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Honey is literally murder but go off

Prove it.

They literally puke their guts up to make your honey

Bee farmers use whats called a honey maker. It’s a crude devices. It similar to a meat grinder. They force the bees in and grind them up. What comes out is a paste. That paste is later filtered into what we know as honey

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read

@zoologicallyobsessed please show us pics of your bee grinder

…do they think they put bees in that and spin them around until they vomit…?

bee carnival

bad and naughty bees get put into the b e e c e n t r i f u g e to extract their honey

Here it is. The bee post is back

Psst, hey, Marilyn Monroe’s image as a freewheeling sexpot was a carefully constructed lie. The real Marilyn Monroe was a roiling tragedy and her life was an indictment of our society as a whole. She was orphaned after her mother had a schizophrenic breakdown, bounced around between foster homes where she was sexually abused, and married a 21-year-old at 16 to get out of being sent to an orphanage. Hugh Hefner published nude photos of her without her consent that were taken when she was 23 and desperate. She suffered severe anxiety and depression, which she coped with by drinking and using barbiturates, and was already a full-blown addict when she became famous in the mid-50s. Her career was one of exploitation, condescension and alienation, and she killed herself at 36. That Hugh Hefner, a man who was at best an unpleasant footnote in her life, felt entitled to be buried next to her is one more humiliation in a pop cultural landscape we should all be ashamed of.

She deserves better

Marilyn was a founding member of the Hollywood branch of the Committee for a Sane Nuclear Policy and had lifelong left-wing political views with a particular emphasis on racial equality. She formed her own independent production company that survived for several years and earned a credit as an executive producer on several films. Additionally, she was not only concerned for workers rights, she acted for them, using her own fame to stop staff being unfairly sacked from several of her films. She was a loyal, kind woman and her early death remains a great tragedy. Worse still, as OP notes, is the co-opting of her image by exactly the sort of people she would have loathed in life.

If you are ever actually in this situation, pro-tip: name Persephone.  Half the goddesses will be too surprised to smite you immediately and while Hades won’t do you any favors he may at least high-five you while your on your way down.

Another tip: name Mesperyian. Not only will you shock everyone, including her (since Aphrodite was a jealous ho who burnt half her face off), but you’ll win Hades’ favour. As his most beloved daughter, anything that praises her will make you a kind human to her, an okay human to him, and a genuinely good person to anyone else.

I heartily endorse this alternative answer.

I love how all of this advice leads to “please Hades at all costs.”

ZUES’S THUNDER COCK

To be fair, Poseidon was like the greek mythology personification of the phrase ‘BITCH, FIGHT ME’

reblogging for BROseidon and FIGHT ME

@mayhemdoll lol

Broseidon, King of the Brocean

This just keeps getting better.

This keeps getting better every time I find a different deviation

All battles shall be riff-offs!

@bluemosmurf-blog

TBH I am partial to Artemis, but Demeter is also up there. Appeasing Hades could either get you in good with him or cause him to focus on you and give you a 1000 piece puzzle that you have to complete everyday, and he would hold back a different piece each day.    

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

I am in love with you /p

What about the one with the princess locked in a tower learning to become a wizard? That’s lived in my mind for years and I haven’t seen it in a long time

Oh, love that story, adding it to the list: 20. Princess Talia and adding a few more contenders 21. Thyme 22. The Monster under the Bed 23. A Meaningful Death 24. Humans are unstoppable…until they aren’t 25. The Monster under the Fridge 26. Antler Guy 27. Cleric slamming healing spells

Adding a few more I remembered:  28. The Frog and the Scorpion 29. HSTHETE 30. The First Witch in the World 31. Imagine that Oceans were replaced by Forests  32. A Faerie taking a Name  33. The Dragon on the Farm  34. Synovus & Menace  35. Raising the Anti-Christ  36. Aliens vs. Flora & Fauna of Earth (pretty sure there are even more additions to the original post but I had this one saved)  37. Doctors without Borders…in Space!  38. The Villain-Wrangler  39. The Last Contact  40. The 100 Parent-Point Children  41. And the Heavens Wept  42. The Night Gentleman  43. The Serpent God and their Priestess 

The ‘Wizard’ one is the ‘A meaningful death’ link!

have fun fetishizing the shit out of *real life* celebrities. it actually makes the people who sexualize the shit out of children’s cartoons seem normal.

did you just imply being attracted to actual real human males isn’t normal but wanting to fuck cartoon horses is

Adventuring party goes looking for their wizard who went missing one night.They think that they got kidnapped by the fey. It turns out that they just up and, went back home after one too many insults. Now they’re in the wizard’s territory, and the family knows everything.

You just got summoned for the first time in Millennia. But different from your expectations, the Summoner doesn't want Power, Death and destruction. Instead, you find the nervous Summoner holding a bouquet of Flowers right outside a messy summoning circle, asking you to accompany them to Prom.

this is basically how i write letters.

These things make me laugh because I remember that if you are American or Australian or whatever you must think we are just being polite all the time but really we hate it and the total underlying rudeness of my culture is brilliant.

I can hear Martin Freeman very clearly reading these in my head.

We are clinically incapable of being verbally direct; all points must be meandered towards gently until you jointly stumble across the matter at hand. If you try to force the issue up front our brains go ‘abort! abort!’ we default to commenting about the weather and then excuse ourselves from the conversation to have a lie down and a nice cup of tea to recover.

As a Princess visiting another Country, you obviously came prepared. And it takes you quite a while to take out all your hidden weapons at the Border. "How the fuck did you even fit that much under your Dress!?" The Border Guard asks baffled, while holding your growing stash, now in both hands.

You woke up this morning with a terrible headache, and discover you’ve grown horns while you’ve slept. Unbeknownst to you, this is just the beginning.

The Pale Widow has been a terrifying urban legend for centuries, haunting and traumatizing a small town. The only thing she's terrified of is... a regular dude named Bob.