xofern’s sideblog 🖤

“Coming!” He whined, dragging behind him the black bag, helmet already hanging off of his head. “Am I going to get to meet the Weafs today?”

It was impossible to stay aggravated at him for long, and his excitement over hockey could always melt your heart. He was only four.

“Mhm, there will be some players there today,” you reassured him, putting the bag over your shoulder. 

“Who will be there?”

“I don’t know, baby. I’m sorry. You’ll find out when you get there, okay? Come on.”

Tegan shuffled past, looking up at you with eager anticipation hoping you’d reassure him that one of his favourite players would be in attendance. However, you didn’t want to give him false hope, as you also didn’t know who was going to be there either. It would be a surprise to the both of you.

“Will Auston be there?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart. The quicker we get there, the quicker you’ll find out, okay?”

Tegan huffed, waddling dramatically beside you, upset that you didn’t know the answer to his question. He got his pouting skill from you, something you hoped he’d grow out of sooner rather than later. Regardless, you’d smile outside of his view until you reached the door to your connecting garage. 

“It’s storming and windy outside. We need to put your coat on, okay?”

Tegan’s nose scrunched, “I’m not cold.”

“You will be if you get wet. C’mon, just put on your coat and we’ll head into the city so you can skate.”

“I don’t wanna wear it!”

You arched an eyebrow after he stomped his foot; arms crossed like any stereotypical bratty child. The reserves of your patience were nearing empty but you should have seen this coming, and now you had to deal with the consequences of not leaving the house earlier. 

“Tegan, please. You’re not going outside without your coat.”

“No!”

You sighed deeply, losing count of how many that had been in the last five minutes. “Coat, now, or we’re not going.”

Instantly, he broke out into tears; cheeks flushed red as he gasped for air for another long wail after another. For a minute, you let him get the emotions out but it continued far longer than you had hoped. With little time left to waste, you handed him his coat, pulled from the hook by the door and just waited. To your surprise, Tegan tugged the puffy outer layer over his warmup suit, sniffling as he did so; helmet still wobbling with each bitter movement.  

Without another word between the both of you, you helped him into his car seat but he refused to look at you. It had hurt your feelings that he was mad at you, and you couldn’t blame him for not understanding the importance of needing a coat in this weather. Once in the driver seat, you’d peek at him in the rearview mirror, but his eyes were sharply turned towards the window with tear streaks glistening down his cheeks as you backed out of the garage. 

The drive into the city was quiet despite you trying to ask him questions to get Tegan to talk, but he remained steadfast in his sour attitude. Stopped at a stop light, your mind wandered through options of if you had made the right call forcing him to wear the coat instead of just the track suit. No matter how you tried to find a less-than-confrontational situation, it all came back to the same conclusion: he needed the coat. 

Tegan was forced to wait for you to open the door (thanks to the child lock) and get his gear from the trunk. His helmet was now dangling from his little fist that had a death grip on the chin strap. The wind was ripping through the parking garage, and to your surprise, Tegan was clinging to your leg and hiding his face from the sharp cold.  With a free hand, you pulled the hood of his coat up over his head before lifting him to your hip. It was still a long walk to the rink entrance and now you had a gear bag over your left shoulder and a four-year-old on your other. Tegan laid his head against you as you struggled against the extra weight and the crosswinds threatening to topple you over. Being inside couldn’t come soon enough. Though you had tried to avoid it, you were late, and now you were making a longer (and slower) walk than normal. You knew you could have made Tegan walk himself, but sometimes it was easier to do the heavy lifting yourself. 

“I was beginning to think that you weren’t going to make it.”

Silas Parker, Tegan’s Timbits coach helped you with the double-set of glass doors leading into the facility. He just smiled at you while you looked completely exhausted. 

“Sorry, we’re running a little behind,” you remarked, finally putting Tegan’s feet back on the ground. His sniffles had stopped at least, his cheeks dry. It seemed as if his mood had completely turned around the moment he realised that he was at practice. 

“It’s fine! You’ve got time. Ready for practice today, bud?”

Tegan nodded, “Yeah! Is Auston here?”

Silas smirked before answering the excited child, “Yes, Auston’s here. I’m guessing he’s your favourite player?”

“Yeah! He’s the best weaf on the team! I wanna wear his number when I go pwoah.”

Tegan’s minor speech impediment was adorable to you, and thankfully, you had reassurance from his doctor that it was very common for children his age to struggle with certain sounds. That being said, his pronunciation of leaf would always be the icing on the cake. 

“I’m sure he’s inspired a lot of kids to wear that number,” Silas added, walking the both of you back towards the dressing rooms. “You’ll just have to prove you can wear it better than the rest of them, huh?”

“I can!”

“I’m sure you can, but first, we’ve gotta get you suited up!”

Where was that child’s excitement to get here, back at the house, you wondered. Tegan had practically ran down the halls to get ready after someone had finally answered him that Auston was somewhere in the building. A few of the other hockey moms said their hello’s to you on their way out of the room, leaving you to quickly get the squirming child in skates and pads as fast as you could. 

“Mom! Auston’s here!”

You smiled warmly at him, though on the inside you were stressed beyond measure, “I heard, baby. I bet you’re going to have so much fun, but just keep your eyes up. There’s going to be more people on the ice than normal.”

“I will! Can we go now?”

With the last knot of his laces, you were both upright and finally off to the ice. Tegan was ready to skate and you were ready for a bottle of wine. Silas took over after the walk down the tunnel, helping the small child onto the ice while you went off to find a seat with the girls. 

“You look so tired.” Your best friend patted the seat beside her as you walked up from ice level. 

You simply rolled your shoulders forward and joined her. It felt so nice to sit down again and just have an hour to relax. 

“I am. Today has been so Monday-coded.”

Holly smirked, “But babe, it’s Tuesday.”

“Don’t remind me,” you exhaled. “I just need the rest of today to be easy and to get to tomorrow.”

“What’s tomorrow?”

You paused, “Wednesday.”

“Fair,” she replied nonchalantly.

Like clockwork, you both giggled before looking forward towards the ice. There they were: the entire Leafs roster, dressed down and gathered in small groups around the ice with a gaggle of peewee hockey players shuffling around them.

Your eyes locked onto your son, who was very obviously scanning the ice for Auston. His little feet were working overtime to catch up with the rest of his friends, and once he collided with their little assembly, Silas called order to practice. 

“Who was Tegan most excited to see today?”

“Auston,” you replied, eyes still forward, looking for him yourself since it had been confirmed the team’s captain had taken time out of his busy schedule to be there. 

Holly side-eyed you but you didn’t see it till after she spoke, “That who you’re looking for right now?”

“Shut up!”

Her cackle made your cheeks flush. You hadn’t actually thought about it; sure he was attractive, but it hadn’t set in yet that you were mere feet from him and that your son was actually getting the opportunity to skate with him. 

“I mean, just look at that… Hot damn!”

Fighting back the urge to snort at what she mumbled, you knew exactly what she was referring to. It wasn’t hard to overlook…especially in those black sweats, but that was besides the point! You were there for your son to make a lasting, core memory, not objectify attractive hockey players on their days off. However, it was a nice addition to the usual goings-on of Timbits practices. 

“So what exactly are they doing today?” You asked. 

“What Silas told me, was they they’re going to get matched up with one of the guys for the day. Kind of like one-on-one instruction, I guess? Probably just going to be a lot of nothing learned today,” she laughed. “As long as Finn is tired out by the end of it, it’s good enough for me. He asked me, on the drive over, if Mitch was going to be here and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was in…well, you know.”

“Ugh, you don’t have to say it… Still can’t get over that. Tegan threw the biggest screaming fit when I told him he needed to put his coat on before we left the house. I’m talking a foot stomping, arms crossed fit! I felt bad, because he wouldn’t talk or even look at me on the ride over here, but it was too cold and windy to just be in a track suit.”

“Absolutely. You did the right thing. He’ll understand at some point how nice coats are. Finn’s favourite thing is taking off his shoes in the car, but of course, he’ll keep his skates on… Half the time I can’t get him to take them off!” 

“If Tegan could sleep in his jersey, he would. The kid pretends the whole house is an ice rink. He’s always sliding across the floor, hitting mini-sticks off the walls. My landlord is not going to give me my deposit back.”

“Felt.”

After about ten minutes of a speech by Coach Silas, the boys began getting paired up with members of the Leafs. The players drew a name from a bag, and everyone split off to little areas around the rink. 

“I wonder who Finn is going to get,” Holly said softly, seeing that her son was still standing there, looking around like he had been forgotten. “Oh boy… he got Stollie. Girl, pray for my bank account. He’s going to beg me to be a goalie after this…”

You hadn’t heard half of what she had said, simply because you had just witnessed your son doing baby hops after seeing Auston make strides over to him. Auston Matthews, the player your son couldn’t stop talking about, was going to be his mentor for the day. What dumb luck was this? 

“Well, I bet your son is happy,” sneered one of the hockey moms from a couple rows ahead of you and Holly. The look she flashed you before she turned back around could have peeled paint. Kristi Holloway, a failed hockey player in her own right had taken to living vicariously through her son Spencer. The poor boy was already faced with the unreal task of perfectionism and it broke your heart also because that kid was one of the sweeter ones on the team. 

The two of you said nothing until she was facing the ice again. 

“I hope when Spencer is older, he wastes so much of her money and then just decides he doesn’t want to play anymore,” you mocked, and to Holly’s satisfaction she chimed in with a similar retort. 

“I hope he puts her in so much debt.”

Down on the ice, Tegan couldn’t stop staring up at Auston who would always return the grin, placing his hand atop the boy’s helmet while Silas welcomed the players to their meager rink. 

“Ready, buddy?” Auston asked, once given the green light for their modified practice to begin. 

“Uh-huh!” 

Auston bumped the puck towards Tegan who whiffed the rebound which caused the child to have to redirect his wobbly feet. 

“I sorry!” Tegan exclaimed, trying everything he could to impress his favourite captain. Auston, only smiled, feeling bad that he had maybe passed the child too hard of a pass. 

“Take your time,” he said, “You’re alright.” 

Tegan got himself turned around and got the puck under control, but Auston had his concentration on Tegan interrupted when the sounds of two yelling boys happened to his right. The fight wasn’t enough to falter Tegan who had his head down and ultra-focused on the puck, but because of that, he didn’t realise how close he was to Auston’s position. Right into the back of his legs Tegan went, and right on his butt he fell into the ice. Auston, feeling the nudge, looked back around to find a wailing child at his feet. 

“Aw, you’re alright buddy, you’re alright,” he cooed, kneeling down to check on the boy. Tegan had fallen with one of his legs underneath him, due to the mid-stride collision. “Are you okay?”

Tegan just continued to cry, with no words of any coherence audible. 

“Can I pick you up,” Auston asked, waiting for the nod he eventually got. “You’re okay, I promise. How about we just skate around for a minute, huh?”

Once again, the small boy agreed to the invitation and Auston gently lifted the boy onto his hip. 

“I’m sorry you got hurt, buddy. Sure you’re okay?”

Seeing your son hit the ice like he did, instantly made you jump to your feet and hurry back down towards ice entry. Kristi’s snickers as you sprinted down the stairs made your blood boil but you’d corner her later and give her a piece of your mind. For now, Tegan was your only priority. While Silas was still trying to police the two fighting boys, you watched Auston make his way around the boards, his attention on your son completely. 

Your heart was racing, but Auston’s smile somehow made you relax a little. His speed was slow and careful, not hurried or at all panicked. The door opened, Auston stepped through and made eye contact with you. 

“I just looked away for a second. I’m sorry,” Auston said, still holding Tegan as he draped himself over Auston’s shoulder. 

“It’s alright,” you soothed, walking closer to him, putting a hand on Tegan’s back. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

Further over Auston’s shoulder he hid himself, almost like he was remembering he was still mad at you. Auston, while you were trying to console your son, just looked at you and grinned. 

“Come here, baby,” you said softly, trying to carefully peel him off of the taller man, but the boy wasn’t having any of it. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Auston replied, still with a stupid grin on his face. “I just hope he’s alright.”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” you tried to reassure. “Come on, Tegan.”

Auston dropped his eyes for a second, “I don’t mind. You doing any better, buddy?”

Instantly, Tegan lifted his head to look Auston in the eye. His immediate reaction made you roll yours with an exasperated laugh. 

“Such a little ham,” you said to him, giving his waist a little pinch. Tegan giggled, following the hiding of his face again. 

“Can I try to take him back out? If you think he’s alright, obviously. I just want him to have a good day.”

“Oh, this,” you motioned to Auston holding Tegan, “is probably better to him than skating, at the moment. You’re his favourite, if that wasn’t obvious.” 

“Well, he’s my favourite,” Auston winked. “I won’t take my eyes off of him this time.”

You parted ways with the boys, returning back to Holly who had a death glare on her face, aimed directly at Kristi. 

“He okay?” She asked, brows still knitted together.

“Yeah, he was just milking it to have Auston carry him around. Little stinker. Things alright up here. I’m sensing a no.”

‘Queen B of the blue line down there was talking shit, saying that Tegan was too small to play, that he needs to learn how to skate first, and worst of all, that Auston should have just left him there to cry it out.”

Your blood was boiling yet again. It was one thing to bully another grown adult, but to be a woman in your early thirties, wishing ill will upon a baby was another. Katie bar the door, she was going to wish she kept those filler-filled lips shut. 

“Remind me to corner her before practice is over.”

Holly smirked, “Will do!”

The rest of practice went off without another crying fit or scrum, but it did little to dampen the rage towards the woman six rows down from you. As everything winded down, the other moms began to get up from their seats and collect their children. To your devilish surprise, Kristi stayed behind, yapping on her phone as the arena emptied. 

“Off you go,” Holly teased, anticipating the confrontation to come. 

“Gonna make this quick.”

Timing it just right to snatch her before she turned the corner, you grabbed her by the hood which stopped her forward movement. When she spun around to see who had caused her the inconvenience, you threw all of your weight into pinning her against the plexiglass. 

“What’s your problem?” Kristi grumbled, trying to push you off of her but it didn’t amount to much. 

“My problem? You’re my problem, Kristi. Bullying a four-year-old because you’re jealous that your son didn’t get something you thought he was entitled to? You’re a goddamn joke! You’re supposed to be a mother, and here you are being absolutely disgusting towards my son; a child who has done absolutely nothing to you, and one of your son’s best friends!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, bullshit! You’ve done nothing today but take your jealous frustrations out on my family.”

“You’re fucking crazy, Y|N!” She deflected, shoving your hands from her shoulders. With a loud and audible huff, she scurried away into the tunnel while you breathed in deep sigh of relief. 

“All that you were missing was a square punch to the center of her face,” you heard behind you. 

Your fingers were trembling. Between the tiredness, stress, and sheer frustrations of the day, Kristi was lucky you didn’t throat punch her instead. 

“Everything okay?” Silas said, returning to the ice after hearing the scuffle. Over his shoulder, stood Auston’s tall, 6’3” frame, with Tegan up in his arms again. Both men look concerned with Tegan seemingly asleep, to your relief. 

Your face twisted slightly as you shook your head, “Well enough.”

“I’ll text you,” Holly whispered, passing you while you continued to smooth things over with Silas. 

“Do I need to have a word with Kristi,” he asked, knowing how you were versus Kristi’s over-bearing personality. There had been many times where she had complained about things for her son’s advantage, and Silas knew she had the penchant for causing drama. 

“It won’t do any good,” you laughed. “Plus, she’ll just deny anything happened like she did with me. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done what I did, but you should never say such things about someone else’s child like that.”

Silas just smiled while Auston gave you a concerned look, Tegan still oblivious to everything happening around him. “Not the first time,” he remarked. “I appreciate you at least waiting till everyone was pretty much gone.”

“I didn’t want to do it at all, but she just pushed me too far.”

Silas’ eyes fell closed in somber acknowledgement, “I understand. Maybe next week, pick a different section from practice?”

His suggestion cracked you up, “Oh, for sure.”

You finally made your way down the short set of stairs and closer to Auston. Tegan was, in fact, completely asleep and unaware of your behaviour. Which, for your sake, was a blessing. You could justify to other adults your need to be confrontational, but to a child the chore became a whole lot more difficult. 

“I’ll see you next week, Y|N,” Silas added before skating off to gather the cones and mini nets from practice. 

Alone with Auston, you felt awkward and almost nervous. Your nerves and motherly rage from before had allowed you to bypass the fact that you were so close to him, but now, well, that was a different story. 

“He’s asleep, isn’t he?” You asked, biting your bottom lip in anxious anticipation. The kid was still dressed in his full uniform, skates and all. It wouldn’t be the first time he had been fastened in his carseat in pads and whatnot, but you still preferred him to be out of the sweaty clothes if possible. 

Auston’s smile could light up a room, and also made your heart flutter. “I think so, yeah. Do you want me to help you with him?” 

“If I can just get his skates off, that’s good enough. I’m so sorry.”

Again he just smiled and shook his head gently, “You’re good, really! He’s a sweet kid. I noticed he was getting pretty tired by the end of practice and I just wanted to help him off the ice. I’m pretty sure he was asleep before we got off the ice.”

“Yeah he’s really good at falling asleep almost instantly. Must be nice,” you laughed, doing everything you could to untie the thick knots from before, without hitting Auston or waking your son.

“He’s a sweet kid,” Auston remarked, watching you intently. “Loves to talk about hockey.”

His picking up on Tegan’s hockey obsession was an obvious one, indeed. You just hoped that he hadn’t annoyed the professional player too much. 

“That’s an understatement,” you smirked, finally slipping the last skate from his tiny foot. “I hate to ask this of you, but would you mind holding him while I go get his bag? I won’t be but a second.”

“Do you want me to go with you so that woman doesn’t get in your face again?” 

Auston’s sweet invitation stopped you in your tracks almost immediately. “Oh, you don’t have to do that! She’ll just try to get to talking to you so she can yap about it online later. Honestly, best that you just stay here…”

He smirked, “If you’re sure. I don’t mind. She can’t be any worse than some of the Toronto fans who take their aggressions out on me every night.” 

“She’s not worth your time, Auston, really.”

His eyes narrowed playfully, “Well, what if I go get it for you instead?”

“You’ll never make it out of the lion’s den! They’ll eat you alive.”

“They didn’t tell us that,” he laughed. “If you’re sure. I really don’t mind if it saves you a headache. I mean, Tegan is asleep, so maybe they’d be a little more considerate.”

“I’d never live down why I couldn’t go get it myself. I’ll just pretend I’m on the phone, get it, get out.”

“Seems you have experience with this,” he added.

“Avoiding people? I’m a pro. I’ll be right back!”

Like Tegan when you had got here, you were now jogging down the hallway towards the dressing room; your high ponytail swishing from shoulder to shoulder as you did so. Just before the door, you grabbed your phone, and faked a phone call. You would have just called Holly but how awkward would that have been if someone clued into the conversation, being in the same room and all. Talking to yourself would just have to suffice.

“Yeah, sorry I couldn’t take your call before,” you said to no one, entering the room with tunnel vision fully equipped. You locked eyes with Holly and smiled. “No, you’re good. What’s going on?”

