Down in the Pitt

It was as if he had read her mind; he didn't expect (Y/n) to stand up or to actually move at all.

(Y/n)'s dazed eyes locked on Calum, watching him with a mixture of surprise, awe, relief and unconditional love as he crouched beside the car door and leaned in towards her.

One arm braced behind her back and the other secured beneath her bare knees and he slid her carefully to the edge of the seat so he could pick her up. (Y/n) found herself lolling her head on his shoulder with a soft thud and her eyes closed as Calum lifted her out the car as if she weighed nothing more than a pillow.

She made sure to keep her arms secure, making sure the newborn didn't jostle or move or become disturbed with the change in motion.

Calum had made quick work of finding one of the hospital mobility chairs left outside the ER doors and dotted all around the car park for patients who couldn't walk or make it into the ER on their own. It was a thin plastic chair with purple upholstery and a grey frame, a foot rest on the front and squeaky wheels.

A round of trembling rattled through (Y/n) when she sat down and all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and hide. She didn't want anyone to see her, to look at her or know what was going on.

Why couldn't this have happened properly, the normal way?

Why couldn't she have known she was pregnant? She would have found a lovely way to tell Calum the news. They would have loved telling their families and then telling the band and spending the last few months turning one of the spare rooms into a nursery and buying everything they needed. Preparing themselves physically and mentally for this task.

They had none of that. (Y/n) was embarrassed that she hadn't known or had any signs, no care or treatment. Anything could be wrong with their baby- and her- because of that. And once the world and the media found out, they were all going to have a field day.

Calum could feel a deep sense of worry surging through his chest at the way (Y/n) seemed to be curling in on herself. She looked like she was going into some state of shock, and it worried him to no end.

The way she was cowering down with her shoulders hunched up and her body coiled inwards, her arms curved around their boy and her head tilted down towards him like she wanted to close her eyes and drown out the rest of the world. It was frightening.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been into the emergency room or brought someone here. It had all changed since the last time he came here- whenever that happened to be.

It was easy enough to find the ER, he had parked as close as he could manage. He weaved around the people stood outside having a smoke, calling for an Uber or ranting to family about their symptoms or the treatment they had been given. He hoped none of them would stare, would recognise him or (Y/n) and try to strike up a conversation or take pictures. That was the last thing the couple needed right now.

The nurse he spoke to on the phone said she would make a call to the ER to let them know to expect the couple. There would be a note on (Y/n)'s file about what had happened, what had been said on the phone and the advice given.

They shouldn't have to wait once they got in there. Calum couldn't see them forcing (Y/n) to wait when she'd just given birth in the car; they would want to check her over as soon as possible to make sure she didn't have any complications or post-partem bleeding. And they would want to examine the baby too, make sure he was okay.

The couple must have looked a bit of a state because Calum barely got (Y/n) through the doors and into the middle of the reception and waiting area when a nurse seemed to clock them. He was relieved, as he didn't know which receptionist to speak to- there were two different catergories and he didn't know which one (Y/n) fell into.

"Can I help you?"

The nurse looked young but friendly, hands clasped in front of her and a smile on her face that seemed a bit too chipper for working in an emergency room. Her eyes were focusing in on (Y/n) until it seemed to click that (Y/n) wasn't going to look at her.

She wasn't going to interact or try and give any sort of response. She didn't want to talk. Her attention had been switched off and all she wanted to do was somehow make herself disappear. So the nurse had to turn to Calum instead for some kind of explanation.

"We- we need to see a doctor, my wife's had a baby in the car." His eyes darted between (Y/n) and the nurse, his chest rising and falling like he had just drowned and come up for air.

Those words didn't sound real. He couldn't believe he was saying them. It wasn't like he was an expectant father who's child had just been born a bit earlier than planned.

This morning he had just been a musician. A husband, brother, someone's son. Now he had a child of his own. Now he was a father with no pre-warning. It wasn't sinking in yet.

"Okay, I can take you over to the maternity ward-"

"No. No we had a nurse, she… she called ahead, said to come here." A pained look crossed Calum's face as he leant over and dropped his voice to a low but deep whisper. "She didn't know, that she was pregnant."

The nurse's lips pursed and pinched together at the front as her eyes widened and darted down to (Y/n). She seemed to have a switch flipped in her mind, realisation washing over her. (Y/n) wasn't being rude, she wasn't being ignorant or refusing help or cooperation. She was petrified; in shock, needing someone to help her but not knowing what to do or how to ask.

"Right… come with me and I'll take all your details and find you a room."

It didn't matter how kind the nurse's smile was, (Y/n) wouldn't look at her. She didn't want to look at anyone, she didn't even want to open her eyes, but she forced herself to when they were taken into a secluded room.

A room with the blinds drawn shut over the glass windows that looked out onto the emergency room corridor. A room where there were no prying eyes, no one else around to stare or gawp or whisper and wonder.

"First things first, may I cut the cord?" The nurse, Alice, snapped on a pair of gloves and crouched down in front of the chair (Y/n) was still sitting in.

She could see the hesitation within (Y/n)'s eyes, but when she leant forward with some clamps, (Y/n) didn't shrink away or jerk back and tell her to stop.

(Y/n) pushed back into the chair a bit and parted her shaking knees to the sides. She felt a little more relaxed when Calum leant forward and lifted the hem of the jacket so it was still draped around their boy's back but the cord was now visible.

Once the clamps were in place Alice snipped the cord and nodded, pushing back up to her feet and taking a step back so she didn't overwhelm (Y/n) too much.

"Do you want to sit on the bed?"

It hurt to move. A quiet, defeated sound rumbled past her lips when she stood up, bare feet twitching and sending shivers through her skin when they came in contact with the cold floor. Her legs felt hollow; her thighs were burning and her pelvis felt like it had been obliterated.

It was a relief to feel Calum's hands on her hips as he stood right behind her, his chest merging against her back as he helped (Y/n) to get up onto the bed as slowly and gracefully as possible.

It felt good to stretch out, to be able to rest her aching legs and stretch them out on the bed and to lean back and let all the tension fade like she was melting against the sheets. But that small, defiant weight against (Y/n)'s chest kept her grounded. That sensation, those small breaths tickling and heating up her skin, those whimpering and snuffling sounds, it all combined to stop (Y/n)'s mind from wandering away without her like a balloon untethered.

Her lips attached to the top of the newborn's head, holding him close with Calum's jacket still curved around them both like a comfort blanket. The jacket was likely ruined now, (Y/n) couldn't imagine washing or soaking it for hours in detergent would make a difference; she felt bad, it was one of Calum's favourites.

This time (Y/n) allowed her eyes to fall closed and she leant to her right, leaning her cheek against Calum's arm when his hand settled comfortingly on her shoulder. She tried to block everything out, to envision and pretend that she was somewhere else while Calum took the initiative and answered the nurse's questions.

He knew all of (Y/n)'s medical information and details, he had done this earlier on the phone to the emergency nurse, he had no trouble reeling off the information once again to this lady.

"You doing okay?" Calum murmured the words against (Y/n)'s ear once Alice left them to go and fetch a doctor to tend to them.

His thumb stroked along (Y/n)'s shoulder and he leant over until his lips were attached to the top of her head, feeling her lean a bit further against his arm like she was using him to prop herself up so she didn't collapse. He didn't mind. The touch was clearly comforting to (Y/n) and that was what he wanted, to do what he could to comfort her and make her feel better or just that little bit calmer.

(Y/n) hummed against his arm, turning her head a little more until her lips were meshed against his arm just above one of his tattoos. "Don't- don't leave me."

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

His right hand curved round to cup the back of (Y/n)'s neck, thumb stroking up and down her skin as he pressed a longing kiss to her temple. Leaning around her like he was trying to tuck her into his ribcage to keep her safe.

They both knew what emergency rooms could be like from time to time, despite not having the need to come here very often. Sometimes they asked family members to wait outside or in the family rooms, but (Y/n) didn't want that. If Calum left the room (Y/n) would try and leave with him. She wasn't staying here without him.

Both their heads turned when the door opened once again and Alice came back in, followed by a doctor and who they presumed was another nurse.

The doctor had a calming smile on her face and a chart in her hands that was probably the notes Alice had taken from the limited information Calum could give. There wasn't much about the pregnancy he could tell them, they had probably missed or overlooked most of the limited signs that would have indicated this situation.

With a smile, the doctor moved to stand at the end of the bed and looked between the couple.

"Hi there, this is Mo, our midwife. Can she take a look at this little guy while we try and take care of you and give you an exam?"

Once again, (Y/n)'s eyes fell closed and her head tilted down until her lips and nose were pressed against the top of her boy's head. He didn't really have a scent that she could focus on or decipher, but the touch was soothing.

Her shoulders coiled up and her arms encased the newborn closer to her chest, even though he wasn't mewling or whimpering anymore, just breathing softly against her chest. As if their heartbeats had both mellowed one another out and calmed them both down.

He was calm in her arms, he was settled. (Y/n) didn't want to let him go. Something within her told her to keep him there, to have him safe in her arms. He might be in shock, he wouldn't know what was happening. (Y/n) needed him here with her, to make sure he knew who she was.

She needed to ensure that she knew the feel of him, the weight of him in her arms and on her chest. She wanted to memorise everything about him because she hadn't known she was going to have him. If they took him from her, how would (Y/n) recognise him? She wasn't sure she had any maternal instinct within her just yet.

Whatever she felt now with him in her arms might be broken and disconnected if they took him from her.

What if they didn't want to give him back? What if they thought (Y/n) had done something wrong for not knowing sooner that she had been pregnant?

He needed to stay here, with her and Calum; where he was safe.

Calum took a slow, tentative breath and bent at the knees until he was crouching beside the bed instead of leaning over. This way he could see (Y/n) properly without having to crane to look down or make her stare up at him.

His left hand shifted from her shoulder to curl around her arm, rubbing soothing circles along her skin while he reached his other hand out to cup the back of her hand that was cradling their boy's head. He stayed like that for a minute, counting the seconds until (Y/n) finally opened her eyes and dared to look over at him.

"Baby, he needs to have a check up and get cleaned… why don't we let them take a look? Just for a little while, then we'll get him right back. It's okay."

His voice was soft, each word slow and precise and he didn't look anywhere but at (Y/n), trying his best to coax her to agree and know that nothing bad was going to happen. As soon as they had both been checked over and tended to, their boy would be back with them again. He wouldn't be going far.

It was clear that she didn't want to.

The look in (Y/n)'s eyes made Calum's stomach lurch up into his throat when he curved his hands around their boy, making sure the jacket was tucked around him before he slowly took their boy into his own arms.

It was such a strange feeling, an out-of-body experience to have this new life in his arms, a life Calum had no idea about before now. A life that now relied and depended on him, someone he needed to love and nurture and protect. Another lifelong connection threaded with fate.

That small weight wasn't in Calum's arms for long. He barely held the newborn for a minute, who began to whimper and wake at the change in touch and comfort. Then the midwife was at his side with a towel, ready to take his boy from his arms and make sure that he was okay.

Calum felt strange once his hands were empty, and he automatically reached down for (Y/n)'s hand, kissing the back of her knuckles as he pushed up to his feet and stood beside the bed once again.

"Alright, why don't we give you a quick exam and make you more comfortable?"

(Y/n) nodded, but soon found herself closing her eyes and pulling on Calum's hand until his arm was cocooned against her chest.

Everything about this situation felt other-worldly.

"What are you doing?"

A curious look sparkled in (Y/n)'s eyes as she looked over at Calum, pressing her cheek against the pillow so she could see him properly.

Calum was sat to her right, where he had been for most of the day now, slouched in the pale lilac hospital chair where the leather had probably moulded to the shape of Calum's behind from how long he had been sat there.

He was slouched down a bit with his knees parted out wide to the sides, but there was such a mesmerising, loving smile upon his lips that his mouth surely must be hurting by now from smiling for so long.

Their boy was resting comfortably on Calum's chest, snuggled up and curled so small that his shape was barely distinguishable.

But it was the fact that Calum had his phone in his hand- while his right hand was rubbing a soothing pattern up and down the newborn's back- and was tapping and scrolling away like he was on some kind of time limit or mission. It didn't look like he was playing a game, and (Y/n) was curious what exactly it was that he was up to.

His eyes darted from the phone in his hand to look across at (Y/n), his grin widening as he did so.

"I wanna call Ash."

He wiggled the phone in his hand as if to make and prove his point before he looked back to the screen and tried to find Ashton's number.

That caused a tender smile to form on (Y/n)'s lips.

So far, Calum had called his family to let them know what had happened. He'd talked to his parents and his sister, spent a long phone call to each of them explaining what had happened. Then switched to video call to show them the baby, handed the phone to (Y/n) so she could reassure them she was alright and just a little shook up by this unexpected turn of events.

He was leaving it up to his parents to tell the rest of the family and spread the news; but he didn't want to wait any longer to tell the band. They were his second family, and they had no idea what had happened. Calum wanted to tell them, he wanted them to be among the first people who knew.

(Y/n) hadn't told her family yet.

It wasn't the kind of news they would be expecting, and she knew without a doubt that the whole conversation was going to give her a headache once she told them. (Y/n) didn't feel up to that drama right now, she wanted to try and rest and wear off the dizziness and the echoing pains throughout her abdomen first before she braved herself for telling her family.

Besides, (Y/n) had a feeling deep down that she would end up passing the phone to Calum anyway and let him explain. He had managed to explain rather well to his own family, and (Y/n) knew her parents would listen to Calum and tend not to overreact too much when speaking to him like they would her. They would go into a panic when (Y/n) told them.

She turned until she was laid on her right side, her knees pulled up to her stomach as much as she could handle and one arm rested beneath the pillow as she stared across at Calum. Clearly seeing that he was trying to video call Ashton with how he was holding the phone up in front of his face, not to his ear or out at his side on speaker.

It didn't take long for the call to be answered, and Calum had to try and simper down his smile as he saw the screen light up with one of his closest friends.

"Hey, what's up?" A wide grin lit up Ashton's face which instantly made the anticipation within Calum rise. After a few seconds, Ashton's eyes narrowed, though his grin remained, and he leant forward as if inspecting his phone screen. "Dude, where are you?"

The white washed wall behind Calum, the strange blinds in the corner and the few wires and buttons imbedded into the wall gave away that Calum wasn't at home. Ashton couldn't place where it looked like he was, and that intrigued him. They didn't always talk over video call like this.

Calum glanced behind him as if to check where he was before he answered. "In the emergency room, it's uh… it's been a long day."

"What? What happened, I literally saw you a few hours ago, are you good?"

They had been out this morning for lunch and from what Ashton had seen, his friend had been fine. There had been nothing wrong with Calum that implied a trip to the emergency room. Although if he had gone home and tripped or had an accident on the road, Ashton would of course be none the wiser.

"It's not me; I had to bring (Y/n) down here."

"She's that bad, shit what are they saying's wrong?"

Realisation dawned across Ashton's face and his smile faded as his mouth pinched at the corners.

He remembered Calum saying (Y/n) hadn't been feeling well and that was why she hadn't joined them for lunch today. She had to be in bad shape to miss a morning out, and especially bad if she had let Calum take her to the emergency room.

"She's okay now… we've just had a baby." He tried to speak as calmly as he could and not to smile because he knew if he did he wouldn't look or sound believeable.

Ashton laughed.

It wasn't the kind of response Calum was expecting, because the drummer could usually tell when he was being serious and when he was trying to pull a prank on him or make a joke. And this was not one of those times. Calum had spoken the truth, he was being completely serious, but his best friend clearly didn't believe him.

"Yeah, I'm not falling for that shit. Come on, why's she really there? You know I'll call her and find out myself."

He wasn't opposed to hanging up on Calum and phoning (Y/n) instead to get the truth from her. She would usually call Calum out if he was trying to pull a prank.

"I'm not lying. Say hi to your Godson."

Leaning back a little more in the chair, Calum extended his arm out and tilted the phone down so the camera panned down to his chest. Allowing Ashton a full view of the little boy currently curled up on Calum's chest.

