Thank you for the visit! This is an art and photography only blog!
Feel free to send me a message and chat, i'd love to say hi either here or on bsky.
My interest right now are: Eddie Munson, Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington.
Be aware that this account will soon start posting art that is considered Dead Dove.
Click for - WrackDecipher.carrd
or
AO3 (Steddie, DBH) - naRK800
Dead Dove A03 - WrackDecipher
Dead Dove Bsky - WrackDecipher
Below are some tumblr-threaded fics, and easy links to some art. Nothing from 2026 onwards has been linked as it was getting silly to link my whole blog here 🤣
Steddie Fic Series
And Yet It Moves
“What If Steddie Were A Filler Episode On The X-Files?”
First Chapter || Latest Chapter || AO3
Euphoric Reputation
"Trans Eddie Munson in Middle School"
First Chapter || Latest Chapter || AO3
Worst Enemy
"Eddie discovers that sometimes when the world throws you a bone, self sabotage is the one who catches it"
Tumblr || AO3
Steddie Art
There's Nothing More That I Can Do, This Maniac's In Love With You
I'm With You My Love, The Light's Shining Through On You
C'mere Hotshot
Cluttered
Hey There, Handsome
Woes Of The Pre-Romanced Heart
Eddie Munson Art
Self Medicated In E-Standard
He's The Kinda Human Wreckage That'cha Love
Mr. Molly Munson
"1986 Baby"
Snarl Of The Teenage Werewolf
Spotify Playlist
Music played around or by Eddie Munson in s4 or in Flight Of Icarus
Detroit: Become Human
My beloathed fandom before Steddie, i made a couple things for it recently. This is not a DBH blog, but i thought i'd include them.
Frenemies With Benefits
Fuck You Too, Detective :)
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Y’know what I’ve been recently thinking about, in regards to Billy Hargrove?
His Camaro has California license plates in season 2.
That means, that to get it from California to Indiana, he would’ve had to drive it there (because shipping a car would not be something Neil Hargrove would pay for).
And it’s a near certain possibility he drove it there on his own - Max was probably with Susan and Neil (whether they were flying, or also driving).
So Billy would’ve been by himself. In his beloved car…driving to a state and town he knew he was gonna hate.
And I just wonder how many times he considered driving in a different direction entirely, or turning around and going back to California…going literally anywhere else….
But maybe he thought about how Neil might track him down eventually, and how mad he’d be…
Or maybe…he thought about Max. And even though he didn’t have boat loads of affection for the little twerp…there was something inside of him that told him that he couldn’t just leave her alone with Neil
So he kept driving…to Hawkins-fucking-Indiana…
I think about this, too, but a little differently.
I think we can say with 100% certainty that Billy drove the Camaro from California to Hawkins. I agree, Neil wouldn't have paid for it to get flown or shipped.
But i also think the Hargroves drove with Billy tailing them. I think this was very, very similar to the situation we see with the Byers moving TO California: family car towed behind a Uhaul. Eldest son driving his car bringing up the rear.
Imagine Neil saying that Billy isn't allowed any room in the truck because "you'll be moving out in 12 months anyway." Billy doesn't register the Camaro because he'll only be here for 12 months, anyway. Billy only has what can fit in the camaro, and the camaro doesn't hold a lot. Billy doesn't have a lot in his room, either.
Billy and Max are very close, even if they don't like each other. Sorta like. Driving each other crazy across states kinda close. But riding with Billy means good music (she won't admit it) and not having to talk to Neil and Billy at least lets her put her headphones on.
Gas was cheaper in the 80s. Especially in America. The price of air tickets was not cheap at all, that was a luxury.
So what if, OP
What if Billy's following that fucking uhaul to 12 months of hell in bumfuck indiana and the one and only fucking thing holding him back? The one thing that's stopping him turning around and going home?
I've seen a lot of posts floating around about Trans Billy or disabled Billy and i'm delighted to share a version of Billy i hold close to my heart.
This was all written out to @muzzledjaws on discord and i won't be changing the formatting <3
Metalsandwich discord thoughts with trans Billie
Billie has her trans awakening in the hospital after being flayed. Loses her right arm to just above the elbow due to her arms being inside the mindflayer's mouth, covered in scars, severe muscle wastage, she's missing some organs from the bleach and chemicals she drank. She wakes up after the mind flayer skeletal, disabled, abandoned, and alone. She's lost everything after being flayed, (family, home, body, car, mobility) and it's being stripped down to nothing and no longer having her masculinity and size to depend on that it was a big fucking farce anyway. She's forced to lay there in recovery and think. Without her dad there and without the mindflayer she doesn't have to throw up the most convenient mask anymore. She doesn't have an arm anymore, she's pissing and shitting into a bag, she thinks she's lost her good looks because of her scars, she thinks she's completely unlovable, so she gets access to the incredibly important "fuck it, I'll do what i want" mentality. It's important because it leads to "this is what i actually want" and then, "this is who i actually am". Losing her body the same time as she loses her social shackles helps her to reject this hyper-masculinity she'd always worn as a shield. hours and hours alone in the hospital without visitors, reading magazines, bored. Introflection. It helps her knock over the first domino. But being possessed by the mindflayer also gives her this unique grotesque dysphoria that's triggered by pretending. Being absolutely anything but genuinely herself makes her dysphoric not in a trans way, but in a "i am a person who was possessed and i watched my body get steered by someone who wasn't me and do things i didn't want to do and be a version of me i am not". It causes her to be absolutely lazer focused selfish on what she actually needs. And by this process of elimination she finds herself.
Billie has to learn how to be a person again the same time as she learns how to be a woman. Discovering her femininity helps her with her disabilities and vice versa. They go hand in hand. By the time she's let out of hospital her hair is halfway down her back anyway and her medical bills are like, in the millions. She can't afford a prosthetic arm and she can't afford a car so she hitchhikes back to California. Shoplifts her first dress when she gets there and doesn't have the nerve to wear it for another year. Her curls are bouncy again when she changes into it on the beach. She works in a queer bar for years. Starts to wear dresses to every shift. Starts HRT in '91. The bar fund-raises her a prosthetic arm in '92. She calls Max in '94. She gets a job as a lifesaver on the beach that same year. She gets given a red one piece suit and cries about it. In 1995 Billie drives her Chevy Corvette to Hawkins to visit Max for Christmas. She doesn't expect to see Max in a wheelchair, and Max never told her she was blind. She didn't expect to see Steve, either. So she hides in her hair and tries to ignore him and hopes he doesn't talk to her, shivering as much now as she did her first December in Hawkins.
So when she meets Steve she's both very familiar and very different. Because of course she is, you don't go through what Billie went through with the mind flayer and with transitioning in the early 90s/late 80s without Becoming Different. She doesn't pick fights anymore, but she's also much, much meaner. She is just as concerned with her appearance as she was back then but its in a feminine leaning way now; she's city fashionable, she's a beach babe, she wears false lashes and heavy mascara and beige 90s lipstick and her hair is immaculately taken care of. Big pretty curls halfway down her back. But she's trans and she looks Trans and it's a matter of constant contention for Billie. She hates her wide shoulders and her height and her square jaw. Hates the tattoo on her shoulder and thinks its ugly. Hates the scars you can see everywhere, but also likes them because people stare at the hole in her chest and not her biceps. Billie is a bit of a slave to whats considered feminine. She's not immune to it. She's very sensitive to it. Coming to Hawkins is extremely scary because she's going back to where everything happened, and she's also going back to where everyone knew her Before, and going back is this like. Pilgrimage to let go in a way. She wants to make peace with Hawkins but she's also there to make peace with nobody accepting her. She's there to find a reason to cut everyone out for good. She's basically there to cause a scene and ruin Christmas because she doesn't think anyone is going to be chill with it.
Reagan-raised Mike and Nancy are the only ones who Are Weird About It in an "we're progressive" way. Dustin is too cool about it. Immediately acts like they're old friends. And despite getting her pronouns and shit right immediately Billie is still Billie and she's like gtfa from me weirdo. Lucas is cool because he's a chill dude and max already told him everything by proxy of them being engaged/married/whatever they are. Everyone except max and Lucas are socially weird about her. But they're accepting in That Weird Way people can be. Good hearts, excruciating to be around. but then STEVE--
Steve is a queer man in the 90s who is not as prude as the kids think he is. And either he's met a trans woman before or he's read about trans women but you don't be bisexual/queer for 10 years and never meet a trans person, even in the middle of nowhere. Chicago or Indianapolis etc. He's been to clubs. But what i want is for Steve to see Billie and have a very fast [who is THAT why is she here] > [Oh my god] > [midwest manners activate] > "Hello ma'am my name is Steve, whats your name. Can i take your coat?" > [watching Billie slide her tongue nervously under her teeth. wow. that's so much prettier when she's wearing lipstick. her eyes really pop with brown mascara. wow. was her hair that blonde before? I wonder how long she's in town]
Billie throws her jacket at Steve because she doesn't want to meet his eye and Steve is just like <3___<3 because he loves women with spicy attitudes.
And Billie like
seethes at the lunch table
because yeah these people are cool with her but they're Too Cool, its getting on her nerves, she fucking hates all of them and now they're not even doing her the courtesy of having something she can be pissed off at them for.
The lunch is excruciating.
She can't eat most of it, anyway.
"Why not? Are you on a diet?"
"No. I got possessed by a fucking shadow monster in '85 and chugged 3 gallons of chlorine and now my intestines are missing. Thanks for asking."
She gets up and goes out for a smoke and in that time Lucas and Dustin both apologise for not helping more. She tells them to fuck off and leave her alone (but secretly appreciates it)
She builds a tiny snow man while chain smoking with the most giant set of honkers and feels better about it.
But the whole Christmas trip is like that. She's mean and anti social and the group sort of cop it on the chin because they feel like they deserve it.
she rings up her bestie in California and it's like,
"Did you ruin Christmas?"
"Ye :,)"
"did you make anyone cry"
"Not yet"
"well then you haven't ruined Christmas have you? chop chop"
ough
lays down
Billie goes on a long walk to get the fuck away from everyone. She ends up at the scrap yard and she's suddenly like,
"Hm."
Walks around and around for like an hour until she finds a faded, gutted out, snow-covered Camaro with California plates. She just kinda stands there for a long time and looks at the busted in bumper and the smashed windshield and the t-boned passenger side door and smokes and smokes about it.
Opens the creaky driver side door and there's still all her blood all over the driver seat. Sniffs from the cold and gingerly sits behind the wheel, touches the interior, the gearstick. Hits eject on the old cassette radio and it spits out a mixtape Eddie Munson made her.
She finds that there's still about $90 in cash hidden in all her all hiding places. She even finds an old joint in a baggie. Again, a gift from Eddie Munson.
That joint is 10 years old now, and she tucks it into her bra with a chuckle. Might frame it later, its kind of funny. Might smoke it, see how bad it is.
She finds the Camaro is still a safe haven after all this time. She even finds a pack of reds so old and faded the branding has completely disappeared. Her old zippo is in there, and she rubs it. Still lights up even after a decade. But tucked right in the back of the carton is a Polaroid of Eddie unhinging his mouth to take a big bite of a truckstop burger.
And she does that sort of like. Happy miserable tears thing, remembering him. Because everything before she woke up in hospital is sort of blurry to her. Had been since she woke up in hospital. Her head was full of memories that weren't hers, it was hard to separate. The shadow was so devastating, it was so hard to think about anything that happened, let alone before. But she holds the Polaroid and she remembers the before, with Eddie. She wants to say he made her happy, but she knows what happy feels like now. Maybe he just made her less miserable. She can't remember. Everything is so fuzzy. But she holds the mixtape and the joint and the Polaroid and she remembers her way back to the trailer park and it takes her like. 2 hours to muster the will to leave her old girl in the scrap yard and pay the Munsons a visit.
