Hi ash! How're you doing? Sorry for pratically dissapering... I'm having some pretty annoying health issues and i wasn't able to go to school for a month already... argh, the worst is having to jump from doctor to doctor and waiting for results.
Least to say. I am not doing the best! (Haha...)
BUT ANYWHO.
I'm itching to write more bsd headcanons. They're floating to my mind nonstop for the past weeks. And, because Atsushi's my blorbo. My son. My darling, my baby.....
May i request little!Atsushi headcannons?
[Bellow is my interpretation of how the situation could've started. I started writing and accidentally wrote a lot hehe]
I'm thinking about him in thw start of the series... just started working in the ADA, still didn't meet Kyoka and still sees his superiors (like Kunikida, Dazai and Fukuzawa) with a bit of fear in his eyes. Atsushi doesn't know yet what regression isโ or, to be more clear, he still isn't aware of his own regression. (He maybe saw them as trantrums? Being dramatic? Wanting attention? Something along the lines of what unfurtunatelly was told to him while in the orphanage).
He accidentally regresses after (in his vision) falling a case. He let the burglar go! He should've been more careful... after seeing the "dissapointed" expression in Kunikida's face (wich, turns out, doesn't mean he's angry), something just... clicks. Atsushi feels so small, so helpless.
He drags himself back to the agency, fully expecting to be scolded by his superiors. To be fair, Kunikida was considering having a talk with the kid and offer to teach him what to do in future cases, but he decides to postpone the talk after finding a definetly regressed Atsushi hiding in the cleaning cupboard, panicking and thinking he'll be punished again. How does the ADA handle the boy in such fragile state? Well, it may be up to your interpretation!
- @sierrathelilypad ( i missed writing to you so much (*ยด๏พโ`*) )
OMG HI YAY. The health stuff really sucks and I hope youโre feeling better :( BUT THE REST OF THIS IS GREAT????? This NEEDS to be a fanfic Ough I love thisโฆ
Little Atsushi + CG ADA
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Atsushi was so happy to be with the agency. So so happy! It was great. He had a purpose in life, people to support him, he shouldnโt complain right? But it was just soโฆ Stressful. Sometimes. Just sometimes! He truly really mostly enjoyed it most of the time! Todayโฆ Not so much. Heโd totally messed up on the mission. The target got away, now someone else would end up hurt because heโd messed up. And Kunikida looked so madโฆ He was pretty sure that Kunikida wouldnโt physically hurt him as a punishment. But something like extra paperwork didnโt feel sufficient. Because obviously he needed some kind of punishmentโฆ Heโd messed up after all
Kunikida drove them back to the agency, he was muttering stuff about the case, trying to figure out how to fix Atsushiโs mistake. Atsushi just stayed silent, leaning against the window and trying not to cry. Everything felt so overwhelming. It was a familiar feeling. But he didnโt want to be a baby and throw a temper tantrum in front of Kunikida. Especially not right after heโd messed up so badโฆ So he just watched the clouds roll past. Looking out the window made him oblivious to the worried glances Kunikida kept giving him as well
The car ride felt like it lasted forever. But eventually they made it back to the agency! Atsushi was quick to scurry inside, muttering something about going to his desk. And he did! Forโฆ Like a second. It felt like everyone was glaring at him though. It made his skin crawl. And soโฆ He went down a hallway. Just to get away. His heart was beating in his ears and his head hurt and he just wanted to cry. He couldnโt be seen like thisโฆ A closet. The cleaning closet. There wasโฆ Room in there. Right? He crawled inside and curled himself up. Safe. No one could see him in hereโฆ He had to shut the door, so it was dark, but he could see really well in the dark so it was okโฆ
He tried to just calm down. To get ready to go back out to his desk. To do his work. To face his punishment. Butโฆ Instead Atsushi just finds himself crying. He bites down on his hand, between his thumb and his wrist, to muffle his sobs, hugging his knees so tightly to his chest he almost couldnโt breathe. Why was he doing this? Why now? It wasโฆ Hard to keep track of time. But before too long the door opened and light flooded the room. His tears momentarily stopped as he processed his shock at the brightness. But when he looked upโฆ Kunikida was standing there โAtsushi? Are you alright?โ
Kunikida was there. Kunikida was right there. The tears started back up as Atsushi frantically wiped at his face. He was gonna get in trouble. And get hurt. And punished. And- A hand rested on his shoulder and he looked up to see that Kunikida was crouched down in front of him โAtsushi. Youโll be alright. You should calm down though. Tell me, can you tell me 5 things you can see?โ Thisโฆ Felt familiar. He knew what this was. Right? All that processed was that he was making Kunikida deal with thisโฆ And he felt badโฆ The least he could do was answer that question right?
Atsushi looked around the tiny closet skeptically, looking for things to say โYouโฆ Uhโฆ Spray. A mop. Thereโsโฆ Thereโs a buckeโ andโฆ Uhmโฆ The door?โ As he listed each item he counted them off on his fingers, double, triple checking he had five before holding his hand up to show Kunikida. He did it! That was harder than heโd thoughtโฆ There really wasnโt a whole lot in hereโฆ That was kinda the point though so it was alright
Kunikida smiled at him! But was it fake? Or forcedโฆ Both seemed likely. But it still felt nice when Kunikida said โYes thatโs five. You did a very good jobโ Kunikida continued to talk him through the rest of the exercise, counting them down through each sense, praising Atsushi each step of the way. By the time they finished the tears were gone, though Atsushi still seemed nervous and on edge, still curled up in his little ball
Kunikida gave a small squeeze to Atsushiโs shoulder where his hand was still resting โAre you feeling at all better now?โ Atsushi slowly nodded, rolling his lip between his teeth. Kunikida nodded, letting them sit in silence for a moment, giving Atsushi room to breathe, before speaking up โWould you like to come back out to the office? Itโs not very comfortable in here. I donโt think thereโs any work thatโs very pressing at the moment so you can just sit at your deskโ Sit at his desk? But not work? That just made him look useless! Wellโฆ He looked pretty useless in here too didnโt he?