He was currently asleep, his tiny lips slightly parted, little nose curled up at the end and his cheek meshed into Calum's shirt like it was the softest, comfiest thing in the world.

After a few moments of having the camera aimed at his little boy, Calum turned the screen around and faced the camera on (Y/n) so Ashton could see her too and realise that this wasn't some elaborate prank. (Y/n) gave a weak smile that said it all; she wasn't in on some trick and she wasn't here for an accident or an injury. The exhaustion written across her face told Ashton what she had just been through.

"Wh- fuck! You never said she was pregnant- hey, Godson?" Ashton pointed to himself when the screen went back to Calum. "I'm the Godparent, really?"

"Yeah, it was (Y/n)'s idea."

Shifting his right arm just a little, Calum adjusted his boy so he was slightly higher up on his chest, his head near to Calum's neck now. This allowed them both to be in the camera view and up on the screen for Ashton to see them both.

He leant his cheek against the newborn's head, a broad grin playing on his lips that he knew wasn't about to leave his face for the next day, maybe even the next week.

"Why didn't you say anything? I saw you both last week and I swear (Y/n) didn't look any different-"

"No, no we didn't know. We had no idea she was pregnant."

A tired smile crossed (Y/n)'s face as Calum proceeded to give Ashton the low down on the situation, a speech that now felt rehearsed with how often he had just told it within the last hour- the whole afternoon really, if counting the times he had to tell the nurses and doctors.

Reaching across, she gently curled her hand around Calum's arm and closed her eyes, choosing to listen rather than to watch as tiredness was seeping into her bones.

She knew this news was going to be hard for everyone to believe, let alone try to understand.

And a small pit of worry dwelled deep in (Y/n)'s chest at the thought of how the fans- and the media in general- were going to react once this news broke. No one was going to believe that she and Calum didn't know about the baby; she could see the headlines now and just imagine what they would be saying and calling her.

There was going to be no way of hiding this from the media.

***

The moment they rounded the corner towards the studio, (Y/n) felt like she had made a grave mistake. She wanted to turn back. She wanted to go back to the car.

She wanted to go home.

That voice was always in the back of her head this last week, telling her to stay home. To stay indoors, to hide away. (Y/n) knew part of the reason was because it felt safe to stay home, to try and get used to a routine and dynamic and adjust to a new life that involved Alex.

But the other reason was because staying indoors meant she didn't have to be around people; more specifically, the media.

No one could say anything or snap photos or try and get too close if she stayed home all the time.

It had been fine listening to that voice for a few days when she and Calum got to go home and take Alex with them. A lot of friends had gathered round and helped to get things ready; the band had gone out with Calum to help get most of the essentials and give him a hand setting them up in the spare room.

A crib, changing unit, bottles and clothes and a car seat, formula, nappies; bare essentials on the first trip just so there were a few things at home so (Y/n) and Alex could be discharged the next day. She didn't want to stay in hospital any longer than necessary and Calum knew being at home was the best place for (Y/n) to be and to recover.

They'd ordered a lot of stuff online so they didn't have to go out and get them. Family were gathering round, Calum's parents were planning on coming down next week, (Y/n)'s parents would be over in a few days.

Since leaving the hospital (Y/n) had barely left the house. The band were hanging out at the studio today, wanting to make a bit of progress on the album since the songs were written and they just needed to record and get everything set in stone. They'd told Calum not to worry, to stay home for another week or two and they would just work around him for the time being.

But families were always welcome down at the studio and Calum had persuaded (Y/n) to come with him today. Just to get her out of the house but be somewhere safe, somewhere no passers by would be gawping or looking, no social interaction with anyone but the band and the producers (Y/n) already knew.

The studio was secluded, almost like a second home with how often they were all there, and the band wanted to see Alex again and dote on their nephew for a few hours.

(Y/n) knew she would be alright once they were in the studio, it was just this part that was unnerving.

Getting into the studio which was currently surrounded by paparazzi.

With her head tilted down and her lips meshed against Alex's temple, (Y/n) tried to keep walking forwards. She could feel Calum's hand on the small of her back as he stood at her righr side, walking beside her almost like a bodyguard looming over her. It was comforting; (Y/n) felt shielded, protected.

Her hand cradled the back of Alex's head, thumb brushing across his soft skin as her eyes focused on the pavement ahead of her, trying not to look up and stare at any of the media gathering round.

At first the nerves buzzing through (Y/n)'s system made it impossible to hear what the media were saying. She couldn't make out the questions they were asking, the raised voices that all seemed to blend together and then drown out against the thrumming of her pulse thundering through her ears.

Then her mind began to focus in on them. She heard her name being called, yelled, she heard bits and pieces of random questions being shouted out at them. She felt Calum's hand tensing against her skin as if the questions were causing a physical reaction that he had no control over.

Calum had no time for the paparazzi, especially when it came to family. He didn't like how rude they could be, how intrusive, how they didn't care and took as many photos as they liked. How they got as close as they wanted, became rude, printed whatever headlines they thought would sell best even if there wasn't much truth to the words.

This wasn't so different, except the topic was much more sensitive now. This was about Alex; the newborn was their focus, and Calum didn't like that one bit.

"(Y/n)! Is it true you didn't tell anyone you were pregnant? Not even Calum?"

"Why keep it such a big secret?"

"Was it a big surprise for you both?"

"Did you really not know or notice? Didn't you bother to see a doctor?"

Unease washed over (Y/n) along with a wave of nausea that made her grimace as she held Alex that little bit tighter into her chest.

His face was cuddled into her shirt and with her shoulders hunched around him and her hand cradling the back of his head, no one was going to get a clear photo of him. That was how they wanted it. They didn't want loads of photos of Alex being splashed around the media.

If they wanted to share photos of their boy on their social media pages, then they would do that in time. No one else got the right to take or post photos of Alex.

She found herself leaning into Calum more and more until she was almost pushing him off the pavement. Her shoulder dug into his side but it only bolstered him to lift his arm and curve it around her shoulders, tucking her tighter into his embrace like a bird sheltering her under his wing.

It wasn't far now to the studio; just a few more feet up the road.

(Y/n) knew this would happen. She knew they would ask questions like this; knew that they would act like she had done something wrong. No one was going to believe that she didn't know she was pregnant, even if the doctors testified to it. Everyone was going to believe something else.

They would believe the media if they implied she had kept it all a secret, that she had even kept it from Calum. They would spread rumours if it made things more interesting for them. They were already talking like (Y/n) had gone off and had an affair or as if she had noticed the signs but couldn't be bothered to go to the doctors to confirm it. They would believe what they wanted and say what they liked; there were no consequences for the media.

But then one loud voice stood out over the rest and made (Y/n) feel sick to her stomach.

"Did you not want the baby?"

Calum's head snapped to the right like his neck had been broken, and his frame was so tightly strung that he seemed to be shaking with fury. His eyes narrowed, though it did nothing to distort the rage pooling in his pupils as he stared at the man who asked such a rude, intrusive and simply audacious question.

"Jesus- what kind of fucking question is that? Move."

He didn't think twice before he reached a hand out and gave the man a rough shove against his shoulder, forcing him back and causing his arm to drop to his side, lowering the camera before he could snap a picture.

They were really starting to rile Calum up now and he had barely been outside for five minutes. They needed to move, they had to get away from his family and get out of his face before he really lost his temper with them.

"You need to back away from my family; now."

"Just one photo-"

(Y/n) instinctively took a step back when there was a camera suddenly thrust out in front of her, clearly trying to aim for any kind of snapshot of Alex's face. She was about to take another step back when Calum's palm pressed against the lens of the camera, pushing it back towards the paparazzi trying to get close to them.

"No. I said move." Each word was slow and punctuated, leaving no room for confusion or redirection.

He shoved the camera to the side, causing the man's arm to jostle and his steps to falter and stumble along to one side.

Calum's left arm stayed around (Y/n)'s shoulders and his body curved around hers, forming a protective shield over her with his right arm stretched out to block anyone who tried to get close or shove their camera anywhere near Alex.

As soon as the studio doors came within eyesight it felt like the couple were running the last length of a marathon. They quickened their pace, weaving through the bodies lining the path with cameras and phones out to record them.

(Y/n) tried to stop herself from shaking, to keep her arms steady and not disturb Alex who was already whimpering and rousing against her chest, clearly unsettled by the gathering crowds and raised voices. She waited for Calum to punch in the keycode beside the door with enough force to break the buttons, and when he swung the door open she hurried inside.

She felt Calum behind her, his palm pressed against the top of her back in between her shoulder blades.

Though his hand remained firmly and comfortingly on her back, Calum had turned around as soon as he closed the door behind them. He peered through the glass at all the flashing lights that beamed off the glass and made his lashes flutter instinctively. He stared out at the sea of faces trying to get closer, trying to get one last word or one quick photo.

Raising his free hand, he stuck his middle finger up as the most sarcastic smile he could muster formed on her lips.

His family were safely inside the studio; none of them could get in here. They were secluded, they were safe and alone.

It wasn't like she was waiting around for results.

She had already looked at the test, she knew what the results said. The minute she had to wait had felt like a second; time was so distorted that (Y/n) wasn't sure how long she had been stood there, tapping away to try and soothe her erratic heart and frantic mind. Although her mind was constantly switching between going blank and giving her too many thoughts to comprehend.

The test was positive.

Her eyes glanced down again, looking at the little blue plus sign that stared back at her like it was trying to mock her.

This was the third time that (Y/n) had taken one of these tests; this was the third positive pregnancy result she had gotten in the last two and a half years.

Life seemed to enjoy mocking her like this. Fate revelled in giving (Y/n) what she wanted only to take it away in a heartbeat.

She didn't know what to do now.

The first time she got a result like this, she told Ashton straight away. She watched his signature grin light up the room, watched that sparkle twinkle like a burning star within his pupils. She watched how happy he had been to tell his parents, his family, the band. Just their closest loved ones at first, just to get that excitement out there and let them know.

And look how badly that had ended. A night time hospital visit a month later to tell them she'd lost the baby.

The second time hadn't been much of a variation. She found out, she told Ashton, they agreed only to tell their parents and keep it hushed until things progressed and it felt safe. The band didn't know until after (Y/n) had the miscarriage and she would step foot in the studio for a solid month.

(Y/n) didn't want to do that again. She didn't want to tell Ashton straight away and watch that hope surge through him, only to take it away days or weeks later. She didn't want to make him worry the same as she was right now. (Y/n) didn't want to tell anyone.

That was her decision, made as she stared down at the test that was taunting and teasing her like it knew this was just going to be false hope to keep her going for a month or two. Something to boost her happiness and hopes so they could be utterly crushed at a later date.

If she didn't tell him, if she didn't tell anyone, not their family or friends or the band. If this stayed quiet, then maybe it would work out differently. (Y/n) could take things steady, be careful, not overdo anything and take care of herself. She could try and protect this baby.

Then when she knew they were okay, when she'd had a scan or two and a doctor assured her this baby was perfectly safe and not going anywhere, then she could surprise Ashton. She could see that hope revitalise his eyes with certainty that nothing was going to ruin this again. They could tell the band and figure out how to keep it quiet, keep it from the rest of the world.

But for now, this was going to stay as (Y/n)'s little secret. It was going to be easier to wait for certainty than take a risk and fall hard. She didn't want to break Ashton's heart; not again.

There was less chance of disappointment from others and the round of sympathy they would receive if (Y/n) didn't tell them. If she did lose this one too, no one else would have to feel that heartache.

She wouldn't have to see the way the band looked at her, how they curved around her like a protective shield to keep her broken pieces together. She wouldn't get those sorrowful looks from Michael who hadn't known how to act around her after the second miscarriage when he'd just found out he was going to have a baby of his own.

(Y/n) couldn't deal with it again, with her and Ashton's family messaging her, coming round to check on her, trying to figure out whether to ignore it or talk about it or tell her it would get better.

She didn't want anyone walking on egg shells around her, trying not to be too happy about this news in case it didn't last long.

Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but (Y/n) pushed them aside and tilted her head down, staring at the glistening white sink until there were no thoughts in her head and no prickling sensation behind her nose trying to make her burst into tears.

Even that spark in her chest, that flutter of adrenaline surging up from her stomach through to her nerves and heart and lungs, she tried to dull that down as well. (Y/n) couldn't afford to let herself smile and become hopeful, not this early on. This was something she could only acknowledge in the back of her mind, something she could think about a few times during the day but never dwell on. Not until it was set in stone.

When she knew she wasn't going to burst into tears, she bent down and tossed the test in the small pedal bin beneath the sink and took the bag out. Giving it a quick shake before she knotted it up so she could bin it later.

She washed her hands, splashed a dab of water on her face and turned off the light, making her way back to the bedroom.

She knew it was still early, far too early to get up and start the day when the sun was barely starting to rise and there was still a burnt orange glow creeping through the curtains. But (Y/n) hadn't been able to sleep any longer, not until she knew for definite if she was pregnant or not. That test had been burning a hole in her bag for two days and the tension had become too hard to ignore.

A ghost of a smile traced over her lips when she aimed for the bed. Ashton was right where she'd left him, he clearly hadn't woken or noticed that she'd disappeared for a good ten minutes or more.

The bed was cold when she climbed back in and it was soothing against her skin that was prickling with heat.

Her head turned to the right, looking over at Ashton. So peaceful, so settled and blissfully unaware of the dilemma she was purposely keeping from him so he didn't have to worry either.

He was laid with his cheek smushed up into the pillow, hair askew in all directions around his head like each curl had been amplified and sparked with electricity. One arm was bent awkwardly up against the headboard in a way that would undoubtedly make his wrist ache when he eventually woke up. He was laid on his stomach, his left leg hanging off the side of the bed and the covers pushed low so they were barely covering his hips, his bare back on display.

With his right arm being draped near her, (Y/n) took the opportunity to lift his arm and slowly slide beneath it until she could drape his arm over her chest.

Waking him was the last thing (Y/n) wanted to do, but she wanted- no, needed to be closer to him. She needed to be tucked into his side like this, to be close enough that all the thoughts in her head would shut down and let her rest, let her be for a little while.

Her eyes closed automatically and she turned her head until her lips were lightly peppering soft butterfly kisses against Ashton's shoulder. Both hands curved around his bicep that was resting comfortably on her chest and her foot began to glide and smooth up and down the back of his leg.

The movement must have jostled him from his sleep because although he didn't open his eyes, his arm did tighten around her. He was acknowledging the closeness between them. He shifted his head a bit closer to her until he was practically smothered by both the pillow and her hair, with his lips and nose meshed up against the top of her head.

(Y/n) wasn't sure how he could breathe like that, but he seemed content and happy enough, so she continued to peck his shoulder.

Her thrumming pulse was already settling back down to baseline and she knew that if Ashton moved or wriggled around in a minute or two, he would be laid on top of her like a weighted blanket. And then she might be able to snatch another few hours of sleep before they had to get up.

But even if she didn't, at least she could lay here, calm and rested with her mind mellowing out instead of going on overdrive with thoughts and possibilities and worries and hopes.

She would be able to tell him soon. Hopefully.

A glimmer of a smile hinted across (Y/n)'s lips before she managed to steel her expression and keep herself neutral, even as the memory from two weeks ago continued to cross her mind.

Two weeks of knowing about the pregnancy, but contracting herself not to tell a soul. Not Ashton, not her parents or his parents, not the rest of the band. Everyone was clueless, going about their day as if the future they saw before them wasn't about to start changing and morphing into something else.

(Y/n) was the only one who could see and imagine those changes, because she didn't want to show them only for that road to become blocked before they even got to go down it.

With her expression as neutral and calm as she could make it, even with that memory playing in the back of her mind, (Y/n) tried to focus again.

She had barely been taking note of what the interviewer was asking each of them, only chipping in when the others said something that she agreed with or sparked a little anecdote she could add. Other than that, (Y/n) resorted to smiles or nods because she wasn't feeling great today.

