writingsully

It was another day on the beach. Another day of worrying about that stupid war your kind has begun, all because they refused to adapt to the world around them. Unlike you. You have adapted to the na'vi way of living, like the tide adapts to the position of the moon. Smoothly, calmly, with zero protest.

It started when you learned how to walk. You grew up with the Omatikaya people and played with na'vi children. You and Spider both. You ate with them, played with them, explored the forest with them. No one was surprised when your diaper changed for a loincloth. No one was surprised you spoke Na'vi better than English. No one was surprised when one day, you wanted to paint blue stripes on your body, claiming it would make you look more na'vi. Everyone allowed this. No one said you couldn't act like a na'vi, that you were being weird and that something was wrong with you. The thought that you belonged with your own kind never occurred to you, for the na'vi people were your kind.

That thought never occurred to you, until you moved to Awa’atlu. Ever since the first day you arrived, the people were wary of you. What is a human doing here? Why does she have stripes painted on her body? Does she really think she's one of us?

It didn't take long for you to earn some nicknames. Well, earn... those nicknames weren't exactly a gift. The people called you ketartu, vrrtep, ta'lengtun. Your family told you not to take it to heart, but you heard those words so often that you started to believe them. You were outcast in Awa’atlu, no matter how hard you tried to fit in.

You weren't the only one who struggled to fit in. Your best friend, Lo’ak, was also outcast. Both of you struggled to adapt to the Metkayina way of living; to hold your breath for long amounts of time, to hunt in the water, to learn all the new plants that grew around you. One time, you accidentally ate a poisonous plant, mistaking it for another. You got sick and no one, but your family cared. Everyone else laughed at you, called you stupid for mistaking a plant for another, but not him. Not Lo’ak. He stayed by your side the whole time.

‘Do you want some water?’ he had asked when you were laying in your hammock, face pale, throat dry and swollen. ‘I can get you some more dapophet pods too, if you want.’

You found comfort in his presence, his worry, his care. It was more than anyone else has done for you. You shifted in your hammock, making some hair fall in front of your face, sticking to your sweaty skin. Lo’ak would push it away from your face, his hand lingering a second too long.

‘No, thank you,’ you said hoarsely, looking into his big, yellow eyes that didn't hold any judgment for your stupid mistake. A mistake that could have killed you. No, those eyes only held worry and sympathy. ‘I just want you to stay.’

‘Then I'll stay,’ Lo’ak had answered, sitting down next to your hammock. And he did. He never left.

The months flew by. You didn't get poisoned again. You slowly adapted to the Metkayina way of living, but you still struggled. Holding your breath, hunting in the seas, learning about all the different plants that looked so much alike you could barely distinguish them. You had always found comfort in Lo’ak, who had struggled too. But unlike you, he got better at living in your new environment. That has only gotten better when he met Tsireya. They were close. A little too close to your liking. Now that your best friend had adapted, now that he met a girl who slowly seemed to replace you, you felt more alone than ever before. You truly felt like an outcast.

Ketartu, vrrtep, ta'lengtun. Those words had carved their way into your mind. You couldn’t help but repeat them to yourself as you walked over the beach. It was a beautiful day; the sun stood high in the sky, providing Eywa with warmth. But you didn’t feel the sun’s warm embrace. You haven’t felt it since you left the forest. The beach was always vibrant, full of life, but for some reason, you didn’t feel alive. You felt like you weren’t allowed to exist. Ketartu. Outcast. That’s what you were. You weren’t Metkayina; you weren’t na’vi. You doubted you’d ever be, for to the People, you’d always be one of them.

‘Hey, shorty!’ A familiar voice brought you out of your daze. A wave of relief washed over you when you realized who it belonged to. Your best friend.

‘Lo’ak,’ you responded, forcing a smile on your face as you turned around. You saw him jogging over to you, followed by Rotxo and Ao’nung. They were part of your friend group. Rotxo and Ao’nung were one of the few Metkayina na’vi that accepted you for who you were. You considered them your friends.

‘Come hunting with us,’ Lo’ak said once he reached you. As always, he towered over you, just like the other two na’vi who joined you.

