#resurection

It’s been that way since they married three years ago. It’s been her job to ease his stress whenever Park Sunghoon’s been beaten up with his career, and still…all this time she said none. She’d gladly do his meal, do his laundry, clean all the things he had that should be clean, massage him whenever he needed it, sing him a lullaby if he could not sleep, tell him all sorts of lies to ease his worries, but all of those—best. it should suit his taste. It should be perfect. It should be something like him. It should be the best. Park Sunghoon does not need Y/n’s advice, doesn’t need her to complain, and doesn’t want her poor work; she must do all things to perfection. He just could not accept it if anything’s not to his taste if she complained—no. she should never. He does not need her voice to speak with any kind of authority and complaints; after all, he had never brought money to her table less than any job she’d had, paid her. But even requesting food or asking her what she wants for dinner is forbidden.

Y/n pulled herself up from the floor before her whole body turned cold from lying for too long. Lifting her heavy bruised head, the wall clock ticked for midnight. She had been lying for three hours without any kind of movements but her breathing. She looked around her, the whole house was neat, the floor could even pass as a bed, but the broken pitcher on the kitchen floor—she needed to clean it up before Sunghoon felt his thirst. So as fast as her beaten bruised body could do, she grabbed all the shards on the floor, hastily picking every piece of glass—she needed to hurry because probably in no time, he might wake up from the loud noise her chest was making…Y/n can see red. She needs to clean it up. But the glass. Clean the glasses first then clean the red on the floor, clean the red on her hands, clean her shaking hands, clean her wobbly feet, clean her shivering body. She could not breathe, she could barely see the shards she was picking. If only she could turn it all back and never loved him—never married him.

Y/n tapped her screen to turn off the alarm. 6:04. Pulling herself from the couch, she heaved a sigh. An hour from now, Sunghoon will be awake for work. Y/n wasted no more seconds and went to the kitchen, rinsed white rice then proceeded to turn on the rice cooker, broke an egg, cut a sausage in half, and threw it on the hot oiled pan. Y/n can barely feel the cuts on her palms, and can hardly complain about the throbbing of her body.

The sound of pouring water, and the burning of the wounds and bruises all around Y/n’s body made her wince in pain. If only the water were quiet whenever it hit the bathroom floor, and if only the pain in her back never made her make such a sound. She’s afraid he’ll wake up and hurt her again.

_______

She heard the shower open and the door slammed closed. 6:57. That fast? Pouring water into the kettle, she hastily put two scoops of tea into the teapot. 7:06. He should be putting on clothes now and should be done in a moment. Y/n put a plate on the table as neatly as possible, took a pair of chopsticks, and took Sunghoon’s favorite seasoning from the cabinet.

Sunghoon didn’t say a word as he pulled the chair and sat down soundlessly. Y/n put a half teaspoon of nutmeg into his rice, poured the boiling water into the teapot, and served her peaceful husband a cup of tea.

They stayed quiet as Y/n cut three carrots, while Sunghoon eat his meal. Y/n can still remember the night they first met, the jobs that made them so close, and the whole moment of their wedding. Now Y/n could only wait for him to leave so she could sleep at least just for an hour.

“Karin will be eating dinner with me.” Sunghoon will not be home until tomorrow afternoon. Y/n could sleep a day, or at least walk Gauel to the park later or tomorrow morning. But Sunghoon must not see her slacking off. He doesn't like it when she rest.

After Sunghoon put down his utensils and stood up, Y/n ran to fetch a coat for him and grabbed his things while she waited for him by the door. She held the coat wide for him to wear and gave him his things, held the door open until he stepped outside their apartment.

“Come back safely.” Sunghoon went on his way without answering—like usual—and Y/n locked the door once he was out of sight.

Park Sunghoon is a former idol and is currently big in the modeling industry. Eleven years ago when he started his modeling, after a year of being a minor model, he became a Vogue cover, went to different countries, endorsed, modeled, and walked through the runway with different luxury brands. In the years of his success, there he met Lee Y/n. Y/n was Sunghoon’s makeup artist for seven years, and she’s the sister of one of his friends Lee Heeseung. There were times and events when Y/n and Sunghoon interacted outside of work because of their connection with Lee Heeseung. Time passed. They fell in love and dated for four years.

_____

Sunghoon was the sweetest when they dated. Always checking on her, asking for what she thinks, and what she likes. He’d take care of her when she was unable to take care of herself. He’d act like a child just to get her attention. She always felt like the most significant person in the world. The most important person to him. She didn’t know what happened.

