing

- "Your strategic value is... significant"

- somehow it works???

- they think his awkwardness is charming

- spends the entire courtship terrified he'll mess it up

- proposes with a full presentation including slides

- they say yes because he's trying so hard it's adorable

Fulgrim

- "Find someone? I must find perfection"

- sets impossible standards

- "They must be beautiful, cultured, artistic, intelligent-"

- Ferrus: "You're describing a museum"

- goes on 50 dates

- finds flaws in everyone

- "Their laugh was 2% off from ideal"

- has a crisis at month 6

- "What if perfection doesn't exist?!"

- Ferrus: "What if you're being ridiculous"

- finally meets someone who calls him out on his nonsense

- "You're being absolutely insufferable, you know that?"

- Fulgrim: shocked Pikachu face

- falls immediately

- "They're perfect because they're imperfect!"

- writes them poetry

- serenades them

- learns their favorite flower and fills their room with them

- proposes in the most elaborate way possible

- they laugh and say "finally, took you long enough"

- he's never been more in love

Perturabo

- "This is ridiculous"

- doesn't even try to look for anyone

- buries himself in work

- month 9: the Emperor asks about his progress

- Perturabo: "I've been... busy"

- panics

- tries to design an algorithm to find compatible matches

- the algorithm crashes

- takes it personally

- sulks

- accidentally meets someone at a building site

- they're an architect/engineer

- they start arguing about load-bearing walls

- argues for 3 hours

- realizes he's enjoying himself

- has a crisis about it

- avoids them for a week

- they show up at his workshop

- "Are you going to finish our argument or not?"

- he's in love but will never admit it

- they bond over criticizing bad architecture

- proposes by showing them his greatest design

- "I built this for you"

- they cry

- he stands there awkwardly

- "Is that... good crying?"

Jaghatai Khan

- "I'll find someone on the road!"

- rides off into the sunset

- the Emperor: "You have 11 months"

- Jaghatai: "PLENTY OF TIME"

- meets various people during his travels

- they're all great but not quite right

- month 10: still hasn't found anyone

- his brothers are worried

- he's not

- "The wind will guide me"

- meets someone in a small settlement

- they're racing their own bike

- "Want to race?"

- they win

- he's smitten

- "Marry me"

- "You don't even know my name"

- "I'll learn it on the way to the finish line"

- somehow this works

- they race across the plains together

- proposes while going 200 km/h

- "IS THAT A YES?"

- "CAN'T HEAR YOU, GO FASTER"

- it's perfect

Leman Russ

- "I need someone who can drink!"

- makes this his only criteria

- has drinking contests with potential partners

- this goes poorly

- his brothers intervene

- "Russ you can't choose a spouse based on alcohol tolerance"

- "WHY NOT"

- throws a giant feast to meet people

- gets distracted by the food

- forgets he's supposed to be looking for a spouse

- meets someone who beats him in an arm wrestling contest

- "MARRY ME"

- "You don't even know me"

- "I KNOW YOU'RE STRONG, THAT'S ENOUGH"

- they laugh at him

- he falls even harder

- follows them around like a puppy

- brings them gifts (mostly dead animals)

- they're bewildered but charmed

- he proposes during another feast

- very loudly

- in front of everyone

- they say yes because he's ridiculous but sincere

Rogal Dorn

- creates a questionnaire

- it's 40 pages long

- his brothers tell him this is insane

- "It's efficient"

- no one fills it out

- doesn't understand why

- tries speed dating

- treats it like job interviews

- "What are your qualifications?"

- "This is a date"

- "Yes. What are your qualifications for dating?"

- it goes terribly

- Sigismund suggests he try being less... formal

- "I don't understand"

- meets someone at a construction site

- they ask his opinion on the foundation

- he talks for 3 hours about structural integrity

- they actually listen

- he's confused

- they meet again

- and again

- he realizes he's been accidentally dating them for 4 months

- "We should formalize this arrangement"

- "Rogal... are you proposing?"

- "Yes. Is that acceptable?"

- they're laughing and crying

- "Yes, you beautiful awkward man"

Konrad Curze

- laughs maniacally

- "Who would want to marry me?"

- doesn't even try

- hides in the dark

- his brothers are concerned

- Sanguinius drags him to social events

- he traumatizes everyone by accident

- "I had a vision of your death, would you like to hear it?"

- "KONRAD NO"

- eventually meets someone who's not afraid of him

- "Your visions don't scare me"

- "They SHOULD"

- "But they don't"

- he's so confused

- they keep finding him in the darkness

- "Are you avoiding me?"