The lights on this interview set were so bright, the actual room was sweltering with all the people milling about backstage and the crowd sat opposite the set. Not to mention the toast (Y/n) tried to have for breakfast wasn't willing to stay down and she'd had to down a bottle of water before they came on because she felt like she was about to pass out.

Her mind threatened to start wandering again when she heard the next question the interviewer directed towards Michael.

"Has fatherhood changed you in any way, do you think?"

She didn't hear whatever response Michael gave. His words faded out like a whisper on the wind, carried away before (Y/n) could even try to comprehend what he might have said.

Her mind was too focused on hoping, praying, that maybe this time next year, that could be a question directed towards Ashton. That could be a question he would be able to answer, if this all worked out.

If that was a question they would have gotten last year, (Y/n) knew Michael would have looked towards Ashton before answering. He would have checked that the question didn't prickle and sting Ashton too much because if it did, Michael would have brushed it off and said it was too personal.

He would never want to talk about his daughter and becoming a father if he knew the topic was sensitive for his bandmates.

The public, the fans, none of them knew that (Y/n) had gone through two miscarriages. They were clueless, but the band weren't. They had been careful and compassionate about it, Michael hadn't talked about his baby a lot during the pregnancy because he knew it wouldn't be fair to (Y/n). And he could see the way Ashton suddenly went quiet and had that distant, broken look in his eyes whenever it was brought up.

It took a while for the wounds to heal, for things to feel balanced again and for the band to know that they could talk about kids or babies and not cause any unintentional upset for the couple.

(Y/n) didn't want things to go like that again, for topics to become sensitive and avoided and for her heart to break and feel like she had broken Ashton's too.

She wanted to get through this pregnancy and see Ashton smile, see him answer questions like this and be able to tell his family and prepare for this baby and not have to think or worry about it going wrong.

A little while longer; a few more weeks, then it would be safe to tell him. To let him in on this little secret.

She resisted the urge to look down at her stomach, to let her mind wander that far and become lost when she needed to stay here, stay focused on this interview. Because she had already been quiet and distant enough, she didn't want it to become a problem or for everyone to think something was wrong. The band knew she had been feeling under the weather today, they didn't need to think any more of it than that.

Uncrossing her legs, she bent forward and reached for her water bottle between her and Calum's feet.

It didn't help that she was wedged in between Calum and Ashton on the sofa with Luke and Michael on raised seats behind them. (Y/n) was used to feeling up close and personal with the band, they were all family at this point, having been together and touring for so long. But when she didn't feel well, when the room felt sweltering and she was wedged in between them like a sandwich, it made her feel unwell.

She downed what was left in her water bottle and set it back down, unable to stop the faraway look in her eyes as she lolled her head back into the sofa like she was on a plane preparing for turbulence.

It was clear she wasn't really listening anymore. Calum noticed quickly, because the next question was one that (Y/n) could answer better than the rest of them, and she hadn't even tried to make a response.

He gently nudged his elbow into her waist, raising one brow as he looked between (Y/n) and the interviewer until she got the silent message.

"Sorry, I was… I was somewhere else." A flattering smile crossed her face as she waved her hand near her head to make her point.

It went down well, the interviewer laughed and Michael was quick to lean forward and give an answer instead. (Y/n) was grateful, she didn't think she could come up with a good answer even if the question was repeated to her. It felt like her stomach was being gripped in a vice and someone was squeezing tight.

She tried to take a calming breath and inched a little closer to the right until she was pressing up against Ashton's arm and her head flopped against his shoulder, meshing her cheek against his leather jacket. She took another deep breath, inhaling his scent and that oak cologne that always made her heart flutter and feel at home.

It was comforting when she felt Ashton's hand rest on her thigh and she caught the look on the interviewer's face when he watched Ashton rest his cheek on her head. If hearts could of appeared in his eyes as he stared at the couple, then they would have.

Ashton's foot began to tap against the floor. He wasn't so keen on interviews like this. He preferred the ones they did with James Corden or the drumming interviews he did online where he got to be behind a drumset or the band got to do games and move around.

Sitting down didn't do him any good. Since he was a child Ashton was active, he liked to be moving, whether that was tapping his pen on the table until classmates told him to stop or just walking around to keep himself from becoming jittery like this.

The only thing stopping him from bouncing off the walls right now was (Y/n)'s head on his shoulder and the way she was cosied up into his side, giving him soemthing else to focus on.

Mainly because now that she was leaning into him, Ashton realised that she was trembling. It was subtle, but he could feel her arm wedged up against his and there was a light tremor going down her skin and her hand was tapping against his hip, but from shaking, not anxious habit like his foot tapping the floor.

He gave her thigh a squeeze and moved his head so he could look down at her while Luke answered the next question asked.

He didn't like the way (Y/n) tensed up against him and suddenly closed her eyes, but when her left hand raised and suddenly clamped over her mouth, Ashton's frame bristled and he sat up straighter.

He didn't get chance to move, to try and give some lame excuse to the interviewer to give (Y/n) a second to get off stage, because he knew what that meant. She was going to throw up.

(Y/n)'s hand dug down against Ashton's thigh so abruptly that he almost jumped, feeling her nails scratching into his leather jeans and almost cutting through his skin. She pushed her weight down onto her hand, using his thigh as leverage to get herself up on her feet as fast as possible.

She felt his hand brush across her lower back before she weaved around the side of the sofa, desperately trying to rush to make it off stage before she was sick.

She didn't make it.

(Y/n) got three feet before the little side wing that led off stage when the water she had drank spluttered past her lips and she coughed it up onto the floor.

There was no time to cringe or worry that the whole audience on the show had just seen her cough up.

Her left arm bound around her waist as if trying to pin her stomach in place and stop her stomach from lurching again while her other hand reached out, fumbling to try and press against the wall to help her balance and keep herself upright. Her palm pressed against the wall but just as (Y/n) got into the small dimly lit corridor where she was finally out of sight and away from everyone, it happened again.

The little bit of toast and juice she managed to keep down for breakfast came back up and she threw up on the floor, doubling forward until all the blood rushed to her head and she was sure she was going to faint.

"Oh shit."

Hopping up from the sofa, Ashton turned and bolted, ignoring the fact that he was leaving the rest of the guys to wait awkwardly with the interviewer. He turned to one side, bypassing one of the staff who worked here who had come out to clean the floor where (Y/n) threw up. His sights were set and focused on (Y/n) and her alone.

He almost smiled when he heard Calum uttering "She's not been well this week."

As soon as he was behind her Ashton reached out for her, one hand on her lower back and the other holding onto her left hand to make sure she stayed upright and wasn't about to collapse. He began to smooth his hand up and down her back, relieved that she hadn't passed out and she seemed to have stopped now.

"If you said you weren't feeling up to it we could of cancelled." He muttered softly before he kissed the back of her head.

If he knew she felt this unwell, if she thought she was actually going to be sick, he would have asked the guys if they could do it without (Y/n) or if they could rearrange to another date.

(Y/n) was glad she was still doubled over, just in case she threw up again, because it stopped Ashton from seeing the relief on her face.

This was morning sickness.

Surely this meant that everything was going smoothly with the baby, that for now, her body was okay and adjusting to it. She only had a small bout of morning sickness the second time she was pregnant and it hadn't lasted long before everything went to pot. This was a sign that things might be different this time.

She might be able to tell Ashton soon.

"Ash, how you doing?" Luke leant back in his seat until his head was almost bent back like his neck had broken or he was going through an exorcism. The distortion of looking at things upside down didn't make a difference to Luke as he looked over at the couple he could just about see hidden in the little hall backstage.

He saw the way Ashton turned and shook his head before he moved his hand to slice in front of his throat. (Y/n) wasn't going to be coming back out to finish this interview, and Ashton wasn't about to leave her either when she wasn't well.

But Ashton wafted his hand towards the stage, motioning to the band until Luke realised what he was trying to imply. The rest of them could stay, they could finish off this interview without the couple.

"I uh, I think it's just three seconds of summer now."

***

It's okay, everything is fine. It's fine. Fine. Fine.

The words circled around (Y/n)'s head like a mantra, something to try and calm herself down and tell herself that this situation wasn't bad. This wasn't a problem. This wasn't about to become a horrid situation like it had done in the past.

(Y/n) repeated the words in her mind and uttered them under her breath until it felt like her body was calming down and her mind was agreeing and being fooled.

It was just a bit of blood.

Nothing to worry about; that was what (Y/n) tried to tell herself earlier when she went to the toilet and saw spots of blood in her underwear. It wasn't a lot, not enough to worry about, but that didn't stop her mind from running to the worst possible scenario.

This had happened before; waking up in the middle of the night to a lot more blood and cramping pains. But (Y/n) wasn't in pain right now, she didn't feel pain or cramps or dizzy or sick. She just felt panicked. A tremendous amount of panic that was like thousands of birds flapping their wings in her stomach and vibrating through her ribcage. It felt like her stomach was flooded with cement and clogging up until she felt heavy and weighed down.

But not sick, not ill or feverish or any of the kind of symptoms she would of expected, and none of the symptoms she had felt before.

All she had to do was carry on as normal, as if there was absolutely nothing wrong and hopefully her body would agree with her mind and then everything would be okay.

The band knew something was up, but they didn't question it when (Y/n) said she had a headache. Ashton was the only one who kept glancing her way each time she didn't add her input into the song they were trying to finish today in the studio. Each time Michael tried to finish a riff and it didn't sound quite right, (Y/n) didn't add an input like she usually would. She didn't try and sing the lyrics or be the voice of reason.

She had sat behind the piano and played the melody they had already written down and perfected.

It was harder than she thought it would be to keep her mind on the task at hand, on the song that was like background music to the soundtrack of spiralling thoughts raging through (Y/n)'s mind right now.

Praying that this was just normal spotting during pregnancy felt like praying for a miracle that she knew would never happen. It just kept making her think that it was a good job she hadn't told Ashton yet. If this was her losing the baby, then it was good that she had kept it to herself and not told him just to upset and disappoint him. Again.

She felt like she was in a trance as she walked around the room, making her way from the window she had been aimlessly staring out of, towards the little counter at the far right where the cups were. (Y/n) knew she probably wouldn't drink whatever she was about to make, but it would give her something to do for a few minutes and a bit of fluids and sugar might make her perk up and calm down. Maybe.

Her fingers tapped away against her cup while she waited for the kettle to boil, feeling her mind wandering off again in the process.

A shuddering breath escaped her lips and her mind came tumbling away from her thoughts when a careful hand rested on her shoulder.

When she turned, (Y/n) narrowed her eyes inquisitively as she looked at Michael. At some point, for some reason, he had taken off the charcoal grey jacket he had been sporting all morning, despite the fur lining on the inside which must have made him boiling combined with the warmth in the studio today.

But now, he was stood with said jacket hanging on his index finger with his hand outstretched towards (Y/n).

When she didn't take the jacket and instead stared at him with curiosity combined with confusion, his expression turned soft like melted frosting and his lips quirked up to one side in a lopsided smile. He almost looked bashful as he motioned the jacket out to her again until she took it from him.

(Y/n) looked between Michael and the jacket, unsure what she was supposed to do now. She wasn't freezing, it was warm enough in here that (Y/n) had shed her own jacket the moment she and Ashton turned up this morning. She didn't need to wear Michael's jacket right now.

He ran a hand through his hair, brushing the stark crimson strands from his eyes so they hung and framed his cheeks and shaded his ears instead.

"You uh… I think you've leaked. Thought you could tie that around your waist, so it doesn't show."

His voice was so soft and tender that (Y/n) let out a shallow breath as she took in his words. He was married, he knew things like this happened and if it was his wide he wouldn't want her feeling nervous or embarrassed.

The last thing Michael wanted to do was make a big thing of it, but he had been about to walk past and go grab his guitar again when he happened to look down. There was a bit of blood on (Y/n)'s jeans. He didn't want to make a big thing of it and tell her in front of the others. It wasn't like when they were on tour, none of them brought a bag of clothes with them to the studio so (Y/n) couldn't just go and get changed.

But Michael thought if she tied his jacket around her waist, then it wouldn't show and the rest of the band wouldn't know she'd had a little mishap.

They had all been doing this for almost fifteen years now. Countless tours together and days in the studio and trips in their spare time. This wasn't the first time this had happened, but that didn't mean (Y/n) wouldn't still be embarrassed by something like this.

(Y/n) clenched the jacket in her fist until the zipper imbedded into the palm of her hand and threatened to cut through her skin, but she barely felt it. All she could feel was a sense of overwhelming dread as her breath caught in her throat and her head turned abnormally slow to look behind her.

Her free hand feathered across her waist and pulled at the hem of her jeans until she could properly see behind her and realised that yes, Michael was right. There was a patch of blood on the back of her jeans near her thighs.

The petrified look on her face made Michael's smile fade and he reached out to try and hold onto her arm for reassurance. She didn't have anything to be worried or ashamed of.

"It's okay, no one-"

"No." tremors rattled through her bones as she shook her head until her neck ached. "Not again."

She yanked her arm so forcefully out of Michael's grip that he stumbled, eyes wide in confusion and growing fear for her, but (Y/n) didn't spare him another look. She couldn't. Her mind was too focused on trying to move, to get away, but she wasn't even sure where she wanted or needed to go. She just had to get away. She wanted to disappear.

That little piece of information had overloaded her mind until there were no thoughts rattling through her head anymore, just pure panic.

Each time she parted her lips and tried to take in a breath, all she got was a few bubbles of air that managed to scrape past the lump in her throat. It felt like her throat muscles were closing up and her vocal chords were pressing together, blocking off her trachea.

Her steps were more like shuffles until she was stumbling and white spots flashed before her eyes until her vision was completely obstructed and she couldn't even make out the shapes around the studio.

Everything was a blur of colours.

When Ashton stepped in front of her, (Y/n) didn't even notice until his hands were on her arms and she jerked back, knowing if she had enough air in her lungs, she would have screamed.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"It's- it's happening again." Her hands fisted in Ashton's shirt so suddenly and tightly thatt she managed to scratch his chest and her grip jolted his shoulders forwards and almost took him off balance.

His eyes narrowed and he quickly slid down to grip her elbows, keeping tight hold of her with how badly she seemed to be shaking and how unsteady she looked to him. Confusion took over Ashton's expression and dwelled at the forefront of his mind as he looked at her.

Why did she look so grave and petrified? What was she doing with Michael's jacket that was now dropped on the floor by their feet? What had worried her so much that she looked like she had come faceto face with death itself?

"What, what is?" He took a quick look around at his surroundings, but Ashton didn't understand.

When he glanced across at Michael, he found him shrugging with a rather worried expression. He didn't understand either. But when Michael made a small gesture towards (Y/n)'s legs, Ashton stepped closer to her until their chests were touching and her arms were pinned in between them so he could look around her.

There was blood on her jeans. But it was only a small amount, and that was not much of a big deal for (Y/n) to come on her period. It wasn't the end of the world; and now Ashton could see why Michael had given her his jacket.

"I can't, I can't," words fumbled past (Y/n)'s lips but they wouldn't come out in the right order and her head was constantly shaking like she thought that denying this situation would somehow make it go away.

She let go of Ashton's shirt which left creases and ruffles in the thin cotton material and tried to push her weight to her left to break out of his arms.

It didn't work.

Ashton wasn't about to let her try and walk or indeed stumble away when he didn't know what the problem was and something was clearly frightening and worrying her. He needed to know what was going on. He had to know what (Y/n) was panicked about and see if it was something he could easily help resolve.

He tightened his hold on her arms and stepped to the side, keeping (Y/n) stood in front of him and when she tried to push into his chest, he pressed his feet firmly into the floor and held his ground.

"Hey, talk to me, it's okay. Tell me what's going on… you can't what?" He lowered his voice but tried to stay as calm as his rising panic would allow him.

But it was as if (Y/n) couldn't even hear him. Her hands pushed against his biceps but he couldn't work out whether she was attempting to push him away, or trying to cling to him and yank him closer.

They moved like repelling magnets, pushing and wavering against one another until Ashton realised a second too late what was about to happen.

