killerwhale

Don’t make me get my strap-on.

(x) Look how pretty! Golden curls, blue eyes, DIMPLES, OOF!

I mean, he got called a little boy doll on the 2015 Tonight Show Superlatives. You have to be a certain kind of pretty for that.

(who approved this statement tho 😭) 

Kaner decked out in pink:

He’s a bad bitch and he knows it (x)

(x) Look at those teary, blue eyes 🥺 Y’all know he got the boys wrapped around his finger. He has a twenty-four hour resting bitch devastation face. Also, he cries so easily and isn’t afraid to admit it, I love that about him.

Um, drunk Pat shaking his ass in front of the people of Chicago while being recorded on national television. The people love it, he loves it, what a tease.

Okay, moving onto a moment that takes second place: Kaner being an absolute pushover, especially when it comes to Jonny.

“Kaner, get the soda.” Damn 😳

(x)

(x) That’s a whole ass order which Kaner wordlessly complies. (The way Jonny stares at Kaner so intensely the whole time whew 🥵).

(Mhmm, okay, Havlat, I see you 👀)

And when 1988 went to pitch at a Cub’s game back in 2010, Jonny was pushing Kaner around, and Kaner was just giggling to whatever Jonny said.

Also, have y’all noticed that Kaner usually avoids eye-contact, while Jonny likes to gaze deep into your soul. As someone said before,

#why is this always their dynamic??!!#jonny trying to get kaner to look him in the eyes#and kaner always looks right as jonny is leaving#what even is that?!

(x)

This happens a lot when Jonny chirps Kaner; he looks right at him while Kaner refuses to make eye-contact. When Jonny was asked to access Kaner’s mullet, Kaner looked ahead the whole time as Jonny and Sharpy looked him over, and even when Jonny ribbed him saying, “he can walk around looking like an idiot, that’s fine, do your thing.” LMAO Jonny 😂

Similarly, when Kaner and Panarin had a stare-off during their celly, Kaner looked away first. (x)

In the words of Nick Kypreos, “First of all, it’s a stare-off and you flinched first. You’re the one with the Conn Symthe, Cups, and the top 100, you can’t flinch first.”

(x)

We believe you, Kaner 🤥

Moving onto moments that truly define Kaner’s twinkiness and preferences:

“He [Shea Weber] was just a bear to go against. He’s so strong, he’s so big. If you ever gotten into a corner with him, there was no way you were coming out with the puck. Or if you do, you’re gonna take some pretty big punishment to make that happen...He’s just so, like, physically punishing.” Okay, Kaner 😳

Bless them for sending Kaner out on ice next to the big guys who had their skates on, lol. Serves him right for being a twinky little boy. And of course they put him next to Shea Weber 👀

(x) OMG he’s so tiny.

Here’s more tiny Kaner without skates on, this time next to his boy Jonny 🥰 (x)

How tall is Patrick according to Jonathan?

(x) He’s tiny af, Jonny agrees (and so does Patrick.) From Kaner’s smile, you can tell he already knew what Jonny was gonna say. Also, Kaner’s a pretty boy, he stunnin’ ✨

Don’t get me started on when Kaner came about describing Auston Matthews. I think anon says it best: “There's this mini movie called I Am Auston Matthews and there's a bit where they interviewed other players. And Patrick says something along these lines 'he's [Matthews] a man. He's so big. I don't think you realise it'. It's just the twinkiest thing ever...It’s truly better than I remembered. Everyone’s talking about his game and Pat’s in a league of his own.”