Wingwyrm

maybe they walk into each other rounding a corner and decided that, fuck it, they’re squaring up!

The media interns are having a blast. Ilya’s got that cocky, smirky grin on his face as he puts his fists up and Gritty is practically bouncing as he does the same.

Gritty jumps, takes Ilya down, and they wrestle for a but before Ilya crys uncle.

Ilya gracefully concedes that Gritty bested him and kisses Gritty’s cheek before continuing to the locker. Gritty cups his cheek and stares at the camera and if he would, he would be blushing.

Which leads to a bit of an uproar because omg Shane Hollander has a girlfriend?? who plays hockey???? that's so on brand for him like. okay who was playing last night and got a goal in the first period, we need to find the woman who has Shane Hollander crooning into his phone like a lovestruck teenager. and the consensus lands on an unsuspecting and entirely unrelated CWHL forward who has never even been in the same city as Shane but the Internet is running with the story and there's journalists harassing her and Shane has to get his agent to call her agent so he can apologise for this mess and she's like, dude, I know it's not your fault, but Shane feels so fucking bad about it, you know?

And unfortunately it doesn't really let up as quickly as they thought because it's right before Christmas and isn't this a great story, fucking Hallmark movie shit, so a very unimpressed Leila (her name is Leila) has to look a reporter in the eye after her team just played a really good fucking game of hockey and everybody wants to talk to her about some fucking guy, you know? so she looks him in the eye and says, no, I am not dating Shane Hollander, I have never dated Shane Hollander, I will never date Shane Hollander, I am literally a lesbian. I have a whole-ass girlfriend. She plays for the Blades.

the post is getting unwieldy in a "do you love the color of the sky?" manner, but ilya learns this while reading through an allergy forum and it keeps him up at night for WEEKS

shane is peacefully snoozing away after a tasty allergy-compliant dinner and meanwhile ilya is just

ILYA'S TURN TO WAKE SHANE UP FOR A PLAN HE'S BEEN THINKING ABOUT FOR HOURS

ilya: "shane, shane wake up"

shane, head lifting but eyes still closed: "hmrph?"

"i am signing us up for first aid class, yes?"

"hrumph?"

"this way if there is a peanut blowjob or something, we will know what to do."

shane, FULLY incapable of processing that sentence, especially at 3 in the fucking morning:

we're looking to create an AI policy, and when we were talking about this, my boss (older millennial) was genuinely shocked to hear that younger people do not (seem) to view AI positively (a la the recent commencement speakers being booed)

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