The spots in front of (Y/n)'s eyes faded into a black veil that drowned out everything. Her lungs ceased working like they had given up, drowning in utter panic that had stuck her body in between fight or flight until she just shut down.

Her head bashed against Ashton's shoulder with a thud that sent his nervous system jolting and he had to bend and brace his knees to steady them both when her weight dropped against him in the next second. He let go of her elbows to quickly bind his arms around her waist, gluing her chest up against his to stop her from hitting the floor with a bang.

"Fuck!"

When she was braced against his chest, Ashton lowered himself down to his knees and pulled her along with him. He tried to be as gentle as possible as he lowered (Y/n) down and turned her around until her back was against his chest so he wasn't smothering her against his frame.

"Do you need me to call-"

"No, no. Just, just give me two minutes?"

Michael looked dubious and he could already see Luke and Calum shooting up to try and aim their way, but he nodded. (Y/n) had passed out but she was already trying to move and come back around; it was most likely because she hadn't been breathing properly in her panic and barely took in any oxygen.

When he took a few steps to the side, Michael motioned to the others to sit back down. If Ashton wanted some space with (Y/n) then that's what they would do until he asked for help or for an ambulance or whatever he thought (Y/n) would need.

"Baby… (Y/n), are you with me?"

He couldn't figure out whatever incoherent words (Y/n) tried to mutter, but at least she was coming back into focus and back to reality again. Ashton sat forward a little more to try and sit (Y/n) up, letting her head drop back on his shoulder while she scraped in enough oxygen to get her mind working again.

"Tell me what's going on." It almost sounded like he was pleading with her, and he supposed he was, because he didn't understand.

His arms looped beneath hers to hug her tight to his chest while he perched his chin on her shoulder and waited for some signal or audible sentence to loop him in on whatever the problem was.

He could feel each sharp breath (Y/n) took like she was about to make herself pass out again from pure panic. He tried to mellow his own breathing and take deep breaths to get her to copy him and do the same.

But as Ashton watched her, he found himself digging his fingers sharply into (Y/n)'s waist when he watched her shaking hand move to press over her abdomen. When her hand stayed there, pressing down until he was sure she was hurting herself, he took a sharp breath until his heart clenched and his lungs felt like they had been pierced with a needle.

"Are- are you pregnant?" The words wouldn't come out any louder than a crackling, broken whisper that he really didn't want to ask.

The nod of her head was enough to make Ashton's stomach surge up into his throat until he was sure he was either going to join her and pass out, or throw up his lunch.

He swallowed down his rising panic until he was gasping for a proper breath and his arms were so tightly imbedded around (Y/n)'s waist that he was sure his elbows were going to leave marks on her waist. But he had to move, they had to get up.

He pushed from his knees to his feet, lifting (Y/n) with him even though her legs were shaking and he wasn't quite sure if she could hold herself up. They needed to move; they needed to do something. Sitting here wasn't an option after learning news like that.

"Then we're going to the hospital. Now."

***

"Everything's okay?"

Even though it was Ashton who spoke, he took the words right out of (Y/n)'s mouth.

He had done quite a bit of the talking since they got here, and (Y/n) was grateful for that. It felt like her mind was constantly trying to shut down and that was all she wanted. She wanted to close her eyes and have the world right itself, have her body reboot so that when she opened them again, everything would be okay. It would all be sorted out.

She'd barely been able to find her voice when the midwife asked how far along she was or when the bleeding had started, because Ashton didn't have the answers for that.

(Y/n) found the will to lift her head so she wasn't looking at her hands anymore and was in fact looking up at the midwife. Though her left hand stayed deadlocked in Ashton's; unwilling to let go since the moment they were brought into this room.

"The medication we gave earlier has stopped the bleeding, which was thankfully minimal. Baby's heartbeat is within normal range, everything looks okay, I don't think there's a reason to panic anymore."

It felt like a mistake. (Y/n) felt like she was being set up for failure, that she was being given another round of false hope like when she took that pregnancy test for the third time. But this couldn't be wrong; the midwife could't be wrong.

She had take bloods, just done an ultrasound which (Y/n) could see with her own eyes. And they'd heard the heartbeat which had brought Ashton to tears and turned his face almost the same shade of crimson as Michael's hair.

Everything truly was okay. All those little mantras and prayers and hopes (Y/n) had been muttering to herself this morning, everything she had tried to tell herself since she found out about the pregnancy, it had all come true. It had all worked out okay, at least up to now.

And Ashton knew; granted, she hadn't been able to tell him in the way she had been hoping and planning to, but at least this time it hadn't ended in tears.

"You'll need an hour or two on observation, but then the doctor should be able to discharge you and send you home."

Neither of them were quite sure that going home felt like such a good idea so soon after a fright like that. Just because the bleeding had stopped now, didn't mean that it wouldn't come back. They hadn't been very lucky when it came to these kind of scenarios. But if the doctor said (Y/n) was fine to go home, they could hardly refuse and sit here waiting on the off chance that something bad might happen.

(Y/n) almost didn't hear the nurse when she murmured "I'll give you both some time alone," with such a kind tone that (Y/n) almost began to cry. Again.

Though she sat forward, (Y/n) couldn't lift her gaze from her hand that was entwined with Ashton's. He was gripping her hand so hard that his knuckles had gone pure white and she was sure he wouldn't be able to feel his fingers anymore. The grip must have been settling for him though because he hadn't let go yet, and it was comforting to (Y/n) which was why she held back almost as tightly.

Her eyes followed the veins tracing the back of Ashton's hand, observing them like they were roads on a map with an unknown destination.

She couldn't move her gaze away from those protruding veins when she heard him shifting and suddenly he was sat on the very edge of the chair, his feet tapping and bouncing away against the floor like he was sat behind his drumkit once again. He gave a sharp squeeze to her hand, but she still couldn't manage to look at him, which made him sigh.

He pulled their entwined hands so they were no longer resting on her lap and were now held hear his chest so he could press a soft kiss to the back of her knuckles.

"How long have you known?" There was no insinuation or upset in his voice, just genuine curiosity and the slightest hint of hesitation.

Because he hadn't known. He had been oblivious to (Y/n)'s nerves, to her panic and concern about this situation and all the possibilities. He wanted to know how long he had been oblivious for and how long he should have been realising something was up.

"Just over three weeks."

She caught the way his shoulders slumped from the corner of her eye, and it made her chest constrict.

"You didn't tell me." It wasn't clear whether that was just a statement of the obvious or whether he was trying to ask her some sort of question. Either way, (Y/n) finally lifted her gaze to look him in the eye.

She had told him before, the previous two times. She told him straight away, showed him the tests, watched him laugh, let him hold her when she cried from relief and panic combined. But this time he didn't know, he hadn't been told straight away, and something about that made Ashton's heart splinter.

"I was- I was waiting, to make sure…"

"…to make sure you didn't miscarry again?" When he finished the sentence for her and (Y/n) nodded, Ashton tried to force away the tears threatening to spill over.

He didn't want (Y/n) to think that she had to shield him, that she couldn't tell him in case she did miscarry and that hurt him. It would have broken him more if she had lost the baby and he had no idea in the first place. She didn't have to shield him from anything or hide things from him to try and make it easier for him. That wasn't how this relationship worked. Ashton was here for her, through everything.

(Y/n) tilted her head back when Ashton suddenly stood up, but he kept tight hold of her hand with their palms feeling like they were suctioned together.

Her eyes followed him as he sat down on the side of the bed so that their hips were touching and he had one boot propped up on the chair he had just vacated.

He brought their joined hands to rest on his thigh while he sat forward until his temple was touching hers and (Y/n) had nowhere else to look but into those pupils that were burning and flickering with sparkles of light like a kalediscope.

"Please don't shield me from anything; you don't need to worry about me. Or worry at all, okay?"

(Y/n) could feel pins and needles sparking through her blood right down to her toes when Ashton's free hand reached out to cup her face and his thumb traced the corner of her mouth and down her chin. She found herself nodding against his palm.

She might have done it to try and save him any worry or pain, but it hadn't been fair to him or to herself, to worry alone and let him be oblivious. They were in this together, they did things as a unit, (Y/n) didn't have to do things alone or worry by herself.

"I didn't know she was married." Princess muttered more to herself than to Victoria. She prided herself on being in the know-how of things down here in the Pitt. She never pegged (Y/n) for being the married type.

Clearly she was someone who went home to someone, she smiled when she saw messages on her phone, she was always eager to leave on most days and usually said she had plans when they were all planning a night out or going for a drink after a rough shift. But her being married, and to someone with a full social life, wasn't contemplated.

Nor did Princess, or anyone else in the ED, think that one of their quiet, reserved nurses would be married to a boysterous personality. To someone who wasn't in the medical field themselves or in a job that was considered safe and professional.

With her hands still on her hips, Princess leant over until she was peering over Victoria's shoulder to see the phone in her hands, trying to see what she was so intently watching.

Victoria eagerly tilted her phone up to let the nurse peer at the screen and see what she was observing.

For the last few minutes that she had spare, she had been trying to delve into the 5sos account online. Trying to scroll through and search through their posts to find any signs or illusions to (Y/n) on them. Part of her had believed that she wouldn't see any sign of (Y/n) on the main band account, because (Y/n) had clearly kept her personal life private and she presumed the same would go for Luke too.

It didn't.

Almost immediately, Victoria had noticed (Y/n) in the background of one of their little sketch videos the band were always doing. Then in another she had seen (Y/n) on the sidelines again, watching with a broad smile and her eyes intently focused on Luke like she was the only thing she could see with tunnel vision that followed him around wherever he went.

And on another video she was certain that the voice she heard, the laughing in the background from the person recording the video, was (Y/n). It made her wonder just how many other videos (Y/n) had recorded for the band and just how involved she was with them. Whether she was just a spouse in the background or whether she was a close friend to them all, an extension of the band.

"Which one is she with?"

"Luke; he's the singer and he was here!" Though her voice was a whisper, there was clear excitement woven into Victoria's voice as she pointed to Luke, her finger following him through the the little video that was playing silently on her phone.

It was one thing to have actually seen him here in person, at the place she worked, and to exchange words with him. It was another matter entirely to find out that someone she worked with was actually married to him and got to see the band on a daily basis.

A grin flooded Princess's face and she wiggled her brows at the young student. The guy in the video was good looking; (Y/n) had set the bar high there.

A murmur behind them caught their attention and Victoria shrunk forward slightly when she felt an arm looping over her shoulder and felt a dominating presence behind her.

Trinity's eyes were immediately on the phone in Victoria's hand, eyes narrowed as she scrutinised the video that was on mute, though that didn't stop her from recognising what it was playing almost immediately. She could recognise the band from a distance, she knew quite a lot of their songs. Who didn't? Especially when it was what the night shift seemed to blast out during their few quiet times when they needed to keep themselves alert and awake.

"Are you a fan?" It seemed a rather stupid question from the way that the younger girl was staring at the phone and practically vibrating with overwhelming energy.

"That's (Y/n)'s husband." Princess commented with a smirk, though it earned a scoff from Trinity.

Since when did she look that gullible?

She wasn't going to believe something like that without definite proof, nor did she really believe that someone who worked down here in the overwhelming conditions of the understaffed, under-supervised ED would have such a high-flying social life with someone like that.

Trinity rose a brow as she looked between them and straightened up, about to cross her arms over her chest until she saw the look on Victoria's face. Determination to be believed, biting the inside of her mouth, eyes wide and focused and not looking away like they nornamlly would during a serious conversation.

"No, seriously. See, I was wandering through some of the older videos, and look, she's in loads of them."

She began to scroll through the reels and videos, going a bit slower than usual so she could point out where (Y/n) was in the background on most, if not all of them.

There she was walking past the building where the band were doing one of their sketches. There she was again, sitting at the far end of the studio while the others were recording. There (Y/n) was again, laughing with the band on a night out. And if Victoria scrolled back far enough, she could find quite a few older videos where (Y/n) was joining in with their jokes and gimicks.

"Oh my God." Without missing a beat Trinity leant over and snatched the phone. "She's practically one of them, what's she doing here living the low life with us?"

"She doesn't use his name here, clearly doesn't want to be hounded by fans." With pursed lips Victoria tried to take her phone back, but to no avail as Trinity turned to the side and continued her investigation.

It didn't seem real that (Y/n) would work here with them, she would do the gruelling shifts like anyone else. She didn't complain if she was put on the night shift, she didn't lash out or scream or lose her temper when patients were snotty and put up a fight and acted out, sometimes for no reason at all. (Y/n) was one of the most laid back, calm and considerate people here.

She kept to herself, she didn't talk much about her personal life. If Trinity was being honest she saw (Y/n) as a timid kind of person, someone who didn't know the meaning of fun.

That wouldn't be her first impression of (Y/n) if she knew her simply from these videos she was now seeing. The way she dressed outside of the ER, the make up, the lavish rings and necklaces and that smirk that could dazzle even the grumpiest of people. It was all a completely different person, a different persona to the nurse the rest of them saw here on a daily basis.

All three heads turned to the right when approaching footsteps seemed to break them out of the trance they had all been cast under.

(Y/n) lifted her head when she approached the nurse's desk, a file tucked under her arm that she needed to complete and then add onto the system on the computer.

Her eyes narrowed when she looked at her colleagues. All three of them huddled together like they were children conspiring a little plot in the playground. And when all of them locked their sights onto her, they looked as if they had been caught red-handed by the police.

It was enough to make (Y/n)'s stomach jump and have anxiety rolling through her. The deeper breaths she took in response made her right side feel like her ribs had snapped all over again. Excessive movement or deeper breaths made her chest expand and when that happened her ribs ached; bad. Two had broken during her altercation with the crazed fan last week and a flurry of bruises had blossomed all across her ribs and down the right side of her waist.

She had a sneaking suspicion she knew exactly what they were talking about and why their eyes were now beady and focused in on her.

Every time (Y/n) found someone looking at her at work, she knew what they were thinking. She knew that they were talking about Luke, that they were wondering why and exactly how she had managed to keep him such a secret from all of them down here in the Pitt.

It had been all anyone was talking about this last week since her trip here as a patient, not a nurse.

"Oh shit you can sing too?!" Trinity was only partly joking and mostly serious when she clicked on one of the videos of (Y/n) and Luke that popped up on Victoria's phone. And with a click of a button, she turned the volume up so it was just barely audible.

She had no idea that (Y/n) could keep such an alter ego a secret from them all, and no one had ever heard her humming or singing along to the music that very rarely played on a day shift. But here she was, sitting in a studio singing acoustic with Luke.

Shock waves sprang throughout Trinity's system and Victoria leapt forward, bumping her hips into the desk when an arm suddenly leaned over their little group and the phone was snatched from Trinity's hand.

"Last time I checked, this was my ED not a rock concert. Back to work please, save the oogling for the end of your shift."

Robby's words made all three of them disperse from the nurse's station like a rough wind had coursed through the ED and taken them in different directions.

He handed the phone back to Victoria with a sharp look that made her switch it off and leave it on the desk rather than putting it in her back pocket. She felt like she had been caught at school with her phone and now it had been confiscated from her by the teacher. She wasn't going to go on it for the rest of the day now, just to prove the point that she could do her job and wouldn't be caught slacking and ogling over the band and their videos anymore at work.

A small, grateful look flooded (Y/n)'s face as she looked up at Robby with a smile and he nodded in her direction. "You too Star."

She couldn't help but sigh at that as she nodded and slumped down into one of the swivel chairs at the desk so she could begin typing up her notes and charts.

That was a nickname that both Abbot and Dana had started up as soon as they clocked eyes on Luke and found out who she was married to. Dana had found it highly amusing that Luke thought of and saw himself as a star, even more so when she learnt about the band. And now it was what they began to call (Y/n) whenever they saw her.

Just like Huckleberry had become Dennis's name in the ED for anyone who talked to him, Star was now what (Y/n) was known as. She had been lucky previously if any of her overworked, exhausted colleagues remembered her name or knew how to spell it properly. Now they would never call her by her first name ever again.