The feeling of knocking loudly on the hard tiled floor, and the feeling of feeling nothing at all—Park Sunghoon lifted himself from laying, then eventually felt warm hands on his shoulders and back, guiding him on the pillow to lean on his back, then he slap the hands away.

The last thing Sunghoon remembered was that he was feeling sick, then suddenly lost consciousness, unable to register what was happening around him, then eventually knocked himself down while on shoot.

“I was worried—”

“You did this, didn’t you?” Voice lashed with cold, he looked up at Y/n who met his eyes.

“Did what...?”

He couldn’t believe her. How could she act all innocent? Was she jealous of Karin that’s why she did this. Was she mad at him because of what happened last time with their date? Just what is wrong with her?

Y/n creased a confused face. She thought he liked it when she added a little nutmeg on his rice. What is it this time? Y/n truly is getting tired.

“Put nutmeg on my food every single meal.” His face was solid rock. His brows met each other while his jaw clench hard.

“You—you said you liked it when I add nutmeg into your rice?” She whispered as she held her hands tightly below her, preventing them from shaking.

“We’ll talk later at home.” Sunghoon managed to say on gritted teeth, while Y/n swallowed whatever she could swallow.

Was it her fault again? She didn’t know why he fainted, the doctor didn’t say anything to her, all she knew was that he fainted while on the shoot...but she wished he’d not hurt her, she wished he’d just forget whatever her sin was, she would gladly apologies to him—kneel and beg for forgiveness, ask for him not to give her another cut and bruise to fix and cover.

Sunghoon slowly pushed himself off the bed, and as he stood up, he couldn’t help but wince in pain, slowly, he put his hand on his temples. Y/n called out to him, helping him to sit down again.

“I’m sorry, Sunghoon—wha—whatever happened, I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean it. Please, if you could ever give me time to make it up—please forgive me—”

“SHUT UP!” Y/n didn’t cry because he slapped her hands away, it was his unforgiving voice that startled at her. She could feel her throat clench.

Slowly and gently, she tried to catch Sunghoon’s hands. He didn’t resist nor slap her hands away this time, but Y/n could feel his hard fist.

_____

“Let’s go home.” Y/n followed quietly.

Park Sunghoon once complimented Lee Y/n’s cooking when they were still mare acquaintances. It was a normal Monday at work and Y/n always packed her lunch, and unexpectedly, Park Sunghoon came up to her to eat lunch together. Sunghoon liked the rice…the rice had nutmeg at that time.

Earlier at 8:21 at work, Sunghoon felt weird sensations in the pit of his stomach, while his surroundings danced around him. It wasn’t the first time it happened at work, and it wasn’t the first time that it happened anywhere. There are times when he constantly feels nauseous while having severe headaches, while everything around him seems to change shapes. He thought it was his overworking.

The last thing Sunghoon heard was ringing and Karin’s soft voice called over him and then he passed out. He woke up lying in the hospital bed with a doctor hovering over him. The doctor said that his constant nausea and hallucinations were the effect of digesting too much nutmeg, and the only one making his meal was his wife. It was always ordered food whenever he and Karin had meals.

Back at home, Y/n and Sunghoon sat still on the couch. Y/n’s looking at her trembling hands as Sunghoon stare at her with gritted teeth. Y/n whispered out trying to break the silence.

“You—You once told me you liked rice with nutmeg—” A loud bang cut through her words. Sunghoon smashed the wooden table separating them, as Y/n tried to cover her mouth, swallowing her cries.

“Y/n.” Sunghoon called out. But Y/n couldn’t look him in the eyes, her line of view could only register his clenching fist on the table through tear eyed sight.

“I’ve been feeling sick—I thought I was dying!” He raised his voice, she made a whimper.

“I’ve been blaming my work! And it’s all because you! You were trying to kill me—you tried to kill me, Y/n!” finally she looked him in the eye shaking her head.

“No—no, Sunghoon that’s not—” Y/n extended her arms to hold him by the table as she lifted herself up from sitting, but he raised his hand high above her, then she lay still on the floor, staring at the tiled ground with tears swelling her eyes. She couldn’t help it anymore, the whole apartment echoed her loud cries. Then, in a second the bedroom door slammed closed, and she was left alone with her silent whimpers.

She didn’t mean it, she only wants his approval, his acknowledgement; she only wanted Sunghoon to eat with her at dinner instead of spending all his night with Karin. She only wanted him to return and be the man she loved once.

