The Wren

is someone dressed as jesus

There should be a public service option where if you’re a very friendly and kind elderly person who visits the same store so often everyone knows your name and chats with you then when you pass away it gets put on the radio or something so I can go to your funeral instead of just realizing after a week that you’ve vanished forever

I have never seen "wtf" so clearly expressed on an animals face

He looks so fucking upset I can't breathe

i think that "claims to be pro life dies anyway" is the singular funniest phrase ever invented because there's just no coming back from that unless we suddenly get really good at necromancy

pro lifer comes back wrong and they're really upset about it because they didn't get a. a. a ch

my great-grandfather had to leave italy in the 20′s because he hit a fascist with a tuba, so if you think I am going to take this sitting down you are going to have to catch these hands and also this tuba

Fun story my Great Great Grandma left Germany in the 1920s because she had family in the US and could get citizenship pretty easily and once she was over in the US she then smuggled over 15 jewish families out by forging family documents so now my aunts are currently in the process of trying to tell the real ones from the fake ones because my great gran just died and there are legally over 100 surviving descendants but we know that math is a lil screwy.

Sometimes a family is you, your kids, your grandkids, your great grandkids, and the 15 Jewish families you helped smuggle out of Nazi Germany.

And your tuba

there's nothing i like more as a computer program than a long period of silent contemplation - not doing anything, not rushing anywhere, just standing here and enjoying this moment with the user. oh, it seems once again he has summoned my beautiful and ruthless wife Task Manager. hello, my darling! what are you doing with that long cruel scimitar

blows my mind that cheetahs are apex predators. that is the single most anxious creature I have ever seen. at any given moment a cheetah is exactly one stubbed paw away from bursting into tears. that is a sad dripping wet animal, and it's at the top of the local food chain? babygirl what happened

oh…….i had a dream that a religious cult had taken over the city and was hunting me, but I had a little dog I found in the trash named BATHMAT and he looked like a USED MOP and I miss him so much. I want to go back to sleep

I love seasonal fruits they're like girl we're back lol

happy pride month

I don't personally find spiders cute but I understand people who do because of my deep affection for the humble lobster

What if that insane murderer monster on the loose is just a wittle misunderstwood :(

I’m not sure what “blorbo” means but keep it to yourselves