***

It felt like they were all taking one step forwards and two steps back. That was how unsettling this situation now was.

Wherever (Y/n) looked, wherever she seemed to try and place her feet, she found someone else already there in her path.

The paparazzi were getting worse with the tour approaching and the new album in full swing and blasting through almost every radio channel on a daily basis. There were those oddly calm moment in between albums where things seemed to calm down, where the band could go out and enjoy their lives and just take a walk without anyone provoking them or getting in their path and snapping photos and demanding to talk to them.

And as soon as any single was then released or a new show date out and tickets available to purchase, the hounds started up again and the media was putting them in the spotlight.

(Y/n) supposed it was a good thing, that the band had to do very little for them to be in the spotlight each time. They didn't have to fight for attention or for the fans to continue to love and support them and everyone enjoyed the music no matter what album it was from or what direction the band was taking.

It just made their personal lives that little bit harder.

(Y/n) was always grateful that the people she treated were usually the older generation or the very young who had little recognition of the band or who (Y/n) was married to. They didn't know, they didn't ask and they didn't care. It meant she could go unnoticed and do her work with no issues and no questions or invasions into her personal life.

She could be two separate people, keep two separate lives. She could be the professional version of herself when she was at work and put all her care and focus into treating her patients. And when she was with Luke, she could be herself. She could love him, be herself with him at home and let loose when she was with him and around the band.

It wasn't clear how the media knew the band would be here today, or the fans for that matter. As crowds were gathering on the streets, pushing in with the media, the cameras, and hounding questions being tossed their way.

Pictures were being held out, pens waiting to be grabbed and used to sign anything and everything being held out towards the band. Fans desperate for photos, for a kind word or even just a look in their direction.

It was all overwhelming, so (Y/n) angled her head down until the sunglasses perched on the bridge of her nose were threatening to slide right down onto the pavement.

Her left arm was curved around Luke's waist, her fingers woven into the back pocket of his jeans as a means to keep close by his side and not become lost to him in this crowd. He had taken to walking on her left side so he could still hold her close and have her tucked under his arm without hurting her or inflicting any further pain onto her right side that was tender and ached from the slightest touch to her fragile, broken ribs.

She could feel Luke's arm, heavy and secure resting over her shoulders and his hand feathering up and down her arm. Always needing to be moving, to be doing something to regulate his system and keep himself calm in the crowds.

The flashing of cameras was continuous and sharp enough to be unsettling, especially when the media seemed to be getting closer than necessary. (Y/n) couldn't imagine the photos they were taking would be any good this up close and personal.

"Lovin' the outfits." The reporter- journalist or whoever he might be- pointed a finger between the couple to signify their matching traits.

And she heard Luke murmur "We like to match," kindly in a rather quiet, mellow tone. He was tired of being boysterous and bold and outgoing, he was ready to be reserved and quiet back home.

They were wearing their leather jackets, something they always seemed to wear whenever they were going out and (Y/n) wasn't at work. It was her jacket of choice, it was one of her favourites and not just because Luke had bought it for her because when he saw it he 'couldn't imagine it on anyone else but you.'

It was clear that the reporter and the fans had noticed Luke's hand resting on (Y/n)'s shoulder, and could clearly make out the fact that their nails were also matching.

When (Y/n) had a run of three or more days off in a row, she was inclined to painting her nails. Both of them had black nails with bright illuminating pink stars stamped in the centre; the new logo for the upcoming tour.

Having your nails painted in the ER was a strict no-go. Nail polish chipped and flecked easily and could get into patients cuts and sterile wounds in the trauma room. That led to infection and illness and possible liability claims. Nails had to be trimmed down to avoid cuts and scrapes, no fake or gel nails and no polish or gems or anything excessive. Nothing that could break through latex gloves.

There were some nights where (Y/n) went out with the band or she was supporting them on the side-lines and despite being on shift the next day, she would paint her nails for the occasion. She would make them as bright and colourful and as neat as possible, flash them on the night. And then get up extra early the next morning to clean and file her nails down ready for work.

That was how dedicated and loving she was to supporting her husband's band and promote his music and shows.

Though she leant to her left and tried to tuck herself more under Luke's arm, (Y/n) found herself holding her chest and back at an odd angle. If she bent too far to the left it aggravated her chest and made her ribcage feel like it was splintering with each shallow breath she took. Breathing normally was sometimes a struggle when she was feeling like this. Shallow breaths and gasps like she would encourage women during labour at work, was how she had to breathe to make herself feel better.

Beneath the starched white button up blouse she wore which contrasted to her jet black leather jacket, (Y/n) had a tight roll of bandages secured around her chest right beneath her bra and down to the dip and curve in her waist. Luke had been doing the bandages for her in the morning and after showers, working them slowly and methodically to her instructions so (Y/n) had some support for her chest and to keep her ribs in place so they healed properly.

She could feel the bandages right now, she could feel how tight they felt, the support they gave, and how it made deep breaths a struggle.

Her chest seemed to tighten of its own accord when someone was suddenly in her and Luke's path, practically blocking them off from walking ahead. As if they wouldn't be allowed to move until they had answered his questions.

"(Y/n), did you get attacked at the last concert in Pittsburgh?"

The flash of a camera close to her face made her blink hard behind the glasses she was glad she was wearing as it dulled the brightness somewhat. This was why the band always wore their shades when they were performing. Not just because it was part of the aesthetic, but because it was helpful to the flashing lights and photography that could otherwise be disorientating and blinding.

"Were you hurt?" Another voice interrupted from the left along with a flash of light that barely caught (Y/n)'s peripheral vision with her head staying angled down towards the floor.

She could feel Luke shifting at her side, his left arm holding out at the side to make sure that the media didn't get any closer. Taking pictures from a distance was fine, but they were far too close already. They didn't need to be any further into their personal space.

"I just had a fall, that's all." (Y/n) kept her tone light and shook her head, a smile gracing her lips to hide the discomfort she felt.

The last thing she wanted was to cause any gossip. She didn't even know how they knew that she had been hurt at the last concert. It wasn't as if the band had spoken about it or put it up on social media. And there had been a limited crowd of workers and the band's personal team and management around, so they wouldn't be the ones to spread this kind of news.

She didn't want it out in the world that a fan had hurt her, that wouldn't do her or Luke any good and it wouldn't shine great on the rest of the fans who were as sweet, understanding and loving towards the band. Most of the fans were always kind towards (Y/n) and she tried to extend kindness back to them in turn.

She wouldn't be caught chatting about fans or gossiping that one of them had hurt her, and she didn't want people thinking she had been grossly attacked when it had been a scuffle that got out of hand.

"Are you a doctor?"

She found herself shaking her head again, but clearly it wasn't a good enough answer for the vultures gathering round them.

"Where do you work?"

Within a minute they barely seemed to have moved more than three feet, and that same question was now being echoed around them from the fans gathering closer.

Where do you work? What kind of doctor are you? Do you work near here?

All varients of the same question which immediately made (Y/n)'s stomach tighten and her free hand reached up to hold onto Luke's hand that was resting on her shoulder. Gripping tight like she wanted to keep him curved around her like a blanket to make herself feel safe and shielded from the crowds.

She didn't want to tell them where she worked or have them find out. The last thing (Y/n) needed was any fans noticing her at work. Work was separate from home life, from the spotlight that came with being married to Luke. No one needed to know where she worked, they could know her occupation by all means, as long as it was kept vague and no specifics were known.

She found herself shrinking into Luke's side, especially when the cameras seemed to be closing in on her and at any moment (Y/n) was sure there would be a lens right in her face, flashing until her corneas were blinded.

"No, she's a very skilled nurse." As always, there was a proud undertone in Luke's voice and a bright smile on his lips.

He never missed an opportunity to tell people that not only did his wife look dazzling when she was dressed up like this to match his stage persona, but outside of the flashing lights, she was an accomplished nurse. She did one of the most important jobs around, she worked gruelling hours, dealt with tragedy and de-escalated serious situations and took care of people.

It was something that he would always remind people of if ever they tried to forget. Or that time a reporter tried to say that (Y/n) was always hanging with the band and 'probably didn't have a proper job.'

The couple could feel a presence hovering protectively behind them, and suddenly Calum's hand was on (Y/n)'s shoulder near Luke's. "She's our own nurse Nightingale."

That brought a smile to both their faces.

While everyone at work had now begun to call (Y/n) Star, she was always used to being referred to as Nurse Nightingale as soon as she got her degree and began working in the emergency room. The band knew her when she was taking university classes, when she was a med student and when she was training hard and bringing exams and textbooks to the studio so she could stuudy while they practised and the music calmed her down.

They were just as proud of (Y/n) as Luke was, and they would always make it known that they loved having a nurse around for emergencies in the studio or during a tour.

While (Y/n) didn't want to tell people exactly where she worked, she was perfectly fine with the fans knowing what she did for a living. It wasn't a secret, it was just a different part of her life that she didn't want to mingle in with the fans and the band.

(Y/n) liked the fact that when she was anywhere with Luke, she felt like someone else, like a freed personality that only the outside world got to see. She matched Luke's style, his clothes and colours and outlandish personality. They had their matching wedding rings, they had little matching tattoos on the inside of their wrists. Their make up was always done up and matching in some essence such as colour or glitter.

Then when she went to work, the make up was gone, the nail polish removed, the rings off her finger and back on a necklace hidden beneath her scrubs. Her hair wasn't done up or curled or made into a lavish style. She was used to hearing her maiden name when she was at work. (Y/n) blended in with the rest of the nurses, she was a different person and barely anyone recognised her as the stylish girl who always had Luke's loving, doting eyes on her and his arms wrapped around her in some manner.

"I wasn't worrying, just… thinking." The look he gave her in response said that those were one in the same thing.

When she felt Ashton's hand gently curl around her own on her thigh, she stopped tapping and interlaced their fingers instead. Her eyes closed as she rested her cheek on his broad shoulder and inched a bit closer to his side.

It wasn't worry (Y/n) felt so much as nerves. Nervousness because this was their first scan, and there were so many things that could happen, so many things that could be wrong or could go wrong. And she didn't know what exactly to expect, having never been in this situation before.

She felt Ashton's hand tighten around hers when her name was called out and she was sure her legs were going to turn to jelly when she got up.

"Here we go."

Ashton's hand stayed laced with hers and they walked like they had become glued to one another, arms pressing up together, steps falling in tandem as they followed the nurse down the long corridor and into a room on the right.

Their nerves must have been radiating off of them because once they entered the room and the nurse looked them up and down, she wore such a calming smile that they both felt much more at ease almost immediately.

"Take a seat," her hand waved towards the chairs beside her desk as she moved ahead of them to sit down.

(Y/n) could see this time that it was Ashton who was trying to control his nerves once they were sat down. He was making a point not to tap his foot or jitter his leg like he was sitting behind his drumkit hitting the hats and bass pedals. He had his left elbow leaning on the arm rest of (Y/n)'s chair, leaning in towards her like he needed to be close to remain composed and calm.

(Y/n) tried to keep her voice level and calm as she answered the basic questions from the nurse. Her name, date of birth, where they lived, then onot the next round of questions, how far along she thought she was, when her last period was, how was she feeling, any concerns or worries.

There were a lot of queries going through (Y/n)'s head, but none that she wanted to voice. None of them were proper concerns or worries, just paranoid thoughts. The main thing she was always thinking was it seemed too good to be true.

They wanted a baby, they'd agreed to start trying and then suddenly (Y/n) had her first positive test back almost straight away. It felt too easy, too much like a big dose of good luck that was bound to turn bad at any moment. She kept thinking that something would show at this first scan, that there would be a problem or anomaly to counter all the good luck they'd had so far.

But she wasn't going to tell the nurse that; these were the ramblings locked up inside her mind and as soon as they'd had this appointment, all those thoughts would be dimished… hopefully not proven to be true.

"That all seems fine, if you'd hop on the scales, then we can get the ultrasound done."

Her hand suddenly felt cold when she had to untangle it from Ashton's and get up from her seat.

She turned her head to one side, glancing back at him over her shoulder to see him leaning on the arm rest, his hand now grazing along his chin as if he were trying to hide his grin and not let his excitement burst through.

His eyes followed her intently as she got on the scales and waited for the nurse to note down her height and weight.

When the nurse motioned towards the bed in the corner of the room, (Y/n) nodded. As soon as she sat down on the bed and the nurse was fiddling with a pair of gloves, (Y/n) stretched her hand out and motioned towards Ashton. He was up like a shot, crossing the room to come and stand beside her.

There was a glint in his eyes when (Y/n) sat back and rolled up her shirt, tucking the hem into her bra so it wouldn't roll back down again. And she had to push down the waistband of her leggings until they were low on her hips so her abdomen was on display, ready for the scan.

"I feel like I'm showing already." She uttered, glancing up at Ashton to get his opinion.

When he registered her words, Ashton lolled his head to one side and narrowed his eyes, scrutinising her stomach like this was an assessment he was conducting himself. "Maybe."

He could see what she meant; the slight roundness to her lower stomach like she was already beginning to take shape even at this early stage. Ashton couldn't fight his smile at that thought.

His right hand laced through (Y/n)'s once again as he stood beside the bed, pressing his hips into the bedframe to hide the fact that one foot was now hammering against the floor to rid some nervous energy from his system. But he couldn't resist moving his left hand that was resting on the edge of the foam bed, until his knuckles and the tips of his fingers lightly grazed (Y/n)'s hip and abdomen while the nurse was still getting prepped.

"Alright, let's take a look."

(Y/n) wasn't sure where to look, whether to watch the nurse or look at the monitor that she could only partially see with the way it was angled away from her. Her eyes seemed to decide for themselves, focusing instead on her stomach where the sonogram was pushing down on her bladder and creating pins and needles with the pressure.

She could feel Ashton tapping his free hand against her hip instead of rapping his foot against the floor so he didn't make much noise.

It didn't take long for the nurse to murmur "There we go," as she seemed to find the baby rather easily.

The seconds ticked by as (Y/n) began to squeeze Ashton's hand when the silence continued to overwhelm them. The nurse wasn't saying anything; it felt like she was pressing the sonogram down firmer until (Y/n) felt sure that her bladder was going to burst.

She was focusing on the screen like it was some kind of test she wasn't sure she could answer, and that look made (Y/n) nervous. Especially since the nurse was no longer smiling and she was keeping quiet with her lip caught between her teeth like she was making the effort not to say anything.

"Is- is something wrong?"

"Is the baby okay?"

The couple spoke at the same time, nerves igniting both their voices as they felt like they were just waiting for bad news to fall upon them. This is what (Y/n) had been thinking about, that something would go wrong, no matter whether it was something big or small, she just expected a chink in the armour to counter out all their good luck recently.

It felt like the nurse had eased the sonogram a little, the pressure pushing down on (Y/n)'s abdomen not as great anymore, and the nurse finally looked at them with a measured smile.

"It seems that both your babies are just fine."

A frown instantly pulled at (Y/n)'s lips and her head cracked to the left, looking up at Ashton as if to check that she had heard that right. But he wasn't looking at her. His hips were meshed into the frame of the bed and he was leaning over (Y/n) to try and see the monitor like he wanted clarification with his own eyes.

"I- uh… both?" He muttered, only half concentrating on what he was saying. His eyes remained glued to the monitor which the nurse thankfully turned in their direction so they could see what she was clearly witnessing.

"Here is baby A, and then quite clearly we have baby B here. There are two placentas, so they're probably non-identical. Everything looks good, healthy size for being around thirteen weeks, fluid and placement is all fine."

(Y/n) could see it. She could see the outline of those grey shapes which looked like blobs of paint that had been done by an amateur. And when the nurse pressed a button, two little beats sounded through the air and bounced off the walls, proving that this was no mistake or trick of the mind.

Twins. Two babies at once. Their streak of good luck seemed to be getting better and better.

When she felt Ashton's lips merging with her temple, she angled her head up towards him, murmuring "So this is your handywork."

