What I'd Rather Do

When your alarm is yelling at you.

The Universe

Friday feeling.

Hey, will you be on call tonight?

When my spouse loads the dishwasher.

Coworker comes in, "Gooooood Moooorning! Do we want the lights on in here?" It's Monday. You're loud and peppy. Please stop. And don't touch my fucking lights either.

My boss said, "Guys, I brung in my lunch!" English, motherfucker, do you speak it? How in the hell are you in charge of me?

When my boss dolls out this week's tasks. 

My boss likes to make up, what I call, “almost phrases.” This gem was heard during a two hour meeting today, "Despite our most galliant efforts."

I was gone for a minute now I'm back at the Jump Off. 

What constantly runs through my mind when speaking to my boss.

Sidenote- if I was their social media person I'd be deep in a bottle of magic whiskey.

I'm getting married in 4 months.

Boss just scheduled a meeting for 4:30pm.

To all the bosses makin' noise. STEP OFF.

I just got roped into 3 different conference calls that allegedly overlap.