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True Story ... lolΒ

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No Negotiating
Last night I was sitting in on a class my church offered during its NIA Academy sessions and they were covering Philippians 3. Β Whenever that particular instructor would teach a class I would mentally check out because something about her delivery was too much for me. Β Last night was an exception, instead of checking fully out I was half tuned in. Β (Side Note: I do have ADD so itβs not anything against the instructor itβs hard to get me to focus anyway.)
In one of my moments of paying attention the instructor said, βPeople like to say if you do this God, then Iβll do that. They like to negotiate with the Lord. Thatβs not how it worksβ. Β My ears immediately perked up. Iβm not sure what came before that phrase or what made her say that. Β All I know is it took me back to my first semester in college, I was 18, a very close friend of the family was dying, my grandmother was dying, I was failing my classes, and Β I was trying to help everyone but myself ... depression was my best friend.
By the time I was 18 I had a faith in God that was unquestioning. Β I never doubted Him. Β He spoke to me often and when I would hear Him give me clear instruction I would move as He told me to move. Β With that being said at such a young age I thought I had the kind of relationship that if I did what He asked me to do then I could negotiate what I wanted in life rather than what I needed and He wanted. Β
What did I want more than anything in the world at the ripe old age of 18? Β I wanted my grandmother to be able to see me be a mom. Β It was a fall day in a cold dorm room, my heater didn't work, I had skipped classes to stay in bed and cry the day away. Β In my mind I imagine looking a lot like David crying out to God. Β I would cry and cry and cry and talk to Him, yell at him, question Him, and beg Him to fix her. Β I am not sure when in the process He made it clear that she would not be healed but thatβs when I started the negotiating for time and a baby. Β The conversation went exactly like this *add gasping for air and loud sobbing noises between words*: Β βGod give me a baby before she goes, thatβs all I want. Β I want her to be able to see me be a mom. Β I will do anything you ask me to do. Just give me a baby. Β When she dies I will have nobody to love me like she loves me. Β A baby has to love me unconditionally I am their mom. Β I want her to be able to see me be a good mom. God what do I have to do?β
This prayer went on for around a year and a half. Β Then one summer day I found out I was pregnant at the age of 20. Β Better yet my grandmother was still alive!!! Β I was so ecstatic. Β Her health was going down hill and she only lived to see my sonβs first birthday, so the timing was just perfect. Β God does answer prayers ... right?!? Β Or was it the devil? Β I mean how could it be the devil? Β I have a beautiful son, who by the way is 12 now. Β
If I listed everything that has happened in my life to justify my questioning of who I actually negotiated with you will surely fall asleep or close the browser and never come back to my blog again. Β To sum it up in a 10 year span I lost 12 family members/close family friends, watched two family members battle it out with major drug addiction, got married to an abusive husband in every form of abuse you can think of, got a divorce, lost custody of my son and on and on and on ... until one day two years ago I decided that was the day I would just end it all. Β Did I sell my soul to have a child in time for my grandmother to see them? Β I think I might have.
I am not one hundred percent certain because I would expect to be cold from God. Β Instead down deep somewhere inside there was a grain of faith, smaller than a mustard seed, that kept me holding on even when I didnβt want to. Β Was it me holding on or was God carrying me? Β I believe it was God. Β In the midst of all the chaos I never stopped to βpray a dealβ/negotiate for anything. Β My son was the one and only negotiation I had ever made. Β To say the least Iβm grateful it only took me once to realize you canβt negotiate with God. Β Now I have to just sit back and let Him lead me through this. Β I have no doubt when the deal was being made with the devil God said βyouβre not going to take herβ. Β Every day is a struggle but I know every day when I fall short God will cover the rest. Β I just have to be patient and know Heβs working it all out for the good.
Romans 8:28The Message (MSG)
26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, Godβs Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we donβt know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. Thatβs why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
It's a GOOD MORNING!!! Β Wake up to a brand new day! Β How lucky are we??? Have a beautiful Friday loves :)
Let love explode and bring the dead to life ...Β
The point of meditation is to disidentify with the contents of your mind, not to destroy them. When you disidentify with the flow of thoughts and feelings, your mind will settle of its own accord. Still thoughts and feelings may come and go but they are felt like clouds passing through the sky. They are not yours.
Lazyyogi (via flow-like-the-wind)

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LMAO ... WHAT?!?!?! That's like true life Melman and Morty from Madgascar. Β HAHAHAHAHAHAHA toooooo funny. Β I can't wait for the 3rd movie to come out.
Today I had a conversation with a friend about this very topic ... Self Pride ... she hit me up saying that her "checklist" for how to love was 1 Corinthians 13 the whole thing. Β Yet she realized and acknowledged that she is only human and can not meet every item in these verses 100% everyday. Β At her best she thought she's at a 65% for the year. Β She admitted to struggling with verse 5:Β Β love does not act unbecomingly; itΒ does not seek its own, is not provoked,Β does not take into account a wrongΒ suffered. Β So I asked God for an answer that would shed light on her struggle and this is what he gave me:
Always be mindful of your pride. Β There are many times when we blame our actions on Β many other things, but if we look deep beneath the surface, it is pride that is always preventing us from loving completely. Β We feel we deserve certain things, that things should be done on our time or our way, etc., and things like being easily provoked, envying, being impatient, and keeping records of wrongs is due to pride. Β If you take the opposite of everything in that verse it would look like this:
PRIDE is impatient, PRIDE is unkind, it DOES envy, it DOES boast, it dishonors, is self-seeking, and easily angered ... etc.
So my conclusion to her was PRIDE is THE GREATEST ENEMY of LOVE because LOVE involves submitting to others and PRIDE consists of consumption of self.
I know this isn't the typical happy post but I thought it was a profound conversation worth sharing. Β It shined a light on things for both of us. Β Hope it touches more people. Β This is my post for Make it Over Mondays. Β Happy Monday.
Leona Lewis ~ Footprints In The Sand
God will carry you when you don't have the strength to go any further.Β
"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five." ~ Steven Wright Lol ... Happy Friday the 13th :)
Thank you God for sending Your only Son to die for my sins and to rise again on this day. Love

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Good morning ... Picking my playlist right now. There will definitely be some Whitney Houston, Radamez, Kelly Clarkson, an Alicia Keys ... Maybe some Coldplay and some Chairlift also ... Who gets your morning started?
Good morning ... Little reminder as you go through the day ... Karma can be a witch ...
One day ... it's not going to matter what we all look like on the outside ... real love ... is only one color <3
Tasty Tuesday Recipe for an easy and filling chopped salad: Iceberg Lettuce Red Leaf Lettuce Green Leaf Lettuce Romaine Lettuce Escreole Red Pepper Green Pepper Cucumber Cherry Tomatos Mushrooms Greek Dressing on the side
Love love looove this blog ... I'm happy they reblogged one of my posts ... otherwise I wld never have stumbled upon them. Β thumbs up to their movement :)

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I looooove this blog
Good morning