☾☆ — pretty little girl

all the things i grew up hating

you changed the way i heard the sounds of the sky

things started to get brighter

i thought i was getting nicer

to everyone cause you opened me up

to the sound of the life bustling above

all the things that cloud my judgment

the moments that feel fuzzy

and too warm that i can’t find my breath

i was looking for the feelings

of hoping i was beating

the battle of self that i was caught in

you showed me the way

then you took it away

and now as i grow older i see

it was just a fork in the road that i could have chose to ignore

but then i wouldn’t be me

now

and i wouldn't see

how

you showed me how to unbreak my heart

by blatantly ripping it apart

and now i’m finding a way to feel found

and i finally feel

i felt my heart sink in puddles of empty words that never felt strong enough to carry me up

everything i think now is clouded by the way you left us, torn up pages on the floor

its like nothing ever ends without blowing up and i don't wanna feel this way anymore

so why are there some nights that i can't forget 

the wallowing feeling of falling into a pit of heartbreak that felt so consuming and whole i thought i’d never let go

and i don't know why

been so many weeks since you crawled in my mind

i hold out my hand

to let time fall inside

and yet i can't get you off my mind

so why come to me when the patterns to don't add up

when i feel secure in the place that i sleep

i find in the moments of sudden stillness 

you creep back to me

like i’m living a dream

i miss you tonight 

and i dont know why

it doesn’t feel fair that you’re on my mind

and i can't make it stop

i wanna shut you off

you tore me up inside

and i don't why 

sit alone, lose sleep 

can't hold, my breath, no more

feel like, i’m at deaths door

and i can’t feel you anymore

how do i go back to how i felt before

i dont wanna lose this life

but i can't keep up with the fight

you had me you broke me in half

i lost me i tried to rebuild but the cracks weren't havin’ it

too beat to break even with it

what do you feel now

how do you breathe at night

do you sleep well

do you dream or fight the fears 

you used to have

when we were kids

in la la land

do you sleep well

“Yes. My mother has an unhealthy obsession with Europe. She think it is so chic. I am surprised she did marry my father and not some old lord. Yes, you can not live on sandwiches only. Especially those kind. ”

“interesting. you’d think she’d wanna live there then no?”

lizzie: You could still fall !

lizzie: Is there any guardrail ?

mateo: :)))))) good

mateo: i mean wheres the lie

mateo: you'd choose pizza over me too ??? i wouldnt be offended ???? i mean pizza tho

gracie: would i??? i might

mateo: i mean n o bc i can buy my own shit n i have other alc n you bought pizza

mateo: so like whatever u want just hurry up !!!!

gracie: iK u can buy ur own shit pls, but i'll get u some qUICK cause nice

erin: dw i never leave the house without waterproof mascara

mateo: im fucking hungry dude hurry up

mateo: im also low on bourbon :(((((((

gracie: sooooo

mateo: 7 ?? i mean ok

mateo: no actually thats a little too long, the pizza's gonna get cold

gracie: ur so funny

“You really do ? Do you know my mother actually hired an English au-pair when I was little, hoping I would get a British accent.”  

"no, i really don’t. i was being sarcastic, whoops. that’s...insane? why’d your mom want you have a british accent anyway? i had an english nanny once but she was old as shit and only knew how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches which i hate, so i got her ass fired so quick.”

lizzie: I guess.

lizzie: Are you sure ? Because I could leave early to pick you up. Or send a car.

lizzie: It really does not feel safe.

gracie: lmao

gracie: im v sure, i'm fine pls

mateo: u think i actually run out?

mateo: im simmered

mateo: oh good hurry tf up

gracie: das not what i meant dummy

gracie: ok ok, i'll be there in 7 mins