---
So she makes her way over to the trailer park and the trailer Eddie and Wayne used to live in is gone now. All the trailers around it are gone, too, there's like this big hole in the trailer park now where the Munson trailer used to be. Nobody seems to want to live near it. Her heart kind of sinks because does that mean Wayne passed away?
But there's a trailer on the edge of the park and it has graffiti up the outside wall spelling out 'go to hell' and 'murderer' and 'faggot' and 'queer' and 'aids fucker' in this relentless like. Attack. It's clear the owner has just given up cleaning it all off and that this is a teenage target for fucking around. If that trailer didn't house Eddie Munson, the owner of it would know where to find it.
So Billie lights a cigarette and goes and knocks on the front door. There's music playing and she can smell stale weed. And this voice that sounds like home says to her, "I'm not going to your fucking church service, you bible bashing bitch."
And Billie sneers and sniggers and she's so nervous.
"Merry Christmas, asshole."
And Eddie freezes. She can see the cogs turning in his brain even with the fly-screen door between them. Eddie clears his throat.
"Who's there?"
"It, uh. It's me. Billie."
Eddie unlocks the door and slams it open and fucking stares at her with an open mouth. And it's different to the way Nancy and Mike open-mouth stared, this is the stare of someone who thought the other was dead. He takes her in. He starts to cry, which makes Billie start crying, and suddenly he's hugging her so tight her ribs ache. Eddie has stubble and his hair is just as wild, but its chin-length now, and he's still a big bag of bones and it's a moment before she notices Eddie's on double crutches. He apologises for them getting in the way and she whacks him with her fake arm.
Eddie's bringing her inside and throwing a sweater in her direction and asking if she wants coffee or whiskey ("both") and before she knows it they're curled up in front of Eddie's shitty electric fire catching up, talking. She tells Eddie about waking up in hospital and not being able to remember much and losing her arm and transitioning and becoming a lifesaver in California. She's making minimum wage but she's happy. She's also lying to him. But that's okay because Eddie lied to her the same way, pretending he doesn't know why Chrissy Cunningham was dead in his living-room. The public trial, the whole town being angry over the not guilty verdict and never forgiving him for it. Getting a job at the plant with his uncle and never really moving on from there.
"Before you know it here we are. But nah. Nah, I'm doing good. It's just graffiti now. Learned to drive out to Chicago on Halloween, and the death anniversary. Other than that it's cool."
Billie knows Eddie's not telling her everything, but she doesn't know Eddie knows that not only is she withholding things, but Max and Steve told him about the mall. She has no idea Max and Steve are close with Eddie.
Eddie knows Billie was possessed by Vecna.
Billie doesn't know he knows.
It means that Eddie understands easier. why she just left without saying bye.
Seeing her again is like a candle in the dark for Eddie. Best Christmas present he's had in years, and he tells her that.
Billie hates this fucking town, but she's never hated Eddie.
She drives back to Max's house and nothing happens with Eddie but ooohhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH she's thinkin about him the whole time.
Thats all i got for now, maybe i'll continue it later c:
Trans Billie my beloved
Thank you for excusing the plot holes of my discord ramble
Anyone else noticing theres no websites anymore. You never go to website.com anymore its always some bullshit like "go to the smeeple app store and download the flubi app" i dont want toooo what ever happened to websites. I do not like it
not me, everyone go check out my website held up with matchsticks and sticky tape. it has games and a music player and is deliciously unfinished go go go
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There's no one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'd do
I just want to be loved by you
No one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'd do
I just want to be loved by you
The Billy Hargrove Scorpions song you get after you pass his riddles 3, defeat his 7 evil parental figures, and bust past like 10 layers of survival masking.
What if Billy was the one that lived all his life in Hawkins? Same family dinamic, do you think he would have the same personality? Or would anyone eventually notice what goes on in their house?
In a Harringrove scenario, if Steve came to Hawkins for some reason (maybe from New York or some big city) What do you think their dynamic would be like?
I know that 99% of the fandom follows the canon with Steve, but in this kind of scenario I believe it would be appropriate for him to be a little different, not a metalhead, but definitely alternative (goth, maybe? Do you see my vision here?)
Would love to know your thoughts !!
I love your writing 🫶🏻
Why hello @goth-harrington. Thank you for this ask and for your love of my writing. You have such good taste.
Oh... Oh, this is fun.
Are you prepared? Are you pumped?
Role Reversal
Hello role reversal AU, the thing I didn't know I needed until this moment.
Who we are is shaped on who are parents are, where we grew up, and the pressures on us as kids. However, these changes are not always predictable.
Personally, role reversals are more fun when more than one thing is different. Keeping the Upside Down elements sounds boring. For this reason, I ditch the Upside Down to explore a new idea. If you wanted me to keep the Upside Down, then I apologize.
To make this as fun as possible, I explore this role reversal in the style of my bartending days, where I throw all the components in a cocktail shaker, give it a good shake to mix things up, and pour out a brand spankin' new cocktail.
Intervention
Here's the thing about the 1980s. Everything was swept under the rug. Nothing was talked about. Or acknowledged. Or dealt with. People minded their business, which included their own families. People knew things, but they never directly discussed or talked about them publicly. A man would never tell another man how to raise his kids or speak to his woman.
Depending on who Neil is in the community, no one would dare criticize him. You could argue that maybe Hopper did his best at one point? My idea to make this role reversal fun fits the characters differently. You asked me to keep the same family dynamics as canon, so that's the only thing I'm treating as concrete.
Neil is still an abusive piece of shit, but a different status in town would change the way the abuse manifests. More details below.
Moment of silence
A moment of silence please, as we mourn for Billy's 80s rock hair. Bye bye Billy's beautiful luscious curls. You were beautiful in canon, but it is AU time.
The Car (RIP Camaro)
No one is more sad about the loss of Lenore than I, gentle reader. Sadly, we're also saying goodbye to the Camaro. It's too loud and too flashy.
But Billy is a good midwest American boy. He'd end up with a respectable car that doesn't make so much noise. No more of that loud bullshit.
Oh... what about a 1981 Chrysler Imperial?
Billy's home life
Let's start with the same family dynamics. Billy's mother is out of the picture. Billy was born and raised in Hawkins and currently lives with Neil, his step mother, Susan, and his sister, Max.
Actually, for this AU, fuck it! Max is Neil's biological daughter and he married Susan because she got pregnant and he couldn't just abandon her. What type of man would do something so terrible? Not Neil. He's responsible and a good man. A pillar of the community.
So he ruined his first wife's reputation so completely that she just disappeared one day, paving the way for his divorce and subsequent marriage to Susan.
(Ignore Will Chase's tattoos, lol)
That's right baby, Billy and Max are half siblings, but Max doesn't know that. She thinks they're just siblings. Since the divorce, Billy has been forced to treat Susan as his mother. He calls her mom. Acts as though she is his mother in every way. Billy was 3 when Susan got pregnant and 4 when Max was born. He's been there through it all and has been stuck looking after her from the start. It's all he knows.
To make this more fun, let's say that Neil is of some importance in Hawkins. Let's make him the Mayor, why not. It would change the expectations and give the Hargove family a prominent place in the community. Not quite rich like the Harrington's in OG canon, but influential all the same.
Let's say that the year all this happens, Neil is running for the U.S. Senate or something. The politics don't have to be important, but I love me some political maneuvering and scheming.
Might not be the vibe you're going for, so ignore the details. Let me establish set pieces. Trust the vision.
Billy himself
Billy's core personality is the same, but his coping mechanisms and masks are different. Rather than presenting as he does in the show, he would look different and stick more to the cultural ideals in the Midwest.
Given that his personality is the same, Billy is a smart, highly sensitive, intuitive, misunderstood, and emotional teenager who has had a poor role model an has therefore learned a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms. He's passionate and deeply flawed. But in this, he is not angry. He's anxious. Rather than lashing out, yelling to starting fights, he shuts down. He is self destructive at a lower volume. Disassociation episodes, self medicates with drugs and alcohol, panic attacks.
Neil wants Billy to be strong young man who presents well and is capable of of moving through social circles with grace and elegance. Billy needs to be a politician. No one can know what he's thinking. He cannot compromise Neil's standing in the community. After all, Neil is up for the US Senate this year and Billy needs to be on his best behavior and cannot ruin his father's political ambitions. Neil is a family man and his family is part of his brand. They all need to stay in line.
Billy is always in the public eye. He is a core part of Neil's brand. He's a public figure in Hawkins as much as his father and represents everything Neil wants to bring from Hawkins to broader Indiana and the country.
Billy would use different masks and personas. He tries so hard to make his father happy, to be the man he wants him to be. Instead of going against his father, Billy is actively chasing after his father's love and approval. He wants that pat on the head, he wants to be told that he's loved, that he's enough. He pretends to be straight, he really, really does. He plays the role well enough. Has a girlfriend, shows up to all the events his father needs him at, is put together, well dressed, well spoken. He is charming and brilliant. He knows when to flirt, when to flatter, when to play dumb.
But, it's all an act. His life is an act.
Billy looks and acts perfect.
And it's still not enough.
Nothing is enough for Neil.
All eyes are on them. They are the family that represents Hawkins. Neil does still abuse Billy and does so much the way we see in canon. Physically threatens him, uses physical abuse that will not leave behind marks, and turns the verbally abusive up to 11. He ridicules Billy for being such a failure and for being such a pussy and acting like a queer.
And let's not forget, Neil Hargrove's A+ emotionally abusive tendencies that he uses on the whole family. In public, they present as the perfect family, put together, loving, and perfectly functional. But behind closed doors?
The Hargrove Family
Billy is an overachiever and believes that he can always be better. There's always something he can do better. Perfect grades. Participates in multiple sports. Perfect. Always fucking perfect. Everything is an act. Everything is a lie. Perfectionism and high anxiety. He takes drugs to function and to cope. He drinks. He takes pills, both uppers and downers. I'm also open to the idea that he's had experiences with adults because they have access to him and Billy is simply around all the time. And it's not like Neil would care in the sense of wanting to protect his son. He'd be afraid it would ruin his image. So if anything did happen, Neil would never know.
Max would be affected as well. She has to dress up in feminine ways, and is allowed much less freedom. Her image is more carefully controlled. Like many girls with emotionally abusive and narcissistic fathers, Max has low self-esteem and difficulty in forming healthy relationships with others. She is constantly looking external validation, which is a need that Billy often meets for her. She has her own set of masks, and she plays at being indifferent and sassy. She is deeply insecure and just wants to be loved and is constantly disappointed. Any criticism causes her to fly off the handle. Unlike Billy, who is punished for being angry, Max is not punished for her anger. She is allowed feminine rage, so she is the angrier one between them. Billy tries to protect her, he does.
Susan is also an anxious mess, but has to put on a public front. She's worried about aging and that is a constant source of stress. She's a high society woman and is always entertaining, hosting, cooking, and flattering. She doesn't have a job, but she is on plenty of committees and does a lot of volunteer work. She's also on uppers to get through the days. She's even started asking Billy to get them for her because she can't be seen doing anything like that and her days are so packed.
Neil is probably also having an affair because that seems like something he would do. I personally like the idea that he accused Billy's mom of having an affair because he was having an affair. Hence, his added affair with Susan, which is how they ended up married.
Not to mention, he lost interest in his first wife and found his second by having the affair to begin with. Now, he's learned not to make any mistakes the second time. So he's careful and is still super secretive about everything. It's all very controlled and under wraps.
When he is having an affair, he is extra harsh on Billy because Neil has fallen back to his old vices. With his young, assistant, a recent college graduate. Before he can feel guilty and recognize his own fault and actions, he lashes out at Billy and makes things worse for him. Hurts him. Gives him strange chores. Odd punishments. The most out of the box punishment was forcing him to take cold showers for a month to toughen him up and make him a man who can be uncomfortable.