‘I don’t think I’m in the mood for hunting today, guys,’ you admitted, looking down at your feet. You didn’t tell them why, but Lo’ak knew. He always knew.

‘Ah, come on,’ Ao’nung responded as he gave your shoulder a gentle shove, making you stumble a bit. ‘We’re going outside the reef. It’s where the men hunt.’

Ao’nung’s words made you give him a glare. You hated when he said that. Where the men hunt. Like not hunting outside the reef made you a wuss. Rotxo noticed this and quickly corrected your friend with an ‘And women, of course,’ making your expression soften slightly. It still wasn’t what you liked to hear, but it was better than nothing. You decided to add a little sarcasm to your response.

‘So, it’s where everyone hunts,’ you added as you crossed your arms over your chest, making the three boys share a look. You did have a point, but of course, all three of them were too proud to admit that.

‘Just come with us,’ Lo’ak probed, knowing you could use a distraction. ‘It’ll be fun.’

You shook your head at the idea of hunting outside the reef. It wasn’t safe. Last time you went, you nearly got attacked by tsyong. ‘You’re getting me into trouble.’

Ao’nung an Lo’ak scoffed in unison, and Rotxo just crossed his arms over his chest, looking amused. ‘What, are you chicken?’ Lo’ak asked teasingly, making you glare at him now as well. These boys always managed to get on your nerves. You were beginning to think Eywa sent them just for this purpose.

Before you could respond, Rotxo spoke, looking confused. ‘What’s chicken?’

His question made you snort and share a look with Lo’ak, who looked equally amused by Rotxo’s lack of knowledge about the human world. Ao’nung and Rotxo shared a confused look in return, clearly not understanding what was so funny.

‘It’s nothing,’ you said with a grin, noticing now that your mood has lifted already. Maybe hunting with these three skxawngs would be a nice distraction. ‘Fine, I’ll come with you. But only to prove that I’m not a chicken.’ You poked Lo’ak’s abdomen for emphasis, making him giggle and squirm away. That giggle earned him a snicker from the two Metkayina males, to which he quickly cleared his throat, trying to cover it up.

‘Don’t do that,’ he grumbled as his cheeks turned purple, his ears flicking back in embarrassment. ‘I’m sensitive.’

Those words only made Ao’nung and Rotxo snicker louder, which ended up in a laughing fit from the two. You couldn’t help but join in on the laughter, to which Lo’ak’s cheeks turned even darker. You felt sorry for your friend, but it was outweighed by the feeling of joy you had in this moment.

When you would hunt with these guys, you’d always cheer up. Not only Lo’ak, Ao’nung and Rotxo where there for you. Your other friends, Spider, Kiri, Tuk, Neteyam and Tsireya were there for you too. Whether it was swimming with the tulkun, fishing, diving for shells, or just hanging out on the beach, your friends were there for you. Despite the Metkayina people bringing you down with their words, you felt your mood slowly lifting, all thanks to your friends. One thing you noticed as well, was whenever your friends approached, you’d seek Lo’ak’s presence. But, as the time flew by, he would show up less and less. The longer you were in Awa’atlu, the more he left your side, slowly replacing you with Tsireya. To say you missed him, would be an understatement. You told yourself it wasn’t his intention to hurt you, that he was allowed to have other friends too, but somehow, seeing him with Tsireya hurt.

You never realised the way you had become attached to Lo’ak. To you, he wasn’t just a friend anymore. He was your light in the darkness. A warm embrace you always looked forward to. He had always comforted you when you were upset. He would sit with you, talk you through it, complain with you or simply hold you. But not anymore. You didn’t understand why he chose Tsireya over you. It hurt.

‘I just miss him,’ you said on one particularly rough day. You were sitting in your family’s marui, talking to Neytiri. You were helping her with dinner, cutting up fruit and vegetables. Neytiri has had trouble accepting you when you were little, but she was now like a mother to you. She has accepted you into her home and treated you like family. She has told you that if someone deserved to be treated like a na’vi, it was you. You had always found comfort in those words, for Neytiri wasn’t quick to accept a human.

‘Why do you miss him?’ Neytiri asked, briefly glancing up from the meat she was cutting into small pieces.