In the corner was Tegan’s bag, pretty much already ready to go, and you were thankful you always made it a habit of keeping everything contained. Today was not the day you wanted to have an Easter egg hunt of hockey equipment. 

“Absolutely, I can schedule that meeting for tomorrow at eleven, no problem.” You gave your friend one last wave before exiting the room; you hadn’t even looked to see if Kristi was in the room, but you had a feeling she was. Out of sight, out of mind. 

Once free from the need to fake a conversation, you hurried back to Auston who was gently bouncing Tegan as he paced the tunnel’s hallway while waiting for you to return. When he turned and saw you, the smile returned to his face once more. 

“That didn’t take long,” he said, bridging the gap between the two of you.

“I made it a point not to linger. He still out?”

Auston nodded, “I think so. Will you be okay getting him back to your car?”

Once again, you sighed. You hadn’t thought about getting the sleepy child and the bulky gear bag back to your car without consequence, but there was no way you were going to take advantage of his kindness. He had already done enough for you by this point alone. 

“Oh yeah! If I can just get him from you, I’ll be fine. I still can’t believe he fell asleep like this.”

Carefully, Auston lifted Tegan’s limp body from himself to yours. Amazingly, he remained asleep, only slightly kicking his feet like he was dreaming. The kid was heavy; heavier than you wanted to remember but this was your life for right now. 

“Thank you so much for everything, Auston. You seriously made his dreams come true today. I can’t thank you enough.”

He was beaming, “I hope he had a good day. He was a fun kid to hang around. I picked a good one for sure.” 

Auston’s words warmed your heart. You had made it a point to raise your son in a loving home after the nightmare he had been born into. It was reassuring, for someone who didn’t know those things about you and your ex, to say that you were raising a child who was enjoyable to be around. 

“I appreciate that so much, Auston, thank you.” Tears were pricking your waterline as you thanked him. “Hopefully I can get him to a Leafs game soon, so he can see you again.”

“We could make that happen,” he assured. “He told me he had never been to a game before.”

“Hasn’t been in the cards, no. Maybe one day,” you replied in confidence. “Please, extend our thankfulness to your teammates for doing this for us today. I know you’re all trying to get ready for the season, but we all appreciate this opportunity for our kids. Not all of us are as well-off as others, so this means the world to them and us.”

“We love doing things for the kids and the community. It brings us a lot of purpose beyond just playing for the city. I’ll pass the word along at the next practice, for sure. Thanks. But,” he paused. “Are you sure you're okay?”

You nodded, smiling bashfully, “Yeah, I’ll just count this as my workout for the day.”

(Y/n) tried not to groan at Evan's words as she unclipped her belt and heaved herself down from the jeep. She shut the door with a band and leaned against the bonnet while she watched Evan round the front to stand next to her. She couldn't help but fold her arms over her bump, staring up at him with that look which told Evan she wasn't too happy about this.

"We don't have to stay long." He was bargaining with her already because he knew exactly what was running through her mind without her needing to say a word.

Reaching down, Evan cupped the side of her neck and began tracing his thumb along her jawline. He stepped closer until his abdomen was pressed up against her bump and he grinned when he felt (Y/n)'s posture begin to slack. Her arms dropped from her chest and she moved her hands to hold his hips.

Neither of them were usually this uneasy when they came over to Maddie and Chimney's home. But this wasn't just any usual family dinner. Evan's parents were in town.

"We can leave after we've eaten, and we've got the perfect excuse this time." His hand stayed cupping her neck while he moved his other hand down to glide across her stomach.

Evan was more than willing to use the pregnancy as their excuse to cut this family gathering short. (Y/n)'s due date was five days away, it was safe to say that they were almost ready to meet their baby. And that gave them the perfect reasoning to leave early. (Y/n) hadn't been feeling too well lately and they both knew Evan's parents could be a lot. They would stress everyone out.

So this time, when they were ready to leave but didn't want to be rude or cause problems, they could simply say (Y/n) was tired or feeling unwell and needed to go home and rest.

"You'll use our boy to get out of seeing your parents?" (Y/n) looked down at her bump with a pretentious tone to her voice just to tease Evan. Because she would do the same.

"Absolutely."

(Y/n) let him tilt her head back and steal a kiss before he wove his arm around her waist and guided them up the front path.

She could feel anxiety pooling in her stomach, causing the baby to liven up when they got to the front door.

Much like Evan had an estranged relationship with them, (Y/n)'s wasn't much better. They had tried to include her and be civil, but it was simply clear that they weren't very interested. As far as everyone was concerned, Maddie was their child and Jee was their granddaughter, no one else mattered in their small lives.

When they told Evan's parents that they were expecting a baby, (Y/n) thought it would change things. She thought they would try and make the effort, like when Maddie had been pregnant. And they had seemed genuinely happy for Evan, that he was settled down and starting his own family, but that was as far as it went. They hadn't asked after (Y/n), asked how the pregnancy was going or asked about the scans.

(Y/n) tucked herself more into Evan's side when he rapped his knuckles on the door before walking inside. Maddie's home was their home, Evan didn't have to knock, he was welcome to just walk right in or use his spare key, but it was polite to knock first.

She let Evan guide them both inside and they followed the sound of voices to find everyone gathered in the kitchen.

"Oh, there you are! You both okay?" Maddie set down the tray in her hand on the side and wiped her hands on a teatowel before she hurried over to them.

Her arms looped around Evan's neck, pulling him down to her for a bear hug before she turned to (Y/n). With (Y/n) having no siblings, Maddie had become her sister too. She gave her a loving hug and when she pulled back, Maddie gently brushed her hand over (Y/n)'s stomach with a sweet smile. She was very eager to become an aunt.

"We're good." Evan kissed the back of Maddie's head and he held his breath when he saw his mum shuffle over towards him.

He let her reel him down for a brisk, short hug and peck his cheek and he felt his father pat his shoulder.

"How are you Evan? Ooh, that looks sore." Margaret grazed her fingertips over the back of Evan's hand were a blister was just starting to heal up into a scab. It made his skin feel taut and tight and he'd had enough of massaging burn cream into the wound. He'd removed his gloves a bit too eagerly at work last week and found himself diving back into a fire to help a trapped victim. Hence the burn on his hand, and another one on his left arm just beneath his shoulder. Hidden by his shirt sleeve.

"It's healing up now, and we're good. No more work for the next three weeks, ready for the baby."

Evan folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter, crossing one leg in front of the other. He found a grin worming onto his face when Maddie grinned and clapped excitedly. She knew Evan was bubbling over at the thought of having his baby boy any day now. He was now on leave so that he could be with (Y/n) when she went into labour and be home with his family for the first three weeks. He couldn't wait.

His grin broadened and he loosened his arms from his chest when a squeal of "Uncle Buck!" hit his ears and he saw Jee making her way over to them. She had her hair done up into two little bobbles on top of her head and her arms were stretched out in his direction.

"Ahh, there's my girl." Swooping down, Evan picked her up and cuddled her to his chest, pressing a kiss to her cheek. He cuddled her for a few moments before she turned and made grabbing hands out towards (Y/n).

Evan leaned over and gently set her back down to her feet so she could attach herself to (Y/n)'s legs and give her a hug.

"Hi girly."

"Come play, I have ice cream machine." Jee gave a sharp tug on (Y/n)'s hand and started strutting off towards the living room, giving (Y/n) no choice but to follow after her.

(Y/n) cast a look over her shoulder to see Evan grinning at her and Maddie quickly muttered 'play dough' under her breath. So it wasn't real ice cream (Y/n) was going to get. That wasn't fair; the baby had a hankering for ice cream lately.

She let Jee guide her into the living room and when she pointed to the sofa, (Y/n) grinned and obeyed. Her hand moved to her back and she eased down, feeling a lot better when she was sitting than when she was standing. She shuffled to the edge of the seat and ran her hands along her knees while Jee sat down on the floor right beside her leg.

There was a play dough ice cream maker in the middle of the table, with various coloured pots scattered around and moulds for sprinkles and decorations. The machine itself was mainly a tube which play dough was squeezed through the top into a cone or one of the plastic sundae cups.

"What flavour?" Jee held the cone out expectingly, silently telling (Y/n) that was what she was having.

"Can the baby have cherry ice cream?"

A smile lightened up Jee's face and she reached across for the dark red play dough cup before she twisted to look up at (Y/n). Her hand moved to (Y/n)'s stomach and she carefully patted her hand along (Y/n)'s bump. The three year old was fascinated with (Y/n)'s tummy and the fact that soon, she would have a baby cousin to play with.

"One for baby roo." Jee muttered quietly before she set to work making a strange looking ice cream with green and orange sprinkles. She had taken to calling the baby roo and she was adamant that they should call the baby roo because then combined with Buck, it would be buckaroo.

(Y/n) kindly took the pretend ice cream she was offered and made sure to admire it before she slowly deconstructed it to pretend she had eaten it.

After about three pretend ice creams that made (Y/n) desperately hungry for a proper one, she was ready to go get a drink and see if she could help Maddie with dinner.

"Shall I give this one to uncle Buck? It's his favourite colour."

Jee nodded excitedly and watched as (Y/n) took the purple ice cream while her other hand moved to her stomach that always felt low and heavy these days.

She looked over her shoulder when Jee grinned and waved and (Y/n) felt her smile tightening when Margaret walked into the room. At least she could take over playing the customer at the ice cream shop so (Y/n) would have some time to get a drink.

The elder woman walked into the room and perched down next to (Y/n) on the sofa. She smiled and leaned over to pat (Y/n)'s thigh as if they were old friends or close family rather than estranged relatives.

"How are you?" The question rather surprised (Y/n) and she tried to soften her smile. It was nice that Margaret was trying to make a little effort and take an interest. God knows she had been much more involved in Maddie's pregnancy and (Y/n) knew that had really upset Evan, though he never voiced it to anyone.

"A bit tired, but I'm good, thank you. What about you?" The only person (Y/n) would admit she was struggling to was Evan or Maddie. She would never say to anyone else that she was struggling with back ache or feeling sick, which got worse with the strange cravings she'd suffered from.

She wouldn't say anything to his parents because she knew what Margaret was like. She would downplay anything (Y/n) said and make her feel bad or like she was being silly over nothing.

"Oh, finally recovered after the drive down here." She looked down at Jee and nodded to the colour Jee was holding out to her. Somehow, Margaret's smile seemed more genuine when she looked at her daughter or granddaughter.

When she looked back at (Y/n), she hummed quietly and reached over to graze her hand along the side of (Y/n)'s stomach. The touch was slow but surprising, Margaret hadn't done that any other time she had seen (Y/n)'s bump.

It was a bit uncomfortable considering (Y/n) wasn't used to any kind of touches or physical contact with her mother in law. And she was mainly only comfortable with Evan touching her in this manner, other than the odd times Maddie would reach for her bump.

"You've filled out since the last time we saw you."

A shiver crawled down (Y/n)'s spine and the smile faded from her face when she registered those words.

The last time they had seen Evan's parents was three months ago when they came down for Maddie's birthday. (Y/n) had only been six months pregnant by then, of course her body had changed. She was pregnant, she was almost ready to go into labour any day now. She was supposed to change shape and get a rounder stomach and have more curves by now.

"Yeah," Her eyes diverted down to the pretend ice cream she was still holding, and she resorted to counting each funny shaped sprinkle Jee had placed on top for added decoration.

Margaret pulled her hand away with a fond smile and she finally looked away from (Y/n)'s stomach to drag her eyes up and down her frame instead. She made a point of patting (Y/n)'s arm before she gently plucked at the strap of (Y/n)'s dress.

"That's pretty." Margaret dragged her fingertips along the strap before her hand retracted and she tilted her head at an angle to observe (Y/n) who felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

(Y/n) looked down at the dress she had chosen to wear; it was one of Evan's new favourites. It was black with plum coloured designs and swirls along the soft cotton fabric. The straps were thin and it had a V-cut line around her chest and the dress was long enough to reach her knees, even with her bump in the way.

Thank you was on the tip of her tongue before her mother in law made another comment.

"It's not very decent, though, looks rather tight on you lovey. It's a good thing you'll be having the baby soon, you look like you're eating for three."

Her heartstrings snapped, dropping her heart down to the pit of her stomach as bile rose in the back of her throat. She clenched her hand around the plastic cone and moved her free hand to the arm rest, using it as leverage to push herself to her feet.

She could feel tears burning in the corner of her eyes, but she did her best to push them away. (Y/n) didn't want to cry. They had been here for less than an hour and already she was desperate to go home.

Her eyes scanned down her dress as she walked out the room as fast as she could with the shooting pains in her lower back and the constant ache in her stomach.

The dress wasn't tight.

The waistband sat neatly on top of her bump and the cotton was very stretchy, if (Y/n) pulled it she would have a lot of room in here. It was a maternity dress and (Y/n) had been rather pleased that it didn't look like a maternity one, once she'd had the baby she would still be able to wear this dress. Which had quickly become Evan's favourite from the moment he saw it on her.

Did she really look bad in this dress? Surely if she did, Evan wouldn't have attached himself to her the moment she put it on. They were almost late this afternoon because (Y/n) had to keep re-adjusting the dress when Evan pulled the hemline down or raked it up over her thighs.

Did she look like she was having a multiple pregnancy? Did she look that big- too big? Did this dress make her look bigger?

She trailed her free hand along her stomach but it only made her shiver and caused her thoughts to amplify ten times worse.

"How many ice creams did she make you?" Chimney turned his head to speak over his shoulder when he caught sight of (Y/n) walking into the kitchen. But he turned round when he heard a meek 'too many' filter back to him; she didn't sound chirpy.

Evan turned around from the stove where he had been helping Maddie with the last of the veg, but he didn't like the uneasy look on his wife's face. His brows furrowed and a frown pulled at his lips while he set the tea towel down and grabbed the drink he had made (Y/n) a few minutes ago.

"Everything okay?"

"Jee made you this."

Evan took a step back when a play dough ice cream was thrust into his hand and in the blink of an eye, (Y/n) took the glass he held out to her and turned around. He watched, bewildered, as she walked away from them all, taking great care to steer clear of the dining table where Phillip was sat nursing a cup of coffee.

Shock continued to rattle through him while he watched (Y/n) slip out the back door and move over to the garden furniture beside the patio door. He watched the way she leaned to the left, clinging to the arm of the small outdoor sofa to ease herself down. But he couldn't see her expression and see if she was panicking or even crying; her back was to the doors, probably the reason she sat on the sofa and not one of the chairs.

Setting the ice cream down, Evan looked around, sharing a worried but utterly dismayed look with his sister before he stepped towards the hall. Surely Jee hadn't said or done anything to upset (Y/n)? She'd never even raised her voice to Jee, their niece was on her best behaviour around (Y/n). (Y/n) was the only one Jee wouldn't be cheeky to or say no to.

But when he peered into the living room and saw his mum sat playing with Jee, something sparked in his chest and his skin bristled like barbed wire. Had she said something to upset (Y/n)?

"Give me a minute." He murmured to Maddie and carefully set down Jee's work of art on the counter so he didn't drop or crush it.

He headed past the dining area and cautiously walked out onto the patio, being mindful to shut the door behind him to give them both a bit of privacy.

His eyes took in the way (Y/n) was sat. She was leaning to the left, slouched into the arm rest and she was slouched back into the sofa like she was starting to melt or had no willpower left within her. Evan knew more recently, especially when they were out, (Y/n) sat on the edge of her seat and tried to sit straight. So she didn't hurt her back and so she didn't struggle to get up from low seats like this.

Her left hand was propping up her head with her elbow on the arm rest, while her right hand was curled around her glass that was resting prominently on her bump.

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Evan moved round and sat down next to her. The garden furniture was rather small and Evan always sat with his knees spread meaning he was now pressed up against his wife with their knees bumping together.

He stretched his left arm over the back of the sofa, behind (Y/n), and he leaned forward to gently take her glass. He was glad she'd had a few sips, she hadn't had a drink for a while and Evan knew the headaches she got if she didn't drink enough.

"Don't rest things on him." He chided playfully to see if she would smile, and he was relieved to see (Y/n)'s lips quirk up to one side just a tiny bit.

But Evan was dismayed to see a few tear tracks traced down her cheek. He set her glass down on the table but he couldn't refrain from dragging his thumb along her cheek.

"What's up, baby?" He watched intently as (Y/n) leaned closer to him rather than the arm rest and she leaned her cheek on his shoulder. And his eyes followed the way her hands slowly traced her stomach in odd patterns, but she stopped for a moment when Evan pressed his hand to her stomach.

"Do I look okay in this?" She pulled the cotton fabric a little to show what she was referring to. She snapped her eyes closed and leaned further into Evan when she felt his chest tighten against her and his arm left the back of the sofa to curl over her shoulders instead.

"Why would you ask that? Didn't I tell you this morning you looked beautiful?" Evan leaned down to peck the top of her head while his thumb glided up and down her bare arm.

He tried to take the dress off her as soon as she put it on, was that not enough confirmation that he loved her in it so much? He thought she looked devouring in that dress.

"Yeah, but does- does it… nevermind. Let's see if Maddie needs some help." It took a great deal of effort to shimmy out of Evan's embrace and sit up properly. And (Y/n) couldn't help but wince when she felt her back twinge when she sat up.

Her hand moved to Evan's thigh and gripped tight, trying to will herself to move and shuffle to the edge of the seat to get up. But she barely managed to lean forwards before Evan had both arms looped around her waist. His hands splayed out on her stomach and he gently but firmly reeled her back into his chest.

"No, not until you tell me what's wrong. Come on baby, I know something's upsetting you. Talk to me." He pecked her shoulder and made a trail up her neck until (Y/n) was shivering in his arms.

"I don't look too… big, do I?" (Y/n) cringed as she spoke and she kept her gaze on her lap when she felt Evan take another sharp breath.

"Did my mother say something to you?" The brisk tone to his voice made (Y/n) wince. She didn't want to tell him. She didn't want to admit that his mother's passing comments had struck a nerve, but she couldn't help it. Those words had cut deep and (Y/n) couldn't help but take them to heart.

When she didn't respond, she felt Evan uncurl from around her so he was sitting up straight. He moved his right hand to cup her chin and he tilted her head up in his direction so she had no choice but to look at his stern expression and those steely blue eyes.

"What did she say?"

"I look like I'm- I'm eating for three."

A horrible twinge tore through (Y/n)'s stomach when she watched Evan's expression change within a split second. Those eyes became glazed and hardened. His cheekbones popped against his skin and his teeth sank down into his lower lip, pulling it tight causing his chin to tense.

When Evan detached from her, clearly about to get up, (Y/n) scrambled to grab his arm and pull him back to her. She didn't want to make a fuss, she had already done enough by letting the words upset her. She didn't want Evan to go arguing with his parents over this. They needed to be civil, for Maddie and Jee and Chimney. Once they'd eaten, they could go home just like they planned.

"Don't say anything, Evan please-"

"She's upset you! And what she said was spiteful-"

"Babe, please, no arguments… I don't feel well." (Y/n) gave another little tug on his arm until he sat back down beside her.