Susan is anxious and nervous that she is next. Given the dysfunction in the house, I can easily see her having adultified Billy and since he is not her son, she goes to him for emotional support, tells him things about her marriage that he should not know, and confides in him as if he is a friend and not her step-son. When she needs support her husband can't give, she goes to her step-son instead. She knows its not okay. She knows it's a bad thing, but she doesn't know what else to do and she wants to protect Max. It's chaotic, confusing, and Billy's relationship with Susan is a mess because he feels as responsible for her as he does with Max, but he also does his best to make sure she's okay and that she's happy. He's forced to call her and treat her like his mom, and even though she acts the loving mother in public, she treats him more personally in the house.
Nothing in this family is healthy.
Final note on Billy, yes he would still be into metal and his own version of the alt scene, but he is not allowed to play loud music or really express any of this feelings for music aside from listening to them Jonathan style when he's alone in his room.
Billy's life and Friends
Character driven stories are easier and more interesting other characters around to deepen the world, the story, and the relationships between characters. Genuine relationships are what make us human and we tend to do what we can with what we have. And teenagers always have a huge influx of new and ending relationships as they figure out who they are.
Not only that, but I sort of suspect that with how the Duffer's write friendships that they are terrible friends and are quite selfish and only focused on themselves.
Huge fan of giving Billy friends. Given his new social position and level of importance, he would need people around him for the story and the plot to make sense. Now, not all of them have to be friends. There would also be friends, allies, cling-ons, friendemies, and outright enemies.
And don't they say keep your enemies closer?
For Billy's genuine friends, I'd like to see him be friends with Eddie, either publicly or as a secret. Having a secret friendship be healthy would be hella interesting. Eddie is also his dealer. Billy takes pills to chill out and smokes a lot of weed. Choose your own adventure if you want some Mungrove to happen before Steve shows up.
I am a sucker for Billy and Heather as besties. They're such good friends that Billy's girlfriend is jealous and it causes problems with her a lot. Choose your own adventure on if you want her to know Billy likes boys (meaning Billy would know that Heather likes girls and boys).
Tommy and Carol can be friends with him too, why not.
Billy and Nancy know one another, but they don't hang out or anything.
Billy's girlfriend can be anyone in Hawkins, lol . Maybe he's been in a relationship much like Tommy and Carol, where he's been with this girl — Becky, Amy, Tina, Vickie it honestly doesn't matter — since they were like 12. And now things are just... a problem. They're fighting all the time, Heather is a source of jealousy, and Billy is just so exhausted. He's miserable because everything is a lie. Everything is such bullshit and he has no idea why he's so unhappy and upset all the time.
Max and Billy
Am I even to be taken seriously if I don't include Max in something about Billy?
Max hates being in the spotlight and all the attention. She's forced to wear dresses and do things she hates. Billy protects her from a lot and actively does what he can to make sure she's not always in the spotlight. There's many, many pictures of her wearing his jackets, or images of her with her arms around her brother or pressed close to his body, hiding her face because she gets so frustrated with everything and everyone. The attention is nice, but it's so much and so overwhelming. She hates the way she looks dressed up like a doll, but it's also expected and so much a part of her life that she can't stop it.
They fight like siblings, but always at home. They get along better, mostly because the hell they live in is not solely on Billy. Max remains the golden child and Neil spoils her rotten, but she has to follow his ideals of femininity and being a woman and a good perfect daughter.
Neil Hargrove rules his family with an iron fist. Billy can only do so much.
And then... some rich, successful New Yorkers come to town.
(Alt) Goth Steve
This arrived in my Inbox like a gift. I am sat. I see the vision. I embrace the vision. I carry it as a torch into the darkness. Follow me, my brethren.
Here's the thing about goth culture, especially in the 80s. Most of it was born out of a ton of different cultural aspects, some that I love include: horror films, vampires, gothic literature, and traditional mythologies such as Celtic, Egyptian, Christian, and Paganism.
Give me Steve with tattoos his friends gave him on places his clothes cover since he's 17. Give me Steve that's super into literature. Give me Steve that loves history and mythology and is obsessed with the Greeks and ancient Egypt. Give me a Steve that gets into paganism and the occult. That wants to summon a demon. That has done seances. That has danced naked under full moons. He's done rituals he barely understood after being given shrooms out in the Catskills Mountain (in south New York). He's been to new age Dionysus parties with wine and probably LSD. There was an orgie. Give me Steve that is into new age religion and hates going to church on Sundays with his parents.
Now we have East Coast transplant Steve, who has grown up in busy city that had access to a ton of cultural influence and change, many different religious ideas, and is suddenly in the Bible belt? This Steve is open to anything, always willing to give something a shot and doesn't care. He'll do drugs just to learn about himself. He wants to experiment. We only live once and fuck Steve Harrington is here to liiiiiive.
Hawkins is gonna suuuuuck.
Look at this. He was built for the alt scene.
As we didn't see what Billy was like in California, perhaps Steve tones things down, just a little so he can avoid becoming a social pariah. Not because he cares what people think, but because he knows he has to play nice with his parents. For now. He doesn't want to get kicked out. He wants to get his Trust fund. He wants to keep access to the money and the privilege that comes with his name. It would be lame to just give all of that up. So, he's playing nice with his parents until things die down. He still dresses in all black, wears his jewelry, but just slightly less.
Why are they in Hawkins? So glad you asked!
The real reason is to get a handle on Steve and get him back under control. His parents at their wits end and don't know where they went wrong, what's wrong with him. He's just so difficult. Perhaps this is Martha's fault for spoiling him.
He messed around with some drugs and got way too into a MMF trouple situation. Either he went to the Dionysus party with them, or met them while he was there. The girl got knocked up and she didn't know who the father was. Neither did Steve and their partner Michael. Steve was ready to marry her since his parents are richer than the stock market. His parents forbade this, got the girl an abortion, paid off both families, and relocated to the Midwest where Martha was born to... decompress from city life and take a little break from the city and the business of Manhattan. That's the official reason. What everyone is told.
Now, the Harrington's are famous in the United States and well known enough that when they show up in Hawkins, it's a big fucking deal. We're talking front page news, someone is hosting a party to invite them back to town.
Martha Harrington is regarded as well known and a local success for marrying so rich and so well. If only anyone knew behind closed doors what her family life is really like. What her son is like.
Simply put. Steve does not give a fuck and is just waiting until he turns 18. He has no idea what he's going to do, but knows he'll get the Trust Fund at 21, so it's only a few years. He can go to college on his parents dime for 4 years and just figure it out. Whatever happens.
He just wants to have a good time. He wants to learn.
Harringrove
Sweet baby Jesus. Pray for these boys and the sins they will unfold upon this land and one another.
There's a big party to welcome the Harrington to Hawkins. Billy is in trouble for something and doesn't attend because he's injured.
Instead, they meet a week later at a Hawkins Charity function.
Neil wants the Harrington's to become donors to his campaign. To support him. To trade secrets and wealth. They have a son Billy's age. Neil needs to get in with Daniel Harrington and wants Billy to get involved, act right, and do what Neil trained him to do. Make connections. Play the game.
Do you see my vision?
Steve is not at all what Billy expects. He's loud, open about his feelings, and bored with whatever the hell this bullshit party is. What he wants to know is: where is the after party and when do we leave to get there?
At first sight, Steve wants Billy. He basically forgets all about getting back to New York and whatever was going on and is just focused on finding a way to get this dude into his bed. Fuck his parents and what they want and their expectations. They dragged him into this hell, he's going to stick it to someone.
So Steve says he wants girls and an after party and whatever else while he sets his plan into motion to ruin the politician his dad is here to support by finding a way to have sex with Hargrove's son and humiliate his parents, the state of Indiana. Fuck it. Steve is here to burn it all down. If he can't be happy, no one is going to be happy.
That's right, in this, Steve flaunts his position and enjoys what it gives him, and he is the one obsessed with Billy. He's just waiting for the right moment to work his magic. Steve wants what he wants and has never been very good at listening to 'No.'
But there's a slight hiccup in Steve's plan. Billy doesn't give a shit about Daniel Harrington. During the after party when Steve hit on Heather, Billy told him to go fuck himself. That he's not going to kiss his ass because of his dad and he can shove his entitlement up his ass.
That simmers Steve's temper a little because there's someone who doesn't care. That stood up and protected someone from him despite what it could mean. One word from Steve and his dad (might) withdraw all support from the Hargrove's campaign.
And... Billy did it anyway.
It doubles Steve's interest because oh yes. If there's anything Steve loves more than a hot, protective dude, it's a hot protective dude who hates his dad.
Steve and Billy end up hanging out more than Steve would thought. Despite the alt way he dresses, he's treated well because of who his dad is and all the girls want to marry some rich asshole who lives in the big city and set them up for life. So he sleeps with some of the girls. Is invited to parties left and right. But, he's distracted. He wants to be close to Billy and figure him out, see how things work.
Billy and his crew invite him out for Saturday partying and day drinking in Indianapolis. Time in the city? Sign him the fuck up. He doesn't care about the event that night, but he goes up to the city with them.
They drink some expensive wine that was a gift from someone in support of some reform that Neil has taken into account. They pass around cigarettes with the wine.
Steve notices that Billy's girlfriend is there and how she's trying to get closer to him but he is just not physically interested. He doesn't ignore her, he stops what he's doing to acknowledge and look at her. They talk. They argue here and there. She is desperate to get his attention and wants to do something just the two of them. But the drunker they get? The less attention he pays her.
Toward the end of the end of the night, Heather sits in Billy's lap in a possessive but non romantic way before she walks off with one of the other girls for nearly an hour. When they come back, Steve has a feeling he knows what they were up to based on the fact they switched shirts and they look satisfied.
Oh, so Hawkins isn't as boring as he thought.
That night, or is it morning now?, Steve pretends he's sick and Billy leads him off to a bathroom of an expensive hotel they're staying in for the night. The teens have a suite to themselves and they're enjoying it. As soon as the door closes, Steve locks it, miraculously recovers, and kisses Billy. It's sudden and hard and passionate. They make out and end up giving and receiving blow jobs. The party is loud and they get away with it. No one notices, but that could be because there were other hookups and by this point, everyone was shitfaced and some had even passed out or gone to bed.
Steve winks and warns Billy not to let his girlfriend see the bite marks on his thighs.
Things are a little rocky, but not too bad. They see one another at school, they hang out together in groups. Steve meets Eddie through Billy and thank god, he has a dealer again, he's running low on everything.
They continue to fool around, sometimes at parties. Sometimes in the car. Sometimes in the woods. Lover's Lake. Skull rock.
One night, Steve pierces Billy's ear and he hides the earring even as it heals.
Maybe Steve and Billy do a solo night, but rather than doing drugs like they planned, they end up having loud, dirty sex in the big, empty Harrington house. The first time Steve's parents have left him alone since the incident more than six months ago. They take it slow and sensual. It's intense. Hands down the most intense experience Billy has ever had, and it's up there for Steve. Especially since they're both totally sober. A first for both of them.
The issue now though, is that as much as Steve wants to be angry and stick it to his parents, he likes Billy. He does still want to fuck everything up, but he doesn't want to ruin Billy's life. None of this is fair to him and he sees the cracks. He knows that Billy doesn't want anything to do with his father, but is also dependent on him. All Billy wants is to be told he's loved and for someone to care about him. And Steve has plenty of that. He is obsessive about his partners and he's never been quite so... intense about someone as he is with Billy.
That's also an issue because this is 1984 and Billy is sort of in a relationship, but not really. Steve is territorial and obsessive and likes to stake claims to the things that are his. He wants to be able to claim Billy around others but knows he can't do that without putting them at risk.
So he does it in smaller ways.
