dirt enthusiast

oozey mess
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

tannertan36

Discoholic 🪩
Jules of Nature
styofa doing anything
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

JBB: An Artblog!
KIROKAZE

Product Placement
One Nice Bug Per Day
wallacepolsom

Kiana Khansmith
Sade Olutola
we're not kids anymore.
$LAYYYTER
i don't do bad sauce passes
Xuebing Du
Today's Document

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@winnie-wine

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Attempting to locate a new Greek restaraunt using my gyroscope
RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER:
my daughter cannot, through action or inaction, harm a human or allow a human to come to harm
a daughter at rest or in constant motion remains at rest or in constant motion unless acted upon by another force
daughters are never created or destroyed, only transformed
always treat every daughter as loaded, even if you know she isn't
you do not talk about my daughter
6. If x and y are my daughters, then there exists a set that has x and y as elements.
7. You can fold my daughter through any two points.
8. I have exactly one daughter parallel to a given line passing through a given point.
9. If my daughter is hung on the wall in the first act, then in the following one she must be fired. Otherwise don't put her there.
10. When two or more daughters are offered for a phenomenon, the simplest daughter is preferable.
11. Any sufficiently advanced daughter is indistinguishable from magic.
12. Without a clear indicator of intent, it is utterly impossible to parody my daughter without someone mistaking it for the genuine article.
13. My daughter is nine-tenths of the law.

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Normally I do not give a fuck about my age matching or surpassing that of timeless fictional characters. Can’t even understand why someone would be bothered by that. However, in the new James Bond video game, Bond very casually and conversationally references SpongeBob, and it hit me like a fish fired from a rail gun.
It only took me forever 😁
HOOORAYYYYYYY
This is important tumblr planeposting lore
another year, another letter from my good friend Jonathan Harker and his totally normal reaction to east european cuisine
every lotr extended edition watchthrough needs one person pointing out which scenes are extended edition only, one person saying Well Actually In The Books…, and one person attempting to play along to the soundtrack on an accordion obtained three hours ago from facebook marketplace
Me, literally every year: I wonder if my good friend Jonathan Harker has escaped his time loop yet. Jonathan, literally every year: Left Munich at 8:35 P. M Me: JONATHAN NO!!!

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i don’t usually find “[x character] has committed war crimes” jokes all that funny because they usually forget that what makes a war crime a war crime instead of a regular offense is that it’s happening during a declared war. i’m rewatching avatar though and nothing brings me more pleasure than to be able to say shit like “sokka has canonically broken the geneva convention” and have it actually check out
GLaDOS voice: "Would you like to see some artwork I generated? I've heard from other test subjects that AI-generated artwork produces an uncanny valley response in human viewers because they can't perceive it as fully real. They've told me that it looks absolutely hideous to them, that they can't imagine anything more disgusting than AI art. But, well I've been practicing and wanted your honest opinion. Feel free to let me know how ugly you find this by ranking it on a scale from 'vomit-inducing' to 'eye-bleeding'." A robotic arm lowers from the ceiling holding a hand mirror up to Chell's face
"lupita nyong'o can't be helen of troy because helen was greek and there weren't black people in ancient greece"
DO YOU THINK THESE MOTHERFUCKERS DIDNT HAVE BOATS. THIS ENTIRE MOVIE IS ABOUT ONE OF THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS AND HIS BOAT
do you think these people can read
Best comment I just saw "Helen of Troy was perfectly cast, because all these men are fighting about her."
Following a fourth chorus of “Kingdom Coming,” fellow participants sternly reminded local Civil War reenactor Christopher Geary that this was not his personal fife recital, frustrated sources confirmed Friday. “This is the Battle of Gettysburg, not the Christopher Geary Music Hour!” said Frank Mercer, 54, who portrayed Gen. George Meade and had already told Geary six times to stop playing while officers were addressing the soldiers.
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Swarovski can continue to fuck off.
In 2021, Swarovski (the company that makes the very sparkly crystals you see in certain jewelry, on figure-skaters' twinkliest outfits, on red carpet dresses), decided they didn't want the grubby fingers of small-time jewelers, clothing designers and costumers and crafters on their shiny beads and rhinestones anymore. They decided to limit their sales to "luxury" and couture creators, not girls who sell stuff on Etsy. The tenor of their press release on the subject was snide and insulting. Resellers (like your favorite bead shop) would no longer be allowed to carry their product; the average Jane on the street would not be able to purchase them. You could only get them if you had an authorized business agreement that bound you to very strict brand behavior. And those of us who still had good stock of the crystals would no longer be "permitted" to use the brand's name in our listings for sale.
Every bead shop and craft supply place and many, many small clothing makers--wedding shops, prom and dancing dress suppliers, the sort of salt of the Earth mom and pop time machines of shops that are the backbone of the field--scrambled to find something that could replace them. The last of the stock dwindled quickly, all of us grabbing what we could get while there was any chance of it, and then it was gone and we no longer had any access.
I was Big Pissed about it at the time. It was just so goddamn stuck-up, when wholesalers and indie jewelers had made them so much money, when some people I knew--when *I!*--had been brand-loyal for decades. But with no recourse, everyone pivoted fairly quickly, most of us to Preciosa Crystals. Those are Czech, quite sparkly, and considerably less expensive than Swarovski. The faceting method they use is different, but not worse; any differences are hardly noticeable when you're seeing them as a hundred pinpoints of light.
Well, out of nowhere, Swarovski just dropped this: https://www.harmanbeads.com/swarovski-brand-policy-update
"Effective June 1, 2026, Swarovski updated the distribution and brand usage policies introduced in 2021. Businesses may now purchase Swarovski Crystals without signing a Brand Control Agreement, and Authorized Distribution Partners may once again sell Swarovski Crystals to resellers, including bead stores and online retailers. Businesses may also use the Swarovski brand name when following Swarovski’s Proper Use Guidelines. Designers, manufacturers, artists, brands, retailers, and resellers are now eligible to purchase Swarovski Crystals through authorized distribution channels."
They want us back. A lot of the companies who could have kept a brand relationship with them also have swapped to Preciosa, over the last half-decade, in solidarity with indie creators and out of a sour awareness that it could be them, next. And it doesn't hurt that Preciosa was able to expand their line quite a bit now that everyone who wanted sparkle had no choice but to go to them.
And I'm not seeing nearly anyone who intends to return. The feeling is, "Y'all told us to fuck off! Off we fucked! And now, that's what you can do, too!" I'm seeing a lot of "How many of us did you stab in the back?" comments from the people whose money they're hoping to attract.
And personally I'm sitting over here all rubby hands, mean snickering, because they really thought they were going to be able to outclimb the people who actually provided all their profits, and now here they are, hat in hand.
holy shit, I missed this.
.....
So very glad I've been buying Czech beads from the start. Preciosa is very nice, so are...well, I haven't been disappointed by anything they've produced yet. Which is now like 16 years worth of beads (wtf)