Her back was starting to ache again and the worry was going straight to her stomach that was doing summersaults. She didn't want to be the cause of an argument between Evan and his parents. She didn't have the strength to play referee or be in the middle of this. She shouldn't have said anything.

When Evan nodded, (Y/n) pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder and moved his hand down to cup the bottom of her stomach where the baby was moving. She felt his fingers tap against her skin and she started to relax when he swooped down to steal a fiery kiss from her lips.

"You need to eat, come on." The fire was still burning within Evan's eyes and his tone was gritty and anything but calm, but he didn't want (Y/n) feeling any worse.

He moved his hand to (Y/n)'s back and his other hand entwined with hers so he could carefully give her a push up. Once she was on her feet, he got up and moved both hands to hold her hips while (Y/n) picked up her drink and walked back inside ahead of him.

(Y/n) leaned her forearms on the kitchen counter when they headed over towards Maddie and she couldn't help but arch her lower back out when her back felt like it was seizing up. She felt Evan's hands curve around to her bump as he leaned over her and peppered a few kisses to her neck and behind her ear.

"You okay honey?" Maddie reached across to give her arm a squeeze and when (Y/n) nodded, she pushed a small plastic bowl towards her.

(Y/n) lifted her head and rose a brow when she saw the grin on Maddie's face as she pointed at the bowl. She took a peek inside and gingerly reached out when she realised it was filled with crisps. (Y/n) could feel her mood lightening and she smiled when she realised it was the smoked crisps she had been eating non-stop lately. Evan must have mentioned they were one of (Y/n)'s new cravings, something she wouldn't have eaten before she got pregnant.

"You found them."

"I have my ways." Maddie tapped the side of her nose before she found some plates and handed them over to Chimney so he could set the table.

"Go sit down, baby." Evan murmured against the shell of her ear and he gave her hip an affectionate squeeze before he moved to the side so (Y/n) could stand up properly again.

When she turned in the direction of the table, she felt Evan's hand on her hip and his other hand hovered in front of her, holding out the bowl of crisps. Maddie got them specifically for her. His hand moved down to squeeze her bum before she walked over towards the table.

Jee had vacated the living room and was now sat at the middle of the table, a colouring book and some pencils dotted around her. While her grandad was sat opposite her, trying to engage her in conversation.

A shooting pain tore through (Y/n)'s hip and down her leg when she eased down into one of the dining chairs so she could sit next to Jee. She took a moment to try and regulate her system and sat up straight against the chair to see if shifting her posture would help her feel a bit better.

"Want one?" She murmured softly to Jee and placed the bowl between them so they could both dive into the crisps.

When Jee handed (Y/n) a crayon, she obliged and began colouring with her, resting both elbows on the table and reaching out for a crisp every now and then. They both looked up and smiled when Chimney walked in and started setting the plates down around the table. Dinner would be ready soon so everyone would be sitting down and they would have to pack the crayons away.

He walked out the room and (Y/n) glanced her gaze across at Phillip, sat opposite her, but she didn't like the tepid expression on his face as he looked between her and Jee.

"I think you've both had enough."

A cold shiver ran through (Y/n)'s blood and she clenched her hand down on her thigh to stop from saying anything or letting another tear cascade down her face. Especially when Phillip reached across the table and pulled the bowl of crisps away from them both.

She didn't hide the unease or the distaste from her expression but she didn't bother responding. There was nothing she could say that wouldn't cause an argument and she didn't feel he deserved a response.

She wasn't a school child or a toddler like Jee and even if she were, Phillip was being unreasonable. A few crisps before dinner wouldn't do them any harm, it wasn't as if they had gone back for more handfuls. But it was the fact that he moved the bowl that unsettled (Y/n). It was a shrewd move and uncalled for, even Jee looked up in confusion. Her parents never took snacks away like that or chided her for eating.

"Let's put these away." (Y/n) packed up the crayons and the books just as everyone started to pile into the room.

She felt more at ease when Maddie and Chimney both sat down after putting the dishes down in the middle of the table so everyone could help themselves. Although it wasn't comforting to have both Phillip and Margaret sat directly opposite her.

She tilted her head back when Evan stood behind her chair and moved his hands to her shoulders. He leaned over her and pressed his lips down against her temple, smiling against her skin while his hands moved up and down her shoulders and along her arms.

"Do you want another drink?" His words were slightly muffled against her temple, but she heard him all the same. She reached behind her to pat his hip and give him a squeeze as she nodded against his lips.

"Please."

"I'll grab Jee a juice." He looked over at Maddie before he let go of (Y/n)'s shoulders and moved towards the kitchen.

(Y/n) tilted forward again once he'd let go of her but when she looked up, she found herself shrinking in her seat. Margaret was looking at her. She had her hands clasped in front of her, elbows planted on the table and her lips pressed together like she was studying (Y/n) for something. And when she looked across at Phillip, he had a similar expression.

Her father in law was slouched back, one elbow on the table propping his chin up while his other hand tapped against the table edge.

"Does he do everything for you?"

She could file bile rising at the back of her throat and her eyes switched to glance towards the kitchen. She wasn't quite sure if she was praying for Evan to walk back in and calm the situation or for him to hear that comment and shut his father down. But if he heard, it might cause problems and they were just about to eat.

It was even worse that she could feel both Maddie and Chimney looking at her, unsure what to say, only knowing that what Phillip had said was by no means fair or just.

He heard.

(Y/n) just knew Evan had heard because she could see the steely expression on his face and the way his jaw was grinding from side to side. Not to mention he was holding her glass so tightly it was about to splinter into pieces.

"I know how to treat my wife." Evan's response was sharp and his expression told his father not to argue with him. At all.

He set down (Y/n)'s glass in front of her and leaned over to hand Jee's beaker to her before he took his seat next to (Y/n) with Chimney on his right and his dad directly opposite him.

(Y/n) did her best not to start shaking or feel the need to flee the table and she felt a bit better when Evan leaned in front of her to take her plate and he began plating up for everyone. She leaned forward and pressed her face into his arm for a few seconds.

The conversation felt somewhat stilted but Maddie did her best to divert it into a different direction.

Once they were all eating, Evan slid his hand down to give (Y/n)'s thigh a gentle squeeze beneath the table. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable, especially not because of anything his parents might say. But a smile tugged at his lips when (Y/n) held his wrist and moved his hand up from her thigh to press against her stomach.

The baby was lively today. Evan kept his hand there, feeling each movement and each way (Y/n) shifted from right to left, seemingly trying to get comfy or ward off some sort of unease.

(Y/n) wasn't too sure if she felt better or not after having something to eat, but at least she felt a bit calmer with Maddie controlling the conversation. She could still feel the baby moving though, and a few sharp twinges every now and then which felt worse every time she panicked and lit up with adrenaline.

Having Evan's hand constantly reaching out for her bump was comforting though. As if he couldn't be parted from her for more than a few seconds before he was back to touching her again.

"Who wants cake?" Maddie clapped when Jee started to giggle and nodded her head. "Let's go get some." She held her hand out for her daughter and guided her into the kitchen to get some cake and more plates to dish out for everyone.

Slouching a little in her seat, (Y/n) dropped her head onto Evan's shoulder and moved her hands to her stomach to see if it would settle the baby at all. She smiled, nuzzling her nose against Evan's neck and he turned in her direction and looped his left arm over her shoulders, keeping her pinned into his side.

She could feel his hand feathering softly up and down her arm and it made her smile, right until Maddie and Jee handed out slices of cake to everyone. She could feel Margaret looking over at her.

"Anymore snacks and you won't get out of that dress."

Evan's hand clamped down on her shoulder and he straightened up in his chair, glaring holes through his mother who clearly thought she hadn't said anything wrong or insulting at all.

"Why the Hell would you say that?" His free hand curled into a fist on the tabletop and he felt his nose curling as he glared daggers across at her.

Why did she have to do that? Why ruin a family meal that didn't happen often, and think that being insulting was okay? Why did she think trying to pick at (Y/n)'s self esteem was normal or that it wouldn't rile Evan up?

"What? I just think she should take it easy." Margaret waved her hand in (Y/n)'s direction and smiled so coyly as if this was a normal conversation or she had given (Y/n) a passing compliment rather than a rude remark.

"Really? You think a pregnant woman needs to watch what she eats?" Evan could feel his knuckles grazing along his jaw, rubbing back and forth to try and give himself something to focus on. He couldn't understand what planet his mother lived on. She had had three children herself, surely she couldn't believe that (Y/n) looked like she was eating too much or had to watch what she ate.

If anything Evan would be more concerned if she wasn't eating. He was happy she had an appetite considering in the first two months she barely managed to eat a thing.

"Well, yes-"

"Then I think you need to watch what you say to my wife."

"Alright, Jee let's go get some cream for this cake." Chimney held his hand out and waited for his daughter to toddle over to him, unaware of the situation unfolding at the dinner table.

Evan felt the shudder that rolled through (Y/n) and he looked down at her when her hand curled around his thigh. But he was dismayed when she pushed her plate away towards the middle of the table. Suddenly, she wasn't hungry anymore.

"Baby, no." His words tickled the side of her head as he kept his voice low and pushed the plate back towards her.

He didn't want her to feel like she couldn't eat when she was in Maddie's home and when she was rightfully eating her dinner. It wasn't right, but he felt his heart dropping down to his stomach when she shook her head and pushed it away again. She wasn't going to eat anything else. Not if she felt like she was being judged, and the atmosphere was making her too nervous to eat anymore.

Twisting in her seat, (Y/n) turned to Evan's side and pressed her cheek into his shoulder, looking away from the table. She moved her hand from his thigh to curve around Evan's torso so she was practically hugging him. She could feel her heartbeat pulsing in every inch of her skin and she hated it. She hated the sickness clawing at her throat and the tension building in her stomach.

"I don't feel great." She muttered quietly in Evan's ear, squeezing him tighter to try and get the silent message across.

She wanted to go home. She wasn't sure whether she was going to throw up or just feel awful for the rest of the afternoon, but either way, (Y/n) wanted to be in the comfort of their own home. She wanted to go home and curl up and pretend this had never happened.

She moved her hand from Evan's waist to his shoulder and her other hand moved to cradle the side of her stomach as she turned to look behind her at her sister in law.

"I'm gonna- gonna go sit through there." She could sense that Evan wasn't finished with this conversation, but (Y/n) wasn't waiting here to watch the argument unfold. She would sit out the way and try to calm down before she got ready to leave.

And when Maddie nodded understandingly, (Y/n) felt Evan's hands on her elbow and hip, helping her to her feet.

"Look, let's not get hormonal about this. Once the little one's here you'll see you're taking this the wrong way."

(Y/n)'s hand began to shake as she gripped Evan's shoulder once she was on her feet and she looked over at her in-laws. Phillip had made a similar remark once when they found out the baby was going to be a boy and (Y/n) disagreed with them and told them that they wouldn't name their baby after Daniel.

They had not been happy when (Y/n) said Evan had suggested naming the baby after Bobby, something (Y/n) agreed with. But the Buckleys thought (Y/n) was instigating it and putting 'ideas into Evan's head'. It didn't seem to be enough for them that they had inadvertently made Evan feel bad his whole life about not saving Daniel. But asking them to name their boy after the brother Evan owed his existence to was too much to ask.

It would only serve as a reminder of why his parents had already treated him differently. It would remind him that he could save hundreds, if not millions of people throughout his life, but for his parents, it would never make up for the fact that he didn't save the one person he was created to help.

"Funny, I don't remember you being there for most of Maddie's pregnancy, and I don't remember you making the effort with (Y/n) either when we told you about our baby."

"We're making the effort with you, Evan."

"You're making the effort to disrespect my wife and I am this close, to losing my temper with you. If you don't apologise soon, you can kiss goodbye to seeing your grandson."

Evan leaned forward, planting both elbows down on the table while he pinched his thumb and finger together to show how near he was to the end of his tether. If they kept this up and harassed (Y/n) any more, Evan would do what he had done before. He would cut his parents out of his life just like he did for over two years when he left home and went travelling.

Only this time, he wouldn't let them see or be around his son either. They wouldn't get close to Evan's baby if they were going to be disrespectful to (Y/n) and make her feel bad like this.

"Evan! You know we…" Whatever Margaret started to speel went in one ear and out the other for (Y/n).

She turned as if to walk away, hoping to get out of the situation and get away from them. But she stopped and latched her left hand tightly around Evan's neck, gripping him so hard that her nails started to pierce into his skin and made him jump.

He spun in his chair, looking up at his wife in confusion until he took in her stance. (Y/n) was stooped over, leaning forward with her right hand cupping her stomach and tears welling up in her eyes.

"Baby?" His hand moved to grip her wrist tightly and he twisted to try and stand up with (Y/n)'s hand still latched onto his shoulder. But he scraped his chair back and held his breath when (Y/n) whimpered and tilted her head down.

When Evan glanced down to see what she was staring at, his shoulders tensed and his body bristled at the sight of water trickling down her legs.

Her waters broke.

The tears started to trickle down (Y/n)'s face as she lifted her chin to stare up at Evan. The aching twinges in her stomach had turned into a throbbing cramp and her lower back was killing her; clearly this was why. The anxiety and stress of today and helped push her into labour. Thank God her due date was around the corner so this wouldn't cause any problems.

"Still think she's hormonal?" Evan didn't look at his parents for long before he looked back to (Y/n) as she leaned forward and pressed her face into his chest. He cupped the back of her neck and tilted his head down to kiss her head before he looked behind him at Maddie.

She was already on her feet and moving round to his side to help them both while their parents got up, shock splattered all over their faces.

"Okay, let's head to the jeep. We're going home." His thumb glided up and down the back of (Y/n)'s neck while he felt her hands moving to hold his arms.

They needed to head home and get their bags ready and time the contractions. They had to get ready and get everything in order before they went to the hospital to have their boy.

Evan spared his mother one glance when she tried to say something along the lines of 'we'll help you' but she stopped immediately at Evan's glare.

"I think you've done enough."

***

Tilting his head down, Evan pressed his lips to the top of his boy's head, unable to stop himself from smiling against the full head of hair resting on his chest. He had never seen a newborn baby with so much hair before.

He began gliding his left hand up and down his boy's back, grinning to himself when he felt the newborn nuzzling into his chest where Evan had undone the first few buttons on his shirt for skin to skin contact.

He slouched down in his chair a little, pushing his knees into the bed frame so his chest was tilted back to accommodate his boy a little better. He could feel each soft breath fanning against his chest and Evan was rather surprised that they had stayed like this for a while now, and his boy hadn't even woken or made one little whimper. He was completely settled in Evan's embrace.

For a few more moments, Evan trailed his hand in a soft motion up and down the newborn's back, loving the way his tiny legs were curled into his tummy, resting against Evan's abdomen. As if he thought he was still in the womb and had to be tiny and compact.

But he finally lifted his head when he felt (Y/n) lean over and nudge his thigh. She looked more awake than she did earlier. She had taken a nap after almost two days of labour finally ended and their boy was here. And while she slept, Evan had stayed cosied up to their baby.

He looked over at (Y/n) when she held her phone towards him. "Maddie and Chimney are on their way up."

(Y/n) knew Evan had texted them to say that the baby was here and everyone was doing great. He had told his sister she could come up whenever she was ready to meet her nephew, and she had just messaged to say they were here. But they both knew it was a maze in the hospital, especially the maternity ward.

"I'll go find them." Evan didn't want them wandering around the hospital, lost and going the wrong way trying to find them.

He carefully pushed up to his feet and moved to lean over the bed when (Y/n) motioned her arms out to him. ever so gently, Evan eased their boy into her arms and moved his hand to cup the back of (Y/n)'s head, kissing her temple lovingly before he made his way out the room into the corridor.

He headed out the corridor, round the corner and down towards the lift just as his sights set on Jee. The little girl bounded out of the lift, Chimney and Maddie in tow behind her as she clocked onto Evan immediately and ran towards him with a giant teddy held out in her arms.

Evan grinned from ear to ear and quickly bent his knees so he could scoop Jee up into his arms, squishing the teddy between them as he gave her a bear hug. He pecked her cheek and bounced her in his arms.

"Hi girly, is this for me?" He loved the cheeky way she giggled and shook her head, holding the bear tighter as if she thought Evan might just try and take it.

"No! Baby roo."

"Ooh." Evan kissed her cheek again, but the smile on his face dampened when he watched who walked out of the lift after his sister.

His parents.

"Think you can show daddy where the room is? Right round that corner, then right again, room 115."

Jee nodded eagerly, although Chimney was listening to the directions and he nodded. He walked forward, placing a hand down on his daughter's shoulder while the other hand gripped Evan's arm. He grinned up at his brother in law, something akin to affection swelling in his eyes.

"Congratulations, Buck." He murmured softly before he and Jee started their way down the corridor to find the newest addition to the Buckley family. Chimney had to calm Jee down over the past two days since they told her auntie (Y/n) was going to have the baby. She thought it would be an instant thing and was very eager to go down to see the baby. Now she was bubbling over with joy at being able to meet her cousin.

Evan watched them round the corner while he planted his hands down on his hips and turned to look at Maddie. He could see something in her eyes; they didn't need to have a verbal conversation for everything to pass between them.

She had tried. She had tried to tell their parents that coming down to the hospital wouldn't be the best idea with how they had acted towards (Y/n), but they had come down here anyway.

"How are they?" Maddie reached her arms up to loop them around Evan's neck, reeling her tall brother down to her height so she could give him a hug.

"They're doing great, he's seven pounds three." Evan smiled softly down at his sister and ran his hand up and down her shoulder for a few moments before he looked across at his parents.

They were smiling as if wanting to make peace, as if they hadn't done anything wrong the other day and caused problems for them all. If they hadn't of been so rude, (Y/n) probably wouldn't have gone into labour when she did. Her blood pressure wouldn't have been sky-high when they arrived. They might of had a calming family dinner, for once in their lives, and made some sort of peace, if only his parents could of been civil.

"Do you have a name?" Maddie kept her eyes focused intently on her brother, staring up at him so she didn't have to turn and see the hopeful look on their parent's faces. So she didn't have to see that look get wiped away when Evan talked to them.

His eyes set down on her and his expression softened as he nodded.

"Robbie."

They wanted to name him after someone important in their lives and Bobby was certainly someone important. He took Evan under his wing when he didn't have to. He was there for him in their personal lives, not just as an authority figure at the station and he had done everything he could for Evan over the years. Evan felt like Bobby was his father, he was closer to him than to his actual father.

Naming their boy 'Bobby' didn't feel quite right because things could get confusing, and neither of them quite liked Bob. But Robert would be his full name, like Bobby, and they would call him Robbie for short. It was a name that had quickly grown on them.

Evan liked the grin that spread across Maddie's faces, and a small sense of glee lit up his stomach when he watched the dismay plaster across both parent's faces.

"Can we see him?" The raw tone of Margaret's voice made Evan's skin bristle and he tried his best to hold his nerve and not simply back down like he used to do because it was always easier. He never argued or stood up to his parents until the day they told him about Daniel.

