it me

i, and i can’t emphasize this enough, would literally die for merlin

Are you threatening me with violence

😭😭😭😭 stupid asf

I love reading how my video of my dogs cured people’s depression. They’re so wholesome.

I’ve watched this 5 times and each time is better than the last

This post goes harder than any post has ever gone before.

the sheer amount of Fucks Not Given in these photos is creating a Black Hole Of Ungiven Fucks, sucking in all the bullshit over the Fuck You event horizon and trapping it so the bullshit can’t escape. It’s gorgeous. 

If the world is 4.5 billion years old, let’s scale that to 45 years, humans have been on it for 4 hours and have destroyed 50% of the world’s trees in 1 minute. That’s crazy.

STOP TELLING ME I LOOK LIKE THIS DOG

Quality. Content.

The year is 2022. You’re driving home from work, wifey calls & asks you to get some diapers for the baby. You grab roses for her. Life’s good. She’s crying in the closet you forgot the diapers what’s she gonna do with roses idiot there’s shit everywhere this is why your parents never loved y

The year is 1351. You’re driving your ship home from work, wifey calls and sends you to the local store to get some rags as diapers for the baby. You grab a bouquet of flowers for her too. Life’s good. You both die from the plague

The year is 2020. You’re driving home in your tractor after voting for Trump, the man of your people. Your sister calls and asks you to get some diapers for the baby you bought from the Walmart parking lot last week. You steal roses for her on your way out. Life’s good

The year is 2068. You’re staring at the most beautiful stranger. She explains to you that she’s your wife. You have dimentia. You smile and take her hand as your grandchildren jump around the room. You’ve lived a good life. Suddenly you’re staring at the most beautiful stranger

Anyway I’m back on my bullshit

The year is 2019. Your fiancé just got you roses in your big house with 3 cars and 5 dogs. You did all this to tweet it with “We’re only 19, what are you doing with your life?” You got 5 retweets. He’s been buying roses instead of food for weeks. You can’t cook. You haven’t eaten in 3 days

THE CAT IS OKAY. THE CHILD PICTURED IS EATING A DIFFERENT KIND OF SUSHI.