A short silence as you cut off the inedible part of some fruit, maybe a little too harshly. ‘Because he’s always with Tsireya.’

Neytiri fell silent for a moment, stopping her movements. She lowered her knife as she studied you for a moment, taking in your slumped shoulders, the frown on your forehead, the way your lips were turned downward.

‘Y/n,’ she said slowly, carefully. ‘Do you have feelings for Lo’ak?’

It was an unexpected question, making your grip on the knife slip right when those words left Neytiri’s mouth, resulting in you nearly cutting yourself. A sharp hiss left your mouth, and whether that was directed at yourself or at the woman in front of you, you didn’t know.

‘What?’ you asked with a huff, cutting the fruit even more aggressively than before. ‘No. Of course I don’t.’

It was the truth. You didn’t have feelings for Lo’ak. You just wanted your best friend back. Right?

‘Y/n,’ Neytiri said calmly, placing down her knife to reach over to you, gently laying her hand on top of yours, stopping you from assaulting the food. ‘Look at me.’

You didn’t want to look at her, but you knew you had no choice. Neytiri was insistent. So, with a sigh, you dropped your knife and reluctantly met her gaze. You hated that knowing look she gave you. It made you grit your teeth.

‘What?’ you grumbled, making the woman sigh. She scooted a bit closer to you, making you avert your gaze again. This time, she decided to let you.

‘For someone who doesn’t have any feelings, you act quite defensive. And a bit possessive.’

Those words made you bristle. You’ve never realized you’ve been acting possessive over Lo’ak. Whenever you talked about missing him, you always mentioned that he hung out with Tsireya too much, that you wished he hung out more with you instead. That wasn’t possessive. Right?

When you remained silent, Neytiri squeezed your hand gently. ‘You don’t have to be ashamed. We can’t always control what we feel toward others.’

A sigh left your mouth as you looked back up at Neytiri. You have never thought about the possibility of you having feelings for Lo’ak. You grew up with him, you lived with his family. Not to mention you weren’t na’vi. Having feelings for him would be wrong in so many ways, yet you couldn’t deny the small flutter you felt in your heart when you thought about him right in that moment.

‘I don’t have feelings for him,’ you mumbled as you ran your hand through your hair. ‘I just miss my friend.’

‘Are you sure?’ she asked gently. Neytiri didn’t want to push you too much, but she knew she had to if she wanted you to talk to her.

‘Yes,’ you said, getting a bit annoyed at her questioning you. You pulled your hand away from hers, placing it in your lap where you started fidgeting with your songcord. Your fingers traced a shell Lo’ak had given to you when you first moved to Awa’atlu. The memories of him being your best friend, of him being around you basically 24/7, made you feel melancholic.

‘I just...’ you continued after a moment of silence. ‘I don’t mind him hanging out with Tsireya. I mean, she’s his friend too, but I just...’ A sigh as you looked at the entrance of the marui, like you were making sure no one would hear what you were about to say.

‘I don’t like her taking up all of his time. I want to be with him again too, you know? Not all the time, but just... I don’t want to feel like Tsireya is replacing me.’

Neytiri stayed silent after your confession. She studied your expression, your pouting lips, your scrunched eyebrows, the way you kept looking at the entrance.

‘Then, why don’t you tell him?’ she asked quietly, her ears flicking forward when you bristled. It was a good question. Why didn’t you tell him?

‘Because...’ you started, now finally meeting her gaze again. ‘I guess I’m afraid.’

‘Afraid of what?’

‘Of him saying no.’

‘Saying no to what?’

It was another good question. A question you also didn’t know the answer to. It was beginning to frustrate you. You were saying things that didn’t make any sense. In frustration, you rubbed your temples. Neytiri took this as an opportunity to speak again.

‘Do you really think Lo’ak is going to give up on you? You’re his best friend, y/n. He cares about you. I think he hasn’t noticed how he’s spending less time with you.’ She reached for your hand again, wrapping her fingers around yours in an attempt of comforting you. It worked.

‘I’m sure he’ll apologize,’ she added softly when you met her caring gaze. ‘Just talk to him. Tell him how you feel. It’ll be alright.’

