What can I say?

Diverge from obsession’s set up. Make it magical realism. Witches are rare but they exist and curses are real and a known part of life. Celebrities usually have precautions taken against curses but someone gets a piece of Shane’s hair or some shit that gives them a direct link to him, bypassing any defenses.

Shane gets hit with some archaic bullshit that has been historically used to stepford wife your partner. She doesn’t love you back? She doesn’t respect you as the head of her household? Haha, don’t worry, we can fix that. It’s very, very, very illegal now but people can still do it.

Ilya has no part in cursing Shane. He didn’t know it was happening in advance. He wasn’t told about it after. This was a sincerely unilateral third party that wanted to either hurt Shane or make Ilya happy, and they thought this would do it. They are unfortunately right.

The thing about this storyline that interests me would be that it could really showcase the horror of tlg’s ending. To do that properly, I think it’d be important to not make anyone’s actions better or worse than they actually are. Take as many direct quotes from canon as possible. Play out the scenes as they are written. Let the horror be what actually, literally happens to Shane in canon. Soften nothing, harden nothing, make it be the actual ending of the long game. Show the horror in it

And specifically the horror is that Shane’s just hollowed out into a smiling, vacuously happy fuck doll and quite literally nobody in his life notices. That’s actually not fully accurate—people notice. They’re just happy about it. They like him so much better like this.

Shane’s “happiness” is never real. It’s not that he feels the happiness he claims to have or believes anything he’s doing or saying. He is fully conscious. He is aware. He is locked behind a pane of glass. He has no control over anything that he’s doing or saying. But it’s still him on the inside. He never gets to sink behind false feelings of happiness—he has to live out the nightmare and feel everything happening to him.

Again, magic is a known element in this world. When he first gets cursed, Shane is certain that Ilya or his parents or anyone is going to notice that his entire personality has disappeared overnight and realize what happened. They’ll hire a curse breaker and he’ll be saved.

They don’t.

He isn’t.

Again, keep this as close to canon as possible. Take direct quotes. Use the exact words they use in canon as much as possible. People notice he’s different and they’re so, so glad. He’s so much better than he was before. He seems so, so happy now. Everyone’s so relieved.

Shane spends the entire time trying to fight the curse. He gets close to regaining even a little bit of control over his body if he focuses on specific things that make him miserable and desperate and afraid. Those few statements in canon suggesting unhappiness or worry or fear are the only brief flashes of control he gets. Moments like when he says he’s worried no one will ever sign him again. He barely manages to choke the words out. He’s hoping that someone, anyone, will notice how his giddy, lovesick happiness in every other moment doesn’t comport with these flashes of unhappiness. He thinks maybe if someone just asked him a single fucking follow up question about how he feels or what’s been happening in his life that maybe the sudden switch from expressing unhappiness to expressing delirious, saccharine, lovesick joy would make the curse clear, or maybe he’d manage to gain more control and tell someone he’s cursed. He’s reaching out a hand and hoping someone grabs it.

Ilya fucks him happy, Ilya fucks him happy, Ilya fucks him happy

Again, make it as close to canon as possible. And that means emphasizing that Ilya has never been happier. Use exact words from the book. He is overwhelmed with happiness. This is his perfect day. His life has never been better.

Shane’s So Happy Too. He’s Never Been Happier. Make Him The Butt Of The Joke, He’s Laughing Too. Post Him On Instagram, Make The Sex Tape, Take Him To Bed. Fuck Him Happy, Fuck Him Happy, Fuck Him Happy.

On the inside, Shane is just. Decaying. He is a ghost haunting himself and not a single person in his life has realized that they’re talking to his fucking corpse.

Shane’s isolated from Hayden, J.J., and Rose. They’re all in a different city, and Ilya didn’t like them all that much. He’s got his husband’s friends now anyway. The Centaurs are all he needs.

There’s a subset of people online who sees his online presence 180 from Shane Fucking Hollander to Ilya’s giggling, lovesick husband on Ilya’s Instagram and the Centaurs’ social media accounts and they’re like “there is no goddamn way that guy didn’t get stepford wife’d.” It’s an online conspiracy theory with a moderate following but it doesn’t have any real traction.

Ilya has a brief moment of pause when he sees it. The theory is that he had Shane cursed and that their relationship was never real to begin with and he knows that’s not true. And there’s never been a case of someone doing this to someone else’s spouse. Like. The entire motive of this kind of curse is for sick, controlling fucks to do it for their own personal benefit. He’d never do this to Shane, and no one has any reason to do this for him. What would even be the benefit? Shane’s been… different, but that’s because he’s so much happier now that they’re out and married and playing for the same team. He says it all the time. This curse thing can’t be true.

Of Course It’s Not True. They’re Just Homophobic Fucks Who Want To Diminish The Life They’ve Built Together. Shane’s Never Been Happier. But, You, Know, Ilya, You Could Make Me Even Happier ;)

Ilya fucks Shane happy, Ilya fucks Shane happy, Ilya fucks Shane happy

Shane gets out of it but he’s not saved by any of his loved ones. Again, the horror is just literally what happens in tlg. Everyone’s so glad for him. He’s so much better now that he’s learned to let go and let himself be happy.

This shit gets broken by a random fucking witch who’s seen this curse before and clocks the signs. Again, witches in general are rare and this curse is extremely rare because it was made fuck-off illegal decades ago. Very few people even remember how to cast it and modern cases are few and far between. But this random fucking witch decides to risk catching a case and just curse breaks Shane without his prior knowledge or consent because if she’s right the man is in hell right now. And it works. It’s taken months, but he’s finally back in control of his own body

Crash out. Holy fuck crash out

Ilya has no idea what that spell was and tries to comfort Shane over whatever the fuck just happened and Shane does not want him to touch him. He does not need to be fucked better right now Jesus Jesus Jesus

I think one of the first things he does in his panic is wrench his wedding ring off. It wasn’t even him who said I Do.

Ilya gets arrested and then released when Shane tells the police that he’s pretty sure Ilya had no idea it even happened. A stranger cast the spell and Ilya hasn’t shown a single indication of knowing it happened in months.

But that’s also sort of the issue with their relationship now. Ilya couldn’t figure out that Shane got body snatched in months. And that entire time, Shane’s been locked inside his own skull watching as he’s the butt of every joke, as his reputation’s been shredded without Ilya caring, as he’s not been consulted on a single decision Ilya makes, as his every issue was solved with Ilya bending him over the nearest flat surface and fucking him right. He can’t. He can’t do this right now. Maybe not ever again.