They get into a fight one night after some stupid political party and when Billy tries to walk away, Steve grabs him and slams him into a wall to stop him because they're not done talking yet, and Billy freezes and completely shuts down. Steve has never seen anyone have a panic attack and it scares the shit out of him.
They miss the rest of the event in the panic attack and it's aftermath. Billy cries and can't stop. He's such a mess and Steve smuggles him out so no one sees, so no one finds out.
When Billy gets home at 4 am the next morning, Neil gives it to him.
When Steve gets home around the same time, his parents ground him and rescind many of the privileges they've given him for good behavior up until now.
Steve doesn't understand. Not everything. But he knows something happened to Billy for him to react like that. Whenever he tries to apologize, Billy brushes it off and pretends nothing happened. The nerve of him too, because Steve has never apologized for anything! And yet, Billy won't be alone with him and shies away from being touched like he's been slapped. And not just from Steve, from everyone. Even Heather can't touch him now.
He and his girlfriend have silently broken up and Billy starts to pull away. And not just from Steve. From everyone.
Steve tries not to let it bother him. And he succeeds for two whole days.
Until he hears that even Heather is worried about him.
Steve let's his intensity and passion get the best of him. He wants what's his and Billy is his now and he can't just walk away, so he wants to see what he can do to try to make things right.
The night of the election comes around and they're all waiting. There's a party as the votes are being cast. In fact, Daniel offered to host the party at some big hall, something about a tax write off or something. Apparently Daniel and Neil get along. They're aligned with something about oil and drilling, and farming subsidies or whatever the hell. Steve honestly has no idea where all the money comes from, but he knows that his dad is good at keeping his money hidden until the right moments to choose from.
Billy is still jumpy and uncertain. Basically the whole god damn town is there. The closer they get to announcing the results, the more nervous billy gets. Eventually, he's siting, jacket off, tie loose, arms crossed, staring at the radio as things are tallied.
Everything is so intense. Everyone is excited and nervous. Sometimes you could hear a pin drop. Sometimes everyone is loud and cheering.
Neil wins.
It turns into one of the biggest parties of the season, and that's saying something.
Steve pulls Billy off with him and plasters him with kisses. Apologies. Says they don't have to talk about it now. But he wants to know. Wants to help. Wants to take care of him. And Billy gives in. They make out. They hook up in Steve's room, but it's quickie this time. They don't fully undress, pants down shirts up.
They're face to face. They have to be. That's the only way it'll work tonight because they can't stop kissing.
Steve laughs and leans in for another kiss and ends up biting. "You're mine and no one will take you from me," he mumbles into Billy's skin and he means it.
They're both close. They don't have much time. They can't go back gross and sweaty.
Steve realizes he never wants to let Billy go, that he'll dig his nails into him and keep him forever. "Fuck it. Let's run. Let's get the fuck out of Hawkins."
That's how they finish. With bruising kisses and promises (lies) from red lips about getting the fuck out of Hawkins. Of running together.
What will come of Neil's political career...
P.S. Move over Billy the Terminator, the New Yorker Steve shows up to Tina's Halloween Party as a Gladiator.
I am also your friendly Goth and you missed one very, very, crucial detail about Goth Steve that i wanna elaborate on with all my juicy knowledge:
Goth is a nihilist music-based subculture.
Before everything else, goth is music. the lyrics of that music are usually (but not always) nihilist.
Before we go on i wanna give a brief explanation of what i mean by nihilist and memento mori, because it can be misconstrued as pessimistic. It isn't. Memento mori means, "remember you must die". Nihilism is a philosophical belief that everything is meaningless and nothing matters (to put it simply). To me, these things are ways to unshackle yourself from worldly stressors and embrace the absoluteness and beauty of the world. You're gonna die someday, so why not buy $40 ice cream and enjoy it? You're gonna die someday, so stop holding onto all this pointless shit so tightly. It isn't pessimism, it's "what would you do if you had one day left on earth?" condensed into a lifestyle and belief system. Do whats important and fun and good because you're gonna die one day. Be the person you want to be now and not tomorrow because before you know it, you'll be dead. THAT is nihilism and memento mori, and that is the core of the gothic lifestyle. The gothic aesthetic and the spook comes second.
...at least to me, a humble modern goth. Others are welcome to chime in nyehehe.
Anyway, back to Steve.
In the 80s and 90s, the alt scene used to mix and mingle together. You'd get the goths and the metalheads and the punks all in one building in their lil zones, only for them to mingle together around the bar. Everyone kinda got annoyed with everyone but everyone also shared and agreed with worldviews, more or less.
Steve would have been mingling with the COOLEST losers on the block.
Much like the anti-capitalist punks of the day, goth was a DIY anticapitalist movement that had an open-mindedness normal folk just didn't enjoy. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, but do it all on your husbands grave. If punk was "we're all gonna die and i'll take em down with me", then goth lyrics were written with momento mori nihilism in the bg. It still is.
And god. The nihilist mindset would suit this Steve so well, don't you think? An anti capitalist nihilist billionaire only-child who's determined to spend every cent on pleasures and knowledge and experiences and the people he loves because fuck it, we're all gonna die -- yolo, if you will. This steve meeting the love of his life while on a mission to enjoy the world until he dies, and seeing billy, whose quest for perfection and acquisition of menial pointless things (to please neil) that won't matter when he dies... is killing him. Nihilist, memento mori steve knowing that someday he must die, so maybe all those trust fund pleasures he was chasing were moot, because the only thing that matters is Billy.
Steve's not gonna have Billy's love once he dies because he won't exist. So he better squeeze every last drop of love and enjoyment while he's got it.
Nihilist, goth, trust fund Steve? Chasing the money at first only to abandon it to run away with Billy because nothing matters in the end (positive)?
Delicious. YUM.
The Harringtons could send him to the moon in an orange jumpsuit and it couldn't change his view of the world or how he behaves. Goth is music, and the messages in that music are something that never goes away.
An anti capitalist nihilist billionaire only-child who's determined to spend every cent on pleasures and knowledge and experiences and the people he loves because fuck it, we're all gonna die -- yolo, if you will. This steve meeting the love of his life while on a mission to enjoy the world until he dies, and seeing billy, whose quest for perfection and acquisition of menial pointless things (to please neil) that won't matter when he dies… is killing him. Nihilist, memento mori steve knowing that someday he must die, so maybe all those trust fund pleasures he was chasing were moot, because the only thing that matters is Billy.
Gimme. Gimme gimme gimme gimme!
Hello friendly neighborhood goth.
Give me the knowledge. Educate us.
Fuck yes. I love everything you've said and feel it makes the whole thing better as a result. I didn't go into much of the cultural stuff since the ask was long as fuck, but yes. Exactly this. All of it.
One of the reasons Eddie is there is to build off the alt scene that presumably could exist in Hawkins or the surrounding areas.
Steve's here for a good time, not a long time (or so he thinks).
While I do love the idea of them ultimately just running off together when they realize that they're the ones that matter, but I always feel conflicted when it comes to Billy just leaving Max behind with their shitty parents.
If this was a fic, my focus would be the relationship, but also the clash of world views. Similar to the conflict amongst metal heads, I can easily see their music tastes clashing, mostly as they defend where they stand, and then slowly coming together and incorporating one another's world views as they get closer.
Billy adopts aspects of nihilism that make sense and slowly starts to break off from his father and his family. He tells Susan to solve her own problems when she comes into his room, without knocking, again, to try and talk to him about his dad. He pulls Max out of school for the day so they can talk about what's going on and figure out what they want to do. He lets himself actually think about what he wants in his life outside of serving his father like a dog. He lets himself think about having a life with Steve, even if he breaks down afterwards because he can't imagine actually being allowed to be happy.
But then it starts happening. Little by little as they move through the year. They go to concerts and shows with Eddie. Billy does what he has to do by showing up at some functions, but he lets his actual personality show. He acts more like himself and less like the doll he was trained to be. And ironically, it goes well. There are some pearl clutches, but it doesn't cause things to fly off the handle.
Steve relishes in the exquisite experience of seeing Billy heal and come alive before his eyes. They don't have definitions for what they are because Billy hates 'lovers', which is what Steve thinks of them as, and Steve thinks 'boyfriends' is dumb and overly reductive. After all, Billy was a boyfriend to what's-her-name and how well did that work out? Still, Steve loves Billy and the experience of seeing him break out of the shackles that held him in service to the system that will ultimately destroy the world. They don't need more politicians and more shit. They can figure it out. Together.
When they graduate, they're ready to leave, to run off, together, like Steve promised him they would that night. They take all the money they do have and as a final fuck you to Neil, they expose the affair with his assistant that's been going on for two years and take off.
Susan has a public reason to leave Neil, so at least Max will be safe.
All of this is yummy and delicious and i agree with it all. And then i decided that instead of cleaning my apartment for a house inspection next week, i'd make a goth playlist. We're using youtube for our playlist and not spotify because they fund ICE.
Anyway. This post is gonna be a quick crash course on "what goth music sounds like in the 80s" and then "goth songs i'd play to the scenes you just described if this were a movie." It's mostly baby bat music, but there's nothing wrong with the classics and the popular hits in the genre.
I think people will be surprised to find they already know and enjoysome goth music already!
So [rubs hands together]
This is the quintessential goth 101 playlist, if emo is welcome to the black parade and ohio is for lovers, then goth would be:
Bela Lugosi's Dead by Bauhaus
Spellbound + The Passenger by Siouxsie & The Banshees
Lovesong + Lullaby + (the whole of Disintegration) by The Cure
Romeo's Distress by Christian Death
This Corrosion + Temple of Love by The Sisters Of Mercy
Personal Jesus + Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode
Love Will Tear Us Apart + Transmission by Joy Division
The Witch by Rosetta Stone
God i've missed so many but this is truly top 10 baby bat songs. But when it first came out, this was WEIRD and COOL and FRESH and DIFFERENT. It still is. This is the soundtrack of Steve's life, this is on the cassette mixtapes he owns, these are the songs he and his alt friends shared and loved and songs he had first times and weird memories and good stories to tell with.
(The above is a playlist of all the songs in this post)
I should also mention that in New York at the time, New Wave was sort of the sister american genre to goth, which started in the UK. It had a more pop and mainstream lean to it, and included bands like Duran Duran and The Eurythmics. So while they are not the same genre, they had a lot of overlap such as with The Cure.
Anyway. Lets add some modern and classic goth soundtracks to the scenes you just wrote >:)
Billy introduction:
Billy would use different masks and personas. He tries so hard to make his father happy, to be the man he wants him to be. Instead of going against his father, Billy is actively chasing after his father's love and approval. He wants that pat on the head, he wants to be told that he's loved, that he's enough. He pretends to be straight, he really, really does. He plays the role well enough. Has a girlfriend, shows up to all the events his father needs him at, is put together, well dressed, well spoken. He is charming and brilliant. He knows when to flirt, when to flatter, when to play dumb.
But, it's all an act. His life is an act.
Billy looks and acts perfect.
And it's still not enough.
Nothing is enough for Neil.
The German verse of Gallowdance by Lebanon Hanover playing over the top of a montage of Billy getting ready, perfecting himself, going through the motions, alone in a crowd, a husk of a man participating in his own death and the squash of his soul and being. The tone of the song, you understand that something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong. You see this boy smiling and flirting and socialising and succeeding and something is Wrong.
Dance with me the gallowdance
As long as we're, as long as we're not hanging
As long as we still can my love
We both know the string is always ready
Dance with me the gallowdance,
For all the degradation is this land.
Billy looking into the mirror. Tightening his tie. His noose. He makes sure it's tight and secure, the way his father taught him.