You trusted Neytiri’s words. Lo’ak was your best friend, and he wasn’t afraid to speak his mind. If he, for some reason, didn’t want to hang out with you anymore, he would’ve told you. So, with more confidence, you decided to look for him that evening.

The sky was clear when you walked over the beach, making it easy to spot Polyphemus and the bright stars above you. The sea was calm, the waves gently rippling against the shore, creating a sound almost like a white noise. It was calming you as you walked, the sand still feeling hot against your bare feet. One thing that did annoy you though, was your oxygen mask. Unlike Spider, you still had to wear one. You hated the sound of your breath going through the air filter, the constant worry about your battery going dead. You had never worried about it before, but ever since you moved to Awa’atlu, it has become another thing you felt insecure about. Another thing that distinguished you from the others.

Ketartu, vrrtep, ta'lengtun. Those words made their way into your mind again, repeating over and over, like a mantra. You didn’t belong. You have never belonged here. Would you ever?

The sound of voices brought you out of your spiralling thoughts. They came somewhere to your right, getting carried by the waves. When you looked, you didn’t see anyone. It was dark, and you couldn’t even make out someone’s tanhì. The voices continued. You walked on, slowly, the voices becoming familiar.

‘I am so happy to see you two accepting each other now,’ said one of the voices. ‘I don’t want there to be any rivalry in our friend group.’

It took you a moment to recognize the voice. It was soft and smooth, like honey. It was Tsireya’s. But where was it coming from?

‘We weren’t rivals,’ the other voice responded with a huff. ‘Ao’nung and I just didn’t like each other, that’s all.’

You halted in your tracks. You’d recognize that voice anywhere. Low, gravelly. It was Lo’ak’s. It was good you heard it right now, for you had been looking for him. But you didn’t want to have this conversation with Tsireya around. Maybe you should have this conversation another time. With a sigh, you looked down at your feet, getting ready to turn around and head back to the village, when Tsireya spoke again.

‘That’s the definition of rivals, Lo’ak,’ she said with a chuckle. ‘But seriously, I’m glad you’re Metkayina now. After all you’ve been through, you deserve it. I am so proud of you.’

Tsireya spoke with the same tenderness as you often did when you talked to Lo’ak. She sounded praiseful, and you could already imagine the look on her face; blue eyes wide as they stared up at Lo’ak’s yellow ones, a warm, innocent smile on her face. You felt a pang of jealousy in your chest. Why?

‘Yeah, I’m Metkayina?’ Lo’ak asked with a scoff. You could already imagine him turning his head away from Tsireya, ears pinned back against his head. ‘Then why does everyone have a tattoo and I don’t? I’ve come of age; I’ve earned my chest guard. Why am I the only one who doesn’t have a tattoo?’

His voice had become defensive. It was a tone you’ve heard a lot when you both complained about not fitting in. It made you want to comfort him, for you have always comforted him. This tone was like a trigger to you, and before you knew it, you were moving; walking toward the direction of the two voices.

‘I don’t know,’ Tsireya admitted, her voice getting clearer as you neared them. ‘But what I do know, Lo’ak, is that you’re one of us now. The people see how hard you’ve worked here, my parents see it, and I see it too.’

You noticed two figures now, sitting behind some trees next to the water. You could clearly make out their forms. Tsireya was sitting on her knees in front of Lo’ak, holding his hands in hers. The sight of that made your chest constrict and your breath hitch.

‘I see you,’ you heard Tsireya say before she leaned in, closing the distance between her and Lo’ak by pressing a kiss to his lips.

You couldn’t hold back the gasp that left your lips at the sight in front of you. Tsireya was leaning forward, kissing Lo’ak, who hasn’t moved an inch. But you weren’t focussed on Lo’ak’s reaction, though. For some reason, the only thing you could see were their lips, pressed together, unmoving. It made you feel sick to your stomach.

The sob that left your mouth was what gave you away. Tsireya yerked away from Lo’ak, as if burned by his lips, while the latter turned his head so quickly you were surprised his neck didn’t snap.

