confusion contusion

the ‘xena: warrior princess’ reboot is totally going to feature a lesbian relationship

Cow Ted Cruz Milking In Wisconsin Photo Op Only Giving Curdled, Foul Liquid 

ALMA, WI—Saying the putrid stench of rancid dairy had caused numerous onlookers to gag and rush out of the barn, sources at Noll’s Family Farm confirmed Monday that only a thin stream of curdled, spoiled liquid was emerging from the cow that Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz was attempting to milk during a campaign photo op. “As soon as Ted Cruz touched the cow, this yellow, lumpy fluid started oozing out of its udders,” said eyewitness Sarah Verdin, adding that the heifer appeared to be perfectly healthy and had been producing fresh white milk just moments earlier when the owner of the farm demonstrated how to handle the teats.

him when yall meet up

Night House, Lois Dodd

I’ve seen it all in my time. Been a lot of places, done a lot of things. Had my share of scrapes here and there, too. Those experiences taught me so much more than I ever could have imagined and shaped me into who I am today, the kind of person who just knows right away what’s red, what’s orange, that circles are round—all that stuff. Yeah, you might say that where basic shapes and colors are concerned, I know a thing or two about a thing or two.

Kinda comes with the territory for a guy my age.

Eighteen months is a long road to travel. It changes you. At first, I had no idea what a square was. Now, when I see one, I just point to it and say, “Square!” Easy. Same goes for triangles, hearts, stars—the whole shebang. You hand me a wooden puzzle with six different-shaped pieces, and I’ll not only tell you what every shape is—I’ll put each one right where it’s supposed to go. No sweat.

Security Failure: A Masked Intruder Broke Into The White House And Gave The President A Guitar Lesson

Well, this could have been bad. According to White House sources and news outlets in Washington, D.C., a masked intruder just made his way past security, broke into the White House, and gave President Obama a free guitar lesson before finally being apprehended by the Secret Service.

This was a really close call.