Non-identical twins would be all Ashton's doing, as that meant twins with different DNA, different looks and varied genes. Non-identical meant two sperm reaching the egg at the same time. If it were identical then that would be down to (Y/n), down to the egg splitting in two. Ashton got the blame for this one.

"So I got a bit over-excited," his response came with a shrug of the shoulders and a smirk that faded out when he caught her lips in a kiss.

Ashton was more than happy to take credit for this. He was already thinking about how he was going to tell this to the band, how they could break the news to his family back home. His mind was a mess of ideas and lists of things they would need, preparations that would have to be made, how home life was going to be double the chaos if they were having double trouble.

Rationally he knew he had time, he had more than enough time to prepare and to think things over and make plans and make sure everything was ready for when the time came. But he couldn't help but hope that time wouldn't drag, because he was already eager for the moment where he could have one baby in each arm like the proudest father in the world.

"This does mean you get extra check ups though, just to be safe. We can go through all the details about signs to watch out for and a birth plan further down the line."

That sounded fine, because (Y/n) knew right now the news wasn't sinking in properly. Things would change in a few weeks, when she started to show and could eventually feel them when they moved and kicked and she started to feel uncomfortable.

Extra appointments would be good even if it was a necessity and not just an added bonus. More appointments meant reassurance- and hopefully no issues to be discovered further down the line like (Y/n)'s mind would have her believe- and always knowing that the twins were okay and the pregnancy was moving along smoothly.

(Y/n) didn't want to be thinking about a birth plan just yet, not this early on and not when she now knew that it would be double the effort and amplified pain.

But it was all going to be worth it.

***

The sound of the door opening caught Ashton's attention. He lifted his head, eyes staring past his reflection in the mirror to try and look at the reflection behind him, though he knew who it was coming through the door.

It was (Y/n); there was no one else in the house, so it couldn't have been anyone but her.

He was still a little surprised though. (Y/n) didn't usually hover around or come into the bathroom with him when he was getting ready- not unless they were showering together- and there was a toilet downstairs too so if she needed to go she didn't have to bother waiting around or hurry in here.

"Hey baby, you okay?"

One hand curled around the edge of the sink, propping up his weight as he leant forward pushing down on his arm. While his other hand paused near his face, holding onto his razor that was poised near his cheek, only halfway done with his shave.

He didn't have chance to meet her eyes in the mirror, she moved too quickly for him to catch sight of her face.

Part of him expected her to head to the toilet, to say she didn't have time to rush downstairs to the other one. The other part of him thought she might have brought her phone and was too excited to show him something to wait for him to be done with his shave and get dressed- something he never minded.

He wasn't expecting her to walk right up to him and loop her arms around his middle.

He could feel her forehead pressing softly against his bare back in between his shoulder blades, and her arms rested comfortably on his sides just above his hips. With her hands splaying out against his abdomen and the base of his sternum.

"Was you missing me?" He muttered with a half-grin, not really expecting a response.

He did feel (Y/n) hum, the vibrations sank through his back and into his chest as if the sound were a melody that his heart moved in time with. And the feeling of her growing bump pressing against his lower back and the dip in his spine made his grin widen.

(Y/n) kept her face pressed against Ashton's bare skin, pursing her lips to press a sweet kiss to his skin that was as warm and flushed as hot coals. She felt his right arm lift, and knew he was moving to finish the rest of his shave.

She waited, almost in agony of anticipation, listening to Ashton's quiet humming that vibrated through his chest and seemed to seep into (Y/n)'s nervous system.

She knew as soon as she came to find him that the feeling would disappear, she knew it.

But then it began again.

"Hand! Quick, your hand."

Ashton blinked once, twice, eyes going wide when the razor fell out of his hand and landed with a demanding splash in the basin of the sink when (Y/n) spoke- and moved- rather suddenly.

Her hand lifted from where it had been glued against his stomach and suddenly she was tapping his wrist, fingers combing along the back of his wrist to take his hand and make him move.

"Wh- why? Baby-"

The words died down on the tip of Ashton's tongue, confusion laced through his voice as (Y/n) comandeered his arm. She was careful not to hurt him in her haste, lowering his arm and moving it between them until she could push his palm flat against the right side of her stomach.

"Can you feel it?" (Y/n)'s voice was surprisingly quiet, her lips meshed against Ashton's shoulder with her pupils blown and staring up at him.

She knew he did because his palm twitched, fingers curling like he wanted to imbed them into her skin to feel the movement better.

One of the babies was kicking. It was the first proper movement (Y/n) had felt, other than a little shifting kind of sensation like one or both of the twins were turning within her. But this was a proper sensation, a proper kick, and (Y/n) was relieved it had happened while Ashton was home. He would of hated it if he'd gone out or gone to the studio and she messaged to tell him that he'd missed it.

Ashton bent his arm and twisted his elbow, fidgeting to allow himself to turn around without removing his hand from (Y/n)'s stomach. He spun until his hips were pressing back into the edge of the sink, the last of his shave long-forgotten and remnants of shaving foam still dotted and smeared across his face.

None of that mattered compared to the feeling against his palm that he was now being faced with.

"Oh," a quiet sound left (Y/n)'s lips when her pyjama top was suddenly pulled up within the blink of an eye so it was bunched up beneath her bra. She figured it was a good thing that she wasn't wearing sleep shorts, just her underwear, as that meant one less layer Ashton had to move to be faced with her growing bump.

She took a step back so Ashton wasn't backed up against the sink, and the space allowed him to hunch forward.

The feeling of his lips pressing to the top of her stomach was ticklish and (Y/n) tried not to laugh or squirm away. Her hand stayed curved around his wrist while her other hand found his firty blond curls, roaming through them and untangling the knots while she felt both his palms pressing into her bump. As if he wanted to try and feel for both twins, figure out where and how they were laid and positioned.

She was sure she heard a faint echo of "I can feel it," pass through Ashton's lips that were now meshed against her bump, smearing the shaving foam from his cheek and onto her skin instead.

"I wonder which one it is." Ashton murmured absentmindedly, his mind reverting back to their previous scan last week to try and remember how each twin had been laid and curled around one another like a yin and yang sign.

The midwife had commented at their scan that one twin was slightly bigger than the other. A common theme in twins if one was starting to get more nutrients than the other. Ashton had referred to them as 'little and large' but (Y/n) wasn't going to call them that to differentiate between them, since they weren't finding out the genders. And there was every chance that they could be having two girls or two boys, so still not much in ways of telling the difference just yet.

"I don't know," (Y/n) uttered back, continuing to comb her fingers through his hair.

"Does it hurt?"

"No; at least not yet. It might in a couple of weeks, with four feet hitting my bladder instead of two." She spoke with a shrug, though her words caused Ashton's wide hazel eyes to look up at her like full moons blazing up at her.

He straightened up again, though he seemed adamant on keeping his palms pressed flush against her skin where the kicking had just come from, waiting to feel that magical sensation again.

"I'll sing them to sleep for you." The offer was sweet, and sealed with a kiss that stole the air from (Y/n)'s lungs.

There wasn't much that Ashton would be able to do if the kicking or moving did start to hurt (Y/n) when the twins got a bit bigger, and the aches and pains were going to be worse than they would be with a single pregnancy. But he could try his hand at singing to them.

Babies were supposed to recognise the sound of their parents voices, they could hear voices after a certain stage in development in the womb. Perhaps if Ashton sang, they would hear him and know who he was. And of course once they were born he would be singing to them almost every chance he got.

"Hm, I'll hold you to that when I get double the usual amount of kicking."

There was a certain glimmer in Ashton's eyes that made (Y/n) curious as he stared at her, his lips quirking up at one corner. She rose her hand to brush her fingertips along his cheek that was half smooth, half littered with stubble and the remnants of foam that was about smeared off and rubbed into her skin instead.

He leant into the touch, tilting his head to pepper two sweet kisses to the inside of her wrist before he spoke.

"It's double the fun, and double the love."

***

(Y/n) knew she had to be careful; the longer she sat here, the more inclined she would be to suddenly fall asleep and she might not be able to stop herself.

She didn't want to doze off because for one thing it would be incredibly rude and plus she knew that Ashton wouldn't be likely to wake her up either. He would let her doze off and say that she needed the rest, but (Y/n) didn't want to do that; she didn't want to fall asleep in front of family.

She was still getting used to the time difference since they had travelled down to Ashton's home town to visit and spend some time with his family.

With a mellow sigh, (Y/n) forced her eyes open and started to squint as she looked around the garden. She could see Ashton in the kitchen, probably getting another drink, and everyone else pottering around the garden and dipping in and out of the kitchen too.

She sat herself up a bit straighter so she wasn't slouched down on the outdoor garden sofa, knowing if she was sat upright and a bit more alert she certainly wouldn't be prone to falling asleep.

The mid-afternoon sun was burning as hot as if a fire were spreading throughout the garden, and it only served to make (Y/n) feel more lethargic. But it was comforting in a way; it was better to be soaking up the sun than sat outside in freezing cold weather, scowling at the clouds.

As she tried to focus and zone in on the different conversations happening around her, (Y/n) found her hands wandering to her stomach; again. Something she was often finding herself doing lately.

She had been right at that first scan they had, she had been showing already. It felt like every day (Y/n) woke up, she noticed something different about herself, some subtle change that made her grin. It seemed that all (Y/n) had to do was blink and her stomach changed shape without her knowing.

And now (Y/n) had a proper bump, a noticeable round shape that told anyone who looked her way that she was pregnant. It also made her look a lot further along than she actually was, but only (Y/n) and Ashton knew the reason for that.

They had kept it to themselves about having twins, so they could tell their friends and families in person. (Y/n) wasn't sure how Ashton had managed not to tell everyone with how eager and anticipated he was about the news. Somehow he had managed to steel his nerves and not tell his parents over the phone- something (Y/n) knew he had been dying to do since telling them (Y/n) was pregnant- so he could tell them when they came down for this visit in person.

As her fingers danced along her stomach like it was a very visible bump in the road, (Y/n) glanced to her right when she felt a hand softly brush along her arm to get her attention.

Her lips curved into a bright smile and her eyes creased at the corners when she realised it was Ashton's grandma.

She leant in a bit closer to (Y/n)'s side and made a little motion towards (Y/n)'s stomach. "How far along are you now?"

"Twenty-one weeks now."

She stopped roaming her hands up and down her stomach and decided to rest her arms over her bump instead. It was clear that despite her smile, the elder woman had been expecting a different answer.

"Is that all?" She murmured quietly, brows raising as she reached out and feathered her hand near (Y/n)'s on the side of her stomach, almost as if she thought the touch wouldn't be welcomed. "You're showing nicely."

(Y/n) whispered a polite thank you, her smile broadening just a little because she knew that was a kind way of saying that she looked further along. That she looked a bit bigger than expected for her current stage in pregnancy. And if this were a normal pregnancy then (Y/n) would have agreed, she might even have been a little horrified at how quickly she had started to show and how advanced she looked. But she had an excuse this time.

Her eyes shifted when movement caught the corner of her vision and she saw Ashton aiming their way, a drink held in each hand and one tucked into the crease of his elbow. He handed a drink to his gran, held one out towards (Y/n) then took the one that was pinned between his elbow and chest, clearly his own.

Once he sat down next to her in between (Y/n) and the arm rest, she couldn't refrain from leaning into him almost as soon as he took his seat. Her cheek rested against his broad shoulder and she curled her left hand around his bicep, leaning into him almost as if they were back home in bed and she were about to fall asleep.

She couldn't count the times she had leant into Ashton at home just for some sense and feel of comfort, to then wake up an hour or so later and realise she had fallen asleep without meaning to.

"You good?" He murmured the words into her hair, punctuating the question with a kiss as (Y/n) nodded and hummed in response.

She took a sip of the juice he'd brought out for her, smiling at the ice cubes clinking together in the glass, an added touch that was much appreciated.

Once again (Y/n) found herself close to letting her eyes fall closed and her mind to wander off; it had to be how comforted and at ease she felt, especially with Ashton now sat with her once again.

Though her eyes did open with a bit more alertness and she angled her head back to stare up at Ashton when she heard him click his tongue.

"Don't rest things on them." He chided softly, reaching his arm out that (Y/n) was currently curled around, so he could take her glass that she was clearly finished with. Since she had decided to rest her glass on top of her bump like it was a convenient coaster or table.

There was that usual air of humour in Ashton's voice, though he was somewhat serious because he leant forward to rest her glass on the little glass table just in front of them all.

It could almost have been a slip of the tongue, alerting any of his family listening in that 'them' might refer to more than just one baby. But Ashton had already told his mum that they weren't going to find out the gender yet or do a gender reveal party; so his words were still accurate and didn't let slip their secret just yet. They would wait until the baby was born to find out if it was a girl or a boy.

Or in this specific case, two girls, two boys or one of each.

"It wasn't heavy." (Y/n) countered with an arched brow and a light, joking tone that made Ashton roll his eyes. She figured it was the principle more than the fact that it might have been something heavy.

"Not the point," he retorted and leant down to capture her lips in a quick, soft kiss.

The couple drifted in and out of the conversations happening around them, and (Y/n)'s attention kept snagging on the fact that Ashton's hand was now splayed out on her stomach. His arm draped comfortably over her side with her hand still curled around his bicep and his palm pressing lightly on the top of her bump. Every now and then his thumb would stroke along her skin, as if he were about to or thought about lifting up her shirt to run his fingers along her bare stomach, but then remembered they were with company, around family.

Ashton had taken to listening and nodding to the random topic his sister had started to rant over, though he was only half listening because of how fast she was talking. He couldn't take everything in.

Nor was he sure when the general conversation had changed in his direction, but he heard the mention of his birthday and realised he needed to tune in to this particular conversation.

"-your birthday; have you got anything planned?"

Ashton took a moment to think and rested his left elbow on the arm rest so he could drag his hand along his chin and jaw, scratching at the stubble beginning to grow in before he shook his head.

"No, nothing yet." His eyes darted to his right, landing on (Y/n) with a sly grin. "But the due date is right after my birthday, so I know what my present's gonna be this time."

He couldn't stop his eyes from drifting down to (Y/n)'s stomach, where his sights always seemed to wander these days. And he pressed his hand down a bit firmer against (Y/n)'s stomach to fight off the urge to lift her shirt and glide his hands over her bare skin.

"You know I can't go into labour on command, don't you?"

Those wide eyes stared up at Ashton and made his heart leap up into his throat with a resounding thump, and all he could do was grin that signature, cheeky grin back at her that flashed his teeth.

"I know, but I can hope."

He knew that. He knew they couldn't choose the date anymore than they could choose the gender. But (Y/n)'s due date was almost three weeks after Ashton's birthday, and he'd been to all the pre-natal appointments so far. He'd listened when the midwife said that (Y/n) wasn't likely to reach her due date since they were having twins.

Either she would go into early labour, which seemed very likely, or if any problems arose (Y/n) might need to be induced. They still couldn't pick Ashton's birthday for that either, it all depended on circumstance. There was the option of a C-section, but (Y/n) didn't want that unless it was absolutely necessary; as a last resort.

With her due date being after his birthday, combined with the fact of early labour being likely, Ashton was holding onto the hope that labour might happen around his birthday either just before or just after. Then he would be able to share his birthday celebrations every year onwards, with his kids.

He could hope, and he might also mention it whenever he rested his head near (Y/n)'s stomach to talk to the twins. Maybe his words and the sound of his voice might just coax fate to agree and he could coax his babies to be born around his birthday.

Even if it didn't happen so close to his birthday, the twins were still going to be seen in Ashton's eyes as the best present (Y/n) could ever give him. Whether the 'gift' was early or slightly late.

His words seemed to amuse his mother, who sat down in the chair opposite them. She had a glass of juice in one hand and her other hand covering her temple to shield her eyes from the bright glare from the sun.

"Well, now we have something else to look forward to, and another reason to celebrate around your birthday."

Ashton's hand gave a soft tap against (Y/n)'s bump, his heart enlightened to feel a soft kick in response to the adrenaline rush both he and (Y/n) were clearly feeling.

