in your orbit, bitch

by his brother

you look like if hepatitis was a person

you look like a carpet fucked a nerd

by the internet

looks like what you'd find if you googled "pictures of a normal man"

Lady asked where we keep our valuable items and when I pointed at the glass shelves of assorted Xbox 1’s and old Apple watches she got mad because she thought we would have “discounted Gucci”

Coworker came out today and changed their name and my manager tried to page them to the front by their dead name, paused for two seconds, said “cancel [deadname]” and then called them up by their actual name. All seven gay employees including me cried so she panicked and bought us cookies from the vending machine

A guy legit proposed to his girlfriend in the store and my manager gave them half off the wedding dress they bought ten minutes later.

A guy came in absolutely zooted, asked if our floor supervisor was Bob Ross (tbf, Albert does kinda look like Bob Ross), cried over a little cow statue, and left

The coworker who came out asked the only cishet guy who works here to welcome them to the skater boys. He went over the store wide speaker and said “Sodern is a part of the skater boys. Everyone clap” it was followed by a good twenty seconds of confused clapping from customers.

Some guy told me I have “exotic eyes” (they’re blue), and I, apparently too tired to remember what customer service is or think about what I was saying, responded “thanks it’s the incest”

Someone called the fire department because they saw someone vaping. The fire department was very nice and all bought matching t-shirts on their way out.

Our speaker is apparently connected to Bluetooth.