Dance with me the gallowdance
As long we, as long we still don't hang
Dance with me the gallowdance
As long as we still can
The tree has been there for a long time, my darling
It is just waiting for us to part
The tree is already there, my darling
The beautiful tree to hang yourself
Steve Introduction:
Steve, our wayward prince of the night, could only exist with a vampire goth song. We finish meeting Billy, our last shot is of his noose, and then we meet Steve.
Give me Steve with tattoos his friends gave him on places his clothes cover since he's 17. Give me Steve that's super into literature. Give me Steve that loves history and mythology and is obsessed with the Greeks and ancient Egypt. Give me a Steve that gets into paganism and the occult. That wants to summon a demon. That has done seances. That has danced naked under full moons. He's done rituals he barely understood after being given shrooms out in the Catskills Mountain (in south New York). He's been to new age Dionysus parties with wine and probably LSD. There was an orgie. Give me Steve that is into new age religion and hates going to church on Sundays with his parents.
Now we have East Coast transplant Steve, who has grown up in busy city that had access to a ton of cultural influence and change, many different religious ideas, and is suddenly in the Bible belt? This Steve is open to anything, always willing to give something a shot and doesn't care. He'll do drugs just to learn about himself. He wants to experiment.
We only live once and fuck Steve Harrington is here to liiiiiive.
Congrats Steve, you're getting bestowed the honour of my favourite goth song, Bloodsucker by Paralysed Age.
Now it's time to dance
And time to pray
Move close to me
And hear what I say
It's torture time
My little child
So follow me
Into the night
Steve in new york moving through alt clubs. He's dancing, he's drinking, he's living, he's alive. Steve? Thriving.
(bridge)
Let me drag you down
Let me kiss your neck
Please don't be afraid
I'll show you things you won't forget
He's having orgies with his throuple and his parents disapprove of the mid-morning hour he gets home, dishevelled and high and feeling great.
(chorus)
No it's too late
I bite I suck I emptied you
He's having more orgies, with the same couple from his poly relationship but a different room. He's dancing and drinking and laughing in a different club.
There's no escape
You have to follow me in to
Into the empire of the vampire
Where dreams turn into fright
And to a land called Transylvania
Where life begins at night (begins at night)
Steve looking at Hawkins as he arrives. You understand why his parents moved him here. He's been pulled out of the empire of the vampire. There is no night here.
Is steve gonna make his own?
Villains:
I love any opportunity to shit on Neil, Susan and Karen when i talk about Billy. Let's give them a song and lyrics chunk each, shall we?
[Galadriel voice] Neil Hargrove, i bestow to you our most beloved star angst; Lullaby by The Cure.
On candystripe legs the spiderman comes
Softly through the shadow of the evening sun
Stealing past the windows of the blissfully dead
Looking for the victim shivering in bed
Searching out fear in the gathering gloom
And suddenly a movement in the corner of the room
And there is nothing I can do when I realise with fright
That the spiderman is having me for dinner tonight
Susan is getting Pain by Boy Harsher
Where were you when I was out of line?
I know, I don't know
You and me in your thoughts, alone
So it goes, so it goes
I am needing this from you tonight
Your side, your dark side
I want you to turn off the light
Your side, your dark side
Pain, I love pain
Pain, I love pain
Karen is getting Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge; her as the POV, Billy as the girl.
Got a big plan, this mindset, maybe it's right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
In a whisper or handshake, sending a sign
Wanna make out and kiss hard? Wait, never mind
Late night in passing mentioned it flipped
To her best friend, it's nothing, maybe it slipped
But the slip turns to terror, and a crush to like
Then she walked in, he froze up, believe it's the fright
[Verse 2]
It's cute in a way 'til you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette and knees get weak
Escape was just a nod and a casual wave
Obsess about it heavy for the next two days
It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others, it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger, and he just don't know
You pray it all away, but it continues to grow
[Chorus]
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes, girl, so lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breast, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear,"I wanna fucking tear you apart"
Now, you may be thinking, "wow Silence these songs all seem to imply and tell the story of a similar act occuring." to which, as a dead dove author, i say yep they sure do.
LETS MOVE ONTO SOMETHING NICER THO.
Smooch song of choice
The smooch gets the honour of my new favourite band. Western Horror Story by Mouth Ulcers is what i would play over their first hungry collision.
We need.
To feel.
Alive.
Please.
I need.
To be free.
Backed into bathroom counters, kissed against Billy's midwestern sensible car, dark corners, where the darkness itself splits open for Billy and Steve pours into his world like blinding light between the cracks.
Please.
I need.
To feel free.
Or, as you so wonderfully wrote it:
That night, or is it morning now?, Steve pretends he's sick and Billy leads him off to a bathroom of an expensive hotel they're staying in for the night. The teens have a suite to themselves and they're enjoying it. As soon as the door closes, Steve locks it, miraculously recovers, and kisses Billy. It's sudden and hard and passionate. They make out and end up giving and receiving blow jobs. The party is loud and they get away with it. No one notices, but that could be because there were other hookups and by this point, everyone was shitfaced and some had even passed out or gone to bed.
Steve winks and warns Billy not to let his girlfriend see the bite marks on his thighs.
Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode would also be a great song for a man dropping to his knees to worship. Reach out and touch faith and all that.
Some honourable harringrove mentions are:
Crimson by All Living Fear
Pale Empress by The Merry Thoughts
----------
So you don't have to scroll back up, here's the playlist again:
Spotify is funding ICE so you're not getting a spotify playlist, we're going oldschool.
I am also on my hands and knees begging another goth to fluff this out, this is mostly baby bat bangers + a few of my favies and it would be fun to have it expand!!!
What if Billy was the one that lived all his life in Hawkins? Same family dinamic, do you think he would have the same personality? Or would anyone eventually notice what goes on in their house?
In a Harringrove scenario, if Steve came to Hawkins for some reason (maybe from New York or some big city) What do you think their dynamic would be like?
I know that 99% of the fandom follows the canon with Steve, but in this kind of scenario I believe it would be appropriate for him to be a little different, not a metalhead, but definitely alternative (goth, maybe? Do you see my vision here?)
Would love to know your thoughts !!
I love your writing 🫶🏻
Why hello @goth-harrington. Thank you for this ask and for your love of my writing. You have such good taste.
Oh... Oh, this is fun.
Are you prepared? Are you pumped?
Role Reversal
Hello role reversal AU, the thing I didn't know I needed until this moment.
Who we are is shaped on who are parents are, where we grew up, and the pressures on us as kids. However, these changes are not always predictable.
Personally, role reversals are more fun when more than one thing is different. Keeping the Upside Down elements sounds boring. For this reason, I ditch the Upside Down to explore a new idea. If you wanted me to keep the Upside Down, then I apologize.
To make this as fun as possible, I explore this role reversal in the style of my bartending days, where I throw all the components in a cocktail shaker, give it a good shake to mix things up, and pour out a brand spankin' new cocktail.
Intervention
Here's the thing about the 1980s. Everything was swept under the rug. Nothing was talked about. Or acknowledged. Or dealt with. People minded their business, which included their own families. People knew things, but they never directly discussed or talked about them publicly. A man would never tell another man how to raise his kids or speak to his woman.
Depending on who Neil is in the community, no one would dare criticize him. You could argue that maybe Hopper did his best at one point? My idea to make this role reversal fun fits the characters differently. You asked me to keep the same family dynamics as canon, so that's the only thing I'm treating as concrete.
Neil is still an abusive piece of shit, but a different status in town would change the way the abuse manifests. More details below.
Moment of silence
A moment of silence please, as we mourn for Billy's 80s rock hair. Bye bye Billy's beautiful luscious curls. You were beautiful in canon, but it is AU time.
The Car (RIP Camaro)
No one is more sad about the loss of Lenore than I, gentle reader. Sadly, we're also saying goodbye to the Camaro. It's too loud and too flashy.
But Billy is a good midwest American boy. He'd end up with a respectable car that doesn't make so much noise. No more of that loud bullshit.
Oh... what about a 1981 Chrysler Imperial?
Billy's home life
Let's start with the same family dynamics. Billy's mother is out of the picture. Billy was born and raised in Hawkins and currently lives with Neil, his step mother, Susan, and his sister, Max.
Actually, for this AU, fuck it! Max is Neil's biological daughter and he married Susan because she got pregnant and he couldn't just abandon her. What type of man would do something so terrible? Not Neil. He's responsible and a good man. A pillar of the community.
So he ruined his first wife's reputation so completely that she just disappeared one day, paving the way for his divorce and subsequent marriage to Susan.
(Ignore Will Chase's tattoos, lol)
That's right baby, Billy and Max are half siblings, but Max doesn't know that. She thinks they're just siblings. Since the divorce, Billy has been forced to treat Susan as his mother. He calls her mom. Acts as though she is his mother in every way. Billy was 3 when Susan got pregnant and 4 when Max was born. He's been there through it all and has been stuck looking after her from the start. It's all he knows.
To make this more fun, let's say that Neil is of some importance in Hawkins. Let's make him the Mayor, why not. It would change the expectations and give the Hargove family a prominent place in the community. Not quite rich like the Harrington's in OG canon, but influential all the same.
Let's say that the year all this happens, Neil is running for the U.S. Senate or something. The politics don't have to be important, but I love me some political maneuvering and scheming.
Might not be the vibe you're going for, so ignore the details. Let me establish set pieces. Trust the vision.
Billy himself
Billy's core personality is the same, but his coping mechanisms and masks are different. Rather than presenting as he does in the show, he would look different and stick more to the cultural ideals in the Midwest.
Given that his personality is the same, Billy is a smart, highly sensitive, intuitive, misunderstood, and emotional teenager who has had a poor role model an has therefore learned a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms. He's passionate and deeply flawed. But in this, he is not angry. He's anxious. Rather than lashing out, yelling to starting fights, he shuts down. He is self destructive at a lower volume. Disassociation episodes, self medicates with drugs and alcohol, panic attacks.
Neil wants Billy to be strong young man who presents well and is capable of of moving through social circles with grace and elegance. Billy needs to be a politician. No one can know what he's thinking. He cannot compromise Neil's standing in the community. After all, Neil is up for the US Senate this year and Billy needs to be on his best behavior and cannot ruin his father's political ambitions. Neil is a family man and his family is part of his brand. They all need to stay in line.
Billy is always in the public eye. He is a core part of Neil's brand. He's a public figure in Hawkins as much as his father and represents everything Neil wants to bring from Hawkins to broader Indiana and the country.
Billy would use different masks and personas. He tries so hard to make his father happy, to be the man he wants him to be. Instead of going against his father, Billy is actively chasing after his father's love and approval. He wants that pat on the head, he wants to be told that he's loved, that he's enough. He pretends to be straight, he really, really does. He plays the role well enough. Has a girlfriend, shows up to all the events his father needs him at, is put together, well dressed, well spoken. He is charming and brilliant. He knows when to flirt, when to flatter, when to play dumb.
But, it's all an act. His life is an act.
Billy looks and acts perfect.
And it's still not enough.
Nothing is enough for Neil.
All eyes are on them. They are the family that represents Hawkins. Neil does still abuse Billy and does so much the way we see in canon. Physically threatens him, uses physical abuse that will not leave behind marks, and turns the verbally abusive up to 11. He ridicules Billy for being such a failure and for being such a pussy and acting like a queer.
And let's not forget, Neil Hargrove's A+ emotionally abusive tendencies that he uses on the whole family. In public, they present as the perfect family, put together, loving, and perfectly functional. But behind closed doors?
The Hargrove Family
Billy is an overachiever and believes that he can always be better. There's always something he can do better. Perfect grades. Participates in multiple sports. Perfect. Always fucking perfect. Everything is an act. Everything is a lie. Perfectionism and high anxiety. He takes drugs to function and to cope. He drinks. He takes pills, both uppers and downers. I'm also open to the idea that he's had experiences with adults because they have access to him and Billy is simply around all the time. And it's not like Neil would care in the sense of wanting to protect his son. He'd be afraid it would ruin his image. So if anything did happen, Neil would never know.
