Incredibly proud of my average penis

and i need to show you all some of these because ?????

Experiences that seems to not be common with other trans women here. If I was so comfortable and fine being a guy, why did I transition a decade later?

Clearly something changed from that teenage boy blissfully happy and unaware about confusing concepts like gender identify. I'm almost 34 nearing my 4 year HRT start date. What happened?

To understand this I need to talk about the messy 20's. All the initial gender nonconformity which led to the eventual thought that I should actually transition.

The first real thing was just going off to college and broadening my worldview beyond the Christian upbringing, oh yeah I grew up Christian. Simply put, I had more freedom and got exposed to more people, ideas, ect. The usual shit when you become an adult.

Though this was all still before the concept of being a trans woman was really in the culture zeitgeist. That wasn't really a thought on the table for me. I either lived in Oklahoma or Texas and most of that was with my Christian family. Even if I did know I wanted to transition I really couldn't.

This was when I started actually picking girls in video games. As a teenager I always played boys, but around when Dark Souls 2 was out I stopped doing that. You know I wore the black witch set all the time.

I would pick Rosalina or inkling when playing games at my friends place. I do wonder if they thought anything at me only picking women characters during this time? Certainly nothing negative, I doubt my transition would be much a surprise to them (and I know my best friend from then supports me now).

I was also a brony. So you know, what a surprise. A trans woman who was a brony in 2013, who could have ever guessed.

Lauren Faust has likely unintentionally cracked more eggs then anyone else alive.

I started crossdressing secretly late at night. Shouts out to my cis woman friend at the time. She helped me get my first clothes, super supportive. Not only did she give me her old clothes (even if some didn't fit well) She also went shopping with me!

If you're wondering how we shopped, we went together and I was her tag along fake boyfriend. She bought clothes that were totally for her and not at all secretly mine.

Now I'm a woman of high class, I'm not someone who will settle for the mere basic Amazon skirt. When I went shopping with her I only picked the finest of first feminine clothes.

I bought a Hot Topic mini skit... It was my first skirt. It was over 30 fucking dollars in 2017 or something. Far to overpriced for what it was and I really wish I did buy some cheap Amazon skirt and saved some money.

Seriously get whatever feminine clothes you can get however you can get them.

So how did all this happen? What actually made me decide to get into crossdressing and being more feminine, even if it was still hidden away from most? Did I just decide one day to wear a skirt at night from nowhere?

I'll get to that in my next post.

No seriously, see there's all sorts of messy kinky fetishy weird things that can act as a gateway drug to eventually transitioning. Which does in fact include the crazy, chick with a dick, hyper sexual porn from that silly island country.

At no point do I think I directly thought, yes I want to look like that, but the fantasy was there. Hentai like Bible Black was doing things to my subconscious I wasn't even aware of during my teenage years.

While it may be a bit fucked, this extremely unrealistic and sexualized depiction of trans women is the first real exposure for many. The desire to become the fantasy of the futa has led people to transition. Even if it took a while like in my case (and ironically now i do want bottom surgery so I'm kind of fucking up the whole futa fantasy anyways, oops)

Once I joined FetLife and just sort of got introduced to the wider kinky world, I naturally drifted towards all the icky things we don't like to talk about. I was very much a kinky crossdresser who consumed all the porn and fantasies that those kinds of people engage in.

Yes that includes traps, sissy stuff, hypno shit, futa, crossdressing. I liked it. It made me feel attractive, and that is the real core of why I was really drawn to all this stuff in the first place.

I would do video calls with men and be a cute little subby crossdressing guy. I'm sure people reading this think that's fucked I had to do that, but the only fucked thing about it was that I didn't charge for it.

I didn't feel attractive in my teenage years. The hyper sexualized world of crossdressing and my genuine slutty era changed that.

This leads to the identify that's like a curse to some on here. The word that some consider a slur even (though I honestly don't get that still personally) An identity that has received a lot of hate from what I've read from other trans women on here.

The femboy.

Of course I was a femboy during this time! It was the most appealing option because it was fucking easy!

Seriously, here's the not so secret ingredients to being a cute femboy.

Be white, skinny, and hairless. That's it. That is the idealized person in this world and I was all 3.

On top of that I'm part Japanese, like no shit I got into things like crosssdressing and femboy culture. I was perfect for it. It fed into my deep desire to well, be desired.

I remember when a certain youtuber I followed posted a edited Twitch stream to his channel where he had a webcam. What do you mean the guy who made the fucking Giant Dad Dark Souls video is a cute hot femboy!!?? I wanna look like that! Seeing his cosplay crossdressing Instagram photos gave me extreme gender envy.

I wanted that cute femboy look and I somewhat had it in private. Though with far less cute or fitting clothes then I own now.

All of this puts me in such a weird spot in this community. It's important to understand that no, I didn't always know I was trans or had a deep longing to be a woman. I was happy doing this as a kink thing in private and didn't see a reason to really change that.

The seeds that planted the idea that I should start hormones, began with futa porn and the like. I felt at home with weird lonely guys who loved to wear panties and skirts in secret.

I think that's why I do get uncomfortable when I see people criticize them so much. Like sure, if people are acting shitty call them out on it, but the idea of the femboy. The guy who crossdresses to feel cute, is fine.

You would think I would give some deep message to all femboys to transition, but I just wanna pick them up and rub their cheeks and let them know things will be ok.

I don't really think I made the "right" choice and femboy's who are content being just that are making the "wrong" choice. Transitioning isn't really a issue of morality for me. It's a journey that you go on and where you end up is entirely your choice and yours alone.

If people don't like what you chose then they can just cry about it I guess.

Because I did change. Reminder that yes, I am a trans woman now. That didn't happen because I felt that I was wrong for how I felt as a feminine guy. That I was being a problematic guy or whatever.

I transitioned because my first few encounters with trans women in my life where genuinely pleasant.

Truthfully, if I had a Tumblr during this time and saw some of the negativity and straight up hate for who I was then, I'm not entirely sure if I would have really considered becoming a girl.

Thankfully I didn't see any of that. I was able to process things in my own time and expand my gender exploration.

Eventually I played around with the idea of being genderfluid. Clearly the feminine aesthetic was appealing to me. Could I be a girl? I don't mind being a boy? Am I sometimes a boy and sometimes a girl?

I began to test the grounds on she her pronouns and all that early baby trans stuff.

All of this happened around the time the concept of a trans woman was more a central force in my life. I've identified 4 instances, encounters, whatever you want to call them, that led to me actually transitioning.

i was incredibly dysphoric about my round face and softer features until i started looking at the faces of hispanic men and realized that those features weren’t feminine at all, they were ethnic features white supremacy had conditioned me to see as less masculine

(Tabz)

Israel is funding a $46.5 million campaign, led by former Trump campaign manager Brad Parscale, to influence how AI chatbots discuss Israel by publishing hundreds of pro-Israel articles across a network of websites designed largely for AI systems, not human readers, according to Drop Site News.