Yodeling Gently at the Stars

I’m never making another text post again

Gentle reminder not to eat too much candy before bed.

no

This was a gentle reminder, yet your words of defiance brings me ungodly amounts of rage

word*

I want nothing more than to uppercut you directly to heaven’s front door.

every time i fuck up plugging in the USB to charge my iphone and scratch it against the underside of the phone i think about that scene at the start of sherlock where sherlock assumes that john watson’s sister is an alcoholic because of the scratches around the charging port of the iphone she gave to him as a gift and i think to myself “man sherlock is a fucking idiot”

my sibling’s desire to repeat jokes they heard on tumblr in the company of normal people and my mother’s hypersensitive militant veganism clash so often in the funniest ways

john mulaney’s self-awareness is …just …..way too much like that saltine joke? the joke that he looks like he’s just been sitting backstage eating saltines for 28 years? that’s…terrifyingly accurate…how does he know himself that well…i….i just. hm. WHAT what mainframe did he hack

me rollerblading into my therapist’s office this week with sunglasses and a piña colada: maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,

why did heelys die why were we so afraid of progress

They got banned literally everywhere heelys didn’t die they were killed by the government

this is gay culture

this reads like a lost shakespeare play 

I feel like the way people draw themselves says a lot about them.

where is that cat with the kind and reassuring face

thank you…..

i really want to make music but i can’t sing :( or rap

I’m beatboxing right now drop a freestyle

that was…surreal.

you guys think peach gives mario’s nose a lil’ sucky sucky? a lil’ slllurrpy slurp?

my mom did that to me and my siblings as we grew up, and i always hated it

huh?

need me one like that 😤👅👅

The immortals are getting bold.

One of those is… Weird Al…

Weird Al has barely aged since the 90s, why is anyone surprised he’s immortal