Max would be affected as well. She has to dress up in feminine ways, and is allowed much less freedom. Her image is more carefully controlled. Like many girls with emotionally abusive and narcissistic fathers, Max has low self-esteem and difficulty in forming healthy relationships with others. She is constantly looking external validation, which is a need that Billy often meets for her. She has her own set of masks, and she plays at being indifferent and sassy. She is deeply insecure and just wants to be loved and is constantly disappointed. Any criticism causes her to fly off the handle. Unlike Billy, who is punished for being angry, Max is not punished for her anger. She is allowed feminine rage, so she is the angrier one between them. Billy tries to protect her, he does.
Susan is also an anxious mess, but has to put on a public front. She's worried about aging and that is a constant source of stress. She's a high society woman and is always entertaining, hosting, cooking, and flattering. She doesn't have a job, but she is on plenty of committees and does a lot of volunteer work. She's also on uppers to get through the days. She's even started asking Billy to get them for her because she can't be seen doing anything like that and her days are so packed.
Neil is probably also having an affair because that seems like something he would do. I personally like the idea that he accused Billy's mom of having an affair because he was having an affair. Hence, his added affair with Susan, which is how they ended up married.
Not to mention, he lost interest in his first wife and found his second by having the affair to begin with. Now, he's learned not to make any mistakes the second time. So he's careful and is still super secretive about everything. It's all very controlled and under wraps.
When he is having an affair, he is extra harsh on Billy because Neil has fallen back to his old vices. With his young, assistant, a recent college graduate. Before he can feel guilty and recognize his own fault and actions, he lashes out at Billy and makes things worse for him. Hurts him. Gives him strange chores. Odd punishments. The most out of the box punishment was forcing him to take cold showers for a month to toughen him up and make him a man who can be uncomfortable.
Susan is anxious and nervous that she is next. Given the dysfunction in the house, I can easily see her having adultified Billy and since he is not her son, she goes to him for emotional support, tells him things about her marriage that he should not know, and confides in him as if he is a friend and not her step-son. When she needs support her husband can't give, she goes to her step-son instead. She knows its not okay. She knows it's a bad thing, but she doesn't know what else to do and she wants to protect Max. It's chaotic, confusing, and Billy's relationship with Susan is a mess because he feels as responsible for her as he does with Max, but he also does his best to make sure she's okay and that she's happy. He's forced to call her and treat her like his mom, and even though she acts the loving mother in public, she treats him more personally in the house.
Nothing in this family is healthy.
Final note on Billy, yes he would still be into metal and his own version of the alt scene, but he is not allowed to play loud music or really express any of this feelings for music aside from listening to them Jonathan style when he's alone in his room.
Billy's life and Friends
Character driven stories are easier and more interesting other characters around to deepen the world, the story, and the relationships between characters. Genuine relationships are what make us human and we tend to do what we can with what we have. And teenagers always have a huge influx of new and ending relationships as they figure out who they are.
Not only that, but I sort of suspect that with how the Duffer's write friendships that they are terrible friends and are quite selfish and only focused on themselves.
Huge fan of giving Billy friends. Given his new social position and level of importance, he would need people around him for the story and the plot to make sense. Now, not all of them have to be friends. There would also be friends, allies, cling-ons, friendemies, and outright enemies.
And don't they say keep your enemies closer?
For Billy's genuine friends, I'd like to see him be friends with Eddie, either publicly or as a secret. Having a secret friendship be healthy would be hella interesting. Eddie is also his dealer. Billy takes pills to chill out and smokes a lot of weed. Choose your own adventure if you want some Mungrove to happen before Steve shows up.
I am a sucker for Billy and Heather as besties. They're such good friends that Billy's girlfriend is jealous and it causes problems with her a lot. Choose your own adventure on if you want her to know Billy likes boys (meaning Billy would know that Heather likes girls and boys).
Tommy and Carol can be friends with him too, why not.
Billy and Nancy know one another, but they don't hang out or anything.
Billy's girlfriend can be anyone in Hawkins, lol . Maybe he's been in a relationship much like Tommy and Carol, where he's been with this girl — Becky, Amy, Tina, Vickie it honestly doesn't matter — since they were like 12. And now things are just... a problem. They're fighting all the time, Heather is a source of jealousy, and Billy is just so exhausted. He's miserable because everything is a lie. Everything is such bullshit and he has no idea why he's so unhappy and upset all the time.
Max and Billy
Am I even to be taken seriously if I don't include Max in something about Billy?
Max hates being in the spotlight and all the attention. She's forced to wear dresses and do things she hates. Billy protects her from a lot and actively does what he can to make sure she's not always in the spotlight. There's many, many pictures of her wearing his jackets, or images of her with her arms around her brother or pressed close to his body, hiding her face because she gets so frustrated with everything and everyone. The attention is nice, but it's so much and so overwhelming. She hates the way she looks dressed up like a doll, but it's also expected and so much a part of her life that she can't stop it.
They fight like siblings, but always at home. They get along better, mostly because the hell they live in is not solely on Billy. Max remains the golden child and Neil spoils her rotten, but she has to follow his ideals of femininity and being a woman and a good perfect daughter.
Neil Hargrove rules his family with an iron fist. Billy can only do so much.
And then... some rich, successful New Yorkers come to town.
(Alt) Goth Steve
This arrived in my Inbox like a gift. I am sat. I see the vision. I embrace the vision. I carry it as a torch into the darkness. Follow me, my brethren.
Here's the thing about goth culture, especially in the 80s. Most of it was born out of a ton of different cultural aspects, some that I love include: horror films, vampires, gothic literature, and traditional mythologies such as Celtic, Egyptian, Christian, and Paganism.
Give me Steve with tattoos his friends gave him on places his clothes cover since he's 17. Give me Steve that's super into literature. Give me Steve that loves history and mythology and is obsessed with the Greeks and ancient Egypt. Give me a Steve that gets into paganism and the occult. That wants to summon a demon. That has done seances. That has danced naked under full moons. He's done rituals he barely understood after being given shrooms out in the Catskills Mountain (in south New York). He's been to new age Dionysus parties with wine and probably LSD. There was an orgie. Give me Steve that is into new age religion and hates going to church on Sundays with his parents.
Now we have East Coast transplant Steve, who has grown up in busy city that had access to a ton of cultural influence and change, many different religious ideas, and is suddenly in the Bible belt? This Steve is open to anything, always willing to give something a shot and doesn't care. He'll do drugs just to learn about himself. He wants to experiment. We only live once and fuck Steve Harrington is here to liiiiiive.
Hawkins is gonna suuuuuck.
Look at this. He was built for the alt scene.
As we didn't see what Billy was like in California, perhaps Steve tones things down, just a little so he can avoid becoming a social pariah. Not because he cares what people think, but because he knows he has to play nice with his parents. For now. He doesn't want to get kicked out. He wants to get his Trust fund. He wants to keep access to the money and the privilege that comes with his name. It would be lame to just give all of that up. So, he's playing nice with his parents until things die down. He still dresses in all black, wears his jewelry, but just slightly less.
Why are they in Hawkins? So glad you asked!
The real reason is to get a handle on Steve and get him back under control. His parents at their wits end and don't know where they went wrong, what's wrong with him. He's just so difficult. Perhaps this is Martha's fault for spoiling him.
He messed around with some drugs and got way too into a MMF trouple situation. Either he went to the Dionysus party with them, or met them while he was there. The girl got knocked up and she didn't know who the father was. Neither did Steve and their partner Michael. Steve was ready to marry her since his parents are richer than the stock market. His parents forbade this, got the girl an abortion, paid off both families, and relocated to the Midwest where Martha was born to... decompress from city life and take a little break from the city and the business of Manhattan. That's the official reason. What everyone is told.
Now, the Harrington's are famous in the United States and well known enough that when they show up in Hawkins, it's a big fucking deal. We're talking front page news, someone is hosting a party to invite them back to town.
Martha Harrington is regarded as well known and a local success for marrying so rich and so well. If only anyone knew behind closed doors what her family life is really like. What her son is like.
Simply put. Steve does not give a fuck and is just waiting until he turns 18. He has no idea what he's going to do, but knows he'll get the Trust Fund at 21, so it's only a few years. He can go to college on his parents dime for 4 years and just figure it out. Whatever happens.
He just wants to have a good time. He wants to learn.
Harringrove
Sweet baby Jesus. Pray for these boys and the sins they will unfold upon this land and one another.
There's a big party to welcome the Harrington to Hawkins. Billy is in trouble for something and doesn't attend because he's injured.
Instead, they meet a week later at a Hawkins Charity function.
Neil wants the Harrington's to become donors to his campaign. To support him. To trade secrets and wealth. They have a son Billy's age. Neil needs to get in with Daniel Harrington and wants Billy to get involved, act right, and do what Neil trained him to do. Make connections. Play the game.
Do you see my vision?
Steve is not at all what Billy expects. He's loud, open about his feelings, and bored with whatever the hell this bullshit party is. What he wants to know is: where is the after party and when do we leave to get there?
At first sight, Steve wants Billy. He basically forgets all about getting back to New York and whatever was going on and is just focused on finding a way to get this dude into his bed. Fuck his parents and what they want and their expectations. They dragged him into this hell, he's going to stick it to someone.
So Steve says he wants girls and an after party and whatever else while he sets his plan into motion to ruin the politician his dad is here to support by finding a way to have sex with Hargrove's son and humiliate his parents, the state of Indiana. Fuck it. Steve is here to burn it all down. If he can't be happy, no one is going to be happy.
That's right, in this, Steve flaunts his position and enjoys what it gives him, and he is the one obsessed with Billy. He's just waiting for the right moment to work his magic. Steve wants what he wants and has never been very good at listening to 'No.'
But there's a slight hiccup in Steve's plan. Billy doesn't give a shit about Daniel Harrington. During the after party when Steve hit on Heather, Billy told him to go fuck himself. That he's not going to kiss his ass because of his dad and he can shove his entitlement up his ass.
That simmers Steve's temper a little because there's someone who doesn't care. That stood up and protected someone from him despite what it could mean. One word from Steve and his dad (might) withdraw all support from the Hargrove's campaign.
And... Billy did it anyway.
It doubles Steve's interest because oh yes. If there's anything Steve loves more than a hot, protective dude, it's a hot protective dude who hates his dad.
Steve and Billy end up hanging out more than Steve would thought. Despite the alt way he dresses, he's treated well because of who his dad is and all the girls want to marry some rich asshole who lives in the big city and set them up for life. So he sleeps with some of the girls. Is invited to parties left and right. But, he's distracted. He wants to be close to Billy and figure him out, see how things work.
Billy and his crew invite him out for Saturday partying and day drinking in Indianapolis. Time in the city? Sign him the fuck up. He doesn't care about the event that night, but he goes up to the city with them.
They drink some expensive wine that was a gift from someone in support of some reform that Neil has taken into account. They pass around cigarettes with the wine.
Steve notices that Billy's girlfriend is there and how she's trying to get closer to him but he is just not physically interested. He doesn't ignore her, he stops what he's doing to acknowledge and look at her. They talk. They argue here and there. She is desperate to get his attention and wants to do something just the two of them. But the drunker they get? The less attention he pays her.
Toward the end of the end of the night, Heather sits in Billy's lap in a possessive but non romantic way before she walks off with one of the other girls for nearly an hour. When they come back, Steve has a feeling he knows what they were up to based on the fact they switched shirts and they look satisfied.
Oh, so Hawkins isn't as boring as he thought.