Their eyes locked as a silent conversation seemed to pass between them.

The reason they had waited this long to tell everyone that they were having twins was so they could tell everyone in person. They had somehow managed to wait this long, to bide their time and not let slip anytime Ashton called and talked to his family before they made the trip down here.

Now was the perfect time to tell them all the news. After all, they had told (Y/n)'s family just before they flew here, on the promise that no one would post anything about it or let slip to Ashton's family so they had chance to tell them in person.

Once both sides of the family knew, they would be able to tell the band, and (Y/n) knew once everyone found out, Ashton would be brimming with excitement.

He would be planning ahead, he was already eager to get the nursery started. No doubt they would both post a few little snippets on social media too; Ashton loved interacting with the fans and telling them the news and the things going on in his life.

(Y/n) nodded to the silent but knowing lok in Ashton's eyes. He wanted to tell everyone now, and that was perfectly fine with her; now seemed like as good a moment as any.

"Well we… we kind of have two reasons to celebrate, actually. Aside from my birthday."

His hand continued to rest and occasionally glide up and down (Y/n)'s stomach, but his eyes were intently focused on looking at everyone sitting around them. Though his gaze kept coming to rest on his mum and step-dad more than anyone else.

"Oh yeah, what else are we celebrating?" The intrigue was clear both in the voice and eyes of his step-dad.

Sitting forward, Ashton set his drink down on the table beside (Y/n)'s and rested his elbows on his thighs. His broad frame hunched forwards and he reached down to slide his hand into (Y/n)'s, resting their joined hands on his knee.

While he felt (Y/n) push to sit forward along with him, and a wave of invigorating pins and needles coursed underneath his skin when (Y/n) perched her chin lovingly on his shoulder and her nose brushed against his neck.

"It's double the fun, because you're gonna have two grandkids, not just one."

He could see the look in his mum's eyes, that glimmer of confusion like the jigsaw pieces wouldn't slot into the right places within her mind.

And a wave of amusement rolled through him when for a second, just a split second, her eyes darted to her left to look at her daughter who was quick to shake her head. Ashton wasn't referring to her.

It finally seemed to sink in when her eyes went back to (Y/n) who's free hand started to rub across her abdomen where she was feeling a round of kicking, as if proving they were both awake now to join in the fun.

"Twins?"

"Yep."

(Y/n) pressed a sweet kiss to Ashton's neck, feeling how he leant his head against the top of hers in response to the touch. And she closed her eyes at the sudden comotion that happened around them, cheers and gasps of surprise and a lot of movement as everyone got up, clearly about to crowd and congratulate them.

She couldn't stop herself from chuckling against Ashton's neck when she heard his gran utter "No wonder you're showing so much already."

"This is wonderful!"

"You're gonna be swamped in nappies and bottles, you know that, right?"

Ashton muttered "We know," in a sing-song voice as he looked between his siblings. Their way of showing affection was to tease and joke, so he knew they were excited and happy for him.

It might be double the work, double the stress and jobs and twice as tiring, but it was a challenge the couple would gladly rise to tackle together.

Ashton's lips curved into a wide, knowing grin when he felt (Y/n)'s lips leaving an open-mouthed trail of kisses along his neck and up his jawline until her lips were hovering over his ear and her breath made his nerves spark and ignite.

They'd planned to go out with a few friends for lunch, but (Y/n) hadn't been up to it. She insisted Calum go because they both couldn't cancel, and she didn't want to stop him going out when she was only going to stay home and try to rest. No point them both staying home if they didn't have to.

He was glad to be back though, he wanted to see how she was doing, if she felt any better or needed anything.

His fingers carded through his hair, brushing it away from his eyes as he headed into the lounge where he could hear the music softly playing from the tv. A Disney movie by the sounds of it, a comfort film since (Y/n) wasn't feeling well.

He tried to keep his steps quiet in case (Y/n) was asleep, part of him hoped she would be because that meant she would be resting and feeling somewhat better if she was having a power nap during the afternoon.

Though when Calum aimed into the living room, his shoulders slumped and his teeth chomped down on the inside of his cheek when he caught sight of his wife.

Curled up on the sofa with her arms bound around her middle and her legs slightly pulled up like she was trying to form herself into a ball or a cocoon but couldn't quite get the shape right. Her body was turned to her right so she was pressing up against the back of the sofa and her face was buried in a cushion.

That didn't stop Calum from hearing the way she groaned through every other ragged breath she took. And even from this distance, Calum could see how (Y/n) was writhing and shaking, unable to lie still.

With a deep breath Calum sank down on the sofa beside her, his hands gentle and tender as he slid them beneath (Y/n)'s ankles and carefully lifted her legs so he could inch closer to her. He rested her legs over his lap, one hand running up and down the back of her thigh and behind her knee.

"Still no better?" He murmured as he leant across to peck her cheek that was just about visible from the way she was trying to smother her face in the pillow.

(Y/n) barely managed to turn her head away so she was looking at Calum, not with her eyes tightly closed and meshed up against the cushion. The darkness was comforting against the migraine burning behind her eyes, and she had clearly been laid like that for a while because there was a fuzzy white halo outlining Calum in her vision.

Her throat felt much too dry to try and form any words, so (Y/n) settled on shaking her head and meshing her cheek up against the cushion so she was still looking in Calum's direction. The feeling of his hand gliding along her thigh was comforting and made something within her settle down despite the raging unease flowing through her in disgruntled waves.

When she shook her head, Calum took a quick glance over at the coffee table in front of them. A packet of painkillers was open on the table and a glass of juice on the coaster which looked like the same one he made for her before he left this morning; clearly it had gone untouched since he'd gone. That caused a frown to appear on his lips and made a thought spring to mind.

"Have you had anything to eat?"

(Y/n) managed to mutter "I felt sick," and shook her head again. She couldn't meet Calum's eye, especially not when she heard him draw in a deep breath like a teacher getting ready to scold a student.

"Well have you actually had a drink today either?"

When he didn't get an answer, Calum leant forward until his abdomen was pressing on her thighs and his hand stretched out to press his fingers beneath her thin. His thumb stroked the curve of her chin while he tilted her head in his direction, leaning down and tilting his head to the left until (Y/n) had no choice but to meet his gaze. He could always find the unspoken words when he looked into her eyes.

She hadn't managed to drink anything either.

While he'd been gone (Y/n) hadn't managed to eat or drink anything; no wonder she didn't feel well. She was going to make herself dehydrated and that wasn't going to help her get any better.

"I couldn't…" she couldn't help it, and the look Calum was giving her made her stomach flip and had her heart beating harder against her ribs.

"If I'd of known you felt that sick I'd of stayed home." He dropped a kiss to her temple and sighed. "I'm gonna make you something, soup or something light. And you need a drink."

"Thank you."

(Y/n) leant forward as if chasing his touch when he kissed her and she felt his fingers graze her cheek light enough to rival the touch of a feather.

He was careful when he lifted her legs and eased out from beneath her, laying her legs back down on the sofa before he headed for the kitchen. (Y/n) knew there was going to be no arguing this with him. She could try and tell Calum not to, that she would get something in a little while, or ask him to sit down because he'd only just come home, but it would make no use.

He wanted her to have something to drink to try and make her feel better and stop her from feeling any worse, and he knew she needed to eat to line her stomach. So he was going to make her something, and there was no debating that.

(Y/n) could hear him humming and singing so softly to himself that she couldn't make out the words he was saying, or maybe that was just her mind playing tricks on her and scrambling the words so she could make no sense of them.

Her arms stayed bound tightly around her waist and her knees coiled up until they were imbedded against her stomach when the feeling started to get worse.

It hadn't been this bad earlier in the morning. (Y/n) thought she might be getting a stomach bug or maybe an infection, she'd had a stomach infection before and that was horrid to suffer through and took days and antibiotics to resolve.

This was different. There had been moments this morning where she felt better, where her system seemed to relax and the tension in her stomach loosened and she felt like maybe she could go get something to eat. Then when she tried to stand, the coil within her snapped and she flopped down again with a feeble whimper and tried to curl in on herself to make it go away.

Now the pain was radiating all through her abdomen, her stomach and up her chest like the pain had transformed into a snake slithering all around her system.

The pain radiated within her like a boombox, pulsing not in time with her heartbeat but with its own tempo that came and went at infrequent levels. It was become excruciating and (Y/n) didn't know what to do with herself.

It felt like a knife had struck her in the stomach.

She couldn't stop herself from sobbing even as she pressed her face into the cushion in a feeble attempt to smother the sound so it wasn't too loud or alerting. The pain seemed to worsen within a split second and the sob shifted into a gasping, clawing noise that earned a response of something being dropped into the sink and a loud "Fuck!" from Calum.

"Shit! Shit, baby what's wrong?"

Panic rolled through Calum like the tide crashing over the sand until he could barely scrape in another breath.

His heart hammered against his chest as he moved to crouch down beside the sofa, knees pressing into the base while one hand rested on (Y/n)'s waist as her back was currently facing him with how she was burying herself into the sofa. His other hand reached out to card through her hair, something he knew she found soothing, and he realised how damp her temple was and that she was starting to burn up.

"Oow, it r- really hurts." (Y/n) realised just how badly she was trembling when she tried to infuse her arms against her stomach and press down to try and resolve the pain. It didn't work, but it felt better than relieving the pressure and simply allowing the pain to continue to strike.

Tears streaked down her face and soaked into the cushion that was almost glued against her skin by now, but she tried to force herself to turn her head away and look behind her at Calum.

He helped her try and turn over so she was laid on her back, arms and knees still pulled up towards her stomach but at least she could look at him properly now.

Calum could see the agony within her eyes, and (Y/n) could see the panic and contemplation in his.

Finally, with his teeth clamped down on his lower lip, he removed his hand from her temple and dug his phone out his back pocket.

"Okay, okay." He soothed quietly and pecked her cheek. "I'm gonna get hold of a nurse, see what we should do, baby, okay?"

It was the only thing he could think to do.

Calum wasn't a doctor or a medic, he didn't have an advanced knowledge and he didn't know what was wrong with (Y/n); clearly she wasn't sure what was causing the pain either. He needed to know what he could do to help, whether this was a situation where he got an emergency appointment with the GP on (Y/n)'s behalf, or whether he had to take her to the emergency room.

They had never been in this situation before, neither of them had ever been in this much agony for an unknown reason and needed to call a helpline. Calum had broken a few bones before, but he'd always had his parents or friends or even tour managers around to help and give guidance.

It felt like the room was spinning around her. (Y/n) pushed her head back to try and ground herself, to get some sense of grip on reality and make everything stop, but it didn't work. She shook and writhed and trembled horribly and with each wave of pain she began to whimper and mewl until she was at the point of sobbing her heart out.

She could see Calum wince every time she cried from where he had taken a few steps away to talk on the phone. Trying to get directed to the right line, the right kind of help and guidance.

(Y/n) sensed he was talking to someone, probably a nurse, because he was now reeling off (Y/n)'s details, her age and where they were- clearly in case an ambulance needed to be dispatched- and the symptoms she was experiencing.

The odd word managed to creep through the static that was beginning to build up and block (Y/n)'s ears, and she nodded where she could when it sounded like Calum was trying to get her opinion to make sure he was giving the right information.

Calum couldn't seem to stand still.

One moment he was stood facing the window, the next he was back to facing (Y/n), then he was turning like he was about to start spinning in circles. He didn't know what to do with himself. His free hand shifted from carding through his hair to resting on his hip, then his arm circled over his chest like he was trying to give himself a comforting hug.

Finally, after reeling off all of (Y/n)'s medical information that he knew and had to hand, and giving the symptoms and approximately how long she had been feeling like this, they seemed to be getting somewhere. The nurse on the other end of the line was clearly going through a list on her end, trying to narrow down the possibilities of what this could be and how worrying the outcome would be.

"No, no she… you've never had a prolapse, or a hernia, have you?"

Calum looked back at (Y/n) and stepped closer until he was back beside the sofa, his free hand now rubbing up and down (Y/n)'s shoulder though it wasn't clear who he was trying to comfort, her or himself.

"No, nothing like that." (Y/n) spoke through gritted teeth and shook her head. She had never experienced anything like that, and she wouldn't know what they felt like or what the symptoms would be either.

Her eyes came back into focus when she felt Calum kneeling back down beside her once again, his hand shifting from her shoulder to curl over the top of her hand that was clutching at her waist.

"I know the pain's bad, but what's it like, is it stabbing pain, does it come and go or is it constant?" He hated to ask, it sounded like he didn't believe her or he was prying, but the nurse needed to know.

And Calum was the go between because he knew (Y/n) wasn't in any state to try and concentrate and speak to the nurse herself. He was fine to play referee and speak in between them both like a translator when he couldn't give the nurse the answers himself.

(Y/n) pondered on the question. Even though she had been in pain since early yesterday evening, she had to think what it felt like, try and sort it out in her mind and get a clear picture for herself. Not just think of it as pain that she wanted to be rid of, pain that was getting worse and had been hovering around since yesterday. The nurse needed more detail.

"It… it dulls, t- then gets worse, like everything's twisting." Her trembling hand hovered over her abdomen to show where the pain was, and a tear traced down her cheek as she looked at Calum.

He nodded and hummed, listening to the nurse who had clearly heard (Y/n)'s response now that Calum was knelt beside her and the phone was close to her. And he had turned down the tv too, not wanting any distractions in the background.

When she asked the next question, Calum held the phone to his shoulder and looked down at (Y/n) with pursed lips.

"Uh, when was your last period?" It didn't matter that they were married and shared much more divulging information than this, Calum still felt a little awkward for having to ask.

(Y/n)'s face scrunched up as she tried to think, but there was a fog rolling in on her mind, disorientating everything. "Don't remember, last month o- or April. But it's not… it's always light- this hurts so much Cal."

A soft reassurance of "I know," passed Calum's lips before he reitterated her response to the nurse.

This wasn't her period, this was so much worse and different to that. Her periods had never been heavy enough to cause this kind of agony, especially not these last few months. (Y/n) counted herself lucky that she had very light periods, though she didn't map them and couldn't think off the top of her head how many weeks it had been since her last one. She didn't have any need to track her cycle, if it was sporadic then that was that and it was okay.

Another sob managed to work past (Y/n)'s clamped, chattering teeth and she unhooked one arm from around her middle to take Calum's hand. She squeezed to the point she was sure she was going to break the bones in his hand.

Though Calum held strong, making no sound, not pulling his hand away or giving any indication that her grip hurt him in any way. He held back just as tight and leaned in towards her, keeping their entwined hands close to his chest.

"She's having the pains again… yeah, yeah in her abdomen."

The look on Calum's face made a spark of worry shoot through (Y/n) and she suddenly, desperately, wanted to know what the nurse was saying to him. He looked panicked, frightened, lips curling and nose scrunching like he'd just received bad news.

He couldn't seem to stutter through a response to whatever had been said to him, and (Y/n) leaned her temple against his arm and tried to listen to what the nurse was saying but she could only catch the odd word here and there.

But when those words collected together and half a conversation formed in (Y/n)'s mind, her jaw loosened and shudders crawled under her skin like spiders.

She found herself shaking her head, mewling through a cry as she desperately clawed and pulled at Calum's hand to get his attention while her heels dug down into the sofa and she writhed again.

"Oh God… oh Cal, is- is it labour?"

The words came out along with a sob that made Calum wince. He didn't need to speak; the look in his eyes told (Y/n) all she needed to know. That was what the nurse thought this was.

She couldn't be.

Both hands- and Calum's hand that was still laced through hers- pressed down on her stomach like she wanted proof, evidence, some sort of sign to prove or destroy that suggestion.

Was she having a baby?

That couldn't be possible. The thought of being pregnant hadn't crossed (Y/n)'s mind at all, so how could she be in labour? She thought she was so lucky, having such light, spotting periods. And she wasn't showing any signs of being pregnant. No aches and pains before this, no swelling, no bump to suggest there was a baby hiding somewhere within her abdomen. No back ache or morning sickness.

