Whatever Amuses

Me:

It would be wrong of me to say that I didn’t want you, a lie really, but sometimes we must lie, for protection. My own, our loved one’s, and yours. If the bold feelings I contain were to come rumbling out like lava, hot and destructive, would I ever find peace? Once the blinding heat and unstoppable cascade has turned to sturdy igneous rock? Maybe I would be better for it, stronger even, my heart hardened against the kind of pain only words can inflict. Volcanic soil is amongst the most fertile, so maybe destruction is necessary for life to go on. But what about them, the lives that will never be the same for it? The ones buried beneath the rock and ash, the ones who will never see the life given from their obliteration. The ones who would not, cannot, see the beauty in it. So, should I lie, and spare myself my own possible eradication? Never to glimpse what might have, could have, been.  Or should I take the chance and bathe in the chaos of my own creation and stare past, without seeing them, those who have the unfortunate luck of being too close, who will be swallowed, chewed, spit out, and stepped on, all for the sake of my truthful words?

What are you supposed to do when one of your good friends is literally dating a pile of garbage? Like she and this piece of trash she calls her boyfriend have broken up and gotten back together at least 7 times, and she keeps falling for his bullshit! And then she tells me that she’s not sure that she wants to spend the rest of her life with this guy, and I’m just like “then why are you wasting your time dating this guy?!?” He has cheated on her, and lied to her, and just treated her like shit, but then he “changes” for like two months and that wins her back, and she just forgets about all the shit that he did to her in the past. And then when he starts to go back to his shitty ways, she makes all kinds of excuses as to why he is doing what he is doing. And he is so manipulative! He turns everything around on her and makes it seem like she is overreacting to something that he has done wrong, and he is so persuasive that she believes him and blames herself! And she has no self control, or apparently self respect, so whenever they have broken up because she has (temporarily) had enough of his shit, she never can keep from texting him, and it’s all I can do not to tell her she is being a dumb shit. I can’t even hardly stand to hang out with her anymore because I hate him so much, and it drives me insane when she talks about how wonderful he was for ten seconds. Just because you keep getting back together doesn’t mean that you’re meant to be together, it just means that you’re stuck and too lazy to look for someone better, and that you have no self control to stay away from someone who has proven to be a very toxic person.

So if Steve got his redemption in Season 2, are we gonna see Billy get his redemption in Season 3?

So I will be starting my new job next week, and my current boss has already hired my replacement and she will be starting tomorrow (I‘m not done until Friday). And I understand that he wants me to train her in and show her where everything is and have everything ready to go for the two seminars that we have this month, which is fine. All of that is probably going to take all of three to four hours, MAX. But he says that he wants me here for the next three DAYS to “help out”. He’s under the delusion that there will be enough work to do for TWO people. There’s hardly enough work for me as it is! I’m trying to figure out how to explain to him that he doesn’t need me here after tomorrow because this job isn’t that hard and my replacement isn’t going to have a hard time figuring out where/what everything is. 

Which is what I thought, but it just sucks that they can never really sleep soundly, they always have to be on the alert. I know that they are an entirely different species and that they are accustomed to living like that, but still, it would suck not ever being able to just lie down and fall asleep without having to worry about being eaten.

Why are dreams so weird? Like, I know there’s this whole area of study dedicated to dreams, but I can't help but think that maybe our minds are just weird and they throw stuff together just for the hell of it? Like I had a dream that people were just losing their minds over the length of my fingernails?? They weren’t even long or anything?? They were like “three weeks of growth after you cut them” long, and everyone was just like “that’s unacceptable!! how can you live like that?!” And it was just this whole big thing and I was so confused??