That night, or is it morning now?, Steve pretends he's sick and Billy leads him off to a bathroom of an expensive hotel they're staying in for the night. The teens have a suite to themselves and they're enjoying it. As soon as the door closes, Steve locks it, miraculously recovers, and kisses Billy. It's sudden and hard and passionate. They make out and end up giving and receiving blow jobs. The party is loud and they get away with it. No one notices, but that could be because there were other hookups and by this point, everyone was shitfaced and some had even passed out or gone to bed.
Steve winks and warns Billy not to let his girlfriend see the bite marks on his thighs.
Things are a little rocky, but not too bad. They see one another at school, they hang out together in groups. Steve meets Eddie through Billy and thank god, he has a dealer again, he's running low on everything.
They continue to fool around, sometimes at parties. Sometimes in the car. Sometimes in the woods. Lover's Lake. Skull rock.
One night, Steve pierces Billy's ear and he hides the earring even as it heals.
Maybe Steve and Billy do a solo night, but rather than doing drugs like they planned, they end up having loud, dirty sex in the big, empty Harrington house. The first time Steve's parents have left him alone since the incident more than six months ago. They take it slow and sensual. It's intense. Hands down the most intense experience Billy has ever had, and it's up there for Steve. Especially since they're both totally sober. A first for both of them.
The issue now though, is that as much as Steve wants to be angry and stick it to his parents, he likes Billy. He does still want to fuck everything up, but he doesn't want to ruin Billy's life. None of this is fair to him and he sees the cracks. He knows that Billy doesn't want anything to do with his father, but is also dependent on him. All Billy wants is to be told he's loved and for someone to care about him. And Steve has plenty of that. He is obsessive about his partners and he's never been quite so... intense about someone as he is with Billy.
That's also an issue because this is 1984 and Billy is sort of in a relationship, but not really. Steve is territorial and obsessive and likes to stake claims to the things that are his. He wants to be able to claim Billy around others but knows he can't do that without putting them at risk.
So he does it in smaller ways.
They get into a fight one night after some stupid political party and when Billy tries to walk away, Steve grabs him and slams him into a wall to stop him because they're not done talking yet, and Billy freezes and completely shuts down. Steve has never seen anyone have a panic attack and it scares the shit out of him.
They miss the rest of the event in the panic attack and it's aftermath. Billy cries and can't stop. He's such a mess and Steve smuggles him out so no one sees, so no one finds out.
When Billy gets home at 4 am the next morning, Neil gives it to him.
When Steve gets home around the same time, his parents ground him and rescind many of the privileges they've given him for good behavior up until now.
Steve doesn't understand. Not everything. But he knows something happened to Billy for him to react like that. Whenever he tries to apologize, Billy brushes it off and pretends nothing happened. The nerve of him too, because Steve has never apologized for anything! And yet, Billy won't be alone with him and shies away from being touched like he's been slapped. And not just from Steve, from everyone. Even Heather can't touch him now.
He and his girlfriend have silently broken up and Billy starts to pull away. And not just from Steve. From everyone.
Steve tries not to let it bother him. And he succeeds for two whole days.
Until he hears that even Heather is worried about him.
Steve let's his intensity and passion get the best of him. He wants what's his and Billy is his now and he can't just walk away, so he wants to see what he can do to try to make things right.
The night of the election comes around and they're all waiting. There's a party as the votes are being cast. In fact, Daniel offered to host the party at some big hall, something about a tax write off or something. Apparently Daniel and Neil get along. They're aligned with something about oil and drilling, and farming subsidies or whatever the hell. Steve honestly has no idea where all the money comes from, but he knows that his dad is good at keeping his money hidden until the right moments to choose from.
Billy is still jumpy and uncertain. Basically the whole god damn town is there. The closer they get to announcing the results, the more nervous billy gets. Eventually, he's siting, jacket off, tie loose, arms crossed, staring at the radio as things are tallied.
Everything is so intense. Everyone is excited and nervous. Sometimes you could hear a pin drop. Sometimes everyone is loud and cheering.
Neil wins.
It turns into one of the biggest parties of the season, and that's saying something.
Steve pulls Billy off with him and plasters him with kisses. Apologies. Says they don't have to talk about it now. But he wants to know. Wants to help. Wants to take care of him. And Billy gives in. They make out. They hook up in Steve's room, but it's quickie this time. They don't fully undress, pants down shirts up.
They're face to face. They have to be. That's the only way it'll work tonight because they can't stop kissing.
Steve laughs and leans in for another kiss and ends up biting. "You're mine and no one will take you from me," he mumbles into Billy's skin and he means it.
They're both close. They don't have much time. They can't go back gross and sweaty.
Steve realizes he never wants to let Billy go, that he'll dig his nails into him and keep him forever. "Fuck it. Let's run. Let's get the fuck out of Hawkins."
That's how they finish. With bruising kisses and promises (lies) from red lips about getting the fuck out of Hawkins. Of running together.
What will come of Neil's political career...
P.S. Move over Billy the Terminator, the New Yorker Steve shows up to Tina's Halloween Party as a Gladiator.
I am also your friendly Goth and you missed one very, very, crucial detail about Goth Steve that i wanna elaborate on with all my juicy knowledge:
Goth is a nihilist music-based subculture.
Before everything else, goth is music. the lyrics of that music are usually (but not always) nihilist.
Before we go on i wanna give a brief explanation of what i mean by nihilist and memento mori, because it can be misconstrued as pessimistic. It isn't. Memento mori means, "remember you must die". Nihilism is a philosophical belief that everything is meaningless and nothing matters (to put it simply). To me, these things are ways to unshackle yourself from worldly stressors and embrace the absoluteness and beauty of the world. You're gonna die someday, so why not buy $40 ice cream and enjoy it? You're gonna die someday, so stop holding onto all this pointless shit so tightly. It isn't pessimism, it's "what would you do if you had one day left on earth?" condensed into a lifestyle and belief system. Do whats important and fun and good because you're gonna die one day. Be the person you want to be now and not tomorrow because before you know it, you'll be dead. THAT is nihilism and memento mori, and that is the core of the gothic lifestyle. The gothic aesthetic and the spook comes second.
...at least to me, a humble modern goth. Others are welcome to chime in nyehehe.
Anyway, back to Steve.
In the 80s and 90s, the alt scene used to mix and mingle together. You'd get the goths and the metalheads and the punks all in one building in their lil zones, only for them to mingle together around the bar. Everyone kinda got annoyed with everyone but everyone also shared and agreed with worldviews, more or less.
Steve would have been mingling with the COOLEST losers on the block.
Much like the anti-capitalist punks of the day, goth was a DIY anticapitalist movement that had an open-mindedness normal folk just didn't enjoy. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, but do it all on your husbands grave. If punk was "we're all gonna die and i'll take em down with me", then goth lyrics were written with momento mori nihilism in the bg. It still is.
And god. The nihilist mindset would suit this Steve so well, don't you think? An anti capitalist nihilist billionaire only-child who's determined to spend every cent on pleasures and knowledge and experiences and the people he loves because fuck it, we're all gonna die -- yolo, if you will. This steve meeting the love of his life while on a mission to enjoy the world until he dies, and seeing billy, whose quest for perfection and acquisition of menial pointless things (to please neil) that won't matter when he dies... is killing him. Nihilist, memento mori steve knowing that someday he must die, so maybe all those trust fund pleasures he was chasing were moot, because the only thing that matters is Billy.
Steve's not gonna have Billy's love once he dies because he won't exist. So he better squeeze every last drop of love and enjoyment while he's got it.
Nihilist, goth, trust fund Steve? Chasing the money at first only to abandon it to run away with Billy because nothing matters in the end (positive)?
Delicious. YUM.
The Harringtons could send him to the moon in an orange jumpsuit and it couldn't change his view of the world or how he behaves. Goth is music, and the messages in that music are something that never goes away.
"You're right. We're stuck here. And whose fault is that?" - Headcanon for the Hargrove family move.
I typed this out on Discord for the lovely @n33dlew0rk but thought it deserved a home here, too. I saw this post and it made me think of 80s pier Ballroom scenes in LA, and of course, Billy Hargrove is everywhere for those with eyes to see.
Disclaimer that i'm Australian so any behaviour or detail inaccuracies is because i've been to one [1] ball and it was in Australia in 2025 and not in LA in 1970/1980 lmao
Anyway.
Delicious new headcanon yonder, enjoy <3
Imagine, Billy referencing ball culture in passing to Steve and then getting stuck with having to explain 1) what it is 2) how he knows what it is 3) how he was let in close enough to understand what it is.
Like 14, 15, 16yo Billy who's jumping off the pier to catch waves, like this kind of stupid shit:
So he's jumping off, swimming back to shore, climbing back up, jumping off etc for the afternoon because what else is there to do in the 70s/80s, right? It's what you did.
A small crowd gathers at the base of the pier and at first he ignores them, they ignore him.
Crowd gets bigger
They block his path to his jumping off point and then eventually some older lady is like, "honey, where's your parents?"
He gets mouthy with her, and she's like okay sit your ass down before you fall down. This fuckass white boy someone get him a pepsi jfc. Smashcut to Billy Hargrove 14 watching a pier ballroom battle sipping on his pepsi sopping wet from the ocean and busting a lung laughing because these people are hilarious.
He doesn't seek them out. At first they just hang out in the same places (piers) and he starts to make friends with everyone there. Starts to learn the lingo.
Starts to get his dad's bad language corrected out of him.
And maybe one night he stays out too long and Max, who hasn't been absorbed into the scene because she's hanging out in the storm drains skateboarding, knows Billy is at the pier with his friends. But she doesn't know why he's at the pier or who he's with or why she should keep her mouth shut about it. She's 12 and Billy thinks she's lame, they don't really talk about it, and he's highkey keeping it a secret anyway.
So it's like 8pm in the middle of summer, the sun still hasn't set, Billy lost track of time, and Neil goes looking for him. His 16yo kid is missing again and he's had enough.
"Where's your brother?" Neil demands.
"I dunno. Probably at the pier again," Max replies. Such an innocent throw away sentence. She's busy shovelling her mum's meatloaf into her mouth and trying to read one of Billy's car magazine under the dining table. The '79 Corvette is way cooler than the 79 Camaro, Billy's insane, it's like 2x faster...
Smashcut to Neil showing up mid-battle, and there's his son with [redacted] and [redacted] and [redacted] and goddamn [every slur you've ever heard]. And when Billy sees his dad through the crowd he turns white. Everyone with eyeballs knows what that expression means and suddenly their Billybaby and all his regular 'tumbles down the stairs, walking into doorframes, fights at school, don't remember how i got it's' gets a face they've all seen in some way before.
When they get home Billy gets disciplined so severely he has to stay home from school until the weekend.
Neil sells his surfboard.
He's not allowed by the piers.
He has to be home by 4pm.
He has to start taking responsibility, pulling his weight and looking after his sister. When he has objections to that, they have a little... discussion about respect.
The bruises Neil leaves are patched up with a sweet 16 that's 14 months late, "something manly." Something Masculine. A blueblack camaro the family can't afford to help them with the move to Indiana.
After all. This city and the [redacted] are turning Neil's son into a goddamn
[redacted].
The mamas at the pier never see their Billybaby again.
--
One day Billy's spending time with Steve, and Steve drops down into a slav squat to look for something and then bounces back up. In a cloud of smoke, Billy snorts and says, "you been training to vogue or some shit?"
Steve turns and smiles and, curiously, cause he's never heard of that sports team before, he asks, "Vogue? What's that?"
Billy's whole fucking stomach drops out from under him, and suddenly he's back on the pier watching his father move towards him through the crowd.
it's 4 years before Madonna releases a song showing just the thinnest most barest glimpse of it, but it's the first time he gets anything since meeting his mama on the pier at 14, 15, 16.
There's no media Billy can find that shows the niche little LA underground scene that made him such a bitchy little smartmouth, that makes his father view him through fag coloured glasses, that Max so carelessly and unknowingly blew open.