Had the baby- if there even was one- been moving and (Y/n) hadn't known? Could she have thought she was ill or experiencing something else, and it was really a baby moving and adjusting and even kicking?

Calum moved their entwined hands, pulling them close until he could smother his lips against the back of her knuckles. "Baby, I- we're gonna have to go to the emergency room."

"Ooh no," (Y/n) mewled, thrusting her head back into the arm of the sofa as if she were about to glue herself in place in protest.

"Baby we have to," Calum hated that he was pleading with her and that there was no choice in this matter. "The nurse is gonna call ahead and let them know we're coming… even if- if this isn't a baby, something's wrong, you need a doctor."

"A midwife."

Calum's mouth pinched at the corner, contemplation, sadness and fear all dwelling on his face as he looked down at (Y/n).

Whatever this was, she needed to be in the hospital to be checked out. If the nurse was right and she was in labour, (Y/n) needed to be there now. If this was something else, a prolapse or a hernia or some kind of haemorrhage or burst, then she needed immediate care. The pain was clearly severe and Calum couldn't help or make this better on his own.

He murmured a few 'thank yous' to the nurse for her help before ending the call and pushing up from his knees so he was hovering over (Y/n). Waiting for her to look up at him and let him know whether he was helping her or carrying her to the car.

It was clear when he got her up on her feet that she wasn't in any fit state to help or get herself to the car on her own. Her body was hunched over from the moment she stood up and Calum wasn't about to try and watch her suffer to do it by herself.

He looped her right arm around the back of his neck, curved both arms around her middle so he had a good grip on her, and began walking out of the living room. He took most of (Y/n)'s weight, holding her against his side as they made a strange hobble out the house.

(Y/n) shook her head when Calum stopped and pointed towards her shoes. She didn't care about putting them on, it was frankly too much of a struggle and the pain was bad enough that (Y/n) would walk over broken glass to take her mind off it.

The moment she was in the car, (Y/n) curled up against the door, arms around her middle and her cheek pressed against the door. She wanted to coil her knees up to her abdomen, but fought against the urge and tried to keep her bare feet pressed down into the floor instead. Curling up into a ball wasn't goig to make the pain go away or make this situation any better.

Silence enveloped them as Calum headed out the drive and pulled onto the road, debating how far over the speed limit he could get while still remaining safe and without getting stopped. The only sound that filled the air was the whimpers and mewling cries (Y/n) couldn't supress.

It wasn't long before words were tumbling past her lips and a wave of tears streamed down her face.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

The words passed (Y/n)'s lips on repeat as a horrible trembling started to rack through her system until she was sure she was about to make the car vibrate and shudder.

She felt Calum reaching over the console to take her hand, clinging almost as tightly as she had held onto him earlier.

"You didn't know baby, it's okay. It's alright, we… we'll figure all this out, it'll be fine."

(Y/n) tried to nod, but she couldn't quite manage it. She wanted the pain to stop. She wanted to feel better. She wanted to know if this was indeed labour or not.

She had a gut feeling that it was. The splitting pain tearing through her abdomen and pelvis, the ache in her lower back, how the pain was coming and going in waves that could quite possibly be contractions. The need to tense up, to strain and something she figured was an urge to push.

If this was labour, what were they going to do? They had nothing prepared, they had no forewarning about this. No clothes, no nappies or bottles or formula, no crib, absolutely nothing in the house for an impending new arrival. (Y/n) would have to argue with her boss to get maternity leave and pay; she hadn't given any notice. But then how could she? A doctor was going to have to write down that (Y/n) had no idea she was pregnant so she could show her boss- and anyone else who would need to know.

The need to curl in on herself became overwhelming enough that (Y/n) reached her hand out and pressed her palm against the dashboard so she was slightly hunched forward but not fully doubled oer. She felt like a rod of metal being bent in and out of shape.

She could feel her teeth scraping against her lower lip that had already split and had the first few layers of skin ripped off in an attempt not to scream.

She didn't know how to sit or what to do with herself, that much was clear when Calum glanced to his right and looked over at her.

"Tilt the chair back, baby." He spoke softly, reaching down to twist the cog to angle the chair back so she didn't feel like she was being propped up as that clearly wasn't helping. Laying or at least reclining back might feel a bit better and more at ease for (Y/n).

He thought for a moment that lying back made (Y/n) feel better, that it helped her in some small way. But then he saw her out the corner of his eye, fidgeting from side to side, looking desperately uncomfortable as she groaned and pressed her hands down into her stomach.

"Oww!"

"What, what's wrong?"

"I don't- oh, it's worse," (Y/n) lolled her head to the left and looked up at Calum through watering eyes that were blurring and going dizzy from agony.

She choked out a moan and tensed next to him, pushing up on the edge of the seat as her hands dug into the chair, unsure what to do with herself. Her teeth chattered together and a very forced breath spat past her lips but the way she twisted her body and tensed her stomach made Calum flinch.

"It's okay-"

"It's not," (Y/n) whined, desperation clinging to her tone as she scraped in a shallow, stuttering breath. "It's- Cal it's coming."

No words fathomed past Calum's lips because he didn't know what he was supposed to say to that. His lips parted, jaw dropping but nothing except a silent gasp stuttered past his lips. He didn't know what he was meant to do, pull over and call for help or keep driving and try to get them to the hospital as fast as possible.

Though a wave of confusion washed over him when he saw (Y/n) moving. She seemed to wriggle and flop onto her left side so she was facing him, and wrangled one hand behind her seat to grasp something.

A jacket that had been left forgotten in the back footwell. It wasn't exactly a blanket or a towel, but it was all they had and it was going to do.

(Y/n) cringed when she realised that it was Calum's jacket and that she was going to ruin it. This was labour, it had to be and it was getting worse, it felt like her body had been building up to this pivital moment and there was nothing she could do to make it stop.

Her shaking hands draped the jacket over her lap as if she were using it like a blanket. She could feel Calum's eyes watching her, splitting his vision between staring at the road and looking at her to see what she was doing and if she was okay, if she needed him to pull over or do something, anything for her.

If this was labour then (Y/n) couldn't sit here in her leggings and underwear; as much as she didn't want to believe this was happening or that it was happening in the car, she had no choice and instinct was taking over.

Her leggings and underwear scrunched and folded as she forced them down her legs until they were kicked off in the footwell. There was no dignity in this and no choice either. A baby was coming; now.

She heard Calum mumbling "Oh God," under his breath and the tapping on the wheel became erratic when he snook glances at her. His eyes dragged over (Y/n)'s frame, noting the way her shirt had slid down one arm, her head was pushed back into the chair and her eyes were screwed shut.

The agony was evident on her face and the way she was arching her thighs off the chair, bracing her weight between her shoulders and her feet like she couldn't bear to sit or touch the chair.

"Are w- we nearly there?" The tepid sound of her voice made Calum wince and his heartstrings pulled in agony.

He didn't really want to tell her. He didn't want to say that it would be fifteen minutes or more to the hospital, depending on the traffic and if they hit any red lights that he was more than willing to run through if it meant he could get his wife to the hospital that little bit quicker.

"Almost, baby." He soothed and skimmed his hand along her arm; he couldn't provide much touch or comfort with him driving, but he could do something.

(Y/n) reached down for Calum's hand and clung tight holding his hand against her chest while her other hand gripped the door handle.

She couldn't stop it now. She couldn't fight or sit and wonder what was happening, if she was about to die, because she wasn't. It felt like her body was pushing so (Y/n) let it happen, she let her body do what it needed to do. Her chin tucked down towards her chest and her eyes closed so tightly it felt like her eyelids were going to split apart.

A guttural sound escaped her throat as her body succumbed to trembles and violent shakes from the adrenaline now coursing through her veins.

Her knees bent out at the sides, pressing into the dash near the gear box and her other knee bashed into the door harsh enough to leave a mark, but it helped pin her body in place and let her push with more effort.

Words and rambles past her lips, and when Calum reluctantly let go of her hand to change gear, she cried.

"It's okay, you're okay I promise it'll all be fine."

"Calum, it- it's-" Another cry blundered past her lips as she leaned forward just a little and slid her shaking hands beneath the jacket she had draped over herself for modesty.

Her shoulders trembled and she felt like she was going to vibrate and tremble until she started to fall apart. The pain was so intense she thought her body was gonig to switch off completely as stars flashed and crossed in front of her vision.

The air clogged in her lungs like cement and her constricted eyes tried to find their way to Calum. She stared up at him with parted lips rising shock plastering across her washed out features.

"I think- I think the h- the head's out." She could barely find the ability to speak, let alone to believe the words she was saying and voicing those words felt like she was speaking a foreign language.

"Oh fuck." Calum looked over at her and he wasn't sure why he was surprised that he couldn't see the head. He knew his jacket was draped over her, but he still seemed shocked that he couldn't see it happening.

Maybe his mind was trying to contradict him. He couldn't see the baby- their baby- so maybe it wasn't happening and (Y/n) was wrong. He highly doubted it, but he still couldn't believe it.

"Baby, w- what do you want me to do? Pull over or keep driving?"

It was her choice, Calum would do whatever she told him. If (Y/n) wanted him to pull over and try help deliver the baby then he would gladly do that. But if she wanted him to keep driving to get them to the hospital quicker, he would do that instead and try to coax her through this situation.

"Drive." She whined through the word against her better judgement. (Y/n) wanted Calum's help, she wanted his hand in hers and his voice and his attention helping to deliver this baby. But she didn't want to stop, they had to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

She wanted him holding her hand and kissing her burning skin and telling her that everything was okay, that this was alright and they were going to make the best of this strange situation. But it wasn't plausible when stopping meant being that much farther away from the hospital.

"Okay." He shifted up a gear after turning off onto a new road and reached over to curl his hand around (Y/n)'s thigh.

When Calum tore his eyes off the road to look at his wife, she had once again slouched back in the seat. Her arms were hidden beneath his jacket but he could see that every part of her was vibrating and shaking. And she was switching between panting and sobbing with each pain that tore through her.

"You're doing great, it's okay."

Those were the only words Calum seemed able to express, but it didn't seem to matter to either of them. He wanted to say something, anything, to show that he was still paying attention, that he could see how hard (Y/n) was trying, how well she was composing herself in such an unnatural, unforeseen situation.

And (Y/n) was glad for his voice, for some small sense of distraction and for him to keep talking to her. Silence would be worse.

A choked groan left her lips and she opened her eyes, leaning her head down as she started to gasp. Her hands trembled worse when she felt the baby slither between her thighs and she tried to hold them, but she didn't really know what to do. (Y/n) didn't want to grip too tight and hurt them but if she had a loose grip and they slid through her hands, she would hurt them.

"It's- I did it."

Such strange words to say, and (Y/n) didn't know how else to word it. She had done it, she had given birth without even knowing beforehand that she was going to have a baby in the first place. There was a new life in her arms, instinct had taken over and done its job for her.

From this moment on, their lives would forever be changed.

It was hard to hear Calum's echoing response of "You did it," through the bells ringing and chiming in her ears and the thundering of her pulse vibrating through every inch in her skin. She was sure that she could feel and sense every blood vessel within her body, no matter how miniscule.

Her head slumped back against the seat like her neck had snapped and her arms trembled horribly as she tried to lift her arms and raise the newborn up towards her rather than keeping them laid on the seat in between her burning thighs.

Fear encapsulated (Y/n)'s heart and drowned her lungs until she could scarcely breathe.

What was she supposed to do if the baby didn't start to breathe, if they didn't make a sound or move? Or if they were choking on fluids they shouldn't inhale? What if they were hurt or somehow damaged because she had done this unaided and had no pre-natal care before this moment?

(Y/n) had done a very basic first aid course well over two years ago with work, but it didn't cover giving birth or tending to a newborn after a delivery. She didn't know what to do.

Tears continued to splatter down her face as she adjusted the strange weight of the newborn into her left arm, trying to tilt them up a bit just in case they were about to choke. Her right hand felt numb and tingled as she ran her index finger around the baby's lips, parting them to try and prompt some breaths and make sure there was nothing in their mouth.

"Cal…"

Her voice shook as much as her hand that began to pat and then rub frantic circles on the baby's chest, but something akin to a yelp left (Y/n)'s lips when the baby took a breath that sounded like a gurgling scream.

It wasn't a nice sound, but somehow it reached into (Y/n)'s chest and prompted her heart to speed up and it made her lips curve in relief.

The baby was breathing and beginning to cry. That was a good sign. (Y/n) didn't have to do anything drastic or panic or call the emergency services to be talked through CPR on a newborn. She wasn't sure she would have been able to do that even if the situation called for it.

"He's breathing."

"It's a boy?" Calum could hear the wonder in his own voice and the relief in (Y/n)'s and he managed to look to his right and catch a glimpse of them both for a few seconds.

(Y/n), looking utterly drained and like she was melting into the chair as all the effort, all the strength and tension seemed to drain out of her immediately. The chair was rattling quietly from the way she was shaking, and her arms were cocooning their little boy to her chest with Calum's jacket tucked and draped around him.

She didn't want him to get cold, all of this would be just as much of a shock to him as it was to her.

"It's a boy," (Y/n) echoed in agreement, trying her best to keep her eyes open so she could admire and taken in this new life resting on her chest. A life she knew nothing about and had no previous expectations for.

His small head was now tucked beneath her neck and (Y/n) felt tears begin to soak down her face again when little gasps turned to mewling cries against her chest. And she could feel his arms batting against her chest while his legs curled into her abdomen.

Her hand patted his back in a rhythmic pattern that helped her calm down a bit and was there to try and coax the newborn to keep crying and breathing. Thank God he was breathing, (Y/n) wouldn't of had the strength to clear his airways and try to get him breathing on her own; she didn't have the knowledge for that either.

"Fuck, do- do you know how amazing you are right now?"

It was the hardest thing for Calum to keep his eyes on the road for their turn-off when all he wanted to do was look over at his wife and shower her with praise and affection and make sure that she was okay.

She had done that. She had given birth in the car. She did that all on her own and he hadn't been able to help or do very much for her at all. But clearly (Y/n) hadn't needed his help. She had done it on her own without any forewarning or knowledge and very little time to get over the denial that this couldn't possibly be happening to her; to them.

"Are you okay?" There was a sense of urgency in Calum's voice as he managed to tear his eyes across to (Y/n) and for a brief moment, he brushed his fingers across her cheek. He could feel the heat radiating off of her and how she was panting like she had run a marathon, but she looked relatively okay for the situation she was currently in.

(Y/n) didn't trust her voice so she settled on humming and brushing her cheek against the back of Calum's hand.

And when she felt the car slowing down after a minute or two, she opened her eyes and looked out the window. They were arriving at the hospital. Better late than never.

Calum pulled up in the nearest space he could get to the emergency room after a quick debate about whether or not to go to the maternity ward. The nurse said the emergency room; they hadn't given any notice to the maternity ward anyway. The emergency room would be best so (Y/n) and their boy could be checked out thoroughly; there could be any number of complications from an unknown pregnancy like this.

And it wasn't like they would need a room on the labour ward, they had skipped that part and done it all by themselves.

As soon as the engine turned off and the adrenaline simmered down in his veins, Calum felt like a fish out of water. His legs were trembling, his knees and lower legs were aching from constantly changing gear and pressing on the pedals. And his hands started to shake as he whipped off his belt and twisted in his seat to look over at (Y/n).

He could finally look at her, really look, and take her in without the risk of crashing the car.

He leaned over the console until one trembling hand slid behind her neck, cupping her skin with his fingers tangling in her hair. He merged his wet lips with her burning temple, kissing her skin like his life depended on it while he couldn't refrain from smiling into her skin.

And his free hand reached down to rest over the top of her hand that was cradling their little boy. His thumb stroked up and down her hand and he looked down at the new life starting to settle down and yawn into (Y/n)'s chest.

A life he hadn't been expecting; a life they hadn't prepared for in any capacity and now would have to protect and nurture and love.