Something Witty

Heard some important information on Twitter today, and thought I’d post it here for anyone who may not have heard it. This is actually a thing, devised by human rights organisation called Karma Nirvana.

Instagram: @artwoonz

so i used something called infinite jukebox to cut out every other beat of this song and

well

here ya go

if I *SLAM*, well I nonna be, wanna be who geks to you. if I heh, ay I nonna be,  wanna be who’s into you.

but hwn wive head manna ood wive hun, must’ve done mcwhaff an’ puff aodood.

when I’m wock, yes I nonna be,  nunna be who’s wock for you. an’ na mungeh, well then fuck I do, I subley plin to you.

an’ I clankahoe I nunna be, unna be who coal to you. if I brokhe, well I nonna be, unna be who’s cold with you.

but wood wive hen manna hood wive hun, musta dub mcwhaff an’ *bloop* muff aonouds

nahnahnah, dahdahdah, nahnahnah, dahdahdah, dladadadadadadadah nahnah*bloop*nah, dahdahdah nahnahnah, dahdahdah,  dladadadadadadadah (hoh!)

when I’m luh’, well I nunna be,  onna be who’s without you. when I’m drmp, well I nunna dream, unna drink a pint with you.

AAH KWENG! well I nonna be, ‘nna be new good with you. an’ I cluddag! yes I nonna be,  ‘nna be who cob with you, gonna avish coooomb wi’ you.

but ood wive hung manna *bloop* ood wive hem yes the *bloop* dung man whaff an’ luff aonood

dahdahdah, dahdahdah, nahnahnah, dahdahdah, dladadadadadadadah (ayy) dlahdahdah, dahdahdah, dahnahnah, nahnahnah, dladadadadadadadah

dahdahdah, dahdahdah, dahdahdah, dahnahnah, dladadadadadadadah (eh) nahnahnah, dahdahdah, nahnahnah, dahdahdah, dladadadadadadadah

[[ Source. Original creator: wats6831. Additional information and images linked under each one. Love this project? Support it here! ]]

Universal:

Homemade artisan herb bread, home grown and dried apples and prunes, uncured beef sausage, munster cheese. Made a small bag from cheesecloth and tied it closed.

Discussion thread here.

Human: 

Waterdhavian oat loaf (handmade irish soda bread, fresh smoked ham shank, “dessert” pear, Corm Orp “mountain” bleu cheese served on butternut squash, imported Saerloon broccoflower (Romanesco), mixed garden vegetables (carrots and radishes), Misty Forest chestnuts.

More images here. Discussion thread here. 

Dwarf:

Garlic chicken livers, smoked and peppered cheese, spiced pork sausages, hard tack, dried vegetables, dried wild mushrooms.

Discussion thread here.

Elf:

Top left to right: Evereskan Honey Comb, Elven Travel Bread (Amaretto Liquer Cake with custom swirls), Lurien Spring Cheese (goat cheese with garlic, salt, spices and shallots), Delimbyr Vale Smoked Silverfin (Salmon), Honey Spiced Lichen (Kale Chips), and Silverwood Pine Nuts.

Discussion thread here.

Halfling:

From upper left: “Honeytack” Hard tack honey cakes, beef sausage, pork sausage mini links, mini whole wheat toast, cranberry cheddar cheese mini wedge, mini pickles, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, lower right is my homemade “travel cake” muesli with raisins, golden prunes, honey, eggs and cream.

Discussion thread here.

Half-Orc:

Wrapped in cheesecloth and tied in burlap package. Forest strider drumsticks, molasses sweet wheat bread “black strap”, aged Munster, hard boiled eggs, mixed wild nuts.

Discussion thread here.