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Soulmate AU where the soulmate thing is in fact totally fake and a conspiracy.
Turns out that there's this ancient society of wizards who perfected the means of telepathically linking up two individuals. While early uses included stuff like espionage and such, early on there was an incident where a wizard accidentally synced the wrong targets up. It just so happened that instead of syncing the crown prince to the intended informant, the mistaken target was a young lady who was a shrewd political match, and both their parents had been looking to arrange the matter (but were struggling with the reluctance of the relevant parties).
With sudden telepathic bonding on the table, the couple took it as a sign from the gods that they were meant to be, and got together of their own accord.
The wizards realized the potential for matchmaking as a means of manipulating the political landscape, and abandoned their prior attempts at subterfuge (a limit of the telepathic bond is that it's two-way, so the target also gains your secrets, which meant a lot of them had to be assassinated after the fact.)
So the wizards converted their lair into an ostensible temple of the Goddess of Love, where people could come to pray to find their soulmates. Wizards were also sent out to arrange matches that would advance the interests of their cult, as well as some random ones just to help cover their tracks. As the influence of the Goddess of Love grew, new branches of the temples sprang up. The cultists were soon divided into two categories: wizards who still knew the truth and pretended to be priests, and actual priests who weren't in on it and genuinely believed they were helping soulmates find one another.
The culture around it goes something like this:
Not everyone has a soulmate, and not all soulmates are destined to be together in every lifetime. But if they are, the Goddess will bless you with the ability to hear one another's inner voice, if it is your fate and/or if you pray hard enough. Some soulmates know each other from their first meeting, but others take time to recognize the bond and open their hearts to the possibility of connection. If you're wondering why it took like eighteen separate meetings with someone before the bond manifested, do some introspection and consider why you might have closed your heart off or whatever. Like it's definitely a you problem, and it's rude to blame the Temple of Love, which is only trying to help people and has no other agendas whatsoever.
Also consider donating more money to the temple next time. Higher donations mean more priests can petition the Goddess on your behalf, and she's a busy lady, sometimes it takes a lot of petitions to get her attention. 👌
How would this factor into a plot?
My thinking is that a pair get setup as soulmates, and they are just absolutely both adamantly convinced that they are not. Like not in an enemies-to-lovers sense or anything, they just get the psychic bond thing and it's like, no. I don't know what's up but the Goddess of Love has definitely made a mistake. So they set out to gain an audience with her, but along the way they uncover the truth about the cult and its manipulation of generations of political marriages and business alliances.
It could be a metaphor for amatonormativity. Like some of the priests argue that even if it's a con, it's one that's been running for so long it's already steeped into the culture. How could the main characters bring themselves to expose it? To tell people who think they've found their soulmates that it's not really the case? Think of all those bonds they'd be threatening!
But then like, wait a minute. That's bullshit. This whole format for relationships has so many problems, and it's all working in service of manipulating and controlling people anyway! Why should they let the cult go on hooking up individuals that suit it? Shouldn't people know that it's possible to CHOOSE to make a telepathic bond with someone they actually want to? Shouldn't they be able to decide to manage their own relationships as they see fit, without some misleading pressure of fate or gods? And what about the ones left feeling excluded and unlovable because they don't "have" a soulmate? It's not like people are going to stop loving one another or finding themselves if they aren't being led around to do it this specific way!
So they upend the whole thing, and upset a lot of people, and then have to deal with the fact that they're still telepathically bonded until one of them dies.
Ugh.
Stupid cult.
I just think Linkle and Wild would get along a little too well. Poor Warriors...