chronic headaches suck

Screenshot via Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net on bluesky

Tldr Amnesty International, global human rights organisation, published a report called 'A growing threat: the anti-rights movement in the UK'. In it is detailed, amongst others, a whole bunch of transphobic groups and organisations, including Beira's Place, JK Rowling's trans exclusionary sexual violence support service. JK Rowling threw a shit fit and got Amnesty to take the report down by threatening libel. This was obviously not enough, because you can't appease a fascist, so now she's going to bankroll a bunch of lawsuits anyway through the JK Rowling Women's Fund.*

You can read an archived version of the report here, please save it and share it.

We need to start commenting under other people's posts about how to properly warn for flashing lights and eyestrain. We need to be emailing and calling companies about their possibly triggering advertisements that could induce seizures. We need to stop tolerating ableism and start speaking up for the more vulnerable.

Also, stop putting epilepsy warnings. That's like saying "warning: schizophrenia" on a post including unreality or "warning: dyslexia" on a post with a typing quirk. First off, the disability mentioned isn't the only group of people that this could trigger. Second, it doesn't truly get the message across and instead makes it worse for those with the disability-- scrolling through the epilepsy tag on Tumblr should get you to view the content of other epileptic people, but no, you just get a bunch of flashing lights and eyestrain, even though you could instead tag for, oh I dunno, flashing lights and eyestrain.

whatever we do, we can't win. we can't be seen as actually nonbinary. people binarize us and often mock us or get aggressive or dismiss and ignore our nonbinaryhood or something else.

if we don't medically transition, we are "just cis trenders."

if we do medically transition, we are "just [binary trans] eggs."

we are "technically transmasc or transfem anyways" if we don't use these terms.

we are lumped together with binary trans men and trans women if we do use these terms. our nonbinaryhood is ignored or seen as some kind of "gender-lite."

we are aggressively pressured to disclose if we're AFAB or AMAB, TMA or TME, transmasc or transfem, "boy nonbinary" or "girl nonbinary." and if we refuse to answer, people get double mad at us and pick something for us anyways.

if we show the slightest hint of something that could be interpreted as binary gendered, we are immediately binarised.

if we put a lot of effort into looking the most ambiguous or androgynous or neutral, people still try to find something. and they become aggressive. people often EXPLODE [PT: explode] when they can't gender someone by glance.

our ways of expression are constantly mocked and ignored (like neopronouns, nonbinary-centering labels for gender and orientation, basically all things that are associated with nonbinary people).

but if we choose more typical ways of expression (for example, use "he/him" or "she/her" pronouns), people use it to ignore and dismiss our nonbinaryhood.

1. They don’t seem really uncomfortable with being referred to as a boy or assuming that role and they’re not insecure about it either.

2. Ralsei seems to enjoy changing shape? Whether it’s being a plush or a horse they kinda seem to like it? Makes me think that they might have a similar relation to their gender identity where they could like being prince to princess to monarch(I couldn’t find a better word) interchangeably.

3. "I suppose the only difference is how you present yourself" no matter the role Ralsei assumes they still feel like Ralsei

4. Genderfluid. Darkness is associated with water. Ralsei is a darkner. PUN PUN WINK WINK

The fact that nobody is even willing to entertain the idea that Ralsei might be nonbinary, when most of their dialogue suggests that a hell of a lot more than it does them being a binary woman or a binary man. I'm putting the Ralsei gender debate on the high shelf until y'all remember nonbinary people and genderfluid people fucking exist.

You only care about trans themes when it's through the lens of binary trans people, mainly binary trans women, and it fucking shows. If you wanna tell me Ralsei is a binary trans woman, you can, but first you have to first write me a full five paragraph essay, I'm talking intro, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion, about Kris's transness and how it affects their story and its themes, without once calling them "transfem" or "transmasc" and I am so fucking serious.

This is true in the sense 90% of people attempting it have absolutely no business doing it, and end up acting in a way more consistent with the logic of the abuser than anything actually helpful.

Most people's instinctive knee jerk reactions to these situations actually just make shit worse. And people don't take the potential damage seriously enough when encouraging each other to take on this role.

Acting like you know someone's identity better than they do, their words can't be trusted, and they can't make their own decisions because they're doing it wrong - This is operating from the logic of the abuser. I don't care if you think you're right. If you think you've seen the same situation a million times. If you think you do know better and they would be happier listening to you. You are not helping, this is not how effectively helping people works.

You ALWAYS have to keep this in mind and make a concerted effort to act in ways consistent with logic that oposes abuse. This means: 1. Remembering and reinforcing autonomy 2. genuinely listening in an open, curious, compassionate manner 3. Treating them as someone who deserves to make their own decisions, and can be trusted to choose what's best, because they are the expert in their individual circumstances.

1. see this so many times, a lower support needs autistic / adhd person who expected live normal among Ableds talk about struggle w day to day n be so exhausted every day n so many (so many!!!!) similar lower support needs autistic / adhd ppl in notes n comments etc talk abt be similar & feel so broken n failure n alone etc bc no one talk abt it. honestly so heartbreaking n frustrating for me knowing it common LrSN experience

it so common!! so many people struggle with it! but despite be so common, ppl not really talk about it abled ppl don’t n many LrSN ppl also don’t bc embarrassed / don’t know to / been shut down n shamed before / don’t realize not everyone like this. no one know how common of experience it be. despite be so common no one rly have good easily accessible solution to it

2.