Y/n wasn’t ignorant about the effect of too much nutmeg, that’s why she only added a little every meal. But when Sunghoon started to eat dinner with Karin and come back home late, and sometimes not returning home at all—Y/n took the opportunity to add a half tea spoon of nutmeg into his every breakfast. A part of Y/n knew that she added nutmeg with ill intent. While most part wants him to acknowledge and notice her. Then, it really was her fault…

After lunch earlier, when her phone rang with an unknown caller ID and told her the news of her husband passing out, she immediately put down Gauel and rushed to the hospital. When she arrived, the doctor only told her that he already woke up last hour, and eventually returned back to sleep. Then the doctor said nothing more.

When Sunghoon woke up and told her about the nutmeg, she was shaken, she thought she could kill herself for being the one who caused danger to her husband—now, she could only swallow her cries when he lifted his fist and broke from her touch. He hit her face strong enough to send her frozen on the floor.

Whenever Sunghoon is angry, often at her, Y/n slept at the spare room while Sunghoon locked himself alone in their bedroom. The first time they had a fight, Sunghoon told her that he wanted to be alone and slept at the spare room. But to Y/n’s conscience, she begged Sunghoon to sleep at their room instead since it’s much comfortable there than sleeping on the dusted bed at the spare room. Now, whenever Sunghoon’s mad at her, Sunghoon would locked himself alone in their room, with her no way of getting inside. She often felt like he already abandoned her, but he also needed a slave to take care of him, that’s why until now Sunghoon haven’t chased her out.

Like the usual, Y/n would get up at 5-6 am to prepare his meal, then see him off at the door. But today, after arranging his breakfast at the table, Sunghoon spared her no glance and went out without telling her a word. He doesn’t want to eat. He doesn’t trust her.

So Y/n sat down and ate his meal instead. Seconds passed and her head’s already flooded with thoughts. Minutes passed and her thoughts made her burst out crying.

Why did everything turned out to be like this? Why did he turned out to be like this? Is he still Sunghoon? The one she loved? Or was this someone else? It must have been his façade. He must’ve tricked her, and she fell in love with the idea of him without actually knowing him. It was all her fault was it? Should she die and end everything with her last breath? Or should he die and free herself?

Y/n spent her all morning thinking of ways to get rid of her pains, until Gauel barked at her to snap out of it. She saw Park Sunghoon in red just then. She slapped herself for the ridicule she’s been thinking and proceeded to do her chores.

Late that evening, she baked tiramisu—Sunghoon’s favorite—and cooked galbi jjim with other various dishes, also opened a bottle of soju, and message him at 6:03, apologizing and wishing him home, telling him she cooked his favorite and she didn’t add nutmeg in any of the dishes nor the rice.

8:37. Y/n had already set up the table and the dishes, and somewhere between 8-9, Sunghoon will be home. So she patiently readied herself sitting on the chair, checked her phone if he had already replied, but unfortunately, he left her on read. Well, at least he read. He knows she’s making all the efforts to apologize. Y/n let out a sigh and wished that he’d show up.

11:21. All the dishes had already run cold. Y/n was broken from her trance when Gauel approached her and barked. Her phone rang. it was Sunghoon’s caller ID.

“Oh!” It was a girl’s giggle with mumblings over the background.

“Uhm, who is this?”

“Y/n!” Y/n recognized the voice, it was her old coworker’s voice, before she resigned and married Sunghoon. It was Karin’s. Y/n couldn’t help but swallowed the lumps forming on her throat.

“Su—Sunghoon won’t be home for a while…” Karin’s voice was sloppy and uneven. She must be drunk.

“Why? Did something happen?”

“What? Of course not! Silly Y/n—” She hiccupped. “Just wanted to tell you Sunghoon’s unavailable to see you for dinner tonight.” Low grunts from the background made Y/n’s shoulder shiver.

“Why are you telling me this, where is he?” Y/n’s voice must’ve been shacking, she could feel her throat and chest throbbing.

“Hmm? What is it?” seconds of pause and Karin laughed on the other line.

“Sunghoon’s asleep honey! Bye~”

“wait! Kari—” Karin’s voice was replaced with ringing. Y/n slowly put the phone down, stood up and entered their bedroom, leaving the dishes cold on the table. Sunghoon’s probably drunk with Karin, doing who knows what…Y/n couldn’t take it anymore.

