I will not be silenced

A perfect breakdown of the process of realizing enablers are part of the abuse.

In the book, Anathema’s inner thoughts show that she doesn’t even find him remotely attractive when they meet for the first time, but she just literally shrugs it off and fucks him anyway because that’s what the prophecies say and so that’s what she must do. It never even occurs to her not to do it, because her entire life has been shaped by the prophecies.

If the prophecies say she has to do something, she does it. If the prophecies do not say anything, she focuses all her attention on studying them anyway just in case. She is utterly and completely dependant on them.

And then she finds Newt. A guy who, in the book, is described as not opposed to believing in God, per se, but unwilling to commit before first having a chat with Him. The guy whose entire existence is the embodiment of the cog in the machine.

She starts growing fond of him for real when he shows himself to be supportive, encouraging, and 100% has her back even when it could fuck him over. In the epilogue, he has fallen hard for Anathema, and she is going to marry him because she thinks the prophecies want her to. But, knowing full well it could sink the relationship (the only one he has ever had), he asks her the question nobody else has ever asked her in her entire life. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Newton was the very first choice Anathema made for herself in her entire life. In that moment, in that place, for the first time ever, she trusted herself with the unknown and took a chance.

I understand the distaste for the “boy and girl fall in love at first sight” trope, as it so often goes hand-in-hand with compulsory heterosexuality. Two people of the same sex have fantastic chemistry and shared backstory, but then they end up married to some person of the opposite sex they made eye contact with once.

Anathema and Newt are both descendants of people who literally killed eachother, and Newton was very concerned about Anathema’s blind following of the prophecies and ended up helping her make the decision to break free from her pre-defined role. Meanwhile, she is the absolute unbreakable strenght that this spineless guy has always needed to FIND his own role.

Madam Tracy and Shadwell? She’s everything he’s defined his life around, even though not in the way he thought it would turn out. But she’s always been probably the only person who could stand him, and while he’s been going through the words and the movements of “go away sworn ennemy” for years, he did always eat her meals and also was ride or die to protect her when he thought there was a dude in her appartment. I mean, he’s a creep and my less favourite character, but the intention of the “ennemies who end up being the only person for eachother” thing comes out loud and clear through them too.

Yes, the serie spends a lot more time around Aziraphale and Crowley (the OG slowburn), but the very same themes of their romance can be found resonating through the entire show and all the characters. 

I’m so confused.

Is this not what a genuine apology is?

Now I’m worried I’ve been apologizing wrongly to everyone. How do I tell them I’m sorry my actions hurt them, as in I’m sorry for my actions, and sorry that the other person is having these emotions because of me, if sounding like this is gaslighting?

“Just know it was never my intention to hurt you and that I love you” Not addressing the problem or the pain, making it about yourself and how it was an accident, not addressing the other person

“I’m sorry that I hurt you” is a good start, along with perhaps

“I know that I shouldn’t have treated you like that”

“If there’s any way I can make this up to you please don’t hesitate to let me know”

A good formula is

“I’m sorry for _____”

“It was wrong because” or “I was wrong because” (“i was in the wrong, I shouldn’t have treated you like that” or “I’m at fault here, I shouldn’t have yelled at you”)

“Next time I’ll _____” (“consider your feelings first”/“manage my anger in a way that isn’t taking it out on you”)

“Can you forgive me?”

Kids are never lost causes. Adults who say that are just too lazy or cold hearted to give a kid what it needs. My mother used to like to tell me that I was a lost cause. Specifically she would say, “I thought love could overcome anything, but I learned from you that I was wrong.” She would say this in response to me being not being the type of person she wanted me to be. If she wanted me to be a certain way and I wouldn’t be, she would say I would never let her love me. Of course, that doesn’t make any sense at all. Trying to make someone be something you want has nothing to do with love. She was constantly claiming that she was trying to love me and I just wouldn’t accept it.

Here’s the thing. She never tried. She abused me. She controlled me. She hit me. She swore at me. She blamed me for things I didn’t do. She told me I was lying when I was telling the truth. She told other people I was a bad kid. She yelled at me. She called me fat. She completely ignored me when I was doing everything right. She lied to me. She belittled me. She derided me. She chastised me. She scolded me. She did all these things and more, but love me? She never did that. Not one time during my entire life did she ever tell me she was proud of something I did. What kind of mother fails to be proud of their child?

And then 40 years later, Andrew Lloyd Webber found a lost cat poem that T.S. Eliot had cut from the cat book for being too sad for children, and ALW was like "woahhh. A cat....that's sad. That's deep, man. I wanna make a musical out of this"

So the producer assigned to the project was like "okay, I guess you could maybe read these cat poems as a satire of 1930s British society? We could probably do something sort of interesting with that, I'm thinking a cast of about 5 and--"

And ALW was like "no. Forget the satire. Also I want a cast of dozens and the most advanced special effects technology ever seen on stage. I've taken out a second mortgage on my house to fund this"

And the producer was like "wh-- you-- wh-- do you even have. a plot"

So ALW got a bunch of actors and writers and artists together and they holed up and did cocaine workshopped for 5 weeks, and at the end of it they emerged and said "the plot is that a bunch of cats are having a dance contest for the right to take a ufo to cat heaven :)"

Macbeth is absolutely willing to fucking throw down for Lady Macbeth. Has already threatened a wall, a desk, a few students, a textbook that was neither his nor Lady Macbeth’s, and me

Lady Macbeth is enjoying the attention and has begun to use this new connection to his advantage. I’m starting to suspect he’s read ahead in the play.

Macbeth is going to end up living in detention at this rate.

Macbeth has no idea that he is the tragedy of the story. Claims to be the hero of the play, fails to see the irony in this

Macbeth slowly scooted his desk across the classroom to hold hands with Lady Macbeth. He was not subtle.

Macbeth has proposed on several occasions. Lady Macbeth just laughs and says they’re already married.

Macbeth’s girlfriend is in the class with them and is “totally not jealous or anything just thinks this whole fucking play is a waste of time”

Lady Macbeth should probably be a theatre major at some point, he fucking rocked Act V scene I

me: huh?

brain: that was a dude from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, remember?

me: yeah, what about it?