3W.tf

i used to ignore red flags now i diagnose them: "ah yes that's childhood neglect masked as hyper-independence".. can i unlearn this? i miss chaos without analysis

i don't say yes because i want to - i say yes because my nervous system thinks saying no equals abandonment and death but sure let's grab lunch i'd love to betray myself again

i don't rest - i just change tasks until i collapse in a visually pleasing location.. exhaustion is fine as long as my outfit matches the emotional damage.. if i'm gonna fall apart - there will be symmetry

every project i start goes through five stages: idea, obsession, self-doubt, distraction, abandonment. but it's not procrastination - it's performance art. call it creative entropy - i build things just to prove i can survive their collapse

i say i want connection but i only fall for people who feel like riddles wrapped in detachment.. i don't date people - i date psychological patterns.. it's not love - it's a research project with unresolved data

you haven't questioned your identity until you've cried in four time zones in the same week.. airbnb asks "how was your stay?" and i'm like "spiritually or physically?" because physically - great water pressure.. but spiritually - i disassociated so hard i forgot what language i think in

every time i land in a new city i tell myself "this is a fresh start" like trauma is not in the carry-on.. i unpack my backpack and the same emotional patterns fall out just in different outfit and i'm like "oh look there's my avoidant attachment now it speaks spanish"

"be present" they say but the present feels like a waiting room with bad lighting: ghosts and shadows mumble at the front desk, dread and disquiet come in and out of the rooms around, and i'm stuck flipping through old magazines of myself outdated and irrelevant.. everyone else seems to be called in before me - maybe enlightenment is just the nurse forgetting your name

sometimes i think my whole life is just bad wifi - strong signal no connection.. i sit there watching the little wheel spin convincing myself the loading bar is progress.. maybe enlightenment is just pulling the plug maybe god is the it guy on permanent break.. in the meantime i refresh

every time i try to let go the past re-gifts itself same wrapping worse handwriting.. memory is not an archive it's a prankster that rearranges my evidence.. i stopped asking for closure when i realized doors are optional - open or shut the house is still haunted

they say "trust the process" - i did but the process ghosted me.. now i'm dating uncertainty instead - she doesn't text back but at least keeps things exciting.. stability keeps knocking but i never let him in - he looks too much like a landlord and honestly i've never been good with authority figures

i keep a loyal relationship with nothingness.. she texts me first shows up uninvited sleeps in my bed without asking.. we never argue never cheat never leave.. people say love should fill you - mine empties me with grace.. when you accept that you stop asking questions and start writing in metaphors - that's what it means to be faithful to void i guess idk

please and thank you