It always seemed the best option to just swallow down his thoughts and feelings and let them have their own way. But not this time. Evan wouldn't let them worm their way around him again.

"No."

He felt the way Maddie cringed and squeezed his arm before she ticked her head to the side. She didn't want to witness this argument and she didn't want to get involved either. This was Evan's choice, not hers. She felt Evan squeeze her elbow before she pulled out of his embrace and headed down the corridor to go and see their family.

Evan turned to face his parents, planting both hands down on his hips while he looked over at their aghast expressions and slack jaws.

"Evan, please. This is our grandson, don't keep him from us."

"He's with (Y/n), and I don't think it's a good idea to let you near her after what you've done. Do you?"

"We didn't do anything." The gritty tone in Phillip's voice made Evan clench his jaw and tighten his hands on his hips. They had some nerve trying to defend what they had said and done. They were all here in the hospital because of how they had acted towards (Y/n).

"You insulted her- more than once, and upset her enough to push her into labour. You couldn't say one nice thing to her all night, you just berated her every chance you got. And you haven't shown much interest in the pregnancy so why should I let you near either of them now?"

They didn't seem to have an answer for that, and for once, Evan was glad. He was glad they were listening rather than debating with him because he didn't want answers, he just wanted to explain and have them listen to him.

He ran his hand along his jaw and down the side of his neck before he stepped back, creating a bit more space between them all.

"I don't want you here. You're not going to see him, so you need to leave. We're fine without you."

His nails scratched into the back of his neck as he turned on his heels and walked away from them before he could see his mother start the water works or have them try to change his mind.

It was for the best; it was for his family. All they did was insult and become rude to (Y/n) and she had just gone through two days of labour. She didn't need them around to make her nervous about the way she looked or nervous in case they said anything else unbecoming to her.

And Evan didn't want them around his son if they were going to be so uncaring. They hadn't been bothered with them during the pregnancy, they didn't ask how (Y/n) was or how the baby was doing, they barely acknowledged that Evan was going to be a dad. So they couldn't try and play the doting grandparents now. Evan wouldn't have them around his boy, they had named him after Bobby for a reason.

He headed down the corridor, grateful he couldn't hear his parents walking after him. They were listening, they weren't going to follow and try to plead their case. Evan could go back into that room with a smile on his face, surrounded by his family. And the rest of his family, the team, would be coming down this afternoon to see them.

"What?"

"You heard me. Is this some sort of game for you, Buck? Are you enjoying ruining everything in your path and pissing me off in the process?"

A few months ago, Eddie would never have believed this. He would never have listened if someone tried to tell him how strange and broken Evan really was. He would have ignored anyone who told him that Evan was playing games and running rings around the whole team. Even when (Y/n) told him the truth, there was a miniscule, reserved part of Eddie's mind that just couldn't believe it.

He couldn't believe Evan would do something like this and cause so much mayhem and havoc.

Until that little stunt last week.

It was clever, Eddie had to admit. Evan got the jump on him, he set the ball rolling, telling Bobby that Eddie was the one with the problem and pretending to be frightened of him. But it just showed how devious Evan would become in order to get his own way. He had never been like this before, Eddie had never seen this side to him and it was frightening.

Evan brushed a hand beneath his nose while his stance changed. One hip cocked out to the side, one knee dropped forward and his hands fell to his hips. The way he tilted his head back and rolled his eyes around the locker room made him look upset, like he was being persecuted.

"You really think I enjoy my best friend turning against me?"

"I wouldn't of turned against you if you hadn't gone and screwed up my sister's life and tried to take control over her. If you got help-"

"She started this by running away."

They weren't getting anywhere. This wasn't helping either of them and Eddie couldn't seem to get the message through.

He didn't see how Evan thought he could still be in the right. Yes, (Y/n) shouldn't have run away like she did without telling anyone. Yes, trying to hide the baby from Evan wasn't a smart move and it wasn't exactly fair on him. But Evan drove her to it. He couldn't act like she was doing something wrong when she was only reacting to his actions and his demanour.

If Evan didn't get so controlling over (Y/n), she wouldn't have fled. If he didn't control who she tried to hang around with, if he didn't get so paranoid and follow her home from work or track her phone or try and alienate her from her friends. If he'd of calmed down and trusted that she loved him and wouldn't leave him, then (Y/n) would have been able to tell him about the baby and they may have been able to have the baby together as a couple.

Rather than whatever this strange situation was now.

"And you've made it worse." The pointed look on Eddie's face visibly made Evan shiver. "Why are you doing this?"

All he wanted was answers. If they talked this through, they might be able to find a way forward. But talking wasn't getting them very far recently. Eddie tried to lay down the rules the other week. He tried to tell Evan that he could only be around (Y/n) if someone else was with her. He couldn't pester her and call and text incessantly, he couldn't try and push her into doing what he wanted or get too crowding.

But now Eddie wasn't sure how to get it through to Evan that alienating Eddie at work wasn't going to help their situation. He was inevitably going to make things worse for both of them.

"Doing what?"

"Cut the crap, Buck. It's not just your word against mine; do you think (Y/n) will lie for you? She can tell Bobby the truth at any time, Chrissy can back her up. That possessive streak in you, that'll flare up soon enough and everyone will see what you're really like."

Eddie hated to be so cruel and blunt with his words, but he wasn't being given any other option. Evan couldn't truly believe that he was going to get away with doing this.

It wasn't just their words against one another, it wasn't one-sided accusations. (Y/n) knew the truth. She could tell Bobby what had been going on, she could prove it with all the texts Evan had sent to her in the past. She could talk to people at her old work who had seen Evan waiting around for her after every shift. Or her colleague who Evan had punched for trying to harmlessly hit on (Y/n).

And then there was Chrissy, she had seen how panicked her sister had been and how it had crushed (Y/n) to become smothered by Evan. Their words would back Eddie up and stop Evan from playing the victim.

"You didn't." The beginning of a smirk started to toy around on Evan's lips as he dropped his hands from his hips to fold them over his chest instead. "You had no idea I was (Y/n)'s partner until she told you. You believed what was right in front of you."

Folding his arms over his chest, Evan reclined until his shoulders were against the lockers and he had one leg crossed over the other.

He wasn't sure what made Eddie so certain that everyone was going to be against Evan. They were on his side so far, and this was the measures Evan had been pushed to. He didn't want to be fighting Eddie. In an ideal world, he wanted (Y/n) to be living with him and Eddie to still be his best friend. He wanted them to work together like they used to, with banter and laughs and concern for each other.

He wanted that level of trust back and he wanted (Y/n) to be his girl again, just like she used to back in Texas. Evan wanted things to go the way they should, but nothing was working.

If he didn't play this to his advantage, Eddie was going to ruin his whole world. Eddie would turn Bobby against him and make the team look at him differently. Eddie was going to take Evan's girl from him and his daughter and he was going to ruin his life.

Evan wouldn't live in a world without (Y/n) and their daughter. It just wasn't possible.

Shaking his head, Eddie rattled his fingers through his hair before he pointed a finger at Evan. His lips curled into a grimace and he could feel himself on the point of snarling, he was so frustrated.

"You're derranged if you think (Y/n)'s gonna be putting your name on that birth certificate, or if you think you'll even be at the birth."

A sense of glee lit up Eddie's eyes when he noticed that he had finally rattled Evan's cage. That calm posture switched to tense and stern and Evan pushed off the lockers to take a few daring steps closer to Eddie. There was a flash of worry lighting up his eyes and it made Eddie's lips curve into a smirk. Now, he was going to listen. Finally.

"You're not the only one with power, and let me tell you that if you keep on doing this, I'm gonna help (Y/n) disappear. You won't see either of them again. Think you could live with that? Not having (Y/n) around? Or your daughter not knowing you exist."

The force of Evan's movements took Eddie by surprise and his eyes widened when Evan's hands latched around his shirt and pushed him back into the opposite lockers.

A groan burned at the back of Eddie's throat when his shoulders crashed harshly into the metal and created a horrid echo to vibrate around the room. But it was the look on Evan's face that made Eddie feel unnerved. That look was derranged. That grin was splintered. Those eyes were dark. His grip was tight enough to make his arms tremble with force.

"Your sister is mine."

The authority in Evan's voice was unlike anything Eddie had ever heard and the certainty in his voice was unnerving. It was like a commandment, set in stone that no one was going to be able to change until the end of time.

Evan's eyes narrowed as he looked down at his best friend, wishing he could transfer all his thoughts into Eddie's mind and get him to see things from his point of view. He wasn't going to let anyone keep (Y/n) or their daughter away from him, Eddie included.

And he didn't like how Eddie was threatening him. If Eddie thought he could make the rules and keep Evan out of his girl's life, then he was utterly wrong. Nothing would stop Evan from being at the birth, no one was going to stop him from being on the birth certificate and there was no way his daughter wasn't going to know who he was. He would be in her life from the very start, nothing would change that. It was set in stone.

"She can't stay away from me either, Eddie. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but she still loves me. Why else would she let me back in her bed the first time I went round to visit her at your place?" His voice verged on dangerous because even though his words were calculated, it was clear Evan was losing his cool right now.

"Very funny." Eddie's voice was guttural and held a razor sharp edge, warning Evan not to go down this path. "Enjoy having a daughter you're never gonna meet."

Both Eddie's hands balled into fists when Evan gave him a shove, knocking him on his back foot and sending his shoulder jolting into the lockers again. He was as riled up as Eddie was and they were both about to unleash their anger.

Those words touched a raw nerve.

Evan wouldn't be able to handle that. He wouldn't survive living each day not being able to see or be in his daughter's life. If he couldn't see her or be around her, he wouldn't want to live at all. Every time he thought about having kids, Evan's mind was made up. He would do right by his child, by any children he had. He would make sure they were loved and nurtured and had a better upbringing than he did.

How could he do that if he wasn't in his child's life? How would Eddie feel if someone told him that he could never be in Chris's life again? That he could never see his son. Would he sit down and let it happen, or would be put up a fight, just like Evan?

"Ask her. She wouldn't have fucked me if she was so afraid of me-"

The punch landed to his jaw made Evan's ears pop but even as he clicked his jaw back into place, his lips were forming a snarl and he was ready to retaliate.

But he didn't. Not when he caught sight of the figure looming in the doorway who he hadn't spotted two seconds ago.

He brought his hand up to hide his mouth, obscuring the smile hidden behind his palm and he made an effort to tense his shoulders up and force a cough past his lips which made him wheeze and sound out of breath. When Evan tilted his head to the right, his body followed the sense of direction and he stumbled until he slumped down onto the bench nearby.

"What the Hell are you two doing?" Bobby's demanding voice cut through the air like a knife and his presence in the doorway made tension build up in Eddie's gut.

He could feel his shoulders pulling up and his trembling hands stayed balled into fists at his sides as he looked between his Captain and Evan. But to his astonishment and horror, he realised Evan was shaking. He had been shaking with anger before Bobby walked in, but now, Eddie realised a second too late that Evan's riled up frame could be mistaken for him being terrified, not angered.

His face was bright red, blood rushing to his cheeks and tainting his neck that was there because he had been riled up, not because he had been punched. But this was working in Evan's favour. All he had to do was set those puppy dog eyes on Bobby, and the Captain thought he was now a victim to be protected.

He looked convincing. If Eddie walked in now, he would believe Evan was being persecuted and victimised, he wouldn't believe for a second that Evan was the one calling the shots.

One look between them told Bobby the situation that Evan wanted him to believe. It looked like Eddie had just attacked Evan for no reason, and Evan was sat there, trembling like the victim.

"Eddie, go home. Your shift ended five minutes ago." Eddie had never seen Bobby stare at him with such a steely, broken look before. And he could tell Bobby was finding it hard not to lash out in retaliation. He thought of Evan as his son, they were as close as relations. Seeing someone victimise Evan wasn't something that the Captain would stand for.

"It was my fault, Eddie I- I'm sorry-" Evan stuttered through the words and dropped his hands to his lap, running his fingers up and down his thighs to ward off the excess adrenaline coursing through his veins.

"Buck, head to my office, take a breather. You don't have to apologise."

He nodded his head, biting back a smile when he glanced over at Eddie who looked like he was going to burst into a ball of flames right then and there.

Evan made sure to hang his head down and watch his feet as he walked away, not believing his luck. What good timing that Bobby turned up right before Evan had been about to land a punch back at Eddie. If that happened, Evan might not have gotten away with the victim game.

But he would happily pretend he was being bullied by Eddie rather than tell the truth that they were both winding each other up.

Once he was skulking off into the corridor like a puppy with his tail between his legs, Eddie came to life. He hurried ahead over to Bobby, shaking to the point he looked like he was going to collapse.

"Bobby he's playing you!" The desperation in his voice was clear, but Eddie could see he wasn't going to get through to Bobby right now.

He would have to wait until Bobby calmed down. He would have to get (Y/n) to talk to him too and make everyone see how dark Evan truly was. They would all have to find out or Evan was going to have every single person wrapped around his finger and playing to his game. They couldn't carry on like this or Evan was going to destroy them all.

"You need to head home and you'd best hope Buck is still forgiving towards you because if he wants to take this further, he has every right. You were warned, you carry on like this and you'll be suspended."

Eddie had played right into Evan's hands. And something told him Evan was going to play this to his advantage.

***

A round of fireworks set off in Evan's stomach and sparked all the way up to his chest when he opened the apartment door. He leaned his hip against the door and held his breath to see if it would settle down the adrenaline that was shooting off in all directions throughout his body.

He hadn't expected (Y/n) to turn up today; and she was early. They had promised Chris last week that he could help them go out shopping for things for the baby, and they were going to take him out tomorrow after school. He had excitedly told Eddie, who didn't think it was such a bad idea because Chris could be a sort of chaperone for them without knowing it. Eddie knew Evan wouldn't step out of line with Chris being with them.

And since Maddie was coming round for lunch, Evan had invited (Y/n) round. They both knew he wouldn't do too much or say anything untoward with his sister present, and Maddie was going to give (Y/n) a lift to work afterwards. Since they were both on shift this afternoon at the call centre.

(Y/n) was early, she wasn't supposed to be here yet and it made Evan wonder why she had turned up. She wasn't simply going to change her mind and be around him, alone, knowing how he felt about her. She knew he wouldn't be able to resist pulling her into his arms or kissing her or trying his luck with her.

"Hey baby, everything okay?" He leaned against the door, watching (Y/n) as she stepped inside rather quickly without him needing to usher her inside.

But as she walked past him, Evan's enlightened smile faded into a look of worry when he took in her appearance. She looked like she had been crying, he could see tear tracks etched down her cheeks, and her eyes looked rather puffy. And when he noticed she was biting her lip and he looked down and noted that she had been biting her nails too- another anxious habit- he felt uneasy.

Was she here because something was wrong with the baby? Was she not well? Had something happened?

"Are you alright?" He didn't bother to hide the panic from his voice and when (Y/n) walked briskly towards the living room, Evan strode to keep up with her.

He reached out and moved his hands to hold her upper arms which made her shiver for a moment as if she didn't know who it was holding her. She didn't settle fully into his touch, something which irked him, but he tried to ignore it as he turned her around so she would stop striding away and look at him.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He didn't like the defiant look in her eyes or the way her jaw locked as she glared up at him.

Her arms writhed from side to side to shake off his touch and she took a step back to keep an air of space between them. Something which set off a fire within Evan. All he wanted was to be near her, he felt like an addict when he was around her and with how observant and pushy Eddie was, Evan barely got to touch (Y/n).

Here she was, in his home, just the two of them, and she wasn't letting him get close. She was taunting him without knowing it and he didn't like it.

"Eddie told me what you did, at the station." (Y/n) folded her arms over her chest, letting them rest on top of her bump that seemed to be getting bigger and heavier each day. She saw the way Evan dragged his eyes down to her stomach and she could see his hands curling into fists at his sides to restrain himself from reaching out for her.

Did he think Eddie wouldn't tell (Y/n) what happened?

He came home riled up and distressed, of course he told his sister what had happened, not that (Y/n) could believe it at first. She thought that with how much Evan told her he loved her, he wouldn't do anything to upset or hurt Eddie, knowing how close she was to her brother.

But Eddie couldn't afford for Evan to make this into a big situation. It wouldn't be fair for Eddie to be the outcast at work or feel like he couldn't work with the team who had become his family. And he couldn't have this on his file, what if he wanted to move stations or get another job? If he had a note on his file that he had punched a colleague it would make things ten times harder for him.

"You mean this?" Evan leaned down until he was level with (Y/n) and pointed to the cut on the corner of his lower lip. "I think you'll find your brother threw the punches, not me."

His brow rose like he was tempting her to argue with him and he could see her temper flaring up behind her eyes.

Her arms dropped from her bump and she huffed, moving her hands to hold her hips instead. And when Evan stepped closer, for once, (Y/n) didn't try and step away or let him back her into a corner. She had been in that situation far too often and with no one in the house, Evan could easily get his own way here.

She could feel her temper rising when Evan simply tilted his head to one side and continued to lean closer to her like he was aiming for a kiss. She wasn't going to let him worm out of this one. He had to explain. He had to make this right.

"Evan he could get suspended! You told Bobby he was harassing you, if Bobby gives him a written warning that stays on his file and if he's suspended he might lose his job. You can't do that."

The desperation in her voice made a flare spark in Evan's chest as he felt his heartbeat throbbing against his ribs like a drum.

Bobby hadn't spoken to Eddie yet, then.

This might work in Evan's favour. He had talked to Bobby after Eddie left the station the other day. He had told Bobby that they had just had an argument which got out of hand, and he came clean that he had started the argument and riled Eddie up too. He wouldn't blame Eddie for it, not when he knew the repercussions it could have.

As much as Evan was angry at his best friend for trying to cause problems with his relationship, he wasn't going to do anything to hurt Eddie. No when he knew it would in turn hurt (Y/n) too, and Evan would never hurt her.

He made it clear to Bobby that he wasn't going to make a complaint or do anything about this and they had agreed that for the time being, he and Eddie would be on opposite shifts. The matter was dealt with. Clearly, Bobby wanted to have a word with Eddie and speak to him about this before he told him the good news.

"Sit down." Evan murmured quietly as he moved his hand to (Y/n)'s elbow and he was relieved that she didn't pull out of his grasp.

He guided her towards the sofa and once she ws sat down, he perched down beside her, sitting on the edge of the seat. Their knees brushed together and their thighs were touching while Evan spread his knees so he could clasp his hands together between his thighs. He hung his head and looked to the right so he was looking over at her.

"Sweetheart, he hit me on shift, I've been playing nice at work. I don't wanna get him suspended, I wouldn't do that to Chris… but Bobby isn't happy. It's his choice-"

"Tell Bobby you don't want to make a complaint. Bobby can't suspend him if you don't put in the formal complaint, Evan please."

(Y/n) couldn't refrain from leaning into Evan and reaching her hand out to grasp his arm. Her grip was fiercely tight, almost pinching her nails through his skin to show how serious she was. She couldn't have Evan screwing Eddie's work life up like this. He had done enough damage dragging Eddie into their mess, (Y/n) wouldn't have her brother's life turned upside down again.