- "... yes"

- "Too bad"

- they refuse to leave

- he falls in love against his will

- has visions of a happy future

- doesn't trust them

- they prove him wrong

- proposes in the most ominous way possible

- "I've seen our future. Stay with me."

- they understand what he means

- "Yes"

Sanguinius

- everyone wants to marry him

- EVERYONE

- he's overwhelmed

- gets 10000 proposals in the first week

- has a crisis

- "How do I choose? What if I hurt someone's feelings?"

- is too nice to reject anyone directly

- his sons have to run interference

- hides in his chambers

- accidentally meets someone who doesn't know who he is

- they treat him like a normal person

- he's thrilled

- "You're not going to ask about my wings?"

- "Should I?"

- falls in love immediately

- courts them properly

- reveals who he is eventually

- "Oh. You're the Primarch. That's... okay I guess?"

- "Just okay??"

- "I liked you better when you were just the awkward guy at the café"

- he laughs so hard he cries

- proposes with tears in his eyes

- "Please let me be awkward with you forever"

Ferrus Manus

- "I'll just... build a partner?"

- Fulgrim: "THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS"

- is genuinely confused about how to meet people

- works in his forge 24/7

- his sons are worried

- makes practice rings

- 500 practice rings

- someone comes to commission a weapon

- they talk about metallurgy for hours

- Ferrus doesn't notice time passing

- they come back the next day

- and the next

- month 8: realizes he's been in love for months

- panics

- "What do I do"

- Fulgrim: "TELL THEM"

- awkwardly presents them with a perfectly forged ring

- "I made this for you"

- "Ferrus... is this?"

- "If you want it to be?"

- they tackle-hug him

- he's never been happier

Angron

- "No one will want me"

- is genuinely convinced of this

- doesn't try

- his brothers won't let him give up

- "You deserve love too"

- "No, I don't"

- gets dragged to social events

- stands in corners looking angry (he's scared)

- accidentally saves someone from danger

- they thank him

- he doesn't know how to respond

- they keep talking to him

- "Why aren't you afraid?"

- "Should I be?"

- "Everyone else is"

- "I'm not everyone else"

- he avoids them for weeks

- they hunt him down

- "Stop running from me"

- "I'm not running" (he is)

- they wear him down with persistence

- he falls in love but fights it

- they fight back

- proposes during an argument

- "FINE, marry me then if you're so determined to stay!"

- "Was that a proposal?"

- "... yes"

- "Then yes"

- he breaks down crying

Roboute Guilliman

- creates a comprehensive dating strategy

- it fails immediately

- recalculates

- fails again

- has a crisis

- "Why isn't this working?!"

- his sons: "Maybe try... not planning everything?"

- "That's irrational"

- meets someone who throws off all his calculations

- they're chaotic and spontaneous

- he's stressed

- he's also fascinated

- tries to predict their behavior

- fails every time

- it's exciting???

- has an existential crisis about enjoying unpredictability

- they laugh at his spreadsheets

- "You can't calculate love, Roboute"

- "I can try"

- "You'll fail"

- "I know" smiles

- proposes with a detailed plan

- they say yes but insist on changing half of it

- he lets them

- growth!

Mortarion

- "I'm not doing this"

- locks himself away

- his brothers stage an intervention

- "You have 3 months left"

- "Let me face the consequences then"

- gets dragged to events anyway

- makes everyone uncomfortable (he's trying but doesn't know how)

- meets someone in a garden

- they're studying poisonous plants

- "Those will kill you"

- "I know, that's why I'm studying them"

- actually has a conversation

- they meet again by accident

- and again

- he starts going to the garden on purpose

- they notice

- "Are you following me?"

- "... no" (yes)

- they smile

- "Good, I was hoping you would"

- he doesn't understand feelings

- they're patient

- proposes very awkwardly

- "You should... stay. With me. Forever."

- "Is that a proposal?"

- "If you want it to be"

- "Then yes"

Magnus the Red

- "I'll use sorcery to find my perfect match!"

- this backfires spectacularly

- summons the wrong person multiple times

- accidentally creates a minor warp incident

- the Emperor: "MAGNUS"

- "It was a small warp incident!"

- tries regular dating

- reads minds accidentally

- "You're thinking about..."

- "STOP READING MY MIND"

- "I can't help it!"

- gets banned from several venues

- meets someone who's psychically null

- can't read their mind at all

- it's fascinating

- "What are you thinking?"