So Atsushi decided to nod, moving to stand up. His legs felt kinda wobblyโฆ And standing up was a little dizzying? It was strange. He was used to nausea from hunger, but this wasnโt like that. It just feltโฆ Wrong. He was viewing everything from to high up. He just needed to move faster to go sit downโฆ So he kept his head down as him and Kunikida moved to his desk. Leaving him unaware of Kunikida waving Ranpo over to them, he was just so relieved to be able to sit down. Walking felt really hard
When he finally looked up Ranpo was standing next to Kunikida, lollipop in his mouth and head cocked to the side. When did he get there..? โHow are you feeling kid?โ The correct answer to that wasโฆ Bad. Right? Heโd just been crying and stuffโฆ But he didnโt feel so bad now. Ranpo calling him kid was echoing through his head. It was nice. It felt fuzzy and warm, clogged his throat right up. He nodded in response. Nodding meant yesโฆ And yes was a positive answerโฆ And positive meant goodโฆ Obviously. Right? Luckily Ranpo seemed to understand, though his smile indicated he found something about it amusing
Ranpo reached out and ruffled his hair โTo tiny to talk huh? Thatโs alright. Youโre safe here. Donโt worry about stuffโ Atsushi wasโฆ Confused. What did Ranpo mean too tiny to talk..? He just felt fuzzyโฆ He liked the idea of being safe. Even if he didnโt totally feel safe. Ranpo turned his attention to Kunikida โMentally heโs like 4 right now. And likeeee not a real mature four year old. Seems worried youโre mad too so. Yโknow. Talk that outโ Ranpo gave Kunikida his own headpats, winking at the pair before backing away to his desk. Kunikida seemed mildly frustrated, but more so focused on his notebook, which he was already writing stuff in
After a few seconds Kunikida closed his notebook and set it on Atsushiโs desk, slowly crouching down to be at eye level with Atsushi โI want you to know that Iโm not mad at you. You didnโt do anything wrong. There were outside factors making that mission frustrating. Not you I promiseโ Atsushi sucked in a breath, biting his bottom lip as his eyes filled with tears. Whyโฆ Was Kunikida being so nice to him? Heโd messed upโฆ Hesitantly. Ever so hesitantly. He held up a shaky hand with the pinky extended. Kunikida smiled and extended his own pinky, interlocking them and shaking them slightly โI promiseโ He repeated the sentiment again
For a moment Kunikida just stayed there, smiling at the boy. But Atsushi didnโt drop his hand, if anything he was clinging even tighter. Kunikidaโs fingers twitched towards his notebook, wanting to write a note about Atsushi being touch starved. He settled for a mental note instead though, slowly pulling his hand free to hold both arms out to the boy โWould you like to be carried?โ Atsushi instantly turned bright red, shrinking in on himself and Kunikida felt the need to reassure him โIโm offering because I donโt mind. If I didnโt want to I wouldnโt have offeredโ That seemed to be enough to reassure Atsushi and he hesitantly nodded
Kunikida carefully reached out to grab under Atsushiโs arms and lift him up. He got Atsushi in the air easily, so easily in fact they he got distracted. Wanting to make notes to get Atsushi more food since he was clearly underweight. But he couldnโt. He needed to make meal plansโฆ Clearly someone needed to. He settled for another mental note as Atsushi started squirming, the boy pulling his legs up to his chest midair, like a baby trying to avoid being set in grass. Kunikida brought Atsushi closer to his chest and he seemed to settle down though, more comfortable
Kunikida awkwardly stood for a few moments, cradling Atsushi to his chest unsure of what else to do. He hesitantly sat in Atsushiโs chair, this was easier on his legs. After a few more awkward minutes he decided to test his mobility. Obviously one arm was stabilizing Atsushi at all times. But his other was primarily free to move, he couldnโt reach to far, but it was enough. He opened up to a new page of his notebook and started taking notes. Starting a chart to track Atsushiโs mental age, making note of what kinds of protein Atsushi should get to help him grow to a healthy weight, then cross noting which forms of that protein could appear childish, which days would be most convenient for Atsushi to regress like this, how to divide work to put less pressure on the boyโฆ
He wrote for well over an hour, filling up three whole pages, and his handwriting was small, not to mention he hasnโt even had time to research yetโฆ But writing things out gave him a guide. Something to stabilize his knowledge. Glancing down at Atsushi he found the boy fast asleep and smiled, he looked calm now. He turned back to the desk to survey the mess of paperwork, most of it appeared to be Dazaiโsโฆ He aimed a glare at his bandaged partner only to find Dazai snickering and taking pictures of them. Kunikida only sighed and started on the papers, starting to settle into a new normal. One that would help Atsushi
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This fic is also on ao3!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
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โCG ADAโ I woke up and just decided to lie didnโt I? Uhh. Thereโs CG Ranpo and CG Dazai. Like. If you squint. Yโknow. Sorry guys I just love CG Kunikida (แตโแดโ)
[DNI ID: A white box with a grey border. Atsushi to the right and a white tiger to the left. Grey text reads โDNI if your blog isnโt child safe. I be will block NSFW accountsโ End ID]