She felt responsible, if she hadn't of come here in the first place, Eddie would still have a brotherly relationship with Evan and they wouldn't have problems at home. They would be close friends, things would have continued as normal if (Y/n) hadn't of come down here.

She couldn't ruin Eddie's life any more than she already had, and she wouldn't have Evan making it worse either.

She watched the way Evan reeled back up to his proper height and clicked his spine into place. But it was the way he twisted to face her and started to run his hands up and down his thighs that made her uneasy. She wasn't sure what was running through his head and she didn't like how he pursed his lips and sighed.

Was he really going to upset her and go through with this? Did he think getting back at Eddie was worth upsetting (Y/n)?

"What's it worth, to you?"

"W-what?"

A shiver tore down (Y/n)'s spine as she inched back towards the arm rest. The end of her nose crinkled and her brows furrowed in confusion. What was he doing? Was he making some sort of bargain with her? Did Evan believe this was a game to play? (Y/n) knew he hated losing and she had no doubt he would bend the rules to his will to get his way.

"Say I tell Bobby to forget it, that me and Eddie have come up with a truce. What will you do for me?" Evan dragged his hand along his jaw and down the side of his neck like he was trying to scratch the adrenaline away.

He was. He was making a bargain with her.

A cold shiver passed down (Y/n)'s spine and she began to shrink in on herself. Her hand moved to cradle the side of her stomach where the baby started to kick up a fuss.

She didn't like where this was going. (Y/n) could sense that whatever Evan was going to ask for would be too high a price to agree to. He wouldn't settle for just anything and (Y/n) didn't want to agree to anything. She had been standing her ground with him, trying to let Eddie make the rules and get Evan to abide by them, but he wasn't listening.

He was taking liberties whenever and wherever he could, and this was certainly going to be pushing the boundaries.

She swallowed down the panic building up in her chest and pulled her sleeves down over her hands as she looked up at Evan through her lashes.

"What… what do you want?" (Y/n) tensed and stayed deadly still when Evan leaned across the small bridge of space between them.

She could feel his hand creeping over her thigh while his lips attached to the weak spot behind her ear at the top of her neck. It was as if he was a vampire, grazing his teeth over her pulse point like he was waiting to strike right into her beating veins.

She dreaded to think what he was going to ask. Whatever he wanted, it wouldn't be anything good. It never was. And (Y/n) knew it would be something substantial because he had the higher ground, he could theoretically ask for whatever he wanted and see where (Y/n) would draw the line.

"Move in with me."

His teeth bit at her neck just as (Y/n) leaned back and hurriedly shuffled up against the arm rest to get away from him.

He couldn't ask that! He couldn't make that demand of her. It wasn't fair! He was asking far too much.

The reason (Y/n) was still living with Eddie was because she hadn't found a place of her own yet. Moving in with Evan defeated the object of trying to get away from him. He was manipulative, he was controlling and he had a dark streak in him that frightened (Y/n). If she moved in with him she would be trapping herself in his net.

Evan would have that control over her that he had when they first started dating. He would have her in the palm of his hand, and the same went for their daughter.

"I can't!" (Y/n) shook her head rapidly, clutching her shaking hand around the arm rest to ground herself to something. Her other hand started to scratch up and down her thigh, she could feel her breaths running away without her.

But she almost gasped when Evan pulled away from her and retracted his hands to his own thighs like he was suddenly giving up.

"Well then I can't help you, sweetheart."

"Evan!" (Y/n) couldn't help the seething tone in her voice and she all but slammed her fist down on her thigh in frustration.

When his expression didn't change, (Y/n) huffed and reached across for him, clearly taking him by surprise. She curled her hand around his and gripped tight, pulling his hand towards her as she clutched him like her life depended on it. And something within her told her that it did.

"Evan, you can't ask me that-"

"Why, isn't it the right thing to do? Everyone knows the baby's mine, you said it yourself, you can't bring her up still living with Eddie. And those conventional parents of yours surely aren't impressed you're having a baby before marriage. Living with the father would satisfy them too, wouldn't it?"

He was really trying to do this to her. He was trying to bribe and guilt-trip her into moving in with him, into getting back into his web where he would undoubtedly do everything in his power never to let her go again.

Could she really do this? Could (Y/n) really let herself get back into Evan's grasp like this?

What was the alternative?

Living alone with a newborn wasn't ideal, and she couldn't impose on Eddie and stay with him when she had the baby. Plus, if Evan was going to be involved, he would be round to see her and the baby almost every day anyway. So would it really be that different if she lived with him? Wouldn't having her own place yet having Evan round all the time feel like they were living together?

Wouldn't it be easier to stay with him and have some help? Now that Eddie knew what Evan was really like, he would keep a closer eye on him. Eddie would check in with (Y/n) daily, he would make sure she was alright and she was comfortable enough to be able to tell him if something was wrong or ask for help. Evan couldn't do anything controlling or untoward and keep it secret from Eddie or Maddie or the rest of the team.

"You're a bully."

She could see her words stung at him because his hand bristled on her thigh and he clenched his fingers into her skin tight enough to make her jump.

It was the truth, whether Evan wanted to hear it or not. He was using this to his advantage. (Y/n) knew that whether Eddie threw the first punch or not, Evan would of deserved it and he would of riled Eddie up and caused some problems to make Eddie lash out. He wouldn't punch someone so close to him for no reason.

She found herself leaning back into the arm rest again when Evan inched closer. His fingers unlatched from her thigh so he could glide his hand around to cup her hip and the way his head leaned to one side made him look almost angelic and innocent.

"I'm resourceful. Come on, (Y/n). I love you both to the end of the Earth, and I know you love me. I wanna bring my daughter up and be in her life, and this will be easier for you, we both know it will. I've barely been there for you during this pregnancy, if you stay with me it means I can look after you and her."

And it would make Eddie's threats futile. If she moved in with him, not only would Evan be calmer and much more enlightened to have his girls with him, but he wouldn't be panicking. He wouldn't worry that he would miss the birth or that Eddie would keep him away, because chances were that (Y/n) would go into labour when Evan was around if she lived with him. And if he was at the birth and subsequently brought (Y/n) and their girl home, there was no way (Y/n) could go and sign the birth certificate and leave his name off it.

(Y/n) could feel her mind starting to short-circuit at all the possibilities, the pros and cons of agreeing to this. How she would back out or change her mind if Evan did something disagreeable.

But all her thoughts came to a sudden halt when Evan's chest pressed down into her and his lips were connected with hers.

His hand slid up from her hip to cradle the side of her stomach, gliding his thumb over the tender spot where the baby had been kicking. She could feel his other hand resting near her shoulder, gripping the back of the sofa to keep his balance so he didn't crush her beneath him.

His lips tasted sweet, like cherry cola and (Y/n) couldn't help but react when he slid his tongue past her lips. She knew he would do something like this. She knew coming round early was a risk, but it was something she had to do. (Y/n) had to talk to him without Maddie here so they could be clear and honest.

And she wasn't that early. Half an hour at most. Evan could hardly lure her to bed or try too many moves on the sofa with Maddie's arrival imminent. Evan may be many things, but he would be embarrassed if his big sister caught them in a compromising position.

"I won't do anything you don't want me to." Each word was spoken in a whisper, peppered against her lips between hot kisses that made it harder and harder for (Y/n) to breathe.

Somehow, she didn't believe him. He was doing something she didn't like right now by bargaining with her. She didn't want him to bully her into moving back in with him, and yet here he was doing it.

When his lips finally left hers, Evan nudged his nose against hers and pecked the corner of her mouth.

"Eddie won't leave us alone, he'll be checking on you everyday… Mads will probably be round every other day once we have our girl, she wants to be involved and help you. What do you think I'm gonna do, hm? With all the team watching and knowing everything, from now on? Stay with me, baby."

As much as (Y/n) didn't want to admit it, he had a point. Eddie would blow a hole in the roof if (Y/n) agreed to this, but if she explained, he might come around to the idea. He would be checking in with (Y/n) every day, he would keep an eye on Evan when he could especially if their shift pattern eventually went back to normal at work.

Maddie would be round to help (Y/n) once the baby was born and when Evan went back to work, Maddie wanted to get involved. She wanted to help and be a big part of her niece's life.

The team knew there was tension between Eddie and Evan, they would keep an eye on both of them.

Evan couldn't do a lot with everyone watching and getting involved, (Y/n) was safe with a family community around her.

She tilted her head back, unable to fight off the groan that escaped her lips when Evan stole another feverish kiss from her and wormed his hand beneath her shirt to feel her bump. She could feel the intent, the desire and eagerness in the way he nudged her head back as he kissed her, taking all the air from her lungs and the sense from her mind.

Her heartbeat quickened when he dragged her lower lip between his teeth and pulled, obscuring his smirk while his pupils expanded into black holes. Totally and willingly consumed by (Y/n).

"All I want, is my girls with me. Please." The look in his eyes was real and the gritty tone to his voice was desperate. He was pleading with her. Evan was being honest, because all he could think about was (Y/n). All he wanted was to have her and their daughter here with him, back in his arms, in his sights, where he could look after them.

(Y/n) had to admit that staying away from Evan was clearly spiking his anxiety which was increasing his behaviour. Maybe if she stopped trying to run from him and stuck around him instead, he might calm down. If she stayed with him and he calmed down, they could try and have their baby properly without all the madness involved.

As long as being around Evan didn't make him try and tighten his control over her again. If he could keep that panic and jealousy at bay and control his raging thoughts, this might be okay.

(Y/n) pressed her hand into his chest and gave him a forceful nudge until he took the hint. He released her bruised lip from his teeth and leaned back to let her sit up properly again. Although his hand remained on her stomach and his face remained close enough that (Y/n) could feel each breath he took and every movement of his chest.

Her fingers began gliding over his chest, trying to keep him at bay long enough to talk without having him distracting her with kisses. She could tell her touch was starting to affect him, but she had to get him to listen to her.

"You promise me you won't do anything to Eddie anymore? You play nice, don't threaten his job again or wind him up. Promise me, Evan. And if you try checking my phone or hounding me and getting controlling again, then I'm gone."

"I promise." His response was instant, and sealed with a bruising kiss to her already swollen lips.

Evan would agree to anything if it meant (Y/n) moving in with him. If it meant they would be a proper family and he could have what he'd always wanted; someone he loved and children of his own. (Y/n) could tell him to go and commit murder and Evan would willingly, blindly do as she asked if it meant getting her to stay with him.

And having her stay with him willingly, without a fight or stress or him needing to take her phone like last time when she kept trying to walk out on him, this was better. This was much, much better.

And if Eddie tried to get involved, he would be dismayed to find out that (Y/n) was doing this- somewhat- willingly would halt Eddie's efforts to try and take Evan out of his daughter's life. Eddie couldn't do anything if (Y/n) told him she had agreed to this. Eddie couldn't pressure her into keeping Evan away from the birth or not putting his name on the certificate.

Evan could keep his girls in his life. He didn't have to lay awake at night anymore, envisioning (Y/n), dreaming of her. Desperate to wrap his arms around her and mould himself against her and have her in his arms. And he didn't have to punch the walls in frustration at the knowledge that he was missing out on the kicks and movements of their baby and actually feeling (Y/n)'s shape change.

With Val his sex life was vanilla, missionary once a month on date night. They’d tried a few other things, cowgirl, doggie style but Val liked what she liked, and he accommodated her. He’d had a couple of dates after the divorce, but they weren’t anything special. They’d helped him blow off a little steam, but they were nothing compared to the shit you get up to.

He thinks trust is the reason it works so well. It’s long established, he’s known you for a couple of years at this point. You’re on different teams these days. He’s a Sergeant on 50 Squad and you’re on 20. He thinks the fact you’re on the job gives you unique insight into why he is the way he is, why he craves the things he does. There’s no judgement from you when he asks for something a little intense, he’s discovered you like to play and explore as much as he does.

The only problem is, you treat this thing like it's casual, for Donovan it’s anything but.

You’ve given him a wild ride tonight, hand on his throat as you fuck him within an inch of his life. When you squeeze just right, he arches up into you, a moan tearing from his chest. When you come, you take him with you, dragging him over the edge as his cheeks flush that pretty shade of pink.

He’s barely had time to catch his breath before your slipping out from underneath his sheets. You scoop up your vest top from the floor, tugging it on over your curves so that it falls mid-thigh. His hand captures yours, tugging you back down onto the edge of the bed.

“Stay a little.” He requests.

“Donovan…”

He adores the way you say his name. He’s always been Rocker until that night in Noche, and now he’s Donovan, the man that loves you more than life itself.

“We’ve talked about this.” You remind him as he shifts into a sitting position. His hand comes to rest on upon your shoulder, his thumb skirting over the nape of your neck. Its an intimate little gesture, an admission that he wants more from arrangement the two of you have.

“We have.” He agrees as his lips follow suit, his heated mouth ghosts up the curve of your throat, his arms wrapping around you and drawing you back into the shelter of his body. “But what’s wrong with this?”

“Donovan…” You chide.

You’re giving in though, he can tell. It’s in the way you lean back into him. That smile on your lips as you let out that laugh, the one that makes his world just a little bit brighter. He’s found that ticklish spot just under the hinge of your jaw and now, he’s exploiting it.

“Stay.” He whispers into your ear.

“Just tonight.” You tell him. “Only one night.”

***

The problem is once you break one rule, it becomes easier to break the rest.

You’ve always had a reputation as the good girl. You follow orders with precision, you always play it safe. You’re solid, dependable. You’re also sleeping with a fellow officer, something that no one would ever suspect. You’ve always had a rule about dating cops, the first thing you learn as a woman on the force is not to fall into bed with a colleague. You’ve never had a problem with it until that night at Noche, the night Donovan walked into the bar where you played violin and saw the real you, the one you’ve kept hidden from everybody else. You’ve always been attracted to him but there was something special about that evening, you were coming off the high of performing and the way he looked at you…

You’ve never wanted someone so much.

It was meant to be a one-time thing but Donovan, he captivates you. You’ve always had a fascination with the edgier side of things, it’s the reason you dress the way you do when you play, it brings out the bad girl, the person you don’t get to be on SWAT. Donovan embraces that side of you, he understands it because deep down the two of you are exactly the same.

Which is why you stay over that night, because truly the two of you have something special. You just don’t want to be the woman that other cops think is fair game if things go sideways.

It doesn’t stop you from staying over on a regular basis, from kissing him goodbye on the doorstep when you leave. You go out for breakfast at the café around the corner, try to outpace each other during your morning run. When you’re sick, he comes over, takes care of you because he can’t stand the idea of you fending for yourself.

It becomes a full-blown relationship without you even realising it until one night you’re changing out an ice pack because he got clipped during an op. He takes it from you, hissing through his teeth before he places it upon the space where the bullet struck his vest. It had been close today; Stevens had told you when they’d gotten back to headquarters. It had freaked out his entire team.  It had scared the hell out of you.

“I love you.” You tell him, your thumb ghosting over his cheekbone as he looks up at you.

He reaches for your free hand, a smile playing across his lips as he pulls you down into his lap. Your thighs hug his hips, his fingertips brush a stray strand of hair back behind your ear as he looks into your eyes and says.

“I love you too.”

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

Maybe these infrequent spells were signals that she needed a drink or something to eat, it was almost lunchtime after all.

Being on Swat meant that for the most part, (Y/n) was used to eating a balanced diet and the work outs meant she at least drank enough fluids throughout each day. But it also meant that sometimes meal times were skewed and forgotten if they had a big mission or if they had too many call outs during the day and not enough time to come back to headquarters and eat.

She was used to it. They all got used to the varied meal times after a while.

The baby was changing things now.

(Y/n) had done well so far not to be too weighed down by morning sickness, she was relatively untouched by that side effect. But for the last two days, dizzy spells had started to become a frequent friend and (Y/n) wondered if it was because she needed a bit of sugar or a drink to perk herself back up.

She dragged her hand down the back of her neck and dared to glance her eyes down, feeling a smile creep onto her face when she noticed her small bump.

"Don't do that again," She murmured quietly to herself, letting her hand wander down to her stomach for a brief moment before she tried to carry on walking.

Her head tilted to one side and she blearily stared down at the tablet in her hand, scrolling through the dreaded pages of information that was starting to blur before her eyes. Each word was jumbling up from the amount of files (Y/n) had been scrolling and reading through today, let alone the last few weeks.

She made a slow walk out of the computer room and advanced towards the gym. She wasn't too sure where she was going, just that she wanted to get away from all the screens that were making her feel worse. (Y/n) was used to being up and running about for over twelve hours a day, she needed to keep moving around headquarters rather than sitting doing nothing.

She scrolled through the pages, not really taking anymore of the information in, but she stopped when a familiar voice caught her attention.

"So it's true then?"

Her gaze darted up from the tablet and she paused near the boxing ring. A grin formed on her lips and she lifted her head when her eyes locked on Deacon walking her way. He had one brow raised and he moved his hand to point to her slightly rounded stomach.

They were on different teams, while Deacon was second in command on Hondo's team, (Y/n) was in Rocker's team. They didn't often get to work together, but that didn't mean they didn't have banter together and they were often found training and sparring in the gym in their spare time.

Deacon was someone who (Y/n) got along with and someone who never teased or chastised her for her relationship with Rocker. He never said a thing about her being on her husband's team. No one really made a big thing about it, but some people like to jest and it did get tiring, especially when people tried to say that Rocker might just give (Y/n) special treatment.

"Yep, you've lost your sparring partner." Her free hand moved to her hip as Deacon stood in front of her with a calming smile.

(Y/n) and Rocker didn't want to broadcast the news, but things spread quickly at Swat and it couldn't be kept under wraps. Not when (Y/n) had to tell the Commander immediately so she wouldn't be put in harm's way. Everyone on the team had to know why (Y/n) suddenly wasn't going out on missions with them and was reduced to staying back at headquarters.

And once their team knew, it was only a matter of time before the news spread around the rest of the teams and the officers here. Word seemed to have gone full circle and got to Hondo's team now.

"You getting used to life behind the desk?"

Restricted duties had never felt so boring.

(Y/n) had the baby to thank for that. No more missions. No more walking- or sometimes running- into dangerous situations. She could accompany officers on house calls and work with the police on any cases they were helping with, but even then she couldn't go to big scenes in case anything happened. (Y/n) was a helping pair of hands and that meant she was almost always staying here in the computer room.

She handled sensitive information, found criminal files, floor plans and maps, building plans. She contacted the judges for warrants and made all the boring phone calls so the rest of her team could go straight out on their missions.

"Not really, it's so boring."

A jolt ran through her system and she almost dropped the tablet in her hand when a strong arm suddenly bound around her waist.

She let her head flop back against Rocker's shoulder when she felt his hard chest press up into her back and a soft kiss pressed into the top of her hair. She couldn't help the way her lips curved up into a grin when she realised Rocker had his hand splayed out on her stomach and his thumb began to trace up and down over her shirt.

"I think the word you're looking for is safe." He corrected, speaking into her hair as he kissed her head again and his eyes creased into a smile when he looked over at Deacon.