Orc:

Orcs aren’t known for their great cuisine. Orcs prefer foods that are readily available (whatever can be had by raiding), and portable with little preparation, though they have a few racial delicacies. Toughs strips of lean meat, bones scavenged from recent kills, and dark coarse bread make up the bulk of common orc rations.Fire roasted rothe femur (marrow is a rare treat) [beef femur], Strips of dried meat (of unknown origin) [homemade goose jerky], foraged nuts, only edible by orcs….nut cracker tusks [brazil nuts], coarse black bread, made with whatever grains can be pillaged [black sesame bread], Pungent peppers [Habanero peppers stuffed with smoked fish and olives].

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Gnome:

Pan fried Delimbyr smelt, spiced goat cheese (paprika crusted hand pressed Fontina), Gnome shortbread (savory pistachio), glass travel jar filled with Secomber Red (wine), hard boiled quail eggs packed in rolled oats (to keep safe), dried figs from Calimshan, and Southwood smoked goat sausage (blood sausage).

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Duergar (gray dwarves):

The Duergar (gray dwarves) are the hated subterranean cousins of the surface dwelling Shield dwarves. Vast Duergar kingdoms exist in the Underdark beneath Toril’s surface. Duergar are known for their foul tempers, penchant for cruelty, grim and bitter dispositions. Their food is as coarse and uncouth as they are. Clockwise from top left: Sour Deep rothé pepper cheese (Limburger), boiled Deep rothé kidney (whole beef kidney), foraged roots and tubers; skirret and Fellroot (ginger and turmeric roots), contorted strangler fungus (Enoki mushrooms), onion & mushroom gravy hand pies (Morel mushroom with shallot and dill in cream sauce).

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Lizardfolk (This is a MEAL/feast and not a travel ration):

Lizardfolk are known to be omnivores, forage for a surprising variety of foods found within the confines of their marshy environs, in this case the Lizard Marsh near Daggerford. Fresh caught boiled Delimbyr Crayfish on wild chives, coastal carrageen moss entrapping estuary brine shrimp (irish moss, dried brine shrimp), Brackish-Berries (blackberries), Blackened Dart-Frog legs (frog legs) on spring sprouts (clover sprouts), roasted bog bugs on a stick!

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Drow (This is a MEAL/Party Fare and not a travel ration):

From top left: Menzoberranzan black truffle rothe cheese (Black Knight Tilsit), Donigarten Moss Snails (Escargot in shallot butter sauce), Blind cave fish caviar in mushroom caps (Lumpfish caviar), faerzress-infused duck egg imported from the surface Realms (Century egg), Black velvet ear fungus (Auricularia Black Fungus Mushroom).

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Mind Flayer/Illithid (This is a MEAL/Party Fare and not a travel ration):

A Mind Flayer dwelling in the Underdark of the Forgotten Realms might celebrate a special event with a smorgasbord of illithid delicacies. Center: An extra large brain (former minotaur servant who did not go quietly) plated on tinged cerebrospinal fluid. Right: peeled kuo-toa eyeballs in serous fluid (with mithral eating pick) TOP RIGHT: green mushroom wine TOP: drow slave heart (tastes better than human) with savory sanguine sauce. All served amongst various potion bottles, scroll and alchemical vessel.

More images here. Discussion thread here. Some “making of” and reaction photos here. 

Ogre Holiday Platter (This is a MEAL/Party Fare and not a travel ration):

Ogres are well known for legendary feats of horrendous brutality, torture, and savagery. It’s no surprise they consider flayed skin, fingers, toes and ears (especially elf ears) as special delicacies. Ogres revel in the misery of others. Crushing the smaller races…then eating their crispy bits is considered a true perverse joy, worthy of what passes for brutal ogre celebration. Paired alongside campfire roasted rabbit and coarse grain bread.

Westley: do I know anything about this area? Any danger?

DM: roll a history check

Westley: 15

DM: you know of rumors of giant rats in the swamps, as well as quick sand

Westley: what do I know about the giant rats?

DM: roll nature

Westley: [nat 1] …… rodents of unusual size? I don’t think they exist

The wind up bite