The last week has been so ridiculous even the satirists can’t take it any more
the fucking timestamp
Xuebing Du

JVL
noise dept.
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Cosimo Galluzzi

@theartofmadeline
NASA

#extradirty

shark vs the universe
tumblr dot com
Mike Driver

izzy's playlists!
occasionally subtle
Show & Tell
d e v o n
sheepfilms

titsay
AnasAbdin
Monterey Bay Aquarium
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@whatsthestorytori
The last week has been so ridiculous even the satirists can’t take it any more
the fucking timestamp

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So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)
Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.
So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.
But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.
It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?
So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:
Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.
And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.
So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".
So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.
I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.
Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:
My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.
Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.
Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.
Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).
Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues
(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)
ACTUAL (partial) UPDATE:
According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.
Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.
For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.
So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.
Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.
Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life
Aaand a close-up:
The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace
HEY HI HELLO THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE
via @kagaminilen
[cut to a kiosk on legs, sipping a boba, while wandering into the nearest forest on chicken legs]
Here you go @a-bit-too-dyscrasic
This month is the one year anniversary of posting my poem “Condolences” to TikTok and Instagram, where it amassed millions of likes and tens of thousands of comments.
Since, people have used the poem for adaptive art pieces, short plays, books, and class work. For your piece of art to be transformed into another…it’s difficult to describe.
After several rejections from poetry publications a decade ago, I decided to post my work online instead. The responses were overwhelming. I realized that an official publication doesn’t make you a poet. Writing poetry does, and bonus points if you manage to resonate with just one other soul who needed to hear what you needed to say.
I was utterly taken aback by the response to this piece. People have asked me many times to explain it, but from the response it was clear that the meaning can be explicated with a little time.
Some people who didn’t understand it until it was explained were angry when it came together. It wasn’t written for them.
I’m only grateful that it reached the people who needed it.
I feel that the imagery is part of the piece, but I know not everyone can or cares to listen to a video. Here is the poem:
———————
They buried a girl in my hometown today.
“A young woman, gone too soon, in the prime of her life,” they all said.
My friends and I all knew her. We grew up together.
We were in all the same classes and hobbies and we made up games together at recess.
But none of us went to her funeral. We weren’t invited, because the people planning it didn’t think we’d understand. They said it wasn’t our loss.
So we got together for drinks. We laughed all morning and played card games all day.
At 4 o’clock, we heard the church bells. We saw that long, sad procession of cars stretch like a creek through town, up the cemetery hill.
We heard strange rumors that night, that the casket was empty. That they put it hollow in the ground.
So we went to the plot first thing in the morning. They buried her empty box next to her dad, down the row from an estranged aunt she never really knew all that well.
There wouldn’t be a stone for months, but the little placard had my name on it. But not the one I go by these days.
“How strange,” we all said. “What a waste of good crying.”
All of this mourning for me, and I was down the street the whole time, laughing and drinking.
But some people will never understand. They’d rather plan a funeral than learn a new name.
My friend said she felt sorry for them, in some small way.
What a sad notion—to lose a daughter who never lived—
And a son who never died.
Recently I performed at a poetry event and spoke a slightly updated version of this (not many changes) and someone accused me of plagiarizing myself, hahaha! It's not the first time that's happened when I've performed a poem I've posted online, but none have gotten so much attention as this one. Someone made a beautiful zine a few months ago adapting this piece, so it's been on my mind again. Thank you for all of the love.
Brendan Fraser as George George of the Jungle (1997) dir. Sam Weisman