‘Y/n,’ Lo’ak said, his voice filled with embarrassment. He shot Tsireya a quick look before he got up on his feet and started toward you. But you backed away, hurt flashing over your features. You didn’t know why seeing them kiss hurt you so much. It was like stones in your heart, making it difficult for the organ to pump around blood, causing you to feel lightheaded.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,’ you mumbled as you continued backing away, your legs trembling. Your heart was beating painfully fast, your mind trying to comprehend what you just witnessed. Lo’ak moved closer, but before he could reach you, you turned on your heels and speed walked away.

‘Y/n, wait!’ Lo’ak called after you, but you ignored him. What were you supposed to say once he stopped you? That you were hurt because of this? How could you even explain that? You were his friend. Just a friend. A friend shouldn’t be hurt by seeing their friend kissing someone else.

Lo’ak kept calling after you, his voice becoming more pleading. Your walking turned to running, desperate to create more distance between the two of you. His voice gradually quieted, a sign he was falling behind, but you could still hear the hurt in it. You felt guilty for ignoring your best friend like that, but at this moment, you couldn’t force yourself to face him.

Lo’ak’s voice eventually faded into the darkness of the night. You weren’t surrounded by the darkness, though, for you had reached the village already. Like always, the village was lively with people sharing food and drinks as they caught up about their day. You scowled at the sight, despising them for being able to do such a mundane thing. You wished you could join in on the conversations, to share a drink with the people, but you didn’t belong. So, you made your way back to your family’s marui, mumbling a quick ‘hello’ to Jake and Neytiri, who looked puzzled, before you laid down in your hammock and pretended to sleep. Thankfully the two adults let you be, knowing you well enough to know you wanted to be left alone.

After you laid down and curled in on yourself, you closed your eyes, trying to get some rest, but sleep didn’t come. Whenever you closed your eyes, all you could see was that kiss. How Tsireya was holding Lo’ak’s hand, how she had leaned forward and kissed him, how Lo’ak didn’t pull away. How she said she saw him.

You didn’t understand the possessive feeling that aroused in you. You didn’t want Lo’ak to kiss Tsireya, you wanted him to kiss you. Those thoughts shocked you, though, making you stiffen in your hammock. You never even thought about the possibility of you having such feelings for your best friend. You’ve always pushed your feelings away after moving to Awa’atlu, but you never realised you had pushed your feelings for others away too. Could you be in love with Lo’ak?

It was as if your thoughts had summoned him, or maybe he had followed you, for right then, Lo’ak walked inside the marui. His footsteps and his heavy breathing were the first things you heard. Has he run after you? You didn’t move and kept your eyes shut, not wanting to let him know you were awake.

‘Y/n,’ Lo’ak said with a breath of relief. You didn’t move. Lo’ak came closer. ‘Y/n, listen to me.’

You could hear him standing right next to your hammock and it was taking you every ounce of willpower to lay still, keeping your eyes closed. A shift in the air made you stiffen, and for a moment, you were afraid Lo’ak was going to reach out to you. But before he could, Jake spoke up.

‘Lo’ak.’ His voice was low and husky, like he knew you didn’t want to be disturbed. ‘Let her be.’

‘But-‘ Lo’ak started, but he was cut off by his mother.

‘Tomorrow,’ Neytiri said, her voice leaving no room for negotiation. She had a feeling she knew what this was about. You’ve talked to her this afternoon, after all.

You couldn’t see Lo’ak’s face, but from the sound of his low hiss, you knew he wasn’t happy. You could feel his eyes on you as he stood next to your hammock for another second, before he finally stepped away. You didn’t know where he went, whether he laid down in his own hammock, or if he left the marui. Wherever he went, you were glad he was gone. It felt like you could finally breathe again.

The next morning, you left the marui before the others woke up, deciding to go for a bath. You haven’t slept well, for that image of Lo’ak and Tsireya kissing kept replaying in your head. The bath you took under the cove of the ancestors helped to clear your head. The people said the water washes you clean, something you believed in as well. The water washed away your stress, making your muscles relax for the first time in a long while. After you washed your hair and body, you applied a moisturising cream to your skin, which made you smell of fresh berries. Kiri taught you how to make this cream, as well as many other moisturizers. Applying this moisturizer has become your routine ever since you moved here. It was one of the few things you found comfort in.

