Anxious SWer

There are some sugaring, hypergamy, anti-patriarchy, and pro-black reblogs. If you’re a black woman, gold digger, sex worker, or feminist, this a safe place for you.

*** I am not a sugar baby or spoiled girlfriend so I cannot offer any advice on sugaring.

Anyway, I excuse it and try to get an idea of what kind of service he’s looking for. I ask if he’s had a deep tissue massage with CBD oil before, trying to get a sense if he knows the effect the CBD oil has on the muscles. He answers, “I’ve been to the spas at the St. Regis before.” 👀 What the FUCK!?!?!??? What does that have to do with ANYTHING!!!??? I don’t know if he’s dumb or just trying to flex but, I get annoyed and just block him. Why the hell couldn’t he stay on task???

Ugh.

He reaches out again to me today but I don’t actually know it’s him yet because he’s using a different phone number.

First off, men you’ve blocked who try to get through to you by using a new number are so disrespectful. I blocked you. Obviously, that means I don’t want to see you. But, you think it’s appropriate to try and get through to me anyway??? Trash. Men are garbage. Period.

Anyway, we discuss booking and he manages to stay on task. He gets all the way to the point of completing my booking form. He’s using a burner number (since I blocked his real number) so I can’t run a background check (using a burner number is already a strike against him because the form specifically asks for a real number. But, he’s trying to avoid that because he doesn’t want me to know he’s the same twat who tried to book me before).

Since I only have his burner, I have to use the name on his driver’s license to run a check. I find his LinkedIn page and realize the photo looks mighty familiar. I use his full name to perform a search through my booking form submissions. His form shows up and his original phone number is on it. I find the text conversations with that phone number and it all becomes clear.

I text him to tell him that since we failed to complete the appointment the first time (delicately implying that it was his fault), he has to pay a non-refundable 25% deposit. Told him, if he would like to move forward and pay by CashApp, let me know. He texts me 10 minutes later and says “Yes, we did try before. But, I couldn’t make it to your city within 30 minutes”.

😑

Once again, we are not staying on task. I specifically asked him for confirmation that he would like to move forward. Instead, he’s explaining himself. Irrelevant. Furthermore, I get the sense that he’s trying to get out of paying the non-refundable deposit.

Even if I wanted to respond, I didn’t know how… Was he expecting me to argue with him?!?!?? We are trying to do business here and you are not getting to the point! Either tell me you want to pay or not!!! Later, I realized, this is how he deals with women in his dating life. He thinks it’s appropriate to deal with a professional in the same way. Idiotic, senseless texts that go nowhere. Incredibly frustrating. It’s like he was playing video games while texting me at the same time. Absolutely no respect for my time. And women actually date these men!!!!! I’ve tried to date these men before! I don’t know if his type of behavior is specific to black men or what. Just dumb as fuck.

Before heading to Home Depot, I got my drill and removed the old mailbox. I wanted to see what it had been sitting on. I bought 2 mailboxes at Home Depot, being careful to get the size that looked most like mine. I bought one exactly like the metal box I broke and a cheap plastic box in the color I really wanted.

When I got home, I saw the plastic wouldn’t fit. But, I was determined to make it work. I already knew I may need some of the wood scraps I had in the garage to attach the new box. I dug through the wood scraps bag and found a piece that fit nearly perfectly (I remember when I originally collected those scrap pieces. I knew they might come in handy one day). But, whenever you’re replacing something old in the house, you always run into a few obstacles. I ended up breaking 3 rusty screws in the mailbox post. I took an hour long break and then got back to work. I came up with a clever idea to get around the broken screws, installed the new piece for the post, and attached the new mailbox.

I asked ChatGPT which is the most recommended anti-anxiety supplement/herb/product according to Reddit. It said that L-theanine and kava are the most recommended. I already have L-theanine so, I will give kava a try. ChatGPT said someone on Reddit said it was as potent as a mild benzo (but, people on Reddit are stupid and sometimes exaggerate).

But, yeah - I am really getting close to not offering full service anymore. I need to just pray on it. I'm so fucking disgusted with these men. If I had a 100 British Twats as full service clients, I could do this job but, the majority of the men, unfortunately, have disgusting bodies.

I don't know. Maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe this is depression. Or, maybe I really am just sick of FS. 😩 Ugh.

One of my regular clients just asked if he can give me oral for a non-full service massage session. Ugh. I told him it’s fine if he bumps the rate up by $50… Fucker. And, I had to tell him to trim his fingernails before the session.

GodDAMN, I hate this job!!!!!!!

I have unblocked and then reblocked British’s phone number at least 3 times since I blocked him 2 weeks ago… I get weak. It’s kind of like I’m fighting an addiction.

Right now, even with high-ish repair costs, it’s a winning situation. However, I really don’t know if my repair costs are totally reasonable. It may actually work out that the house cannot be repaired within my budget. Before I can even get estimates, I need to get inside the house to take photos of the damage. I realized that today, I can’t move forward without getting in there. I almost got inside the house when guys from the mortgage servicing company came to inspect but, they wouldn’t let me in. I only know about the interior damage by word-of-mouth. I need to get in and take photos.