clinging on to every word she spoke, a wave of mixed emotions flooded through his mind. he began to wonder how they even got to this point. sure, they always had their fair share of problems, but they always made it through them, regardless. that was, of course until they faced the abrupt end that left many unanswered questions and feelings of confusion. how they’d overcome this was unknown to the boy. he didn’t even know if such a thing was a possibility anymore. but if this conversation meant that they even had a sliver of hope at restoring good relations, then he was willing to give it a try. “well, that’s a relief. because i could never hate you either. even if i tried.” he admitted, trying his best to keep eye-contact. “and i’m sorry, too. if i hurt you in any way- that was never the idea. i know our relationship was far from perfect, but i never thought that this was how it would all end up... so, i suppose you’re right. no matter what we did or planned to do, maybe this was always how it was supposed to be. maybe you and i just weren’t meant to last.” truthfully, he couldn’t bring himself to fully believe that. it was just easier to accept that they were destined for misery, then it was to take a gamble and fight for something that might lead to further heart ache. “listen, shi. i’ve always been really, really terrible at talking about emotions and feelings and all that stuff. i mean, it took a lot for me even to knock on your door.” xander fessed up, nervously rubbing at the back of his neck. “it doesn’t come easy to me, and from what i can tell, it doesn’t for you, either. but somehow we found a way to do that. talk to each other- about everything- before, i mean. hell, you probably know more things about me than you bargained for.” trying to lighten the mood, he let out a weak laugh, before preceding onward in his attempt at expressing his feelings. “i don’t know what happens after this, nor what it means for us, but i guess what i’m trying to say is that you were an important part of my life, too. you know things about me that i’ve never told anyone before. and i don’t regret it... so, whatever does happen tonight and all the other shit that’s bound to come in the future, i’ll never not want the very best for you. i’ll be on your side, on your team- as incredibly corny as that sounds.” he reassured, a little taken aback that he willingly told her what he did. “whether you want me apart of your life in some way, shape or form, or if you just want to end it all right here, then we can figure that out. but i don't want to do this anymore. the whole pretending thing. you might be perfectly fine with it, i have no idea. but for me- i gotta tell you, it hasn’t exactly been the easiest.”