When you felt that you were relaxed enough, you put on your chest piece and loincloth again and wrapped the strap of your oxygen mask around your chest. After gathering your dirty clothes, your soap bar and the cream, you turned on your heels, ready to go back to the village. You had barely taken a step forward when a familiar figure appeared from behind one of the rock formations, making you jump.

‘Wiya,’ you cursed as you halted in your tracks, nearly dropping your stuff on the sand. You shot Lo’ak a fierce look, silently cursing him for scaring you like that. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Sorry,’ Lo’ak apologised as he raised his hands in surrender. ‘Didn’t mean to scare you.’

‘Were you spying on me?’ you asked sharply, ignoring his apology, which made Lo’ak’s eyes widen in shock.

‘Wh- no! No, no, no,’ he responded quickly, taking a few steps toward you. You didn’t back away, but you held your belongings closer to your chest for comfort. ‘I wasn’t spying on you.’

You noticed how his ears pinned back and how his tail lashed behind him, showing his distress. He looked like a child that got caught stealing cookies. You would’ve found it adorable if you weren’t so baffled -and worried- by his sudden appearance.

‘Then what are you doing here?’ You asked again, feeling how your racing heart was slowly calming down.

Lo’ak shifted on his feet, like he was trying to come up with a way to explain himself without sounding like a creep. He took a moment to respond, making you fiddle with the stuff in your hands. You didn’t like how he took his time to come up with an answer, like he was weighing his words carefully.

‘I was...’ Lo’ak started, running a hand through his braids. ‘I was waiting for you.’

‘So, you were following me,’ you said with a breathless chuckle. You didn’t find this funny though, you found this concerning.

The boy’s cheeks turned dark when you called him out, making him avert his gaze to his feet. ‘I’m sorry,’ he mumbled as he kicked at the sand. ‘I just wanted to talk to you, and I was afraid you’d walk away again.’

A soft sigh escaped your lips when you heard his words. Suddenly, you felt guilty for your behaviour last night. You haven’t given your friend the opportunity to explain himself. You had just walked away and given him the cold shoulder. Maybe that was a bit of a shitty move. Maybe you had jumped to conclusions. Maybe he didn’t want to kiss Tsireya... but if that were true, then why didn’t he pull away when she kissed him? The thought of that, of him wanting Tsireya to kiss him, made anger run through your veins.

‘So, you decided to sneak up on me like a creep?’ you snapped, making him flinch. You didn’t feel sorry, though. Instead, you took a step closer as you continued. ‘Did you watch me bathe, Lo’ak?’

If your initial words didn’t already have enough of an effect on him, then your last accusation most certainly did. You noticed how Lo’ak pinned his ears against his skull, nearly making them disappear in his braids. His tail lashed behind him once, sharply, and he gritted his teeth. For a moment, you were afraid he was going to lash out at you. But he didn’t. Instead, he took a step closer as well, towering over you now with his big frame. You weren’t sure if he was trying to assert dominance, but you still refused to back down. You squared your shoulders and exhaled sharply, standing your ground as Lo’ak snapped right back at you, even though your heart was racing.

‘What the hell is up with you and these accusations? I didn’t watch you bathe, y/n. You know I’d never do that!’

Despite the anger, you could also hear the hurt in his voice. It made you feel somewhat guilty for your insinuations. You knew he’d always respect your privacy, but you were too fed up with him to care.

‘Then why are you here?’ you snarled. ‘Why would you wait for me? Shouldn’t you be with Tsireya?’

Lo’ak’s eyes narrowed when you brought up Tsireya. Before you knew it, he stepped forward again, nearly pressing his body against yours. You were certain he was trying to assert dominance now. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t make your heart race in the best way possible.

‘Is that what all of this is about?’ he asked, his voice no more than a low grumble. ‘You’re worried about Tsireya?’

You averted your gaze to the side, not wanting to admit that you were, indeed, worried about Tsireya. When you didn’t speak, Lo’ak’s nostrils flared, his jaw tightening as he looked down at you. ‘I don’t understand why you’re acting like this, y/n. Tsireya and I-‘

He stopped, swallowing back his words. You were afraid of what he was going to say. Tsireya and I are in love. That thought alone was enough to tear at your heart. Lo’ak opened his mouth to continue, but you beat him to it.