They were always professional when they were on shift, they had to be. Rocker was in charge of the team and he couldn't be seen to be going easy or paying favourable attention to his wife. If that happened (Y/n) would be moved off his team and no one would trust him to be in charge if he couldn't remain neutral and fair.

But now that (Y/n) was behind a desk rather than out in the field, they could afford to be a bit more open with affection. A hug here and a peck there wasn't going to be seen as Rocker favouritising (Y/n). He could hardly do that when she wasn't allowed on any mission, she couldn't take the lead in a raid and she wasn't out there with the rest of them.

They didn't have to be strictly professional when they were here at base, no one batted an eyelid if Rocker wrapped himself around his wife and gave her a kiss.

(Y/n) hummed and nodded. Safe was the right word, but boring fit just as adequately.

"So, you're a person down."

"I had to draft in Jones to make up the numbers." Rocker glanced behind him but he couldn't see where Jones had wandered off to.

Rocker couldn't go into situations a person down, he had to have enough people so everyone had back up when they went into unknown, risky situations. He had been given freedom to pick anyone he wanted to join the team for a short while.

It had been made perfectly clear to Jones that this wasn't permanent, he wasn't going to be on Rocker's team for more than a year at most. The moment (Y/n) was ready to come back off maternity leave, Jones would be reduced back to one of the lesser teams they had for bank staff and in case of emergencies. (Y/n)'s spot was always going to be there for her.

Before her and Chris, they didn't have women in Swat so there was never a part in the contract about maternity leave. But they drafted in the same terms and conditions for a regular police officer. And (Y/n)'s spot would have to remain open for her after her leave because if not, then they would be discriminating against her.

"He's got nothing on sweetheart though, and her pretty face."

(Y/n) snapped her head to the right and looked over at Adam who was stood near the punching bag.

He was a joker, but he was only jesting, he meant no harm. Everyone on their team had started to call (Y/n) sweetheart after they heard Rocker let it slip one day at work. They were all so used to seeing Rocker be distant and controlled and a bit stern at times, so to see him be soft around (Y/n), especially at work, was a rarity.

"Glad to know you miss me." (Y/n) murmured back while she let her upper chest lean back into Rocker a bit more. And it caused his arm to tighten around her waist

"Least we still get to hear your melodic voice through the comms, right?" It wasn't as if (Y/n) was on leave yet, for the next few months they would just have to wait to see her here at base and hear her giving them directions and information through the radio.

"Careful." Rocker didn't look very impressed. They were still at work and this was (Y/n) Adam was joking to and about.

The smile on Adam's face dampened and he huffed, giving (Y/n) a brief look of contempt before he went back to beating the punch bag. He had been told, and he wasn't about to push the boundaries and get on Rocker's bad side.

When Deacon murmured "I'll catch you in a bit," and patted (Y/n)'s shoulder, she nodded and watched him head past them towards the kitchen.

(Y/n) found her mind drifting off again but static started to build up in her ears when her head started to fog up and she felt like all the blood was draining down to her toes. Maybe she needed to go and get a drink to see if that would make her feel any better. She had felt better when she was on eighteen hour shifts without a chance to sit down, than how she felt right now.

"Okay sweetheart, I-" Rocker started when he finally found the will to move his hand from her stomach that was always capturing his attention just lately.

But he paused when he tried to take a step back and when his arm retracted from (Y/n)'s waist, she stumbled back towards him. Both his hands reached out and he grabbed her hips, stepping forward again to steady her before she lost her balance and fell flat on the floor.

His brows furrowed and he leaned his head down to look at her in confusion. She hadn't been leaning that heavily on him, he thought she would have found her balance if he moved.

"You okay?"

"Yeah…" She took a second to find her footing and make sure she was properly on her feet again before she twisted her head to look up at him. "Just wasn't expecting my leaning post to move."

It seemed a safer bet than admitting to Rocker that she had gone a bit dizzy and lost her balance when he moved. If she told him then he would worry and there was no sense in that. Not when (Y/n) wasn't going out on any missions, she wouldn't be putting the team at risk. She was staying here, doing the boring tasks no one else wanted to do.

Her breath got caught in her lungs when Rocker cupped her chin and tilted her head back so their gazes interlocked. The way he arched a brow and his lips set into a straight line had her stomach fluttering with adrenaline and made her feel even more lightheaded than before.

He seemed to study her for a moment, making sure she was actually alright and there was nothing wrong that he should be worrying about.

"Hm. Well I've got a meeting with the Commander, then I'll see you for the briefing after lunch, okay?"

"Off you go, boss."

She stayed put as he pressed a quick but searing kiss to her lips and her eyes followed him as he headed off towards the corridor. Shoulders broad and confident and towering over everyone he passed.

A briefing, then more and more paperwork until all (Y/n) would be able to see were letters and numbers dancing before her eyes.

She would be fine, she would just be bored.

***

(Y/n) could feel another headache forming and she dragged her hand across her face, wiping off the beads of sweat starting to glisten on her skin.

She wanted to go home. She hadn't been on shift for that long and already she was feeling like she would be more use sitting at home than hanging around here. She could barely read the files she was so dizzy, it was taking twice as long when (Y/n) had to reread each line to make sure she was reading it correctly.

It didn't help matters that Rocker and the team were already out on a call, so it wasn't as if (Y/n) could go and take a break.

When the team was out, (Y/n) was their eyes and ears. She read the maps, she scoured through the files and she checked the building plans and gave them directions. She had to be here in the control room and she had to be ready at the computer in case the team needed any specifics.

Hearing Rocker's voice come through the radio was calming and it made (Y/n) feel a bit better. She felt useful when Rocker was asking her questions and involving her, and all (Y/n) wanted was to still be part of the team and do her job the best she could.

Leaning forward, (Y/n) pressed her right hand down on the table that had three different computers open with different files and building layouts displayed before her blurring eyes. She leaned her weight on her hand and bowed her head forward as she closed her eyes.

Her other hand moved from wiping her brow to cradling her stomach that was churning with adrenaline and the need to be sick.

She tried to brush her thumb up and down across her small bump in the way that Rocker had become accustomed to doing, hoping it might do something to calm her down and make her feel better.

(Y/n) quickly moved her hand from her stomach to her mouth and held her breath deep in her lungs, willing herself not to be sick. Not here, not when she was at work. When the mission was over, she could rip out the ear piece and go hide in the toilets until her team came back.

She took a few calming breaths when the sickness subsided and tried to stand up straight again, but she realised she was starting to shake. Why did she have to become dizzy now? Why couldn't this have waited until tomorrow when she had a day off? Or tonight when she and Rocker went home? Why when she was in the middle of a call?

"(Y/n)?"

"Hm?" She tried to tune back into the conversation and listen to Rocker and the team rattling through the speaker clipped around her ear.

"The building, when did construction start?" The slight hesitation in Rocker's voice silently told (Y/n) that he had already asked that question and she must have tuned him out while she tried to quench her sickness.

Her trembling hands moved to the counter and she leaned forward, squinting hard to look at the different computer screens to find the right one.

Why were they all so bright? Why were they a mix of hazy blue, brilliant white and tiny black letters that were almost indecisive? Why was it so hard to focus on what she was trying to read when only a few days ago she hadn't been having these problems or headaches of this magnitude?

"Two weeks ago." She knew her voice sounded feeble but she tried to take deep breaths and control each word. She didn't want Rocker worrying because worry caused distractions and they couldn't afford to be distracted, not in their line of work.

Twisting to look at the screen on her left, (Y/n) followed the little red dot that was bleeping every second and steadily moving forwards. It was the tracker on the jeep the team were in. She was keeping track of them, guiding them towards the building because she had a layout of the city and the traffic updates.

If there were any accidents or collisions or road works, (Y/n) would see them before the team and she could divert them a different way.

Her blinking eyes pushed away tears as she used her trembling finger to follow the little blinking dot and try to figure out how close they were to the building they were going to burst into.

"Turn left, Joe."

She arched her back out again and looked to a different screen once she heard him mutter a quiet but confident 'okay'. While Hondo had Luca as their dedicated driver, Rocker's team had Joe and he had a need for speed. He was their go to driver.

"Damn it- Rock, that's a one way street, I can't go that way." Confusion plastered across Joe's face and he slammed his hand down on the steering wheel.

Why had (Y/n) directed him the wrong way down a one way street?

He turned in his seat to lean out the window, hand clinging to the open windowsill as he revved the engine and put it into reverse. He sped down the street, hearing the tyres screech against the gravel as he spun to the left and got them back on the road they had previously been driving on.

They couldn't be doing that. (Y/n) couldn't be directing them down the wrong roads it would only cause delays and if he went the wrong way down that road he could cause a crash and get them all into trouble that they didn't need.

"Brooke street?" There was hesitation in (Y/n)'s voice which took the whole team by surprise and they shared odd looks with one another.

"What, no that's across town, what map are you reading, Rock?"

"Alright, give it a rest. Carry on ahead and take the next right, we're still on track." Rocker leaned forward and swatted his hand down on Joe's shoulder, a silent warning for him to let this go.

There was no need for him to get snappy with (Y/n), she had made a minor mistake and it wasn't going to derail the plan or cause any backfire. They were still on time and on the right road, they could take a different diversion. Rocker didn't want any of the team snapping and arguing with each other, much less arguing with (Y/n) when she wasn't even here and she was doing her best.

She was doing the job no one else wanted to do back at headquarters, they didn't have to give her a hard time about it.

"Do you have the building layout to send me?" Rocker looked down at the tablet in his hand and waited patiently for (Y/n) to send the document over.

He needed a visual of the inside of the building so they weren't going to get stumped or confused when they barged in. And they needed to know the emergency exits in case anyone inside tried to make a quick escape or in case any of them got delayed and had to find a different way out.

When an email popped up, Rocker opened it and started scanning through, but his head ticked to one side and his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Boss?" Adam leaned over to try and look at the tablet but he pulled back when Rocker sat up straight with a perplexed look.

"No, (Y/n) I need the layout-" He paused mid-sentence when he heard her murmur 'no' and something else that none of them could quite make out in the background.

What was she doing?

"Rock, you good?"

Each of them began to feel anxious when they didn't get a reply. This wasn't like (Y/n). She was usually on form with everything. And while she had been confined to headquarters, she had done them all proud and made it her mission to do the best she could. She was usually on hand with sending over information and she redirected them faster than Joe could comprehend or try to catch up.

She made jokes and she kept them talking and fed them information like she was a record that couldn't stop. She was great at her job, but she seemed off kilter today. Something wasn't right and it was putting them all on edge.

Rocker heard Joe mumble "Is she okay?" and he was glad he detected worry in his voice and not sarcasm.

"(Y/n) what's the matter?" A dark tone flooded Rocker's voice as a gritty edge cut along his words.

He knew his wife and he could tell there was something strange in her voice, it was like she wasn't giving them her full attention. Like something was going on back at the base that none of them knew about.

He rolled his lips together and moved his hand to cover his ear to try and listen better to the distant sounds coming through the comms. He could hear (Y/n) tapping something and after a second or two, he was sure she muttered 'it's broken'.

Had a piece of equipment broke? Had one of the computers crashed and that was what was causing the slight disruption and (Y/n)'s lack of focus?

When a quiet but nevertheless audible "Good," came through the speaker, Rocker let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding in. Maybe she had fixed something.

"How many people are inside?"

"F-five… six…?" Her reply sounded more like a question and the broken fragments of answers made Rocker grit his teeth. What was wrong with his wife today?

"Which is it?"

Rocker's eyes snapped up to look at Josh and his look was one that could have killed. Something wasn't right and he didn't need the team getting impatient and rude with (Y/n).

"(Y/n)?" He couldn't help the edge of worry that slipped into his voice and he knew all the team could sense it. They could sense how he was holding himself with a bit more unease and a lot more tension and it was lowering his patience.

The words 'are you okay' were on the tip of Rocker's tongue and he was about to break and let the concerned side of him show until (Y/n)'s voice came through the speaker again.

"Six."

There was a bit more determination in her voice and six sounded about right for the suspects they had been informed about and were here to arrest. They didn't need anymore information yet and Rocker could see they were almost at the building now.

"Everybody out. Stay sharp, no heroics."

He had to push the worry to the back of his mind, but even as he climbed out the truck and headed to the front of the group, he could see (Y/n)'s image flashing before his eyes.

Was she okay?

***

The call out couldn't have ended a moment sooner. When the team were gathered back around the truck, Rocker took off his helmet and tilted his head back as his eyes fell closed.

He took a moment to catch his breath back and gather his wits and senses before he turned his attention to the ear piece wedged in his ear. He hadn't heard (Y/n) speak for a while, although that would be because the team had infiltrated the building and were giving their locations to each other. (Y/n) would only pipe up if something was wrong or she was going to give them some valuable information.

"(Y/n), let Hicks know we've handed the suspects over, and then I think you need to let someone else take over the comms."

Rocker did his best to control his tone and make sure (Y/n) knew he wasn't trying to reprimand her for anything and he wasn't angry. He was worried. Whatever happened during that mission wasn't normal, (Y/n) didn't sound well and Rocker needed her to go and take a break and let someone else guide them over the comms system for their next call out.

He waved at the team and pointed to the truck, a silent command for them to get inside so they could all head back to base.

"Hurts…"

"What?" A panic-stricken expression fell over Rocker's face as he bristled and stopped in his tracks.

Everyone heard it.

All of them heard (Y/n)'s frail, croaky voice through the comms and each of them frowned at one another and paused, straining their ears to listen for any sound or other words in the background.

"(Y/n)? Sweetheart talk to me."

No one commented about the nickname, they were too panicked to make light and joke of the word. Besides, that would have been normal over the comms anyway, there was no chance of being classed unprofessional over the line with a few nicknames or caring words here and there.

A jolt ran through them all when Rocker slammed his hand down on the side of the truck and clambered inside with Josh following after him.

"Get us back to base now." The words hissed past Rocker's lips while his back straightened and pressed up against the wall and his hands began to tap and clench over his thighs.

(Y/n) wasn't responding. She wasn't answering any of them, she had been acting funny and not seeming herself over the radio for a while now and she had just told them something hurt. She wasn't well and Rocker needed to get back to base as soon as possible and find out what was going on with his wife.

The ride back was as chaotic as it was uncomfortable. None of them spoke other than to whisper (Y/n)'s name through the comms and wait in vain to see if she responded. They all clung to the hand rails above their heads and felt like sardines being squashed about with the sharp cutting corners Joe was taking and the speed he drove to get them back. All with the lights blazing so other drivers on the road knew to get out his way.

They were in a hurry.

Before the truck was even in park, Rocker was throwing the back doors open and climbing down. His feet barely touched the floor as he bolted to the side door, swiping his keycard across to get himself inside as fast as humanly possible.

He unclipped his bullet proof vest and hooked it over his head, tossing it down on one of the work benches he past. He wasn't sure where he was heading. Would (Y/n) still be in the computer room? Would she have tried to go to the toilets if she felt ill? Maybe she had gone to the kitchen for something or to be out the way of others? Would she be in the locker room?

He had no idea, but his first instinct was to check the computer room because that was where she had to of been when they were on their mission. She had been feeding them information, granted, she had been confused, but she would of been in that room with the monitors and the GPS tracking system and the big screen.

His boots thundered against the floor as he skidded round a corner, almost crashing into Hondo on his way past. He waved a hand at the other team leader, barely sparing a glance his way as he rushed ahead and burst into the computer room.

His rabid eyes roamed around the room but his heart jumped up into his throat when he set his sights on his wife.

He could barely see her. (Y/n) was on her knees in front of the desk in the centre of the room. Her arms were hidden against her chest and her upper body was curled over her knees with her forehead tucked down against the floor. She looked like she was in some kind of safe position as if she were on an aeroplane about to crash land.

Rocker bolted forward and crashed down to his knees beside her. He didn't quite know what to do or where to try and touch her, he wasn't even sure if she was conscious or not.

"Rocker, everything alright in here?"

"Boss, is she okay?"

Hondo and the rest of Rocker's team crowded in the doorway, no one brave enough to step over the threshold and crowd the couple, but everyone desperate to see inside and find out what was going on.

"Someone get me a first aid kit."

When Rocker heard footsteps disappearing which meant someone had heeded his orders, he shuffled a bit closer to (Y/n). He did his best to wiggle an arm between her knees and her chest and with his other hand braced on the back of her neck, he carefully reeled her back up so they were level. He leaned forward to get within (Y/n)'s line of sight and he could of cried when he saw her eyes flutter and squint to try and focus on him.

"Sweetheart, talk to me. What's the matter, hm?" He brushed his thumb across her chin and tilted her head back when she tried to flop her head forward.

He could feel his jaw grinding down hard when he moved his hand to press against her forehead.

She was burning up. Sweat was trickling down her skin and coating her arms and Rocker realised she was subtly trembling. It didn't help that he couldn't be certain whether she had passed out and just come round again or if she had stayed conscious all this time.

"Felt dizzy, a-and drained." (Y/n) couldn't help but whimper when Rocker's hand left her temple and she found herself leaning forward, chasing his touch. She tried to flop forward into him but her breath caught in her lungs when his hand cupped her cheek and tilted her head back up to look at him.

"Since when?" The look in his eyes told her not to bother lying to him as he moved his thumb beneath her eye to see if her pupils were constricted or not.

"Two… maybe three days."

(Y/n) didn't like the way he shook his head at her or how his upper lip curled. She didn't have to say anything more for him to understand. She hadn't wanted to tell him or the team because she wanted to do her job, she wanted to be useful. She wanted to do whatever she could for the team and not be thought of as a burden or some kind of ornament. (Y/n) was very limited in what she could do, whatever was left for her to work on she wanted to do it efficiently.

And being a member of Swat meant they pushed through meager headaches and light dizzy spells that came and went. It meant being better than the average person, doing ten times more work and in harder conditions.

(Y/n) could hardly complain that she felt under the weather when she was barely doing anything at all.

"Here." Joe knelt down at Rocker's side and opened the first aid kit for him and he took a moment to take in (Y/n)'s condition and see how bad she was. Now he felt bad for being snappy over the comms earlier. Something was very wrong with her. She wasn't well and none of them had noticed soon enough.

Rocker kept his left arm around (Y/n)'s front and let her lean her left shoulder and cheek against his chest. He didn't mind propping her up, it was better than having her keel over on the floor again.

He grabbed the thermometer from the box and gently pressed it into her ear, but when it beeped, he could barely find the ability to keep breathing properly.

"Thirty-nine point five, she's burning up." That wasn't good. She had a fever and she was barely lucid. This meant a hospital visit.

When a quiet murmur left (Y/n)'s lips, Rocker leaned his head to the left and glanced down at her with an arched brow. "What, sweetheart?"

His nose crinkled and he huffed, both shoulders deflating when (Y/n) suddenly lurched over his arm and threw up. Both her hands reached up to cling to his bicep that was strapped across the front of her chest and she felt his other hand rubbing up and down her back as she coughed and threw up what little dinner she had managed to eat earlier today.

"Okay, we're going to the emergency room now. Let's get you up, sweetheart." Rocker didn't have a choice. If they didn't get her fever under control and find out why she was sick she was only going to get worse and he couldn't take that risk. Not when he knew a fever and an underlining cause could easily cause complications with the baby.