- "You'll have to ask me like a normal person"

- falls in love with the mystery

- courts them with ancient poetry

- accidentally sets things on fire when nervous

- proposes surrounded by floating candles

- some of them are on fire

- "Is this... safe?"

- "Probably not, but is that a yes?"

- "You're ridiculous. Yes."

Horus Lupercal

- "I'll have no problem finding someone"

- has many problems

- everyone wants him for his status

- he wants someone genuine

- goes on many dates

- they're all superficial

- gets discouraged

- meets someone who doesn't know who he is

- they're not impressed by his rank

- "You're kind of full of yourself"

- he's shocked

- also intrigued

- pursues them

- they make him work for it

- he's never tried this hard for anything

- realizes he actually likes the challenge

- they call him out when he's being fake

- "I want the real you, not the Warmaster"

- he shows them

- they stay

- proposes without any of his usual charm

- just sincere and vulnerable

- "I love you. Please marry me."

- "There you are. Yes."

Lorgar Aurelian

- becomes obsessed with finding "the one"

- reads every religious text about soulmates

- prays for guidance

- has a vision (maybe???)

- follows the vision

- gets lost

- ends up in a random library

- meets a librarian

- talks about theology for 6 hours

- they debate scripture

- he's in love

- visits the library every day

- brings them books

- writes them poetry

- illuminates a whole manuscript for them

- they're overwhelmed but touched

- he proposes with a hand-written book

- "I've written our story, will you help me write the rest?"

- they're crying

- he's crying

- everyone's crying

- it's beautiful

Vulkan

- "I'll know them when I meet them!"

- is optimistic

- meets many people

- they're all wonderful

- but not quite right

- doesn't get discouraged

- keeps looking

- helps everyone he meets anyway

- meets someone at a forge

- they're teaching children metalwork

- his heart just... knows

- they work together

- laugh together

- he makes them little gifts

- they make him things too

- it's natural and easy

- proposes while forging together

- "Will you let me keep your fire burning forever?"

- they understand immediately

- "Yes"

- it's the sweetest thing

- everyone happy-cries at the wedding

Corvus Corax

- "I can't do this"

- hides

- really well

- his brothers can't find him

- month 11: the Emperor is looking for him

- gets found

- "You have 2 weeks"

- panics

- accidentally literally runs into someone

- they don't recognize him

- "Sorry!"

- they talk

- he doesn't have to perform

- keeps meeting them accidentally-on-purpose

- they figure out who he is

- "You're a Primarch??"

- "Please don't treat me differently"

- "... okay"

- they don't

- he's so relieved

- proposes in a shadowy corner

- very quietly

- "Would you... I mean... only if you want..."

- "Corvus. Yes."

- "I didn't finish..."

- "Don't care. Yes."

Alpharius and Omegon

- "We have a plan"

- the plan is chaos

- they both try to date separately

- keep running into each other's dates

- "What are YOU doing here?"

- "What are YOU doing here?"

- it's a mess

- eventually meet someone who figures out there's two of them

- "So which one of you am I dating?"

- "Yes"

- "That's not an answer"

- "It is for us"

- somehow they're okay with this

- the courtship is bizarre

- neither knows who's meeting them when

- proposes in stereo

- both at the same time

- "Will you marry us?"

- "Which one?"

- "Both"

- "This is insane"

- "Is that a yes?"

- "... yes"

- the wedding has two grooms

- or one groom twice

- nobody knows

The Emperor 11 months later:

"They all... actually did it?"

Malcador: "I'm as shocked as you are, my lord."

The Emperor: "I expected at least five of them to fail."

Malcador: "Curze almost did."

The Emperor: "But he didn't. They're all married now."

Malcador: "Yes. Should we tell them it was a test of their ability to adapt to impossible social situations?"

The Emperor: "Absolutely not. Let them be happy."

Meanwhile the Primarchs in group chat:

Guilliman: "Did anyone else feel like that was a test?"

Lion: "Obviously."

Horus: "We all passed though"

Fulgrim: "Some of us with more grace than others"

Perturabo: "Says the one who had a breakdown over hair"

Fulgrim: "IT WAS AN IMPORTANT BREAKDOWN"

Alpharius: "Bold of you to assume we got married"

Omegon: "Bold of you to assume we didn't"

Corvus: "I'm still not sure how this happened"

Vulkan: "Love, brother! :)"

Mortarion: "Ugh"

Angron: "Same"

Tumblr originally deleted what I wrote so I was like "fuck it" and made it much dumber than it originally was! Although I hope it's still enjoyable! <3