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All the scene and emo kids of the 2000’s
RISE FROM THE ASHES!!!!!
Chat, is it considered “abusive roommate behavior” to release a raccoon into the living space after you have asked your roommate for months to please clean up their messes (they do not pay any of the mortgage)
For context, when I used to live alone I would do something called “Princess Time” where I would do an initial sweep (to remove any significant hazards) and then I would release a raccoon into the living area and clean. This helped because I would 1) feel like a princess and 2) the raccoon would bring attention to things my ADHD brain had decided to ignore and I’d quickly clean that stuff up.
So like, if I’m expected to clean the house now, I will be doing it in the way that is most effective for me. And anything that has not been cleaned up after months of having sit-down talks and sending reminders and being promised things will change, might be deemed “trash” by the trash panda and thrown away.
We haven’t done since we moved into the house, because I didn’t want to cause my roommate or their cats destress or have their things destroyed by a raccoon
I am a raccoon biologist and one of the few people in the state allowed to take in captive bred raccoons that had been possessed illegally. The raccoon in the photos is Moonshine, but she is currently at the animal sanctuary where I work as I had been quarantining multiple new intakes from an abuse case. I still have two males (Rum Tum Tugger and Electra) left in my home enclosure as we are getting them neutered and then hopefully sending them to an AZA accredited zoo.
I wanna make things very clear that underneath all the whimsy, I am a trained professional.
Those vibes are likely because I’m the original creator of Dashcon and my personality has not changed since 2012 lmao
trans rights (and wrongs) seagull illustrations— inspired by @citizen.reid’s video (on TikTok and insta) of a seagull with a trans flag!!
I may add this to my shop if there’s enough interest! :)
today i learned that there are cave paintings of bats and i think you all deserve to see them
These are from Australia & show a bat that is probably now extinct. The bat depictions were found on a sandstone wall protected by overhangs, near Kalumburu.
Shout out to that guy from Florida talking to my coworker about wanting to take his sail boat through Lake Superior in November. He was planning on a little trip and my coworker was like hey man I don't know how to tell you this but you will Actually Die
*Lake Superior, in the far distance*: yes yes yes yes yes do it yes yes
@ciaseeds PLEASE
yeah okay fair point
okay you people CANT just keep being funnier than me on my own post like this
Lake Superior perfect size for sailboat to put in
Inside very calm water very warm very good for sailboat. Comfort sailboat. put sailboat in lake superior
PUT. SAILBOAT. IN. LAKE. SUPERIOR.

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Don't even have sex
Unless you and your partner(s) want to, in which case: do have sex!
Absolutely fucking not
Oh I didn't realize you were a designated pro-sex star trek blog that's my bad. Sorry.
felt like i could improve this picture a lil
hey don't cry. 7,401 species of frog in the world, ok?
IMPORTANT UPDATE: 7,532 species of frog in the world, ok?!
great news! 7,556 species of frog in the world, ok?!
hey don't cry, now there are 7,576 species of frog in the world, ok?!
excellent news! 7,591 species of frog in the world, peace and love on planet earth
guess what! 7,624 species of frog on planet earth, ok?
hey don't cry, 7,645 species of frog on planet earth, ok? peace and love on planet autism
great news! 7,653 species of frog on planet earth, ok?
hey don't cry. 7,670 species of frog on planet earth, ok?
new year new frogs! 7,678 species of frog on planet earth, ok?
hey don't cry. 7,683 species of frog in the world, ok? ❤️
hey don't cry. 7,698 species of frog in the world, peace and love on planet earth
hey don’t cry. 7,701 species of frog in the world, ok?
@markscherz how many of these do we get to thank you for again?
95 at present, more on the way :)
hey don't cry. 95 species of frog discovered by tumblr's own frog scientist dr. mark scherz, ok?
hey don't cry. 7,758 species of frog in the world, yippee!
hey don't cry. 7,806 species of frog in the world, ok?
hey don’t cry. 7,817 species of frog in the world, peace and love on planet autism 💖
hey don't cry. 7,836 species of frog in the world, ok?
hey don't cry. 7,864 species of frog in the world, yay!
hey don't cry. 7,935 species of frog in the world, yippeeeeee
HEY DON'T CRY. 8,008 SPECIES OF FROG IN THE WORLD PER AMPHIBIAWEB AND THE 8,000TH FROG WAS DESCRIBED BY TUMBLR'S OWN FROG SCIENTIST DR. Scherz, ET AL., PEACE AND LOVE ON PLANET EARTH ‼️‼️‼️

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when an artist draws fem versions of male characters but makes them skinnier smaller and less muscular................im not saying this is illegal but when their heart will be put on a scale it ain't gonna be lighter than a feather
i like being a lesbian and all, but holy shit, men are so cool. i hope all men reading this have a wonderful day.
i like being gay and all, but holy shit, women are so cool!!!! i hope all women reading this have a wonderful day as well!!!!!!!!!
[image description: the epic handshake meme. one arm is labelled gay people and the other is labelled lesbians. in the middle it says "fuck yeah bro". end id]
hey guys, quick reminder! this post is about uplifting other people!!! tags like 'ugh, but men are gross lol' or 'op has never met a man' are not welcome and will recieve an insta block! men are cool! women are cool! thank you for coming to my fucking ted talk! :-)