yea

People ask me often, why did you come to Japan? My answer is usually somewhere in the realm of “I’m studying at Osaka University”.

Like clockwork it usually goes as following:

“Oh, really, what are you studying?”

“Geography”

“Huh?”

This sort of response is familiar to me, because people at UGA also have this reaction. In fact, everyone has this reaction, even my mother and friends.  It’s hard to describe all that I’m interested in into one single elevator-pitch. So I just say I study sustainable architecture, which the usual reaction is something like eyes widening and them continuing to interrogating me about it. Sustainable architecture is more related to Environmental Engineering, which I don’t have the math or science capability to pursue. But still, it is something I study, however I still study only the human impact on the architecture itself. Although I would say my Japanese ability is 3.5/10 at this moment (which I’m quite proud of), I usually just say “kagaku” which is short-hand for just science. My degree at UGA will be a B.S. in Geography, so I treat it as such. However, I sincerely believe that geography is the easiest science degree to pursue if you have even an inkling of interest in the dynamics of society, including racism, gender, weather, climate change, or liberal arts in general but can’t seem to find a major to decide on. Many people assume the only job you can get in geography is to teach. It has often always angered me why people assume I want to be a low-salary school teacher spoon-feeding the capital of New York to a pre-occupied teenager who couldn’t care less (it’s Albany, not New York god damnit). However, I’ve always had an interest in working for humanitarian efforts so even though someone I meet by chance doesn’t understand what I’m passionate about, I can always count on myself to know what I’m truly interested in. 

I’m currently trying to find job that I don’t hate back in the United States, but in reality, I’m actually terrified to go back to the states. Of course I want to see my cats and my friends, but I don’t think I can handle all of the hostility that I’ve typically experienced there. It’s true that my experience there is somewhat different than others because I’ve worked in the customer service industry, not to mention it specifically being the especially stressful technology industry... but I’ve grown accustomed to the overly cheerful and respectful customer service Japan is known for and I can’t simply bear the thought of an entitled woman giving someone a hard time in the checkout line because she wasn’t qualified for a discount. The thought of confrontation makes me cringe, and after reading what’s going on in the news via Reddit, I can confidently say that I’m not the only one who is terrified about returning back to the US.

My friends message me and tell me that they miss me and ask me when I’m coming back. At this point, I’m not sure when I’m coming back but it will be sometime in September. My part-time job has been especially hard on me, and its nights like these where I have a rare moment of free-time where I realize that I’m violently single. As long as I can remember, I’ve had at least a male companion that I can call up at any time of the day and schedule a time to hang out. I’ll just blatantly state that I haven’t had sex in maybe about five months. The lack of intimacy has officially driven me up the wall. The last time someone hugged me was a guy with a sign saying “FREE HUGS” in Amerikamura. This experience, despite it being such a debilitating feeling, has made me realize the high standards I have for men, and my willingness to compromise for women. Before I came to Japan, I came out of a very toxic relationship which made me feel like a tool for sex. With this sudden lack of sexual activitity, now I feel like I’ve come to terms with my sexuality and it’s no longer a topic that I feel uncomfortable talking about with others. It’s definitely an unintended result of this trip, but the more time I spend contemplating my preference in men/women has made me more confident about my conceptions about love and commitment. I am confident that when I meet a guy or girl that I know will be worth pursuing, I will act on it. I’ve always fantasized having sex with a Japanese guy because I feel like I’ve watched enough naughty anime to know what sort of things to say to get someone going during intercourse. Alas, it’s just a fetish that I have and I sincerely doubt that I will make a lifelong relationship with someone that lives in Japan. But, in the meantime, I must resort to Tinder... and even in this case Reddit to find people to hang out with casually while I’m here. Tomorrow I’m going to hang out with another gaijin (foreigner) that isn’t an international student and I’m nothing but elated.

Anyway, my experience in Japan has been nothing short of everything I’ve dreamed it to be. I’ve experienced racism on a mirco-level, I’m learning Japanese taught by a very Japanese teacher (in his own right), I’m living in an apartment complex with other Suita city locals, I come home at 23:00 most nights, I ride the train almost every day, and I get grumpy every time I see another foreigner in my territory. The hardest part about living in Japan? Not being able to use my credit card. Yep, Japan is still a 90% cash-based society, where most businesses only take “genkin” or actual money. I have to go to the ATM several times a week for that reason. It is very “mendokusai”, especially when my bank can sometimes charge a fee when I withdraw money from an ATM that is not associated with my bank. Nonetheless, I am aware that I am an “eikaiwa monkey” and I am basically a salaryman, just without a suit.