He kept his left arm around her chest and his right arm swooped down her waist to hold her hip. He pushed up from his knees and carefully reeled (Y/n) up with him and he nodded at Joe who leaned forward and took her elbow to try and help get her onto shaking legs.

Each of them could see that (Y/n) didn't hold the strength to keep herself upright and her head flopped onto Rocker's shoulder as she leaned more and more into his chest until her knees were almost caving in.

"I don't think she's walking out of here." Hondo spared a worried glance towards the couple before he flagged down Deacon. They had to go and tell Hicks what had happened and since Adam had the rank of thirty-David, he would be next in command until Rocker got back. Whenever that may be.

Rocker absentmindedly nodded and mumbled a soft "Up we go," as he unravelled his left arm from (Y/n)'s chest and swooped it beneath her legs instead.

He wasn't going to get far unless Joe helped him drag (Y/n) out of here and that wouldn't be fair nor dignified. The only option he had was to carry her out to the car and take her to the hospital.

It proved to Rocker that his wife really was in a bad way because if she were more herself, she would of protested him picking her up and carrying her anywhere in front of the rest of Swat. But she didn't make one grumble or remark. All she did was smother her burning temple against his shoulder and loop her arms sluggishly around his neck.

He had a feeling she would pass out before he got her to hospital.

Rocker ignored the eyes burning into him, the frantic stares being cast their way and the fact that every member of Swat stopped what they were doing to watch him carry his wife out of here. He had to get her to the emergency room and make sure she and the baby were okay.

“Y/N, you here?!” Donovan asks as he opens her front door. He’d been waiting for ten minutes for her to come out, but there was no sign of her. He’d dug her spare key out of her hiding spot and let himself in.

He moved into the living room and watched as she stepped off her stairs. Y/N looked like hell, she was pale and sweaty.

“Hey sorry, it’s been a morning.” She apologizes, grabbing her bag and keys.

“It’s alright, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He says, taking her bag from her and running his eyes over her frame again. “Are you okay?”

She nods, grabbing her water bottle before he can. “Yeah, just some cramps.”

Donovan nods before leading her to the front door, she locks up and he forgoes putting her key back yet.

He notices the grimaces as she walks and tries to get up in his truck. He also notices her grabbing and pushing on her lower abdomen, and eating the tylenol and ibuprofen like it’s candy. Twenty and Fifty Squad were working together today, so he was able to keep an eye on her himself.

Donovan wasn’t the only one who noticed her condition, Deacon caught him before the teams went out to another location, attempting to catch a now serial killer.

“Rocker?” Deacon stops the younger man.

“What’s up Deac?” Rocker asks, stopping before they get out of the briefing room.

“What’s up with Y/N? She isn’t acting like herself.” Deacon questions, nodding over in her direction.

Right now Chris is looking at her quizzically. Rocker can’t tell what is being said, but he could guess it’s pretty similar to the conversation he’s having now.

“I had to go in and get her this morning when I picked her up. She is normally waiting outside for me. She looked a little better than she does now. Her excuse was cramps.” Donovan sighs, watching the woman as she presses on her right side again.

“You think she should sit out on this one?” Deacon questions.

Rocker scoffs with a grin, “Good luck getting her to do that.”

“Yeah.” Deacon smiles, “She’s a little headstrong, isn’t she?”

“A little?” Rocker laughs as they walk out to get suited up.

---

Y/N had gotten into a tussle with an unknown male at the house. He had some height and weight on her, but she felt she was doing alright. That is until the man didn’t go down after getting tased or shot. He’d gotten her a few times with his hunting knife, but at this point she couldn’t tell where.

“Y/N/N, your status?” Hondo questions through the radio.

As she is dodging the man’s punches, she attempts to call for backup, but he tackles her into the wall. She hears the metal of her weapons hitting the ground and cringes.

Now there’s a big issue.

She groans loudly before pulling her leg up to her chest and using it to push him off of her.

“Does anyone have Y/N/N’s location?” Rocker asks. She can hear the panic in his voice, and she can hear him running somewhere.

“She had gone out to the back of the property to search a shed.” Luca replies, starting to head that way.

The man grabs Y/N by the hip and tosses her out of the door into a tree. She scrambles up, grabbing the last weapon she still has on her, a knife and holds the handle in her hand.

“You wanna keep going, or are you done?!” She shouts.

“Let’s fucking go bitch.” The man roars before running at her again. It is now that she notices the size of his pupils. They are huge.

Y/N plunges the knife into the man’s torso multiple times without any reaction. She tries other methods to take the man down, but they are unsuccessful.

He lifts her up again, throwing her into some large rocks.

Before she can get up he starts slamming his foot into her abdomen and stomping on her.

She tries to fend him off by plunging the knife anywhere she could reach, but eventually he stomps on her hand, making her lose the last weapon she had.

“LAPD SWAT! Put your hands up and get down on the ground!” Rocker yells as Luca, Tan and Deacon run up behind him.

The man steps on her chest before looking up at the officers.

Y/N lets out a strangled breath, trying to get the man off of her. She’s running her hand along the rock pile, looking for one that she can pick up and use.

“Get the fuck off of her now! I will drop you!” Rocker yells again.

The man grins wickedly before he jumps, landing on her abdomen.

As soon as he makes contact, Rocker pulls the trigger, hitting him center mass.

He falls to the ground with a loud thump and Y/N rolls over, curling in on herself and coughing out a sob.

The men run over to the two, Rocker beelines for Y/N and the others go to the man.

“Y/N! Don’t move!” Rocker says as he gets on the ground with her. “Command, 50 David, roll me an RA now, I’ve got an officer down! We also have a suspect down, northeast corner of the property.”

“50 David, who’s your officer?” Hondo questions.

Deacon looks at the panicked expression on Rocker's face as he tries to move her and answers for him.

“Hondo it’s Y/N. It’s bad. We are going to need an escort to the trauma center.”

“Y/N/N, come on, it's me. Please say something.” Donovan begs as he pulls her body away from the trees and rocks. He sits with her again and pulls her in between his legs.

“Donovan, I-…” She whispers, latching onto his forearm before her eyes roll back.

Donovan’s eyes widen as he sees the blood all over her. “No, come on. Please!” He shouts as he yanks her gear off, looking for the source of all the blood.

Deacon hurries over to help him. They get her duty belt and her shirt off, revealing multiple large gashes in her abdomen that are gushing blood.

“Shit.” Deacon mumbles. He grabs his radio again, “Where’s that RA at?!”

“They’re approximately five to ten out.”

“Deac, she doesn’t have that long. We need to leave, now!” Rocker demands, putting her in position to throw her over his shoulder.

Deacon looks at Luca and he nods, “Prep Black Betty! We’re coming!”

Rocker throws his friend over his shoulder and takes off. He can feel her blood running down his shoulders with every step he takes.

Chris and Hondo are standing at the back of Black Betty, waiting to help pull their teammate in. They both take one of her arms from Rocker and guide her body in. Rocker jumps in behind them along with the rest of 20 Squad.

Rocker hits the ceiling twice, “Let's go Luca!”

They all begin packing her wounds and holding pressure as Donovan sits with her head on his lap. He’s brushing his knuckles across her cheek bone, waiting for her to open her eyes. He realizes just how pale she is in contrast to the dark blood splattered all over her

“Her blood pressure is tanked! She’s bleeding too much!” Hondo informs. Throwing the bare minimum medical equipment they have off to the side.

“I see the medics! I’m pulling over!” Luca shouts.

“Just hold on a few more minutes. I need you to stay.” Donovan whispers to Y/N as he brushes her hair back.

The back doors burst open and Luca helps Rocker get Y/N out, they jump into the ambulance and place her on their stretcher.

Rocker stays planted by her side and Luca hops out, “We’re going to give you guys an escort!”

The paramedic starts an IV while Rocker wraps the blood pressure cuff around her bicep and places a pulse oximeter on her cold finger.

Rocker only speaks when asked questions, regarding her injuries, medical history, allergies, if she takes any medications. He’s able to answer the questions, he’s been friends with Y/N for five years and they spend plenty of time together between work and their hangouts.

He can’t bring himself to look at her abdomen, so he continues to watch her face. Studying her features and the cuts and bruises she obtained in the fight.

“I should’ve gone with her.”

---

Rocker hadn’t stopped pacing since the nurses forced him into the waiting room. The rest of Y/N’s team watched on as he made his own personal trail around the room.

They had been quietly talking amongst themselves when Hondo stood up and moved towards his fellow Sergeant.

He placed his hand on Rocker’s shoulder, catching his attention. “Why don’t we go get something to drink and get some fresh air?” Hondo tried steering Rocker out of the hospital and Rocker pushed him off.

“Don’t!” He flinches away, “I will lay your ass out.” Rocker warns, fists balled up at his sides.

Hondo nods and steps away, going back to where he was sitting next to Deacon.

“I could’ve told you that was going to happen.” Deacon chuckles quietly as he finishes responding to Annie’s message.

“What is going on between those two? They are as close as a couple but they both say they’re not.” Hondo asks as he watches Rocker pace.

“They’re in denial.” Deacon shrugs. “They both have admitted they like the other but won’t do anything about it in fear that it will ruin their friendship.”

“I have a feeling this is going to change that.” Hondo replies. His phone vibrates, Hicks’ name flashing across the screen, “Make sure he doesn’t spiral too much.” He gets up and walks outside.

---

A while later the surgeon comes out to the waiting room. Rocker is the first one to spot him and goes up to him, catching everyone else’s attention. The group of officers crowd the surgeon, awaiting news.

“Y/N will be alright. She had quite a few different internal injuries, a broken wrist and some ribs, all of which were repaired, except for her appendix.” A look of realization crosses Rocker’s face. That must’ve been what was wrong with her earlier. “It looked like it was seconds away from rupturing, so we removed it. She is still getting blood and fluids, plus she’s pretty hopped up on pain meds. She will have a lengthy recovery, but she will be okay.” Everyone lets out a sigh of relief before the surgeon continues, “She’s asking for Donovan?” The surgeon questions and the team thanks him, Rocker follows him to the post op room she’s in.

The surgeon knocks on the door before entering. The nurse is in the room with Y/N, giving her some medication through her IV.

“Hey Dr. Edwards. Vitals are looking much better, I’m just giving her some Zofran and will be getting some water to sip on when she wakes up a bit more.” The nurse informs the surgeon and then sends a smile towards Rocker, “You must be Donovan. She’s been asking for you while she’s awake.”

“That would be me. Has she been awake often?” He asks, moving over to the side of her bed. Rocker smiles while he watches Y/N sleep in the hospital bed. She’s cleaned up now and her injuries are patched up.

“Every twenty to thirty minutes, she seems to be becoming more lucid each time.” She replies, sitting a cup and a pitcher of water on the table on the other side of the bed.

Donovan nods, deciding to sit next to her bed and leans his head back against the wall, his fingers playing with the blanket draped over her.

The nurse quietly walks out of the room with a grin on her face.

It feels like hours but it had only been about half an hour when Y/N’s hand moved around. Donovan felt it and nearly jumped out of his seat, he reached out for her hand and squeezed.

Y/N’s eyes open and look around for the warm hand that’s holding hers. When her eyes land on Donovan, tears start streaming down her face.

She pushes herself up and tries to get out of bed. Donovan quickly stands up and stops her, sitting next to her on the bed and pulling her into his side.

“What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” He asks, running his hand up and down her arm.

“I woke up and you weren’t here.” She cries, playing with her IV and pulling on it.

Donovan catches her hand in his and holds it so she doesn’t take her IV out.

“It’s okay, I’m here now.” He replies, trying to comfort her, but she continues to cry. Donovan hopes it’s just the drugs and not her actually being upset. He pulls her closer to him and reclines back in the bed, then holds her head to his chest. “I’m going to stay right here with you, okay?”

She nods her head and puts her arm across his torso, quickly falling back asleep.

---

Y/N eventually wakes up once more of the drugs have worn off. The first thing she notices is the searing pain in her abdomen. The second thing is Donovan’s signature cologne and the warm body pressed against hers. Her wince is what alerts Donovan to her being awake again.

“What hurts?” He asks, sitting up.

“My stomach mostly. I feel like I was fileted open.” She replies, sitting up and resting her hand on her abdomen. She notices the bloating from this morning is worse. Her stomach feels like a rock. “What the hell?” She pokes again, but it still feels like a rock.

“What?” Donovan’s concerned voice pulls her out of her head.

“Feel.” She grabs his hand and places it on her stomach, pressing down a bit.

His eyebrows raise. He knows it’s just swelling from her injuries and the surgery she just went through, but he can’t help that this is them in the future, feeling a baby bump for the first time.

“It’s just from your surgery. They had to repair a lot.” He informs her, unsure if she knows what the surgeon did. “Also, those cramps you were having earlier? Those were actually your appendix trying to burst.”

“Sweet, two for one special in the OR.” She laughs, slowly laying back on the bed.

Donovan frowns at her attempt at joking, “You’re really not funny.”

“Hey, I’ve got to make at least one joke.” She whispers, laying back down, but leaving space for him.

He sits there for a few moments rubbing his face, which probably still has her blood on it, along with his shoulders, neck and back. He had washed his hands, but didn’t bother taking the time to clean up anything else.

“What’s wrong Donovan?” She questions quietly, grabbing onto his belt loop.

He sighs and lays back, now shoulder to shoulder with her. “It’s nothing.”

“No.” She mumbles, “You're avoiding looking at me and you are always looking at me.”

It takes him a moment but he finally says, “I was scared.” His voice cracks, “All of a sudden no one knew where you were and your radio kept keying up. I was afraid I wasn’t gonna get there in time.”

“You heard it?” She tears up.

“Yeah, pieces of it at least.” Donovan replies, fiddling with the blanket again.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that.” Y/N wipes under her eyes, to clear the few tears that have fallen.

“If I hadn’t heard it you’d probably be dead right now.”

“My hero.” She giggles. She immediately regrets trying to make a joke when he tenses and gets up, pacing around the room.

“It’s not funny Y/N.” He whispers, running his hand through his hair. After the day he has had all of his gel has disappeared and his natural curls are coming out. She pushes herself up and attempts to stand. “God, please sit. You're going to hurt yourself.” He pushes her shoulders back down and crouches in front of her, placing his hands on the top of her thighs.

“Talk to me. Please.” She begs, cupping his jaw.

She can see the tears trying to fall off his waterline, but he is trying to hold himself together.

“I thought you were going to die, Y/N.” He whispers. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.” The tears finally fall and hers aren’t far behind.

“I am still here Donovan. I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.”

“You didn’t see yourself, you had no color, most of your blood was outside of your body and you were cold Y/N.” Donovan chokes.

She grabs his hand, placing his palm on the left side of her chest over her heart. Her skin is much warmer, and he can feel the steady thump against his hand.

Donovan pushes himself up, and puts one knee on the bed next to her, bending down so their faces are level.

He doesn’t even have time to think before he surges forward and catches her lips with his.

Y/N doesn’t hesitate to return the kiss. She wraps her good arm around the back of his neck. Eventually they have to pull away from each other to breathe.

“I was trying to tell you that I love you before I passed out.” Y/N admits.

Donovan smiles before leaning in again, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

You tug the tie into place and then smooth it out on his chest. He hasn’t put his jacket on yet, but you’ll fix the lapels of it, too. You take a half a step back and give him a once over. He stands, waiting for your approval with his breath held in his chest. It shouldn’t mean this much, you making sure he looks good, but it does. You reach up and tuck a lock of hair back into place atop his head, and he smiles happily.

“All good,” you say, dusting your hands together as if you’ve just finished a hard day’s work.

Jack squints at your face, spotting something, and he brings a finger up to brush against your cheekbone. “Eyelash,” he explains, and you hum, closing your eyes as he brushes it away. “Got it.”

“Thanks,” you murmur. “Come on, don’t wanna be late. And no cereal in the car, Luke.”

Jack rushes off to grab his jacket. When he comes back, Luke is dumping the last of his cereal into the sink, and Jack grimaces. You’re in the hallway, stepping into a pair of shoes. Luke turns to him with a smirk, and Jack shakes his head before his brother can even open his mouth.

“Don’t,” he whispers.

Luke rolls his eyes. “I just think you guys are-“

“You thinking is dangerous,” Jack says. “Save all that energy for the game.”

He walks away, down the hallway to find you. You reach up to fix his jacket for him, and then you reach for the car keys and hand them off to him. He grins and nudges his elbow against your side.

“You’re such a passenger princess,” he teases.

You shrug. “I’m very good at it!”

He’s not complaining, really. There’s nobody he’d rather see in his passenger seat than you. Your jersey hangs proudly from your shoulders, his name and number on the back, and it makes his chest feel warm. You’re his good luck charm. He just hasn’t told you that yet.

…..

Jack’s spent so much time convincing his brothers and his teammates and his parents that he’s not in love with you, that he can’t pinpoint when it actually happened. He’s not sure there was some big moment, some realization, some day where he looked at you and everything changed. You’ve just been so present in his life that maybe it was a sort of gradual thing. Maybe it’s always been there, and he’s been in denial since he was eleven and Quinn was teasing him on the playground near their house.

Now you’re in New York, closer than you have been in years, both distance wise and friendship wise. You have season tickets, because he’s playing in the NHL and he wants you at every game possible. You spend half your nights at his place when he’s home, and he ignores the funny looks Luke gives him about it. Honestly, he’s a bit tired of denying it all. He thinks maybe if someone just asked point blank he’d let it all spill out.

He reads the text from you and smiles- you’re on your way to the Rock, one of your friends in tow. He’d gotten you two seats for the season, so you wouldn’t have to sit alone. He sort of dreads the day you decide to bring a date, but then he wonders what guy would be stupid enough to go along with that. Jack’s cocky, he’ll admit it. He knows he’s good at hockey. He laughs at the thought of you dragging a date along to see him play.

Someone announces they’re ordering food before the game, from the deli down the street. Jack listens as his teammates put in their orders. Luke goes with his usual. Timo changes things up. When the assistant gets to him, he grins. He orders his go to, and then another, and asks for a can of Coke, too, for good measure. Luke gives a knowing roll of his eyes.

When the guy brings the food in, Jack takes his bag, fishes his sandwich out of it, and hands the other sandwich and the can of Coke back. “Can you get this to seat B322?” He asks, grinning widely. He knows your seat number by heart.

Luke sighs heavily next to him. The guy agrees, of course. Nico, who’s standing nearby, cocks his head in confusion.

“She’s coming straight from work,” Jack defends. The ribbing he gets from the guys will be worth it when he sees you after the game. “She’s gonna be hungry.”

“It’s a hockey arena,” Luke says drily. “There’s so much food here.”

“But she loves Krauszer’s,” Jack says, and Nico rolls his eyes. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t order her some?”

“Friend,” Nico says, drawing out the word. “Sure.”

Jack ignores him. He ignores Luke’s smirk, too. He eats his sandwich and finishes getting ready, and then he heads out onto the ice, knowing you’re there somewhere, probably sipping on a can of Coke.

…..