n bc am higher support needs person n this be higher support needs blog inevitably going talk about how this impact higher support needs people bc it absolutely does

bc ppl not talk abt this experience n so not realize how common this be among LrSN ppl, AND ppl talk even less abt more severely disabled people & ppl w mid n high support needs, the General Nondisabled World (which many LrSN ppl made to exist in) kick us to our own separate lil contained hidden place to point no one realize we exist or should be put in your world view. so some LrSN (autistic/adhd) ppl inevitably think they higher support needs than they actually be

ppl see struggle w these things n auto label it / themselves who struggle / other ppl as mid or often even high support needs,

bc compare to General Nondisabled World it feel very big n the distress feel very big n the struggle feel very big n it is (!), it be higher than what General Nondisabled World demand them to be. but bc that General Nondisabled World on purpose hide the rest of us who cannot even pretend to blend into n fake it until we make it there no comparison to the whole disability spectrum.

so us mid & high support needs ppl get pushed out even further, where words for us no longer recognizable for us, we forgotten even further.

try seek community using our own terms n words n experiences n descriptions n quick shorthands bc don’t want to / too invasive to / too long to / shouldn’t have to list out every single thing we need support on n be essentially told hi now you too much too high too difficult for even high support needs

low support need get push to mid support needs, mid support needs to adapt get push to high support needs, n high support needs people left no where to go once again

it not about compare to nondisabled ppl bc to them we all too much. it about overall disabled people

n it not just abt you yourself. it about wider it about all

have heard many low support needs ppl come to me n say they been listening to me & other ppl w high support needs & advocating with us centering us in their advocacy n believe we deserve support n through that. they recognize & get more okay n comfy with admit & accommodate their own support needs n deserve support too

support the most marginalized n entire community will feel good effect it trickle up

so

tldr like

low support needs not mean no support needs, unfortunately low support needs not mean no struggle it can often mean immense struggle just like mid n high support needs ppl. struggle with clean house laundry cooking shopping n forget to eat until suddenly it end of day n can’t keep job n constant in burn out all the time n severe depression anxiety ocd etc all be really really common lower support needs autistic / adhd experience in current world unfortunately n deserve more recognition n support n be talk abt more than it be getting right now but it cant just be solely from high support needs people.

… while yes, men including autistic men should not weaponize incompetence to force women do chores

but this be be such? bizzare strawman tangent? to add onto my post? that talk nothing of gender (bc it apply to all genders) or even mention word weaponized incompetence?

***do you know what HSN / high support needs mean? do you know what weaponized incompetence mean? do you know what chores mean?***

which to help:

weaponized incompetence talk about manipulation tactic where someone on purpose (!!) pretend (!!) not be able do something they actually can (!!!) do! it describe person weaponizing their position of power in relationship!

& chores mean household chores mean things that maintain house, for example cleaning furniture & clean up & laundry & load unload dishwasher etc - AKA instrumental activities of daily living (iADL)

& high support needs autistic people (of all genders)… generally be people with significant social communication struggles, repetitive restrictive activities & sensory struggles, & adaptive functioning struggles, which mean they need 24/7 supervision & hands on help on most if not all basic ADLs & iADLs - among other things that be long list & different for everyone & have explained many times before by me n other HSN & non HSN autistic people & sat a hour here trying phrase things but not have language explain it right now. if you not know what typical high support needs person can be like maybe should start there instead.

so having said that.

fail to imagine widespread phenomena where HSN autistic man (population who typically be working on basic social, communication, adaptive, & living skills etc like basic ADLs & how to communicate basic needs to get them met), be skilled enough at “chores,” n date (be in romantic relationship with) woman (who presumably not HSN considering it implied she able do these chores), (or be family members with women), n have the **power** in relationship to weaponize n to pretend to not able do what colloquially call “chores” when he actually have ability do so, n to make women do that for him

like we know not being able do something is not weaponized incompetence right?

but not just imagine hypothetical, but actually see & hear about & personally live in (!!) reality otherwise around, an actual widespread ableist phenomena, where people (of all gender) around HSN autistic people (of all gender) actually be PRESUMED incompetent, not believed be able do or learn things, not allowed do things, not give opportunities to do things, to point we seen as forever children who need protecting and/or demonized as aggressive danger n locked away (esp if we talking about HSN autistic people of color, n HSN autistic Black men esp come to mind), to point “presume competence” be one of major slogan in HSN & nonverbal nonspeaking AAC user advocacy.

or other REAL reality of how so many HSN autistic people (including men) actually not have our needs met, instead of opposite!! be locked away be ignored be left in neglect & abuse by people all around us, from family members to professional carers to educators to medical professionals to policy makers to… so many others, who all hold extreme power over us, including our literal life. we be left at whim & charity of everyone around us, depend on others & their mood & availability & niceness & grace & professionalism to stay literal alive. if we not get basic of basic support we need many of us just die!

who weaponizing whose incompetence here?

while yes HSN autistic men do benefit from male privilege n this show up in how they fare compare to other HSN autistic people of other genders in e.g diagnosis rate, how we treated n seen by others, healthcare, influence by other factors like race, n that be whole other VERY nuanced conversation that need lots care n not simple straightforward arrow, but like. this be wild overestimation of what power they have on interpersonal level. & let not forget intersectionality!

why this the **first & only** thing that you have to say when mere “high support needs” be put into conversation?

i haven't seen anything about this on my dashboard, so i wanted to share. ICE gestapo killed another human being on tuesday. he leaves behind three sons and his wife, who he has spent the last 35 years building a life with

there is a gofundme supported by the league of united latin american citizens set up to help with funeral costs, legal fees, and supporting his family moving forward.

And this was meant to be a BAD thing. A problem. But if you actually believed that a massive population of low-literacy adults were buying books, becoming obsessed with them, and discussing them at length… wouldn’t that be a great thing? That’s how one moves from low literacy to high literacy: by practicing reading