i was wanting to ask if you& or anyone else knows how aplatonic is queer? im honestly very new to the community so i just dont really understand how aplatonic, or aspec identities in general work,, but im trying to learn

thanks in advance if you& answer!

Thank you, you also!

Ok so I have two separate answers on this. One is a more straightforward answer to your question, the other is musings on the concept of what queerness entails at all

For a more straightforward answer: queer is a broad umbrella term that encompasses (but not exclusively) deviation from societal standards in regards to interaction with others, gender, and self-expression. This is not an all-encompassing definition, nor the only definition of queer. Speaking at least in terms of Western anglophone society, there are strong societal expectations and pressure to have the 'right' kind of relationships with others: to fall in love with a single person of 'opposite' sex and gender, to enter a legal monogamous marriage with this person (which entails sex), and to have children with them. There is also the expectation to have multiple friends primarily of the 'same' sex and gender. Societal structures are built in ways that push for these, in legal, social, religious spheres of life, among others: marriage is one of few ways to ensure someone who is not familially related to you has legal power over you and your estate should you die or be unable to manage it yourself, media is rife with depictions of the friendless as being so as a personal failing or danger, people who are disinterested in sex or romance or friendship are considered cold, robotic, even monstrous

This puts a lot of pressure on people who are *not* interested in sex, or romance, or friendship (incomplete list), gives them the sense of being broken, inhuman, and outcast. If someone who is aplatonic only ever hears that their disinterest in friendship makes them dangerous, or must be fixed, makes them strange and on the fringes of society... well, are those not very common messages given to people who are gay and trans also?

The moment a person of color does something 'you' don't like, no matter how small or large the thing is. Regardless on if the person of color is in the right or wrong. The response leads into racism. Even if it starts with fair criticism or differing views, racism is slipped in. Racism is thrown around. Racism is the bias with 'you' reinforcing the oppression of holding 'yourself' to a higher value than people of color.

Why can't there be a conversation that does not lead into racism. 'You' can not be racist no matter how angry or upset 'you' are. 'You' are making the community feel white dominated. It is horrifying. It feels hopeless to exist in the community sometimes, to dare speaking at all.

you will make mistakes. the times I’ve had to learn from mine? uncountable. sometimes you will care too much about not making a single mistake that you’ll forget to try and learn from them. when people point out your racist thinking and actions, don’t drop to your knees and weep, don’t die on that hill, for god’s sake don’t delete your account and run. you’re not going to be perfect. I’m not perfect. but we can try to be better. we ARE obligated to make this space safer for poc.

you will make mistakes. the times I’ve had to learn from mine? uncountable. sometimes you will care too much about not making a single mistake that you’ll forget to try and learn from them. when people point out your racist thinking and actions, don’t drop to your knees and weep, don’t die on that hill, for god’s sake don’t delete your account and run. you’re not going to be perfect. I’m not perfect. but we can try to be better. we ARE obligated to make this space safer for poc.