"You're right. We're stuck here. And who's fault is that?"
("Where's your brother?" Neil demands.
"I dunno. Probably at the pier again," Max replies.)
"...yours"
"What'd you say?"
Right now i'm on a complete drawing kick. I'm having so much fun rediscovering sketching and exploring colours and playing around with Clip Studio.
But when my photography brain kicks back in i so, so want to get into music photography. I've been wanting to do it for over a year but never felt ready. But i have my dream camera now, so i would love to figure out to shoot music shows on film. HP5 my beloved. I want that crunchy timeless black and white concert photography look
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You know when you're drawing something and you're like "this is the best thing i've ever drawn" thats the high i'm riding on this harringrove smooch i'm working on. Oughough sooooon
In an effort to encourage the decentralization of art from social media, i've started uploading all my fanart (including a photoshoot) onto Ao3. From now on, all my art will be posted there, so check out everything compiled in one place and subscribe to the following threads if you want Ao3 notifications c:
This is what Billy looked like when he rocked up at Karens, by the way. This is what he looked like when he played chicken with a bunch of 7th graders. Please don't forget that Billy looked like this when he got into arguments with Max.
Billy was 17 in season 2. This is what he looked like when Neil called him a faggot and beat him. He was a kid and people forget because dacre breasted boobily throughout season 2 and 3 but he looked like this.
I posted this sketch of Billy earlier this month but i wasn't happy with the colours. So i sat down and sorted out my palette and i'm so much happier with it!
A new HC, and something i'd like to attempt to draw at some point: Billy with powers
Post season 3, after being flayed, billy comes back with powers. But unlike Eleven, who projects her powers outwardly, Billy is faced with the problem of needing to reign them in.
It takes Eleven a surge of emotion to blast her powers outwards and push enemies away.
Billy suddenly finds himself with an invisible forcefield around him, and anybody who enters it begins to crumble and shatter and disappear.
The party can't figure it out. He looks calm. When they speak to Billy, he sounds calm. He behaves calmly and speaks leveled and evenly, but the forcefield stays like a fuck-you bubble all around him.
Until Billy breaks down.
When he cries, when he starts yelling at all of them and asking why they didn't help him, when he lets the reality of what he did to all of those people boil to the surface, Billy's forcefield lowers, and finally, people can touch him.
The force of smothering all his emotions, of burying everything down deep inside of him, creates its own little chernobyl in Billy's heart. It erupts out of him. Kills everything it touches. He'd been doing it for as long as he could remember that it just became his default, like a toxic mould creating noxious gasses that stopped anyone from touching him.
The bubble doesn't pop until Billy starts to emote, to feel. It's only when Billy lets himself feel that he gains control.
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"Why didn't he ask for help?" -- Billy Hargrove and the Reservoir of Assistance
I’m here today to talk about a sentiment I see about Billy — “Why didn’t he ask for help?”
I’m going to be talking about my own life experiences and directly projecting them onto Billy to inform what i’m talking about. The life experiences i’m talking about is homelessness due to abuse and the reservoir of assistance provided by others.Â
The “reservoir of assistance” is my own term, and it is describing 1) the amount of help someone is willing to give you in a crisis and 2) the amount of collective help your family or community is willing to give you.Â
So. Billy Hargrove and the Reservoir of Assistance. Or, why doesn’t Billy ask for help?
In the flashbacks seen by Eleven, we see Billy on the phone begging his mum to come and pick him up, and her saying no. She is not coming to get him. Billy is asking someone he loves and trusts to please come and help him, and he is experiencing major rejection for presumably the first time from her. Billy’s mum is at the end of her rope with Neil, she’s left, and she no longer has the ability to help Billy.Â
Billy’s mum’s reservoir of help, her level of assistance she’s able to provide, has been drained to zero. She is no longer able to help. Her reservoir of assistance is empty.Â
Personal anecdote time: When i was 10 years old, about the same age as Billy in that scene, i became homeless because my grandmother (who was looking after me) no longer wished to do so, her reservoir ran to zero, and she began abusing drugs and alcohol and bringing dangerous men into the home. A family friend took me in, but this only lasted 2 weeks before they could no longer handle the residual drama of my grandmother that followed me into her home. The family friend’s reservoir depleted in 2 weeks. I was then sent to live with my father and stepmother. Their reservoir lasted a year.Â
Now, at the time, i wasn’t aware of this reservoir or had any idea what was happening in the minds of these people, i was too young to see things from their point of view. But what my 10-year-old brain DID pick up was that when you ask for help, you are on a timer. You don’t know how long that timer will last, but you know that when its over, that person can no longer be asked for help. So you better ask for help wisely, because you only get it once.
How many family members and friends took Billy in? How many family members’ reservoirs were drained to zero because of Neil Hargrove? Because they had an angry kid on their hands? Because they had a kid who was turning to violence?
How long did it take before everyone in Billy’s life, one by one, helped him and then realised they couldn’t go on helping him?
Fast forward to age 17.Â
Billy is intimately, bruisingly familiar with the reservoir of assistance, and he knows without being able to describe it, that the reservoir is empty. There are no more people to call. There are no more houses to live in. There are no more family members or friends from football practice who can be relied on for help, and Billy knows their reservoirs only last a week or two, anyway.Â
Billy doesn’t call for help because there is nobody to call. He’s called them all already. There’s no more help to give.Â
Nobody is going to help him.
I am 33 years old, and relearning how to ask for help is one of the hardest things i’ve ever done. There are exactly 2 people in my life i feel comfortable asking, and i only ask them as an absolute dire last resort. Because of the reservoir. I like to think that when Billy is 33 and is no longer surviving, when he starts to live, he begins learning how to ask for help again.Â
But one thing i know for sure is that Billy is always thinking about the reservoir and how much help is left inside it, and he knows that if you leave the faucet on and ask for too much, you’ll never ever get it back.Â
I hope that one day Billy and I will both begin to trust that help and love is not a finite resource. I’ve come a long way in the last 5 years with those two people in believing that love is not finite.Â
@tomatette tags: #Billy Hargrove#okay op#that's ... insanely insightful. i always figured that he wouldn't ask because whenever he did no one actually cared enough to do much#what you said sheds though ... is possibly even more depressing#knowing you can only rely on someone's help and compassion for so long#until it runs out#i want to hug you both#sorry if i'm overstepping#but i'm glad you're doing better now#at least somewhat#i wish you all the best and thanks for writing this#<3
Thank you for being SO kind in your tags <333 I'm doing much better! Yesterday (19th Jan) marks 2 years since i was last homeless and next month i'm restarting university to get a diploma!
I wanted to add something in response to these tags because this is such a delicate and niche topic.
So: "No one actually cared enough to do much"
Billy has been in multiple repeated instances of abuse and violence done to him by his father and neglect done to him by his mother and father.
I have been in multiple repeated instances of homelessness and neglect which i won't get into. I am going to project my experiences onto Billy.
The absolute #1 problem is people underestimating how much time it takes to recover. Usually, the average good Samaritan expects it to take about a month, or up to 3 months, for someone to get back on their feet. Having been homeless more than 5 times, i can tell you it takes 3-5 *YEARS* to get back on your feet. From what i've witnessed, this is the same for a lot of different traumatic events.
Including violence.
People underestimate how much they need in their reservoir to help someone, and when it runs out a fucking lot quicker than they expected, and they can no longer help someone, that someone is continuously pushed back to square 1.
Enter Billy.
An aunt takes Billy in and has to deal with Neil, with Billy's behaviour, with a delinquent high ACE-scoring child or young adult, and they expect them to turn into a well behaved kid "once things settle down." But they have mentally braced for a month of shit and then smooth sailing. Billy is sent to the school councellor, same thing. Billy is sent to a sports team to get support from a coach. Same thing. Over and over and over and over Billy is sent to people who mean well and WANT TO HELP without having the reservoir for it, and so over and over Billy is helped up to a certain point.
So why bother asking?
I think there's plenty of people who want to help. But they're armed with bandaids for a broken bone. And so Billy is told, "why didn't you ask for help?" and he says nobody gives a shit. Nobody wants to fucking help me. Because all he sees are bandaids when he needs a splint and a plaster cast and honestly? You'd rather the bone just grow back wrong than deal with one more person with a fucking band aid.
---
Just to clarify, there ARE people who will help you in the long haul. Had Billy befriended the party, i think Steve and Dustin and Mike and even Lucas would have pooled their reservoirs to help him, just like they did with Eleven. But when i was 17 i didn't believe that was the case and neither does Billy.
"Why didn't he ask for help?" -- Billy Hargrove and the Reservoir of Assistance
I’m here today to talk about a sentiment I see about Billy — “Why didn’t he ask for help?”
I’m going to be talking about my own life experiences and directly projecting them onto Billy to inform what i’m talking about. The life experiences i’m talking about is homelessness due to abuse and the reservoir of assistance provided by others.Â
The “reservoir of assistance” is my own term, and it is describing 1) the amount of help someone is willing to give you in a crisis and 2) the amount of collective help your family or community is willing to give you.Â
So. Billy Hargrove and the Reservoir of Assistance. Or, why doesn’t Billy ask for help?
In the flashbacks seen by Eleven, we see Billy on the phone begging his mum to come and pick him up, and her saying no. She is not coming to get him. Billy is asking someone he loves and trusts to please come and help him, and he is experiencing major rejection for presumably the first time from her. Billy’s mum is at the end of her rope with Neil, she’s left, and she no longer has the ability to help Billy.Â
Billy’s mum’s reservoir of help, her level of assistance she’s able to provide, has been drained to zero. She is no longer able to help. Her reservoir of assistance is empty.Â
Personal anecdote time: When i was 10 years old, about the same age as Billy in that scene, i became homeless because my grandmother (who was looking after me) no longer wished to do so, her reservoir ran to zero, and she began abusing drugs and alcohol and bringing dangerous men into the home. A family friend took me in, but this only lasted 2 weeks before they could no longer handle the residual drama of my grandmother that followed me into her home. The family friend’s reservoir depleted in 2 weeks. I was then sent to live with my father and stepmother. Their reservoir lasted a year.Â
Now, at the time, i wasn’t aware of this reservoir or had any idea what was happening in the minds of these people, i was too young to see things from their point of view. But what my 10-year-old brain DID pick up was that when you ask for help, you are on a timer. You don’t know how long that timer will last, but you know that when its over, that person can no longer be asked for help. So you better ask for help wisely, because you only get it once.
How many family members and friends took Billy in? How many family members’ reservoirs were drained to zero because of Neil Hargrove? Because they had an angry kid on their hands? Because they had a kid who was turning to violence?
How long did it take before everyone in Billy’s life, one by one, helped him and then realised they couldn’t go on helping him?
Fast forward to age 17.Â
Billy is intimately, bruisingly familiar with the reservoir of assistance, and he knows without being able to describe it, that the reservoir is empty. There are no more people to call. There are no more houses to live in. There are no more family members or friends from football practice who can be relied on for help, and Billy knows their reservoirs only last a week or two, anyway.Â
Billy doesn’t call for help because there is nobody to call. He’s called them all already. There’s no more help to give.Â
Nobody is going to help him.
I am 33 years old, and relearning how to ask for help is one of the hardest things i’ve ever done. There are exactly 2 people in my life i feel comfortable asking, and i only ask them as an absolute dire last resort. Because of the reservoir. I like to think that when Billy is 33 and is no longer surviving, when he starts to live, he begins learning how to ask for help again.Â
But one thing i know for sure is that Billy is always thinking about the reservoir and how much help is left inside it, and he knows that if you leave the faucet on and ask for too much, you’ll never ever get it back.Â
I hope that one day Billy and I will both begin to trust that help and love is not a finite resource. I’ve come a long way in the last 5 years with those two people in believing that love is not finite.Â