The issue, Jack finds, is that it’s getting harder to ignore the fact that he’s in love with you.

It was easier, before, when you were younger and he was more dumb and less aware of… everything. He could convince himself it was just puppy love, just absence making the heart grow fonder, when post high school saw the two of you split apart. But now you’re here, close, and yet not close enough. Jack wants more, and he can’t really ignore that feeling these days.

He’s out at a bar, team bonding, as Nico put it. Except that half the team is drunk, including Nico, and the only bonding Jack’s doing is the brotherly kind, trying to keep Luke from sneaking drinks, or worse, getting caught sneaking drinks. Sometimes he hates being an older brother. He’d wanted to come out, maybe talk to a girl, maybe take said girl home, or get her to take him back to her place so he wouldn’t have to worry about Luke overhearing. But it’s not really working, not with Nico hanging off his shoulder like a leech and Luke sneaking another shot, and god, Jack’s going to kill him. If you were here, you’d be keeping an eye on Luke, too. He wishes you were here.

He has a shot to take the edge of the annoyance off. Then he has another, and another, and then there’s a girl across the bar, smiling at him, and- she sort of looks like you, is the thing, but not quite. The sort of uncanny valley of it all is freaking him out. For a moment he wonders if hooking up with her would make it better- would get it out of his system, would scratch the itch. The sane, more sober part of him thinks it might just make it all worse. To have some girl under him and hear a voice that isn’t yours. Jack used to do this all the time. The thought of it makes him feel sick now. That’s new.

He downs another shot and passes his leech of a captain off on his problem of a brother, hoping the two of them will keep each other in line. Then he pulls his phone from his pocket and gets an Uber.

It’s only when he’s standing at your apartment door that he realizes he probably should’ve called first. You might already be asleep. You might be out. Maybe you have a guy over. His stomach does a somersault at the thought. He raises his hand to knock anyways- he’s come all this way.

You open the door with a smile on your face. “Nico called to ask if I knew where you went. Thought you might be headed here.”

Jack lets his shoulders drop. “They were annoying me.”

That’s not the real reason he left, but he can’t exactly tell you he saw the uncanny valley version of you and decided to leave. That would be… a lot. You seem to take his answer as the truth, because Luke is annoying on a night out, and Nico can be, too. Jack still probably should’ve told them he was leaving. He’ll get an earful about it. Oh well. The way you step aside to let him into your apartment makes it worth it.

He heads for the couch, and you laugh when he flops onto it, facedown. He likes your laugh. It sounds so much like you. He remembers the years when you were in college and he was far, far away from you, when he’d crack jokes on the phone calls just to hear you giggle. He presses his face into a pillow and hopes you don’t see the blush on his cheeks, or that you’ll attribute it to his drunkenness.

“Want food?” You call out, from the kitchen, he thinks. He groans loudly in response. “I have mozz sticks.”

He turns his head to the side and says, “fuck, I love you.”

He can say it here, in the comfort and privacy of your living room, in the relative safeness of the fact that he’s been drinking. You won’t think anything of it. You won’t realize how much he really means it.

The sound of your laugh is music to his ears. “Love you too, Rowdy.”

You don’t mean it the way he wants you to. That’s okay. He came to terms with that a while ago, listening to you say it over staticky phone calls. But you’ll make him mozzarella sticks, and you’re not upset that he’s here, so he’ll take it. He’ll take anything, really.

You come into the living room a few minutes later, plate full of food in hand, and make him roll over. He sits up slightly, leaning against the arm of the couch, and you lift his legs to sit under them. He doesn’t complain when you turn on some stupid reality tv show he hates- there are mozzarella sticks for him to eat, and the warmth of you under him, the weight of your arm where it’s draped across his calves. He can put up with the host’s annoying voice for this.

He falls asleep on your couch, half a mozz stick in his hand. When he wakes up, he’s tucked in with the quilt you’ve had for years now, a pillow under his head, and water waiting for him on the coffee table. You’re probably at work by now. He’ll send you a text to say thank you, later, unless he decides to just wait here until you come home. That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea, really.

…..

It’s a Saturday, and Luke is out for lunch with some of the other younger players, so Jack’s fending for himself. Trevor, knowing this due to what he would call their cosmic connection, has seen it as an opportunity to talk Jack’s ear off over FaceTime. Jack has his phone propped on the kitchen counter, half listening as he cooks.

He loves Trevor- really, he does, but the guy could talk for hours upon hours and never run out of things to say. Jack lets him, because he knows Trevor likes talking, so he’s not going to be mean. He just chimes in with noises of agreement or disagreement at the right times. Then Trevor says your name, and he zones back in.

“I fucking knew you weren’t listening!” Trevor cackles, wide grin taking up most of the phone screen. “But the second I mention-“

“Shut up,” Jack groans, rolling his eyes. “I’m listening. I’m just also making lunch.”

“Right, right,” Trevor snarks. “Just for you?”

Jack knows what he’s insinuating. Honestly, as much as he hates to admit it, it’s not a bad idea. You’re not working today, and he could probably convince you to come hang out with him in exchange for free food. He’s bored enough to listen to Trevor go on and on. You could save him from it.

“Yeah,” he says, and immediately contradicts himself by picking up his phone and sending you a text.

He tries to listen this time, he really does. He cares about Trevor, he wants to hear what he has to say. He finishes cooking lunch, and then Trevor has to go, shouting something to someone in the background, and he hangs up. Jack sighs at the empty, quiet room. He thinks about texting Luke to see when he’ll be back, but that feels pathetic. Maybe Nico’s not busy.

His heart leaps when his phone buzzes with a text from you.

Lunch sounds good. I’ll be over soon.

He can’t wipe the grin off his face the whole rest of the day. You come over, and eat the rest of the food happily, sitting at the kitchen counter. He watches fondly and tells you all the drama Trevor just told him- screw you, Zegras, he was listening. You smile brightly up at him.

“Got plans for the rest of the day?” He asks, hoping desperately that you don’t.

You shrug. “Nope. I’m all yours.”

God, he wishes.

…..

Jack thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can’t really be blamed when it all comes crashing down on a Wednesday afternoon in April. It’s been coming for a while. He’s had time to prepare. It shouldn’t take him out the way it does, because he’s seen it coming from miles away. It shouldn’t, but it does anyways.

They pull him from the games and finally, finally, ship him off to Colorado to have surgery. He gets an email with the flight information, another with a hotel to stay in the night before, and instructions on how to book his flight back to Jersey after he’s released. They don’t want to book it now, for fear of something going wrong in surgery. Hockey teams are superstitious like that, even their travel management.

There’s another set of emails, too- ones from the surgeon, about his prep and things he needs to do and bring and what to expect from the healing process. He hasn’t bothered to open it. That’ll make it real. He just packs up some of his clothes, shuts himself in his room, and waits. He ignores Luke, then he ignores Nico, who he’s sure Luke has brought over. He ignores Quinn’s phone calls, too, and everyone else’s.

When you show up, though, knocking on his bedroom door and calling out his name, he can’t ignore it. He makes a noise that isn’t a go away, and you take it as an invitation in, which he supposes it was. You make a soft noise of disapproval when you see him, curled up in his bed, hood pulled up around his head to block out the world.

“Hey, J,” you murmur, padding your way across his bedroom. “What’s going on?”

He sniffles and presses his face into the mattress. “The surgery.”

You sigh and sit down on the edge of his bed. “Yeah.”

Jack’s not afraid of having surgery, really. He’s never been very squeamish, never one to shy away from blood draws or stitches or IVs. You know this. Everyone knows it, which is probably why they’re all so worried about his reaction to this. He doesn’t want to admit it really, but it’s you, so he finds the words slipping past his lips.

“Mom can’t come,” he says, voice raw and scraping. “Or dad. Too short notice. And- and Luke and Nico and Quinn are gonna be busy, obviously, and I just… all this talk about surgery all this time and I didn’t think I’d have to do it alone, you know? It couldn’t wait till after the season so I could-“

He breaks off into an embarrassing, breath stealing sob. You make a soothing little noise and lean down next to him, scooping him up into your arms. It sort of helps and sort of makes it worse. The tears flow freely now. It’s just you. All his walls are down.

“You won’t be by yourself, Jack,” you murmur, and he waits for the reassuring words, that you’ll all be with him in spirit, that he’ll be home in no time, that he’s never alone. Instead, you say, “I took some time off. I’m gonna fly out with you, be there for the surgery.”

He pries one eye open, waiting for the punch line. There isn’t one. Just you, watching him carefully, holding him close. He knows how hard it is for you to get time off right now. It’s your busy season at work. And yet, here you are. Tears start running again. The whole world goes blurry. You just brush them away, one by one.

“Oh, honey,” you soothe, voice low and soft. “You didn’t think I’d let you do it alone, did you?”

God, he loves you. And he thinks this might be the final straw, the last puzzle piece. There’s no denying it now. You brush stray hairs from his face and press warm kisses to his forehead while he admits that he’s scared, not of the surgery but of what comes after, of the healing and the rehab and everything involved in it. You draw soothing patterns on his skin and just listen, because you know him well enough to know he needs to get it off his chest. He thinks about telling you how much he loves you as he starts to drift off, but he thinks better of it. There’ll be a better time than this, tear stained and curled up in his bed like a little kid. For now, it’s enough to know you love him, in any way, shape, or form.

…..

Jack wakes up in a hospital bed in Vail, Colorado, utterly disoriented and freezing cold. The ceiling is this ugly grey color, just like the rest of the ceilings in the building have been. He’s spent a lot of time staring at them in the last 24 hours. He blinks, and the tiles blur and swirl, and he hears his name in your voice. He tries to hold on, but he’s so, so sleepy, so he closes his eyes.

He wakes up again with no idea how long he’s been out. He’s warmer now. There’s an extra blanket laid over him, and a hand holding his. Hm. It feels nice. He squeezes his fingers experimentally. He hears movement to his left. A plastic cup appears in his field of vision, and he suddenly realizes how thirsty he is. He turns, slightly, and finds you.

“You’re here,” he says, quietly.

Your face is a little out of focus, but he thinks you smile. “Yeah, of course I am. Told you I would be.”

He knows that. He knows you flew out here with him, eating snacks on the plane before he hit the 12 hours before surgery mark and he had to stop. You checked into the hotel with him, got all the supplies ready for after the surgery, got him here, promised you’d be waiting when he woke up. But now he’s here, post surgery, and you’re holding his hand, and his chest hurts in the best way.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” you murmur, lifting the cup to his lips. He takes a sip. “Does it hurt?”

He shakes his head gingerly. He’s a little achy, but nothing that would make him cry normally. He can’t help it, it’s probably the meds. He remembers crying when he got his wisdom teeth out, too. He tries to tell you as much, but it comes out garbled and teary and raw. You shush him, smoothing your hand over his forehead and pushing his hair out of his face. That feels nice. You’re warm.

“Okay. It’s okay,” you soothe. “Take a breath. It’s alright.”

He does his best. You help him take little sips of water, and eventually the tears dry up. He’s left sitting there, your hand running through his hair, and he suddenly feels so, so sleepy. He turns his head and blinks at you. You’re clear in his vision now, beautiful as ever.

“You’re pretty,” he mumbles.

He thinks it all the time, he may as well say it. Nothing’s holding him back now. You laugh, and your face gets blurry again. He sighs.

“You’re pretty,” you say back.

He rolls his eyes, but he smiles anyways. “Hmm.”

“Are you sleepy?” You ask, thumb brushing against his temple. He nods. “You can go to sleep, okay?”

“You’ll be here when I wake up?” He asks, feeling a little vulnerable, suddenly.

“Yeah, Jacky,” you murmur, and when he closes his eyes, he thinks he feels your lips against his temple. “I’m not going anywhere.”

The third time he wakes up, you’re sitting next to him, eating ice cream out of a little plastic cup with one of the tiny wooden spoons. The tv in the room is playing that same stupid reality show. The host’s voice would piss him off if he wasn’t so focused on how adorable you look. He inches the fingers of his good hand towards you, towards where your knee is pressed against his bed. When he makes contact, you jump nearly a foot in the air. He can’t help but giggle.

“Jesus,” you mutter, shaking your head at him.

“Nah, just Jack,” he teases.

You roll your eyes. “Someone’s feeling better.”

If he’s being honest, he still feels a little loopy. Your face is in focus, but everything feels a little softer around the edges. His fingers scramble against your knee, and you laugh, leaning close. You set down the ice cream and reach to tangle your hand up in his. That’s nice. He doesn’t get to do that a lot- hold your hand. Maybe he should have surgery more often. You smooth his hair out of his face again. It’s such a caring motion that it sends his heart stuttering.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says, quietly.

You shrug. “What kind of best friend would I be if I wasn’t?”

And. That’s nice, but it’s not really what he wants to hear. He wants you to be here because you love him. He probably wouldn’t spend hours in a hospital waiting room for Nico, probably wouldn’t sit and wait for him to wake up. He’d bring him food after, when he got home, would help him however he needed. But to fly halfway across the country just to be here? He’d do that for you in a heartbeat, but he’s not sure there are many others he’d do the same for.

You seem to notice the way he’s staring, and you wave the wooden spoon at him. “You want some ice cream? The nurse said to call when you actually woke up. I’m sure she’ll give you one if you turn on the charm.”

He blinks slowly. “I love you, you know that?”

It’s past his lips before he can take it back. It should be terrifying. He should feel sick to his stomach. Maybe it’s the hospital drugs, or maybe it’s just that he’s been holding it in for so long, but it doesn’t feel scary. He sort of just feels relieved.

You smile brightly. “Yeah, I love you, too, Jack.”

He huffs. “No, you don’t get it-“

Before he can get another word out, the nurse comes in. He wonders if you pressed the button when he wasn’t paying attention, or if hospital staff just have comically bad timing. He lets out a groan. You give him an amused smile.

“Welcome back, Jack,” the nurse says. He reads her nametag- Nancy. “I’m just going to do a little checkup, alright?” She turns to you. “If you want, you can step out into the hall.”

By the time he’s squeezing your hand to keep you there, you’re holding onto him tightly, too. Huh. That’s interesting.

“She can stay,” Jack says.

You nod. So does Nancy, a knowing smile on her lips. Jack wonders if she sees this a lot. Guys with friends who sit by their bed, oblivious to the fact that said guy is hopelessly in love with them. Maybe it’s a common thing in hospitals. Maybe it’s not just Jack. That’s a nice thought.

He gets his blood pressure taken, and his pulse, and he gets asked to take a few deep breaths for what seems to be just the fun of it. She asks his pain level- a 3, at which point you break in and tell the nurse that his three is more like a five. She smiles at the two of you. When she goes to leave, Jack speaks up.

“Could I have some ice cream?” He asks, hoping the way his voice cracks on the words makes her sympathetic.

Ice cream does sound good. His throat feels raw, and his mouth is dry. And he’s starving.

Nurse Nancy smiles and looks at you. “What do you think? Has he been well behaved enough?”

Normally, Jack would take a little offense to it. But he turns to you, and you’re smiling bright, lighting up the whole room. His stomach does a somersault. He wonders if the way he feels about you is visible on the heart monitor, if his pulse picks up every time he looks at you.

“He’s the best,” you answer, and he melts. “Give him all the ice cream you’ve got.”

Ten minutes later, you sit there, holding a container of chocolate vanilla swirl. He’d been ready to eat it on his own until he remembered his arm, the surgery, the whole reason he’s here. He’d had to settle for letting you feed it to him. Maybe settle is the wrong word, really. It’s nice to be taken care of, even nicer when you’re the one who’s doing it for him.

He thinks maybe he’s still loopy, because in between bites, he pauses, looks at you, opens his mouth, and puts his foot directly in it. “I meant it, you know. I love you.”

You nod. “I know.”

He’s too far into this to stop now. “No, I-“

You interrupt, dropping the spoon in the cup to place your hand over his. “Jack, honey. Tell me later, when you’re not high off anesthesia, okay?”

Oh. He cocks his head, slightly. His mouth tastes like chocolate and vanilla. You smell like flowers. Like the lilacs in the backyard of his childhood home. There’s a light and warmth in your eyes that makes everything feel a little bit better.

“And if I tell you later,” he says, feeling braver than he ever has before, “are you gonna tell me something back?”

You laugh. It’s still music to his ears. You pick up the spoon again, scooping up a bit of ice cream. His gaze stays locked on you.

“Yeah,” you say with a nod. “That I mean it the same way you mean it.”

That’s enough for Jack, for now.

He tells you again the next day, waits a full 24 hours because a part of him is worried it was all some sort of drug induced dream. But you’re packing up the suitcases, that same stupid show on the TV, and he turns to you where he sits on the edge of the bed and says it.

“I love you. Like, really love you. As more than a friend.” His heart is in his throat.

You drop the hoodie you’d been holding into the bag, walk across the room to him, and come to stand between his legs. He’s holding his breath. You hook your finger under his chin and pull his face to yours. He thinks he recognizes the look on your face, from the kitchen when you helped him tie his tie, from the living room with a plate of mozzarella sticks in your hand, from every moment he was feeling all his feelings for you.

“Yeah,” you say, kissing his cheek. “I really love you too.”

When you kiss him on the lips, soft and sweet and everything he’s wanted for ages now, he thinks that maybe the whole mess has been worth it.

…..

He sits in a wooden chair on the back deck of the lake house. It’s mid summer, the week of the 4th of July. The heat is nearly unbearable, heavy and sticky and inescapable. Trevor and Luke are on the grass, throwing a football back and forth. Jack’s trying not to check the time obsessively.

Quinn, who’s sitting next to him, gives him a look when he picks up his phone again. “She’ll get here when she gets here.”

Jack rolls his eyes and sinks further into his seat. “You’re a dick.”

“Jesus, I know she’s your friend but…” Quinn is shaking his head. “You’re being obsessive.”

He hasn’t told any of them. Not about the hospital bed confession, or the kiss, or anything that came after it. The flight back to Jersey, his head on your shoulder. The way you took care of him before he flew to Michigan for the off season. The late night calls the two of you have shared since then. He’s itching to see you. It’s been far too long. He’s been scared to tell them because he’s scared you’ll get here and it won’t be real. He’s being ridiculous, he knows it, but he can’t help it. It’s you.

He hears it when your car pulls up in the driveway. He stands up, ignoring the look Quinn gives him. He’s not quick enough- you must’ve parked and ran inside immediately. You come racing out onto the back porch, eyes wide, smile even wider, and he could melt into a puddle right there in the hot summer sun. You’re brighter than all of it.

He pulls you into a kiss right there, in front of everyone, earning a series of surprised yelps and gasps and cheers. He doesn’t care about anything else. You’re here, and you’re kissing him back, and that’s more than enough.

“Fucking called it!” Trevor yells, and Jack laughs.

“We all did,” Quinn says. “Glad you two finally figured it out.”

You won’t be here forever. You have work, and a life in the city. But for now, for this little slice of time, he gets to have everything he’s always wanted. That’ll hold him over for the rest of the off season. Or, more likely, until he caves in and gets an early flight back to Jersey to spend more time with you. From the way you smile when you stare up at him, he thinks it probably won’t be long.