Sunghoon didn’t mean to not return home after three whole days…he just wanted a time alone and free himself from stress; it’s just that, Y/n has been giving her head ache for these past few days, and he wanted to clear his head, though Karin has been with him throughout those past three days.

Sunghoon slowly turned the knob. The whole apartment is pitch black, while there was an unpleasant smell lingers the air. Sunghoon ran and turned the lights open. There, at the table lays bowls, plates, and cups of rotten dishes. Sunghoon registered the decaying smell of gochujang and the smell close to a dead rat. In instinct he put his arms on his mouth and nose. What the hell is this? Where is Y/n?

Sunghoon wasted no more time and burst the bedroom door open and turned on the lights. No sign of his wife. He then strode to the bathroom door, pushed the curtains away, and no one’s there. He checked the spare room, checked the roof deck, checked the longue again, shuffled through Y/n’s dresser and closet. Her stuff is still there.

Y/n must’ve left since the night she last messaged him about the meal she made…she was apologizing to him, and he was with Karin. He remembered there were a time that night when Karin borrowed his phone and called someone. Was it Y/n? Sunghoon roughly shuffled his hair, scratched his palms, massaged his temples. Karin must’ve said something to Y/n. As far as he could remember, Karin drove him to the hotel he stayed at, then stopped in the middle of the road to borrow his phone, then when he’s inside the hotel room, he locked the door and said goodbyes to Karin. That’s all that happened that night…

Sunghoon grabbed his coat, turned off the lights and went outside. He needs to find Y/n. He must’ve been hard on her. Just what the hell did Park Sunghoon do?

Sunghoon felt the cold wind brush through his hair once he went down the apartment stairs, and now he stands alone in the roads. With his messy and scattered thoughts, the muffled screams of vehicle horns, yells of the drivers ahead of him, and the sound of his far distance apologies—he ran his eyes around him, he didn’t care if he’s in the middle of the road, but he’ll find his wife. He needed to find his wife.

To no avail, Park Sunghoon never had any trace of her. Slowly, with no energy left from his body, he opened the door and slam it close behind him. Something lunged at him...then burning and chocking—he could not breath. Sunghoon held the belt around his throat. With all his strength, he tried to lift up the person behind him as his sight blur while his breathing shortens, and a loud weight hitting the floor made his lungs finally grasps for air. Park Sunghoon stared at his wife slowly lifting herself up from the floor. Is he seeing this right? Y/n—Y/n…she—Y/n. His Y/n was trying to kill him…

Sunghoon couldn’t move on his feet. His eyes are wide open, his breathings are accelerating and accelerating until a quiet shriek left his mouth. His whole body was frozen when his wife lifted her head up to look at him. Tears flooded her eyes as she slowly stands up. Her whole body was shaking, and her loud cries filled Sunghoon’s hearing. Y/n lunge at him, running, tackling him down on the floor, Sunghoon held her wrist as she pushed her whole strength into the knife she’s holding. Sunghoon called out her name, but her cries only got louder and louder until his grip on her loosen. One, two, three...six—she stabbed and stab and stab. Sunghoon stared at his lovely wife. Her hair loose on their tight bun, he badly wants to hug her on her pink blooded apron she always wore whenever she cooks him meal. Slowly and gently, Park Sunghoon touched her wet cheeks. Little by little, her skin turned red as he kept on caressing her softly. Y/n screamed her pain and Sunghoon could only smile at her, because now he understands, he wasn’t able to be a good husband for her.

“I’m sorry,”

With the last of his strength, and the last burning of his breath, he held her hands tightly, and closed his eyes. Y/n lifted an axe.

The first time Park Sunghoon saw her was at Lee Heeseung’s 20th birthday, back in the times they were newly debut. She wore a ridiculous ankle pink boots and a twin messy braid. He remembered Heeseung and her argued about Heeseung not informing her that his friends will come, she should’ve wore something decent. But Park Sunghoon loved that outfit. That’s the outfit he always loved.

The taste of sweet, salty and savory erected at Y/n’s tongue. The sensation of chewy and juicy flooded her mouth, and when she swallowed, a great feeling of longing, sorrow and grief left her body weak. The body-less of Park Sunghoon’s head stare at Park Y/n as she opened her mouth, bringing a spoon full of his love for her to digest.

It was snowing hard outside when they first met at work. Y/n was newly hired as Sunghoon’s makeup artist. She remembered his soft smile that burned her cheeks, she remembered when Sunghoon first asked her out, she remembered when he first kissed her, she remembered his heat all over her—not like this, cold and still.

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