‘You say I’m your friend, but lately I haven’t felt like one,’ you blurted out, voice trembling despite your effort to keep it steady. ‘You’ve spent so much time with Tsireya, I barely see you anymore. Last night, when I saw you with her-‘ Your voice broke, the memory of his lips against Tsireya’s cutting sharp as glass.

‘I felt... replaced. Like I didn’t matter anymore. I’ve always been your best friend, but lately, it’s like I don’t even exist anymore.’

There was a tense silence between you, your words hanging in the air, thick enough to cut through steel. Lo’ak blinked, his bravado flickering. ‘Replaced? That’s not-‘ A sigh as he took a step back, his tail flicking uneasily. ‘I didn’t mean for you to feel that way. I... you could’ve said something! Why didn’t you tell me?’

The defensiveness in his voice teetered on the edge of vulnerability. He was trying to stay angry, but his façade was slipping, making way for hurt and confusion.

You swallowed, desperate to find the right words. ‘Because I was scared, Lo’ak. Scared you wouldn’t...’ You drifted off, the truth was on the tip of your tongue, too heavy to hold back. You were scared to say it out loud, but you’ve already come this far. ‘Scared you wouldn’t feel the same. I’ve always felt like I don’t belong here, and I found comfort in the fact that you felt the same. But then you met her, and you learned the Metkayina way and now you belong.’

A heavy sigh left your lips now, like the words were heavy to speak. Your shoulders slumped and your head lung low, showing your defeat. You were afraid you had already said too much, but it was too late to turn back.

‘I thought... I thought maybe you’d never see me the same way again, because now I’m the only outcast.’ Your voice cracked, filled with emotion. ‘I didn’t want to lose you as a friend. So, I kept it inside. But when I saw you kiss Tsireya, it hurt. I didn’t even think it would hurt, but it does, Lo’ak. It hurts....’

Lo’ak stared at you, silent now, some battle raging behind his eyes. The defensive lines on his face softened, uncertainty creeping in. ‘You think I care about that? About you not being the same as me?’ His voice was rough, almost disbelieving. ‘You're the only person who ever makes me feel like I belong. I never wanted you to feel replaced, y/n. Not ever.’

You searched his face, hope and dread warring in your chest. You had thought he found comfort in Tsireya, that she made him feel like he belonged. Had you been wrong? For a moment, the cove was quiet, filled only with the sound of your uneven breaths and the distant rush of the tide. The air between you was thick with unspoken words, charged with anxiety.

‘Doesn’t Tsireya make you feel like you belong?’ you asked quietly, shifting on your feet.

‘She tries,’ Lo’ak admitted with a sigh, ‘but she’s so good at everything here. I don’t compare to her. It’s a constant reminder that I’m different.’

You understood how he felt, having that constant reminder of being different as well. You looked up at him, biting your lip as you studied his expression. His brows were knitted, his lips were turned down, his eyes fixed on yours... You felt the sudden urge to reach out to him, to hold his hand. You had been fighting so many of your emotions, had been holding it all in, that you decided to let this one out. So, you dropped your stuff to the sand and took a step closer to Lo’ak, whose eyes were boring into you. Slowly, you reached for his hands, giving him the opportunity to pull away if he wanted to. You felt relieved when he didn’t, and gently grasped his hands in yours.

‘Don’t compare yourself to her,’ you said quietly, looking into his eyes now. They held a lot of emotion; regret, anxiety, uncertainty. ‘You are worth more than that, Lo’ak.’

Lo’ak’s fingers wrapped around yours, his large hands completely engulfing yours. In this moment, the worry about your differences seemed to fade away. In this moment, it was just the two of you. You and Lo’ak, like it has always been.

‘I’m still outcast,’ Lo’ak mumbled as he glanced down at your hands, his thumbs rubbing slow circles on the back of your hands. His voice was filled with uncertainty again.

‘Then let’s be outcast together,’ was your response as you took a small step closer, your bodies nearly pressing together now. This seemed to bring a small smile to Lo’ak’s lips, one that made your heart skip a beat.

‘Let’s be outcast together,’ he repeated, pulling you closer into a tight hug.