Giulia’s Serving

Today is June 18th that was my brother birthday. And until today I don’t know what to do but just rest my body to feel safe enough. But when will I be safe enough to honour him until my last breath. So I would act as I can do what he taught me in the past and what I was sure about to make as a kid that was confident in their gifts, meaning arts - create.

Bref c’est bien la première que j’en parle en public de cette manière là - et je n’ai plus besoin de me cacher. C’est okay d’avoir mal et d’en parler…

I’ve just realised that people in my surroundings have always seen me as someone who can take care of themselves without the help of anyone but what they didn’t understand is that I had no choice to take care of myself because I had no one to do it for me properly and then so nowadays when I am asking for help and explanations, it looks like I am asking for too much and that my demands is delayed or bypassed as I am not important than other persons in the same situation because "I can get along with all the things that I am doing or encountering".

But this is when I am by myself trying to sit with myself that so many things are happening in my head and this is why I know community is important to me and in my choices because when I am surrounded by community that I feel supported with it’s something else, but when the community is not supportive this is when I remove myself and take care (for real) about myself because what is the purpose of serving someone if you cannot serve yourself , what’s the purpose of pouring water into others’ people cups when your cup is empty?